Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › I feel nothing but despair
This topic contains 58 replies, has 32 voices, and was last updated by 
Robby 3 years, 2 months ago.
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Personally while it may not help you to get over the s~~~ i have in life (mostly pure o ocd) i just fap less, lift weights then acknowledge that the s~~~ is just my brain being f~~~ed up (thanks genetics).
Aside from this i release my pent up energy whether it be by exercise, video games watching videos of violence and death or music. All of which release my energy.
And finally i live life day to day since if somehow i died tomorrow i would have least enjoyed my life without being under the control of some wife or the control of my parents (specifically my mother) because no matter how much nagging i will not succumb to marrying even if the condom slips and a bitch decides to keep it i still will not decide to marry even under the pressure of my mother.
Just an east coast asshole who likes to curse, If you get offended by words like fuck, cunt, shit, piss, bitch or any racial slurs then you just scroll down.
I’ve been where you are, brother. I had the night terrors. My hair was falling out. My joints ached. I raged 24/7. Then I changed every goddamned thing in my life — marital status; occupation and geographic location. This course of treatment was not a cure-all, but it was the change I needed to rebuild. I needed a complete life overhaul, and it helped.
Your honesty is refreshing. I wish I could be as open here in the forums as you are, as I’m sure it would help me in so many ways. But just reading the truth of your struggle is, in a way, extremely liberating. It lets me know that I’m not alone in my own struggles. Thank you for being so open. Thank you, thank you and thank you.
J.B can sip the hell of some purple drank, he´s part of what´s wrong with mainstream music nowadays, love, love, bla, bla. I wonder why those artist keep on singing the same s~~~ over and over again, just with different words and still be successful, like in a spastic cramp repetition, seems like the people wanna hear it over and over, blue pill to go.
Here the people don´t understand most of the lyrics (being English) and just move to the beat, while the artists milk the golden cow of love, f~~~ those musical illusions. Bet nobody would listen if they sang about dopamine, serotonine and oxytocin.
I guess J.B one day is gonna wake up, realize he´s 60 broke due to 5 marriages/divorces and sings to playback at the opening of a Walmart, all that with the sourness of his gastritis and the knowledge he´s f~~~ed to be the monkey for the masses (old c~~~s with stinky tarpit vaginas).I noticed that years ago as well. It’s all those dickheads ever sing about. It’s sickening. BUt the lemmings love it so what can you do? It’s so repetitive and aneurysm inducing.
“And heres the new awesome song by blah blah!” THe song plays on the radio and the first lines are “Oh baby I love you” “You hurt me” “tonights the night” or whatever bulls~~~ producer written bulls~~~ lyrics they are.
I’ve been where you are, brother. I had the night terrors. My hair was falling out. My joints ached. I raged 24/7. Then I changed every goddamned thing in my life — marital status; occupation and geographic location. This course of treatment was not a cure-all, but it was the change I needed to rebuild. I needed a complete life overhaul, and it helped.
Your honesty is refreshing. I wish I could be as open here in the forums as you are, as I’m sure it would help me in so many ways. But just reading the truth of your struggle is, in a way, extremely liberating. It lets me know that I’m not alone in my own struggles. Thank you for being so open. Thank you, thank you and thank you.
Thanks man. And thank YOU for taking the time to read and reply.
Will reply to everyone later on. I’m tied up with fatherly duties and running around like a blue arse fly trying to do s~~~ as usual.
DYD-
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
You will see better days.
Depression and despair are real. Please get some help.
As others have suggested, spend some time at the gym. Try to cut back on alcohol for now as it can aggravate depression and despair. Watch diet.
Dogs can be very helpful. Try to spend time around people.
If this continues, seek help.
Let us know how things go. Good luckDYD-
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
You will see better days.
Depression and despair are real. Please get some help.
As others have suggested, spend some time at the gym. Try to cut back on alcohol for now as it can aggravate depression and despair. Watch diet.
Dogs can be very helpful. Try to spend time around people.
If this continues, seek help.
Let us know how things go. Good luckThanks man.
A lot of great posts, and recommendations.
Physical activity, most forms of exercise, release serotonin. When I have had periods of depression or anxiety, I found that exercise really balanced things out. I would be so stressed, in the red and yellow. Say 9 on a scale of 10. Post workout, my levels would drop significantly. Would be more or less back at my baseline. In the yellow/green. 1-3 stress level.
It is important to get medical help sometimes. Seeing a doctor, can help if this is heavy depression.
Milder forms, exercise and a lot of the suggestions mentioned already by other members, can work wonders.
