Just found out my son's mom has colon cancer, I feel guilty

[GrumpyParticipant]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

I feel guilty that I feel nothing for her

Societal conditioning rearing its ugly head.
The agony aunts of the world have colluded for centuries to ensure some form of guilt can be laid at the feet of others.
Would you feel guilty tossing out a broken piece of lumber or a rotten piece of food that has no bearing or use in your life? Would you even think twice about it?
Let it go and be at peace with yourself.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Feel guilty? Why did you give it her? No, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. In fact youfeel glad that karma is real! And it finally got around to her.

[Anonymous 43]

Do you know how many men are overjoyed for you, wishing this would happen to their exs? Assrape me, ass cancer for you, sounds like good karma to me.

Over. Joyed.

Every drop of blood in the toilet sends little tingles through me, scabby carcinogenous globs…do your stuff.

[Prophet MicahParticipant 1972]

Anonymous wrote:

Every drop of blood in the toilet sends little tingles through me, scabby carcinogenous globs…do your stuff.

May, you have me rolling today! lol

No Wife - No Strife

[MonkParticipant 17057]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

Flashes of her accusing me in criminal court of abusing my son flashed before my eyes instantly.

The fact that you think that you ought to feel something shows that you are a decent man.

The fact that you don’t shows that you are a realist.

[DocParticipant]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

I just found out from my mother that my son told her that my ex-wife has colon cancer. She’s pretty young at 52.

When I first heard the news I assessed my feelings, as one does, and found that I felt nothing. Flashes of her accusing me in criminal court of abusing my son flashed before my eyes instantly.

I felt nothing. I wasn’t happy she might die and wasn’t sad for her either. I just felt nothing. It’s like being a psychopath.

I am not a psychopath. I am a cancer doctor and feel empathy for even the biggest asshole with cancer. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy.

But I felt nothing for my ex. She ruined my life and my son’s life and I don’t care if she lives or dies. Really feel no remorse that she would go. She’s a waste of a human.

I feel guilty that I feel nothing for her. She was my ex-wife. I wouldn’t feel that way about my first wife. I might call my first wife to wish her well. We still have a good relationship although we haven’t spoken in over a decade.

Don’t ever give a woman your children. The scars are not worth it.

Just a thought but do you think your clinical background means you are able to better compartmentalise and manage your emotions when it comes to people close – or relatively close having cancer?

I just wondered because I am clinically detached when it comes to mental health issues and a lot of people I know either professionally or personally.

Sorry to hear the news anyway.
More so for your son.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[OgreParticipant 5863]

You did nothing wrong, and you don’t feel pleasure in her into her oncoming demise.

You did right by your son and her. Live well Puffin Stuff. Her dilemma isn’t yours unless you put the cancer there.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Puff,
I’ve written this beef on other posts. Sorry for those who’ve already read it. I see two women in your story. I also have a story with two women in it. Many of us here do. One of the women in your story was lovable, and you you loved her. You married her. You made a commitment and sacrifices for her. She was worthy of it.

The other was a lying, spiteful, deceitful bitch who hurt you as much as she could, and would have hurt you more had it been within her ability to do so. This person has cancer, will suffer from it and possibly die of it. The other woman, the one you loved… never existed outside your own head. The bitch went far out of her way and made a long term effort to impersonate that women in your head. She hijacked those benefits of commitment and sacrifice you made on behalf of that woman, and after she secured them for herself, she made every effort available to her to destroy you. But she did a VERY GOOD JOB of impersonating that other woman.

Even now, those two women are hard to differentiate sometimes. Any feeling you might have about this diagnosis would be a result of the woman in your head having this diagnosis, and you being unable to differentiate her from the bitch who would still be hurting you if she could. If you felt anything, you might send flowers or a get well card. But you’d be sending them to the woman in your head, and the bitch would be essentially stealing them by impersonation.

In my own tale of two women, there are some harsh truths that make these women difficult to distinguish: The first is that the woman in my head never existed. That’s a hard loss to accept given the investment of time and effort and emotion and money I made. And I feel foolish for having made them.

Most people don’t want to say this next one out loud, but I will: The other hard truth is that while mine is preoccupied with poverty and yours is preoccupied with cancer, the world is a slightly safer place for you, me, and every other of their would be victims. It’s a harsh thing to say out loud, but while they are preoccupied with their own survival, they are not threatening ours.

