Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Is it weird I feel bad about my ex-wife?
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ForeverDone 2 years, 7 months ago.
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Some interesting responses here..
to the OP – don’t have guilt over your sympathy — as Blade says, it shows you have a heart.
She might have been the c~~~ from hell – but not hating her and wanting to screw her over is not a failure on your part; rather, its a strong sign of your decency and solid morals.
Can I suggest you try to step back and start looking at the situation objectively — take in all the crap she’s handed out, look at your behaviour, and work out where you need to be: as far away from her and her s~~~ as possible. Cut it all loose, dispose of your remaining feelings for her somewhere suitable (ie: deal with them and close them off), and move on.
Don’t socialise with people that know her, keep away from any social media that may involve her. Move on. Make it zero contact or knowledge.
The s~~~ she now has to deal with is of her own making, and hers alone.
No doubt. I’ve closed my FB account after filing. I do not really assoc. much with the same people as she moved to another area. However, I may have some business dealings in that area (large city), so I try to stay away from the places she frequents. I know where I went wrong, as no one in any marriage is 100% innocent. I went into the marriage with no ulterior motives. As we all can see, she didn’t. She wanted all the fruits of my labor, but put nothing into helping me obtain or maintain it. It’s a sense of entitlement many women have these days. One thing I learned is that I will NOT put myself through this s~~~ again. It’s highway robbery what these lawyers charge to get out of a marriage contract. Never again.
You feel bad for her?
Are you f~~~ing serious?
She treated you like a freaking animal.
My F~~~ing God!!
Yea, when you look in from the outside it is much different. I guess part of me wants her to be happy in life. It’s hard to explain. I woke up pretty fast and high tailed it out of this marriage. It took a little longer as I had to get her to voluntarily move out, but I used her own words against her to get her out. It was a low point, but I just needed her out of my place.
You do not feel bad about your ex-wife, but the woman in your head. The illusion of a wife you still have with you.
You still connect the illusion of the loving wife with the bitch in reality.
Disconnect it. Love the woman in your head. Huh, who is this bitch in reality.
Yes, I think you nailed it on the head. Though, easier said than done.
The way I see it, your feelings are fine, but there is nothing you can do for her. Her mess is her own and she must pull herself out of it. Any ‘help’ from you would only give her reason to behave badly and just make her reasonable. She burned that bridge, whether you like it or not.
Think about it. You aren’t in the best place yourself right now, it no shape to go rescue anyone, much less her. As well, you can forgive her, but you should never forget. If you helped her in anyway, she would then have reason to believe she can treat people like s~~~ and get away with. As I said before, she needs to help herself. At some point, someone could help her out, but it certainly cannot come from you.
So sure have compassion and feel for her lot in life. However, know that you are in a better position to help people suffering in North Korea than you are to help her…and they are more deserving as well. Since you aren’t going to risk your life for the North Koreans, don’t go risking your life on her either.
You can’t help her. She made sure of that.
No doubt. My last olive leaf was extended to her prior to my divorce filing, and she just smacked it away. She can revel in her own s~~~ now. I served my time. Aside from threatening to kill herself (for which I would call 911), that bridge cannot be rebuilt. The violations of trust and respect cannot be restrung; nor do I want them to be. The true person came out under pressure, and she doesn’t look like the woman I met 10 + years ago.
Forever, you are just going through a range of emotions right now same as me. Right after the divorce was final I thought of how for the next 4 years I will live in court ordered poverty but after that I will kick ass financially. I did have feelings of sorry for her knowing that she will live the rest of her life (4 years from now) broke. these feelings lasted about two days and I was over it. I guess we should accept the full range of feelings and thoughts we have as part of getting over this stage in your life. My ex will swing on over to the next branch where some guy will rescue her anyway so F-it.
I give you credit bro. If she fought me for alimony, prob. it would had been war. It’s quite unreal how they can just flush one guy out so quickly and move on to the next one.
Read that again. Men are much more compassionate than we are given credit for. That way, when you feel it towards someone, you are programmed to think that it’s special. That you must care about her, otherwise why would you feel compassion? That lie is taught to you so you can be manipulated later. It isn’t special to feel compassion towards someone you used to share you life with, no matter how f~~~ed up they are. It’s human.
You’re not weird, you’re human.