The sun always follows heavy periods of rain or storms. Can last for months the rain. But at some point, the light will break through. The sun rises every day. Similarly, what you are going through, although very trying, has the potential to make you that much stronger.
Meditation, and progressive relaxation, mindfulness meditation. These are also very powerful tools in regaining balance over our mind and mood.
It’s a war against men, and humanity that we are all facing right now. How can we remain unaffected? We are all affected, to varying degrees. But it is possible to cope and grow stronger.
Here, we share, and do just that. Slowly developing strength and perseverance.
Stay strong brother.
“He who takes an eel by the tail, or a woman at her word, soon finds he holds nothing.”
It’s a war against men, and humanity that we are all facing right now. How can we remain unaffected? We are all affected, to varying degrees. But it is possible to cope and grow stronger.
DYD for immediate medevac to saneville, O good he is here already.
I want to get out of New Zealand.
I have some artist friends who live in Brunswick (Melbourne , Australia).
It’s a funky little suburb, a stack of artists living locally, and rents are affordable.
"Society is to blame" Denton
DYD for immediate medevac to saneville, O good he is here already.
Thanks PistolPete. I think we’re on the same page on a lot of issues. Your posts often reflect what I believe as well. We are all in great company here. Near as I can tell.
“He who takes an eel by the tail, or a woman at her word, soon finds he holds nothing.”
I am so glad you didn’t take a mouthful of shotgun barrel. You took the first step: You recognize there is a problem. No, I am not going to recommend you go to some 12 step program. Now that you recognize there is a problem you can do something about it. Look around you, is there some type of hobby that you can do that would give you some kind of satisfaction? Something you can put your soul, effort and body into that would satisfy the dark side of you? Woodworking, building furniture, cabinets chairs, or how about long bicycle rides, doing code writing for computer programs, growing a garden, painting natural scenery, or bonsai ( the art of growing those little trees the Japanese like), write a book like the type of Stephen King or Edgar Allen Po, or write children’s books? How about going to night school and start a brand new career that you might find interesting? There are so many things that a man can do and you still have so many years ahead that your potential is massive. If you can’t think of anything you might would like to do that maybe you should see a therapist. Incredible as it may seem they can help. The main point here is to find something that you can find joy and satisfaction in doing.
Another thing that just occurred to me (duh) is you are extremely lonely. You could try going to gatherings like fairs, church socials, parades or basically any place people are gathering to have fun. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF. You see some guys standing around drinking something you don’t find offensive walk up and introduce yourself. Believe it or not people are not going to look at you once and say “I hate that guy.”. Some will but f~~~ them. Be clean and neat, walk with your shoulders thrown back, your head up and exude confidence. It may be fake confidence but true confidence will come in time. Make some friends, try telling jokes, go to their functions, invite some guys over to watch the game. Go over to their place and don’t forget to bring snacks and or something to drink. You, my friend, are in a dark place. You need to socialize to get out of it. I had a brother who was that way but he was never able to get out of it. It killed him after awhile. Not by suicide but by loneliness that he was never able to change. I can’t explain it.
I just want you to know you have many friends on this site. We may not be able to shake hands or watch a game together. We are here for you and each other. We will never forsake you or ignore you. We will respond as best we can with the best answers and suggestions we can come up with. If anybody were to come up with something harmful or really stupid that individual will be slapped down. We are here for each other and are brothers at heart.
I just read that you have a child. Take joy in your child. I never had a child because I drank alcohol most of my life and didn’t want to put a woman and children through the turmoil of living with a mean drunk. Don’t do what I did. Enjoy your child, watch him or her grow up. Spend time with them and always give them your best. If you don’t you will wonder when did they grow up and how did you miss out on it. Share in their laughter and play. Give them plenty of hugs, tell them you love them. Don’t be afraid to say it. The response you get back will bring you lots of satisfaction and joy. Please never ever get angry at them. Your primary job is to get them ready for the world. To do all you can to see them succeed.
That is all I really have. But one thing, if I see you someplace I will be happy to wave and smile. Good luck, I wish you all the best.
Women's brains and vagina have one thing in common. There is nothing in there until a man puts something in there.
Stay strong brother.
Thanks for the kind words. I’m trying, I really am. I’m just completely lost. What I thought i knew about life…isn’t…who I thought were my friends…weren’t/aren’t…I have changed also. Am wiser, but very jaded.
Large crowds of people and most people in general i find suffocating and have to retreat to a quiet place to be able to get my sanity back.
