Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Is it weird I feel bad about my ex-wife?
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ForeverDone 2 years, 7 months ago.
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I know this sounds strange, but as all the dust settled, I feel bad. I feel like I failed. Think of it. She’s now 42, twice divorced, no family, ailing father, little money, little retirement and in a depression which has only gotten worse. Heck, she still has our photos prominent on her facebook as soon as you pull up her page I am told.
Keep in mind, while in still blue pill mode, she talked really bad about me to all it seems. It was so bad, that her co-workers thought she was cheating on me. A VAR proved that she didn’t, but the other things she said about me, the lies, the hurt, the pain.. Would you believe, she stated numerous times on the VAR, I want to leave so bad, but I am just too weak. Or, with him, I know what I have. It’s better than what’s out there in the dating cesspool. Another good one, I will leave when I am ready. He has to change for me in order for this marriage to work. This is on top of her telling the therapist that she didn’t want me at the counseling. Her excuse was she needed it more than we did. I am no angel, and I was going through a business failing, two deaths in my family and complete hell in my life. I was also recovering from an serious injury that made me go to the hospital nearly every week. With all of that said, I still carried my weight, cleaned the house, cooked the food, paid 95% of all bills including all of the housing and utilities. When I was in pain, I remember she was just sitting there… Didn’t offer to help at all. I had shoulder surgery and my shoulder was set in a fixed position. The pain got so bad, I just went to the bedroom to wait for it to subside when it flared up. Due to this, we had separate bedrooms at my request. That was my mistake, and once I was better (took a good year), I requested for her to move back in, she said no. I asked once per week, she said no. Both her mom and the therapist said this wasn’t good, but she’s half Jewish half Italian, and one stubborn SOB. Of course, prior to marriage, she was an angel who would help in any way possible. During the hurricane (2012 I think), she had no heat or power, I drove over and picked her up, took her back to my place. No appreciation. She got into two car accidents, I repaired her car. She had the flu while we were dating, and I took care of her for a week at my place. She had issues at her job, I intervened and worked to get her out of hot water. Yet, she tells everyone that I gave bad advice. When she had hard days at work, I’d send her a nice fruit basket for her to share with her friends at work. I cooked three nights a week, she actually go upset the meals weren’t ready when she got home (this is after a full day of work for me). Ironically, I got the flu last year, she left me for dead. Four days, she didn’t even check to see if I needed anything. She cussed me out, told me to go f~~~ myself a few times as well as punched me in my arm (all for a hidden cookie). I had a bad migraine and I asked her to lower the TV, her answer was go into another room. So I disconnected the tv and went into the next room. Sex stopped from 2015 – 2016. She then asked/offered an open marriage, I filed for divorce the next day. I was so ashamed and hurt she said that. It was like a knife went through my heart. It seemed expected, not appreciated.
She f~~~ed me on the medical insurance until the divorce was final (she dragged it out for a year before signing). I thank Tom Leykis for the strength to pull the trigger. It was only a 2 year marriage. However, it if go closer to 4 years, there would had been asset division. If you can believe, a week after marriage, she asked for her name to be put on the house that I’ve owned prior to meeting her? I said no chance. Yet, I still only have sorrow for her, not hate or anger.
Since I’ve divorced her, my finances have repaired, I am rebuilding my business, my health has gotten better and I am generally happier. However, I have a great distain for women now. I tolerate them, but I always wonder, what are they really thinking. Nothing has changed me more in my 40+ years living on this planet than marriage and divorce. The woman could be a billionaire, and I wouldn’t marry again. Why do women, highly educated women, underestimate us guys? They take kindness for weakness.