The question is, why doesn’t the other gender also have these same qualities? Was it always like this? It would be common sense for both genders to have the same qualities… No? Or, were they taught to disregard these feelings?
The feeling of feeling sorry for her was the shortest of the emotions I felt. I think back now wondering why did I feel that way for all of two days??? You were just so used to taking care of her needs its habit. Now I look forward to the crash and burn!
Yea, funny how us men have these feelings, but women, couldn’t care less.
It means you’re a good and decent person. Nobody was perfect in the divorce. That you see your part means you’re good. The problem I suspect is she didn’t see hers, at least not enough to do something about it.
Sounds about right. In one of the last VARs I had of her.. She said she was a “good person” and she doesn’t know why the world keeps on s~~~ting on her. Oh, and me… I’m not a bad person, I am just evil. That gave me a good laugh.
FD, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. I still have to go through the grinder, but my emotional well being is so much better after filing for divorce.
A co-worker recently told me, "If you want to see who someone really is, divorce them." I have found out how true this is. When your wife drops the façade of being the caring partner, you will witness all of the greed, hate, and spite that she has masked. It is truly breathtaking!
FD, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. I still have to go through the grinder, but my emotional well being is so much better after filing for divorce.
They say time heals all. I am happy to hear the light at the end of the tunnel is in view. We, as a group, can make it through the darkness together. Women, aside from sex, I cannot see a use for them.
Anonymous6FD, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. I still have to go through the grinder, but my emotional well being is so much better after filing for divorce.
They say time heals all. I am happy to hear the light at the end of the tunnel is in view. We, as a group, can make it through the darkness together. Women, aside from sex, I cannot see a use for them.
It looks like you’re on the right track here my friend. Women don’t really have a use other than sex. That is a profound revelation that takes some time to digest for some people. With women it’s always important to ask one simple question, “What’s in it for me?” ALWAYS ASK THAT. Okay sex, but what else? Does she make my life better? The answer to that will be no. Does she know things that I don’t? Can I get that information elsewhere and cheaper and with less drama?
You see it’s about your side of the equation now. They want equality right? So what’s in it for you? Just like George Michael sang in All That She Wants. “They say marriage is a give and take, well you’ve show that you can take now you’ve got some giving to do.”
It looks like you’re on the right track here my friend. Women don’t really have a use other than sex. That is a profound revelation that takes some time to digest for some people. With women it’s always important to ask one simple question, “What’s in it for me?” ALWAYS ASK THAT. Okay sex, but what else? Does she make my life better? The answer to that will be no. Does she know things that I don’t? Can I get that information elsewhere and cheaper and with less drama?
You see it’s about your side of the equation now. They want equality right? So what’s in it for you? Just like George Michael sang in All That She Wants. “They say marriage is a give and take, well you’ve show that you can take now you’ve got some giving to do.”
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It’s funny. Today I had this conversation with my elderly mother. I said, the modern woman is of little use. She no longer knows how to cook, clean the house, knows how to take care of a home or raise her children. The cooking has been replaced with take-out. The cleaning has been replaced with a housekeeping service, and the raising of the children has been taken over by day care. So, I ask you, what do I need a woman for? She said companionship. I said, I’m used to being alone and have no problem with it. I am joining few clubs and will hang with other men. If women are there, so be it. Aside from that, she had little response. She’s from the old school and agrees today’s woman is all messed up. They want the benefits of a traditional relationship, with all the trappings of feminism. Sorry ladies, it doesn’t work that way.
All I can say is Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, Hillary Clinton, etc. have ruined it for regular people.
Anonymous6It looks like you’re on the right track here my friend. Women don’t really have a use other than sex. That is a profound revelation that takes some time to digest for some people. With women it’s always important to ask one simple question, “What’s in it for me?” ALWAYS ASK THAT. Okay sex, but what else? Does she make my life better? The answer to that will be no. Does she know things that I don’t? Can I get that information elsewhere and cheaper and with less drama?
You see it’s about your side of the equation now. They want equality right? So what’s in it for you? Just like George Michael sang in All That She Wants. “They say marriage is a give and take, well you’ve show that you can take now you’ve got some giving to do.”