I am so glad you didn’t take a mouthful of shotgun barrel. You took the first step: You recognize there is a problem. No, I am not going to recommend you go to some 12 step program. Now that you recognize there is a problem you can do something about it. Look around you, is there some type of hobby that you can do that would give you some kind of satisfaction? Something you can put your soul, effort and body into that would satisfy the dark side of you? Woodworking, building furniture, cabinets chairs, or how about long bicycle rides, doing code writing for computer programs, growing a garden, painting natural scenery, or bonsai ( the art of growing those little trees the Japanese like), write a book like the type of Stephen King or Edgar Allen Po, or write children’s books? How about going to night school and start a brand new career that you might find interesting? There are so many things that a man can do and you still have so many years ahead that your potential is massive. If you can’t think of anything you might would like to do that maybe you should see a therapist. Incredible as it may seem they can help. The main point here is to find something that you can find joy and satisfaction in doing.
Another thing that just occurred to me (duh) is you are extremely lonely. You could try going to gatherings like fairs, church socials, parades or basically any place people are gathering to have fun. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF. You see some guys standing around drinking something you don’t find offensive walk up and introduce yourself. Believe it or not people are not going to look at you once and say “I hate that guy.”. Some will but f~~~ them. Be clean and neat, walk with your shoulders thrown back, your head up and exude confidence. It may be fake confidence but true confidence will come in time. Make some friends, try telling jokes, go to their functions, invite some guys over to watch the game. Go over to their place and don’t forget to bring snacks and or something to drink. You, my friend, are in a dark place. You need to socialize to get out of it. I had a brother who was that way but he was never able to get out of it. It killed him after awhile. Not by suicide but by loneliness that he was never able to change. I can’t explain it.
I just want you to know you have many friends on this site. We may not be able to shake hands or watch a game together. We are here for you and each other. We will never forsake you or ignore you. We will respond as best we can with the best answers and suggestions we can come up with. If anybody were to come up with something harmful or really stupid that individual will be slapped down. We are here for each other and are brothers at heart.
That is all I really have. But one thing, if I see you someplace I will be happy to wave and smile. Good luck, I wish you all the best.
I don’t wish to offend any kiwis here, but i really can’t stand New Zealand. It’s a living hell for me. It is so backward and isolated. I am devastated that i’ve wasted 10 years of my life here. I do not like this country one bit and struggle day to day trying to cope here. The people here are not normal, i can not express this enough. They are absolutely whacko. Hostile, ignorant, xenophobic, tall poppy syndrome, impatient and mentally ill.
Since the major earthquakes here over the years, the whole place has turned into a degenerates paradise. I don’t like associating with anyone here. They are all the same and have nothing to say. All kiwis like to do is get wankered on the weekends, watch rugby or take drugs. Thats it. No one wants to talk about art, politics, the human mind, dreams, death, life etc etc.
I do not fit in here and never have.
I have joined the gym but have been really lazy about going. I went a few days ago and couldn’t even lift a 30kg bench press. Had no energy what so ever. My diet is absolute dog s~~~. I was lifting 22kg dumb bells in each hand when i did flyes 6 years ago, now i can barely lifts 12kg in each hand. I know, i know, i am just getting back into it after 6 years. But even at the age of 32, i look at myself in the mirror and see this fat f~~~ing loser, man t~~~, beer belly, wondering wtf happened to me.
I jog also. I’m just not getting that release like i normally would from exercising. Maybe all those drugs i took have f~~~ed my entire system and mind up. Sometimes i feel absolutely nothing inside, other times i feel so low i could top myself.
When i hit 30 i had a quarter life crisis, and im not that happy go lucky guy i used to be in my 20’s. I dont think its just the age thing. I’ve been through alot of dark morbid bulls~~~ in the last 6 years. Plus, now, this place just looks like a f~~~ing bomb was dropped on it. A graveyard. Al lthe places i used to see, the building etc, are GONE. Rubble. Empty lots where building used to stand. Myriads of constant road works, angry hostile drivers ….it’s a f~~~ing s~~~ hole here.
It’s stress every day just driving from a to b. I’ve even taken to listening to the classical music channel to help me relax as im so incapacitated with negativity and anxiety.
I’ve long overstayed here, big time. I should have gotten the f~~~ out 10 years ago. I saw what this place was like in 2007 and i hated it. Yet here i am in 2016 driving down the same f~~~ing roads day in, day out, looking at the planes in the sky wishing i was in one getting he f~~~ out of here for good. It wouldn’t even matter where they were heading, just anywhere but here!!!