The question, again, is why don’t I have any anger or hatred towards her? Even the lawyer, wanted to slam her through the floor, I wouldn’t do it. I said I just want out of the contract. I gave her all the wedding gifts, cash, bedroom furniture and my rights to her pension. I am not a vindictive person. I am more of a person who speaks softly but carries a big stick. The failure of the marriage is still quite painful. I feel like I was forced to file in order to protect what I have left. Not only that, what was I gaining in the marriage? No love (she refused to kiss me for almost 2 years), no sex, no cooking, she was a slob, going to her parents every week, etc. Would you believe, she made fun of my shoulder surgery cause the cartilage makes a cracking sound in front of my parents and her family? After that, I told her she’s never coming to my Mom’s house again. Would you believe, at her 40th birthday party, I was not allowed to have any input? Her mom did everything. Yet, it was my idea. Not only that, the photo’s she took were of everyone aside from me and my remaining family. I feel played, but I didn’t really lose anything aside from time. I thought I was marrying my friend, let alone I married a person who just wanted the title of wife. Yet, again, I’d find her taking off or not wearing her wedding ring all the time.
There should be a warning label on the bottom of the marriage license. Things which appear in life may not necessarily be the truth. Please think about what the other person is getting out of entering into a contract with you.
I realize I was lucky in terms of only having to pay 35k in legal fees. However, what the hell is wrong with these people… More importantly, why, after typing all of this, can’t I get angry at my ex-wife. All I feel is pity towards her.
You are just feeling empathy because your immediate actions cause someone discomfort. That is human. What is also human is to zoom out and realize that your actions were forced by her behavior in an attempt at self preservation.
I have similar pangs of empathy, mostly about the turmoil my son will someday feel. However, it is because I am a human and can empathize with other humans. I assuage this by re-reading the hateful texts and re-listening to the recordings of the vitriol my wife directed towards me. It reaffirms the decision I made.
Becoming a MGTOW doesn’t mean you aren’t human, just that you have risen above the game women and the courts have thrust upon us.
A co-worker recently told me, "If you want to see who someone really is, divorce them." I have found out how true this is. When your wife drops the façade of being the caring partner, you will witness all of the greed, hate, and spite that she has masked. It is truly breathtaking!
No chance. I don’t live in the past, and I don’t press rewind. It’s the past for a reason
I’m going to dispense you some tough love brother. You picked the handle ForeverDone but From going back to your profile and reading your previous topics I see that you aren’t ForeverDone (MaybeDone) perhaps and you aren’t a red pill yet!
You are struggling with feelings of depression, loneliness etc.. which is normal for many in your situation.
Look at the name of this topic
“Is it weird I feel bad about my ex-wife?”
Does that sound like a red pill Dude? Nope! also I encourage you to create a very nice detailed cold blooded intro to introduce yourself to the whole mgtow.com Good Luck Brother
You must own a better Crystal ball than IMore importantly, why, after typing all of this, can’t I get angry at my ex-wife. All I feel is pity towards her.
Simply because she is absolutely pitiful based on everything you have said.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
Anonymous13More importantly, why, after typing all of this, can’t I get angry at my ex-wife. All I feel is pity towards her.
Simply because she is absolutely pitiful based on everything you have said.
Pitiful yes, but dangerous and deadly.
Never forget.
Anonymous42Marriage is just a raw deal no matter how you slice the cards.
Society has given women autonomy over their own fickle and deceitful hearts.
Women are free to flower into the beings they really are.
All restraints on women have been lifted or abolished entirely, there’s no way a man can control this as any kind of viable husband or even family member.
They’ve destroyed what they believe was the patriarchy, in actuality all they’ve destroyed is family and society, so now we all fall down together or we break from the posy circle and go our own way.
Women have raised a beast in their collective movement against men, now the very beast they created is devouring them and any man that’s dumb or blind enough to go anywhere near them.
We’re doing nothing wrong by escaping from the jaws of the beast and allowing women to be eaten alive as we watch on in confirmation…
Anonymous1Some interesting responses here..
to the OP – don’t have guilt over your sympathy — as Blade says, it shows you have a heart.
She might have been the c~~~ from hell – but not hating her and wanting to screw her over is not a failure on your part; rather, its a strong sign of your decency and solid morals.
Can I suggest you try to step back and start looking at the situation objectively — take in all the crap she’s handed out, look at your behaviour, and work out where you need to be: as far away from her and her s~~~ as possible. Cut it all loose, dispose of your remaining feelings for her somewhere suitable (ie: deal with them and close them off), and move on.
Don’t socialise with people that know her, keep away from any social media that may involve her. Move on. Make it zero contact or knowledge.