It’s funny. Today I had this conversation with my elderly mother. I said, the modern woman is of little use. She no longer knows how to cook, clean the house, knows how to take care of a home or raise her children. The cooking has been replaced with take-out. The cleaning has been replaced with a housekeeping service, and the raising of the children has been taken over by day care. So, I ask you, what do I need a woman for? She said companionship. I said, I’m used to being alone and have no problem with it. I am joining few clubs and will hang with other men. If women are there, so be it. Aside from that, she had little response. She’s from the old school and agrees today’s woman is all messed up. They want the benefits of a traditional relationship, with all the trappings of feminism. Sorry ladies, it doesn’t work that way.
All I can say is Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, Hillary Clinton, etc. have ruined it for regular people.
You an I have had similar conversations with our maternal parent. I encourage you to join some clubs like you’ve stated. I’ve done that myself and am better for it. You’ve got to find the right one for you. It can be fraternal (best bet to meet with other men exclusively), or a heritage organization, civic, etc.
So good for you, your a trooper. With what you’ve said that you’ve been through I think that you’re really showing some positive momentum.
People who dig up their own grave are always told to “keep it”,to be honest with you don’t feel bad about her, let her do her thing and you do yours, because in the end if you do ever comeback to her she will just blame you for all shes currently lacking already, trash talk you some more to get you to submit and not be social since she will trash talk some more to your friends and family….
The cycle of abuse, the cycle of wash, bleach and dry the rugged shirt…Don’t get caught up in it bro, it’s a s~~~ storm, right now you are in the middle of the hurricane and you are willing to step into it again, my advice is to go your own way and don’t look back, they wont be laughing anymore once their s~~~ begins to stink, that is all!.
People who dig up their own grave are always told to “keep it”,to be honest with you don’t feel bad about her, let her do her thing and you do yours, because in the end if you do ever comeback to her she will just blame you for all shes currently lacking already, trash talk you some more to get you to submit and not be social since she will trash talk some more to your friends and family….
The cycle of abuse, the cycle of wash, bleach and dry the rugged shirt…Don’t get caught up in it bro, it’s a s~~~ storm, right now you are in the middle of the hurricane and you are willing to step into it again, my advice is to go your own way and don’t look back, they wont be laughing anymore once their s~~~ begins to stink, that is all!.
No doubt, but I don’t press rewind. Once I leave, I am done. I have a heart and don’t want other’s to hurt; even if they person they are ultimately hurting is themselves. I wish her well and hope she finds happiness in her life. I refuse to stoop to her level. If I have a problem with someone, I tell it to their face. I guess I was brought up differently. I don’t cower behind other people or gossip. Guess my picker sucks. Now, it’s broken… Oh well, no more wives for me… lol.
Karma is a belief shared by nearly all faiths and even many who have no faith because it is true. I have felt bad for the karma others had for when they did me or others wrong, I understand. Yet I am learning to never feel bad for someone else’s karma, for you are not the one who decides it.
Karma is a belief shared by nearly all faiths and even many who have no faith because it is true. I have felt bad for the karma others had for when they did me or others wrong, I understand. Yet I am learning to never feel bad for someone else’s karma, for you are not the one who decides it.
The problem with karma, from a logical perspective, is that it is not one-sided. If some bad s~~~ happens TO YOU, karma means YOU DESERVED IT as well. It’s a f~~~ing ludicrous principle to me. Bad s~~~ happens to good people and the bad people who do it don’t necessarily receive anything bad happening to them. It’s all bulls~~~. There is simple cause and effect, IMO. You p~~~ off enough people, sure you will lose relationships and people will hate you.
Hate is evil. I do not hate her nor women. Hate = allowing her to win. Allowing her to say she changed me. She didn’t change me, I just awoke and went back to the good ole ForeverDone. I lost some money and other junk, but nothing else. She lives in a small s~~~ pit of an apt, has little to no savings for a mid-40’s woman, no family (aside from her parents), no children, hates her life. She is her own worst enemy. Me, I am relatively financially secure, got my freedom back, and well on the road to the good life and recovery.
Who won?
I still care about my ex as well, ForeverDone. She is the mother of my kids, and at one time, I loved her more than any other woman I ever met in my life. That does not mean that because I loved the way she was 243 months ago, I keep going – hoping I will get that flavor back. The days of her taking care of me and whacking and sucking relentlessly on my c~~~ to take every drop of cum in her mouth are a distant memory. A man can waste much time trying to reconcile the past with the current or future.
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