I feel and probably look a bit desperate when i meet internationals here. I kind of latch onto them like a f~~~ing creep, eager to speak to someone from another country who i know will be completely different. Someone from outside this country who will understand and listen to me, and who i can share stories with and actually have an in depth conversation with.
The visiting tourists here don’t know the truth, the real New Zealand. I try my best not to ruin their holiday with any negative words about New Zealand but i do give them advice and caution them about things they might be cavalier or oblivious too. I feel its my duty to help these people.
For example the tap water here in Christchurch is f~~~ing contaminated. But you will never see this on the mainstream news as everything here is all hush hush and corrupt. I saw a German backpacker filling up bottles of water outside the library i go to from the drinking fountain. I said hello politely and asked if she was going to drink that or boil it first? She said she was going to drink it. I said you will get sick form doing that, the water here is not treated. She didn’t believe me at first, or if at all. But i told her for only a dollar she could buy a 2 litre bottle of clean still drinking water from the supermarket. Not sure if she took my advice or not, but hey, i tried.
Thanks for the kind words. I’m trying, I really am. I’m just completely lost. What I thought i knew about life…isn’t…who I thought were my friends…weren’t/aren’t…I have changed also. Am wiser, but very jaded.
Large crowds of people and most people in general i find suffocating and have to retreat to a quiet place to be able to get my sanity back.
It’s the least I can do.
I have the same problem. A lot of people have dropped by the wayside. Some sense a change in me. In others, I see things now which I do not want to condone. Ghosting, pulling away. Once we go Red Pill, things start to change.
I totally hear you about New Zealand. It’s pretty much the same thing here. Tap water is not good for you. I only drink it, if I run out of bottled water. And even then, I first have to boil it. If I did not boil it, I would feel sick. I can taste metals, in the water. We have lake Ontario as our nearest Great Lake. And the fish have long stopped being there. Whatever fish are left, are mutated, shedding their scales. Very sickly looking. It is a direct mirror of the pollution we here in Canada have created.
MSM are a bunch of snakes. Working around the clock to sell their propaganda. They report on total bulls~~~. It’s just a one trick pony, and it’s getting very old.
I hope you find some way out of the current state you’re in. Diet is a very important thing. Same thing with sleep, and some exercise. Whatever small, gradual changes you can manage, will also bring down stress levels.
The whole world is run by the Liberal Regime. Where can yo go, when they own everything?
Last place left. The USA. And even there, they have been very busy, the last 100 years or more, slowly degrading things.
Those larger aspects are out of our control. What is in our control, is how we take care of ourselves and our health. Do your best, to keep yourself balanced, and healthy.
If you feel this is a major depression. Do not be shy to seek help. Medication, can be a good short term strategy, along with perhaps therapy. To get to the root of your anxieties and depression. Although by what you described, you have a job you do not like and an ex wife, and a child. So some stresses cannot be avoided. But perhaps learned to cope with.
When I feel lost, I just try to relax, and not to overthink things. Try to believe that the way will reveal itself, if I keep myself grounded.
I truly wish you luck, during this difficult time. We’ve all been there. Just have to find a way, to bring down your stress, and relax and unwind. I find watching comedies, really help to get my mood back on track. When we laugh, our body produces many healthy chemicals. It is free medicine. Endorphins are released, which help to alleviate stress and pain. And re-regulate our system.
You keep fighting and trying your best. As nothing lasts. Not even times of crisis. When this passes, you will have a totally different point of view looking back. Just tend to your health and well being, first and foremost.
I wish I was qualified enough, to give you anything more that is useful. But that is where my knowledge ends.
I hope some of this helps you, even in the smallest way. Just take really good care right now, and put your health as the priority.
“He who takes an eel by the tail, or a woman at her word, soon finds he holds nothing.”
Thanks for the kind words. I’m trying, I really am. I’m just completely lost. What I thought i knew about life…isn’t…who I thought were my friends…weren’t/aren’t…I have changed also. Am wiser, but very jaded.
Large crowds of people and most people in general i find suffocating and have to retreat to a quiet place to be able to get my sanity back.
It’s the least I can do.
I have the same problem. A lot of people have dropped by the wayside. Some sense a change in me. In others, I see things now which I do not want to condone. Ghosting, pulling away. Once we go Red Pill, things start to change.
I totally hear you about New Zealand. It’s pretty much the same thing here. Tap water is not good for you. I only drink it, if I run out of bottled water. And even then, I first have to boil it. If I did not boil it, I would feel sick. I can taste metals, in the water. We have lake Ontario as our nearest Great Lake. And the fish have long stopped being there. Whatever fish are left, are mutated, shedding their scales. Very sickly looking. It is a direct mirror of the pollution we here in Canada have created.