The s~~~ she now has to deal with is of her own making, and hers alone.
Anonymous5You feel bad for her?
Are you f~~~ing serious?
She treated you like a freaking animal.
My F~~~ing God!!
You do not feel bad about your ex-wife, but the woman in your head. The illusion of a wife you still have with you.
You still connect the illusion of the loving wife with the bitch in reality.
Disconnect it. Love the woman in your head. Huh, who is this bitch in reality.
There is no magic in MGTOW, just recognition of the truth and logical decision how to avoid dangers. The red pill is but the truth, it is no magical potion. Do not think in this modern world men have no longer have natural enemies, men are prey to women and government.
Anonymous43F~~~ your feelings. Do you feel bad for the mosquito you just smacked after it sucked on your leg?
F~~~ your feelings for any ex. You have no reason to pay any attention to that bitch. she chopped you out of her life, stay chopped. Do not fall into the s~~~ vortex again.
I used to feel something, I think it was indigestion. like feeling a bowel movement, chugging down the track, going through all 50 feet of intestine, up and down and up nd down and over and down and you know this is gonna be a five wiper.
One dangerzone to be conscious of…..
Don’t let your male compassion get the better of you.
It’s part of the programming and it’s socialized into you.
You gave enough paragraphs and reasons to not cave.
Read them again and remind yourself if you need to.Your male compassion will be preyed upon, and how will you feel when you cave to it, and find out it was a fist in a velvet glove after all?? That’s a red pill doesn’t go down very easy.
••••
The scorpion says to the turtle, “Can you given me a lift across the river – PLEASE?”
Turtle says: “How do I know you won’t sting me?”
Scorpion says: “You’re giving me a ride! How could I??” Appealing to his compassion.
Turtle agrees, and when they get to the other side, the Scorpion stings the turtle anyway.
Before the turtle dies, he asks with his last breath “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?? AND WHY??”Scorpion says: “Silly turtle. It’s my nature”.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.The way I see it, your feelings are fine, but there is nothing you can do for her. Her mess is her own and she must pull herself out of it. Any ‘help’ from you would only give her reason to behave badly and just make her reasonable. She burned that bridge, whether you like it or not.
Think about it. You aren’t in the best place yourself right now, it no shape to go rescue anyone, much less her. As well, you can forgive her, but you should never forget. If you helped her in anyway, she would then have reason to believe she can treat people like s~~~ and get away with. As I said before, she needs to help herself. At some point, someone could help her out, but it certainly cannot come from you.
So sure have compassion and feel for her lot in life. However, know that you are in a better position to help people suffering in North Korea than you are to help her…and they are more deserving as well. Since you aren’t going to risk your life for the North Koreans, don’t go risking your life on her either.
You can’t help her. She made sure of that.
Ok. Then do it.
Forever, you are just going through a range of emotions right now same as me. Right after the divorce was final I thought of how for the next 4 years I will live in court ordered poverty but after that I will kick ass financially. I did have feelings of sorry for her knowing that she will live the rest of her life (4 years from now) broke. these feelings lasted about two days and I was over it. I guess we should accept the full range of feelings and thoughts we have as part of getting over this stage in your life. My ex will swing on over to the next branch where some guy will rescue her anyway so F-it.
Get a vasectomy.
One dangerzone to be conscious of…..
Don’t let your male compassion get the better of you.
It’s part of the programming and it’s socialized into you.
You gave enough paragraphs and reasons to not cave.
Read them again and remind yourself if you need to.
Your male compassion will be preyed upon, and how will you feel when you cave to it, and find out it was a fist in a velvet glove after all?? That’s a red pill doesn’t go down very easy.Read that again. Men are much more compassionate than we are given credit for. That way, when you feel it towards someone, you are programmed to think that it’s special. That you must care about her, otherwise why would you feel compassion? That lie is taught to you so you can be manipulated later. It isn’t special to feel compassion towards someone you used to share you life with, no matter how f~~~ed up they are. It’s human.
You’re not weird, you’re human.
Order the good wine
It means you’re a good and decent person. Nobody was perfect in the divorce. That you see your part means you’re good. The problem I suspect is she didn’t see hers, at least not enough to do something about it.