These are not things that civilized people have to acknowledge very often. I try not to allow myself to feel relief at this ugly truth. But when I feel anything at all, that’s what it is: relief that they can’t do it anymore. We did not create this ugly truth. We didn’t make it ugly. And we didn’t make it true.

I wont say that I don’t feel anything. I feel sad and foolish at the loss of the woman in my head. And I feel slightly safer and relieved at the loss of the woman who would destroy me. It’s taken some time (a long time) but I can tell the difference now. And I excuse myself from ever feeling guilty for an ugly truth that someone else made to be true.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[MemberParticipant 323]

Part of me thinks you should visit her in the hospital one last time to give her a proper send off. Would it be inappropriate to come dressed as the Grim Ripper and tell her karma is a bitch?

🙂

[Prefer Peace to PieceParticipant 10809]

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You were probably an exceptional husband and father. But you were rejected and discarded by someone who was supposed to love you.
I feel the same way about my ex. I feel nothing. And like you, I generally care about people. Feeling nothing may be a result of the psychic trauma we’be been through. Good luck.

[Anonymous 1]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

I felt nothing. I wasn’t happy she might die and wasn’t sad for her either. I just felt nothing. It’s like being a psychopath.

No, It’s not like being a psychopath. Don’t even compare yourself with that. It’s normal to feel that way about people that f~~~ed you over on purpose.

[ForeverDoneParticipant 2928]

Guess no more anal.

[sidecarParticipant 35862]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

I feel guilty that I feel nothing for her.

Don’t. She would feel nothing for you. And you haven’t even made false accusations against her. She has earned your apathy.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

found that I felt nothing.

Your lack of feelings here is healthy.

If you were happy about it, you’d be holding on to rage. That s~~~ will kill you.
If you were sad about it, you’d have too much empathy; she could use that to manipulate you.

You found the goldilocks zone.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24990]

Thanks for all the well wishes. I wish I had some for her. But all I feel is numb. That’s the reality of relations between the sexes.

Her hate extended out to hurt a little boy that wanted to go to his ball game and see his mother and father. When I wouldn’t agree to allow her to take our son from LA to New Mexico because that is where Mr. Moneybags lived.

She didn’t really care about him but needed to put up a show of trying to get our son.

So she wrecked havoc on everyone. She wouldn’t allow me to go to our son’s ball games. A father missing the games, in a public park because, if I went, she promised not to take our son. I went to one game and she pulled him by the arm from the park in his uniform.

Pressuring and nagging our son to agree to move with her and dump me.

Her buying a home in Hawaii to further tempt him. But her offer of no homework if he moved to her house was too great a temptation. My son had stopped doing his homework all together as he was pretty traumatized by her moving when she lost the court case. I was there when she told our son that it was his fault she was leaving.

I was there when our son was banging on the walls the night she left.

And, I was there when she pulled me into criminal court on trumped up abuse allegations that had no foundation and her telling the judge, who had my fate in his hands, prison or no prison, that I was “mean” to her.

She put in the knife and twisted it right in my face.

I find it hard to give a s~~~ about her.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

If she could have given you cancer, she would have.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Anonymous 42]

BrainPilot wrote:

If she could have given you cancer, she would have.

I believe with all her evil heart she would have! BPs’ right!

[DocParticipant]

On second thoughts it seem your detachment is entirely situational and down to the way she treated you.

There are people on this earth who if I heard were suffering I would quietly smile.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

No you are not God and did not cause that cancer. Plus, you have went your separate ways as such she is no longer your responsibility. She chose to have a life without you and you moved on. Just because a rock hit me when I was young doesnt mean I have to feel anything for it 20 years later…Its life, it doesnt mean you are a psychopath, it just means you have moved on. She is someone that you used to know…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[UntamedParticipant]

BrainPilot wrote:

Most people don’t want to say this next one out loud, but I will: The other hard truth is that while mine is preoccupied with poverty and yours is preoccupied with cancer, the world is a slightly safer place for you, me, and every other of their would be victims. It’s a harsh thing to say out loud, but while they are preoccupied with their own survival, they are not threatening ours.

These are not things that civilized people have to acknowledge very often. I try not to allow myself to feel relief at this ugly truth. But when I feel anything at all, that’s what it is: relief that they can’t do it anymore. We did not create this ugly truth. We didn’t make it ugly. And we didn’t make it true.

!!!
☆☆☆

Don't let them Blame, Shame or Tame you!
Give 'em NOTHING, not even an answer!
#GenderSegragationNow!

[Author]

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