MSM are a bunch of snakes. Working around the clock to sell their propaganda. They report on total bulls~~~. It’s just a one trick pony, and it’s getting very old.
I hope you find some way out of the current state you’re in. Diet is a very important thing. Same thing with sleep, and some exercise. Whatever small, gradual changes you can manage, will also bring down stress levels.
The whole world is run by the Liberal Regime. Where can yo go, when they own everything?
Last place left. The USA. And even there, they have been very busy, the last 100 years or more, slowly degrading things.
Those larger aspects are out of our control. What is in our control, is how we take care of ourselves and our health. Do your best, to keep yourself balanced, and healthy.
If you feel this is a major depression. Do not be shy to seek help. Medication, can be a good short term strategy, along with perhaps therapy. To get to the root of your anxieties and depression. Although by what you described, you have a job you do not like and an ex wife, and a child. So some stresses cannot be avoided. But perhaps learned to cope with.
When I feel lost, I just try to relax, and not to overthink things. Try to believe that the way will reveal itself, if I keep myself grounded.
I truly wish you luck, during this difficult time. We’ve all been there. Just have to find a way, to bring down your stress, and relax and unwind. I find watching comedies, really help to get my mood back on track. When we laugh, our body produces many healthy chemicals. It is free medicine. Endorphins are released, which help to alleviate stress and pain. And re-regulate our system.
You keep fighting and trying your best. As nothing lasts. Not even times of crisis. When this passes, you will have a totally different point of view looking back. Just tend to your health and well being, first and foremost.
I wish I was qualified enough, to give you anything more that is useful. But that is where my knowledge ends.
I hope some of this helps you, even in the smallest way. Just take really good care right now, and put your health as the priority.
Thanks man. Recently ive been so f~~~ed up that i forget all the things i once did to calm and chill myself out. My depression and despair gets so bad that my memory and thinking are held hostage and all I feel is pain and darkness.
I never imagined in my life that it was possible to feel so f~~~ing low like this. It truly is something else.
To,… DYD
Firstly,.. you have my sympathies, because I’ve also found the depression thing to be an absolute swine. I too have had the crazy ‘lucid dreaming’ thing. Alcohol doesn’t help, especially with either prescribed, or non prescribed drugs.
But of course you knew that already.You already know the answer to a huge chunk of your problems. You need to get the hell out of New Zealand. But the heavy anchor, of course, is that you have ties and family there.?
Here’s the thing. You’ve already considered suicide, and may likely do so again,.. so let’s recap the possible options between death or ‘relative’ happiness.
1. If you stay in New Zealand and you do the suicide thing, you will lose your family,.. lose your life,.. lose any future you may have had. So for suicide in New Zealand,…that’s 3 losses.
2. If you were to abandon your life in New Zealand and return to England, you would lose your family, but keep your life, and keep your possible future. So for abandoning New Zealand,.. that’s 1 loss.
3. You return here to England. After a few weeks or a few months,.. you still feel desperately suicidal and do the deed. So returning to England, finding no improvement, and subsequently killing yourself, is no worse than #1. ( i.e. 3 losses.?)
4. You return here to England. You use the freedom to re-asses your life, and make a go of the fresh start you have given yourself. Over time, once in a better frame of mind,.. you [try to], re-establish contact with your son, and re-connect as a father. This option [over time], has 0 losses
5. You return here to England. You use the freedom to re-asses your life, and make a go of the fresh start you have given yourself. Over time once in a better frame of mind,.. you [try to], re-establish contact with your son, and re-connect as a father,… but fail. This option has 1 loss, but you’re no worse than you were at #2.
So,..in all eventualities suicide appears to give you,.. the greatest losses,.. and leaving New Zealand gives you,.. the least losses.
I say give yourself a chance,… f~~~ New Zealand.!!
Life has no guarantees of being ‘despair free’, but getting the hell out of New Zealand to give yourself and your creativity some potential life chances,..seems [at least on paper !], to be the way forward.?
Hey Indigo,
I’ll take option 5 haha.
I’m not going to kill myself. I could never do that to my son and i dont want to die. What i want is for a complete life change.
I’m pretty sure its like that for all of us here, keep doing your best to not kill yourself. We just don’t live the blissful and ignorant way of life that the majority chooses to live so its very difficult to find any people to relate to. Something that was helpful to me that I heard recently: anxiety is believing that God won’t make things work out.
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