I’m sorry man, sorry I took off on you there.
No, you shouldn’t stop caring, that’s who you are.
Just don’t feel bad for HER.
SERIOUSLY.
Your post triggered me because I saw EXACTLY the same s~~~ and behaviour from my ex during the last few years of the marriage.
I tried everything I f~~~ing could to save things and to stay with my daughter for as long as possible.
That strategy got me removed from my life in the back of a police car.
F~~~ these reprehensible, lying, cheating utter c~~~s and the f~~~ing brooms they flew in on.
It’s all good. I didn’t think my post would upset other men (wasn’t my intension). I assumed (wrongly) that only my precious peach of an angel only acted like this. I’ve read stories, but I thought it was more of an exception than the rule. Seems they are all like that. Not sure why, but they are. I just need to separate myself from being a caring and dependable person when around them. It’s just very hard to do as it is not in my nature.
You have a heart bro . PROTECT IT .
It is a control thing with woman . Like a trophy on the shelf . If you fall for her poor me attention s~~~ i guarantee you will regret it . The f~~~ you up mode will double like her confidence in cheating you .
Good to have empathy wise to protect it .
WARNING Don’t get involved with an ex on any level . If kids are involved it is a business deal .
I do not think I have to worry about her contacting me ever again. Two days before I served her I informed her of my divorce filing via e-mail (she refused to meet me numerous times. I prefer to deliver news in person than via e-mail or text). I wrote a nice letter, didn’t hear a peep from her. Complete silence. I even told the process server to not make a scene and maybe meet her somewhere discreet. Nope. My ex-wife had herself served in the lobby of where she worked so all can see. Very strange. It’s like she wanted that humiliation and public punishment. Saw her a few times in public, I just raised my eyebrow and kept on walking as she was just someone that I used to know. She, froze and starred at me. Weird.
It’s never wrong to have compassion as long as it is tempered with common sense and does not interfere with any karma the person has rained down on themselves.
If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
You are just feeling empathy because your immediate actions cause someone discomfort. That is human. What is also human is to zoom out and realize that your actions were forced by her behavior in an attempt at self preservation.
I have similar pangs of empathy, mostly about the turmoil my son will someday feel. However, it is because I am a human and can empathize with other humans. I assuage this by re-reading the hateful texts and re-listening to the recordings of the vitriol my wife directed towards me. It reaffirms the decision I made.
Becoming a MGTOW doesn’t mean you aren’t human, just that you have risen above the game women and the courts have thrust upon us.
Hates to be human sometimes. I am sorry you had to experience your whole ordeal as well. It amazes me how these women are such good actresses. Since moving on from my ex-wife, I’ve learned not to trust any of them. I’ve tried, but as some can see in my other post, they all just follow the same pattern. I often wonder how an entire gender can turn into a hollowed out being with no care about another persons feelings on their actions. It amazes me on so many levels. Truly an unreal experience.
No chance. I don’t live in the past, and I don’t press rewind. It’s the past for a reason
I’m going to dispense you some tough love brother. You picked the handle ForeverDone but From going back to your profile and reading your previous topics I see that you aren’t ForeverDone (MaybeDone) perhaps and you aren’t a red pill yet!
You are struggling with feelings of depression, loneliness etc.. which is normal for many in your situation.
Look at the name of this topic
“Is it weird I feel bad about my ex-wife?”
Does that sound like a red pill Dude? Nope! also I encourage you to create a very nice detailed cold blooded intro to introduce yourself to the whole mgtow.com Good Luck Brother
No doubt. Still in training. ForeverDone was more towards long term relationships and marriage. It’s still pretty fresh. I still need time to lick my wounds and heal. As much as I would love to be like one of those dudes who doesn’t give a f~~~, I am not. My personality is what it is. I can only attempt to modify it the best as possible. It sucks sometimes when you have a conscience and want to take the high road in all situations.
The feeling of feeling sorry for her was the shortest of the emotions I felt. I think back now wondering why did I feel that way for all of two days??? You were just so used to taking care of her needs its habit. Now I look forward to the crash and burn!
Get a vasectomy.
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