Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › I feel nothing but despair
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Robby 3 years, 2 months ago.
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Just let it all out. It’s better than bottling it up and letting the pressure build to dangerous levels.
No shame in it at all, and no need to feel regretful either. It’s good for your health to vent every now and then. Unlike in many other online gatherings, here you don’t get booted off for speaking your mind.
Best of luck to you in your life, friend.
"To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." - Friedrich Nietzsche
SunStorm, if a person is suffering from depression then using alcohol will at first lessen the depression but over time one of two things can happen. Either you start needing more booze to get the same effect or the depression will worsen. This is well known in the medical community.
When you get that low, and we all do, it’s hard to get out. Life becomes a viscous downward spiral. So you have to change the behaviors that effect your thinking. I don’t have to tell you what those are. I assume you already know. Also, you need to remove anything toxic people, environment and anything that goes in your body. You need to add behaviors that heal. You also know what those are.
Only until you start doing it (action not thinking) will things get better.If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
Have the odd decent day here and there, feel a flitter of hope, institute different forms of forced escapism.
We each have our own “drummer” we march to, as the saying goes…but for myself, I had to switch it to embracing, instead of escapism.
When my life was hell & s~~~, I did have to plan my escape however, from it. Along with having a plan B, once I learned the life lesson a few too many times, by NOT having a backup plan.
But then its back to feeling like all I want to do, is eat the barrel of a shotgun and cease this f~~~ing s~~~ miserable existence of mine. I don’t want to die, but i wish i could just switch my self off and not feel or think anything what so ever.
I never take this lightly, when I hear this. Was far too close to that razor’s edge at one point in my life. As it has already been covered, getting to the source(s) of these thoughts/feelings are paramount. In short, I had to do what I thought was best for myself, regardless of anyone or anything else.
What is my formula for doing this?
1. Decision …By my free will, I choose, regardless of whether my feelings/emotions follow suit.
2. Desire …After making a decision, and sticking to my plan, the resolve, etc grows as time goes by.
3. Details …Working towards goal/plan step by step. Moment by moment, if need be, as much as possible to get me closer to said goal/plan.
4. Deliverance …Go til I hear glass & acquire that which I set out to accomplish.
Anyway, im gunna regret the f~~~ out of writing this when i read it in the morning.
Honesty should never be accompanied by regret, when it is one wanting to better themselves and/or the situation in my humble opinion.
Receive, retain and release is always a healthy recipe, when it is with the purpose of getting out of the pit of despair & reaching peace.
look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back at me.
I too was once like you on this ^^. I had to learn how to make my mind my friend. I seldom smile, and when I do, it’s because I want to and feel like it. Even if nobody smiles back. I didn’t do it for their benefit, but if it causes them to smile, that’s cool too.
I will leave it at that.
to ya man.
A couple of thoughts:
1. If you can’t say this stuff here, where else are you going to say it? You’ve got over 17,000 guys rooting for you. So don’t regret it.
2. I’m no expert, but when I read about your dream it seems like you feel like you’re in hell and you’re searching for something better in your life. It’s pretty much how described your life, and you are living it out in your dreams, or nightmares. Personally I wouldn’t read much more into it than that.
3. As to what to do about it, I guess that’s something only you can decide. Try to figure out what the sunny meadow is in real life. The first thing that came to mind was the saying “If you want something you’ve never had, you will have to do something you’ve never done.” Change requires action. If you feel you’re at rock bottom, then doing anything different is probably a step in the right direction, as long as it isn’t something destructive to yourself. Work out, read more, learn to cook new dishes, play music, anything out of your normal daily routine.
Good luck, and keep talking about it. Some of what people say here will hit home, some won’t. But remember that it is all coming to you because you reached out. Each response, whether helpful or not, is that smile you’ve been looking for.
Order the good wine
Am I the only one here that really likes your writing style? Its raw, real, and surprisingly poetic. A film written by you would be interesting indeed.
I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.
It’ll take about twenty years at least to kill yourself with alcohol, that gives you a lot of time to work a few things out. Booze changes your priorities real fast.
After a few nice glasses of scotch or a good bottle of wine most people will go from being depressed to wondering what’s for dinner.
To be honest weed never let me down when I was messed up, but some people don’t like the sudden escape from this world into another hidden inner world which weed brings.
This world is a disaster of s~~~ century upon century, eon after eon, it has no value so nothing here really matters because it’s all worthless from the beginning.
However YOU are GOLD you are worth more than all the worthless crap which gets shovelled at your door to f~~~ you up day on day.
Just stop giving a f~~~. Look after yourself and your inner light. Like it or not we are spiritual beings stuck in physical bodies. I can’t remember how I got here but I know it won’t be forever and knowing my animating principle and consciousness is based on electromagnetic light energy, as a dabbler in science I know I am eternal.
It’s just a ride. As a wise man said.
BTW also had a s~~~ day trying to civilise feral Arab youth. 3 big glasses of Cutty Sark 25 year old and all that noise is a long way behind me.
Don’t give up. I agree when people say to rid yourself of the things people that are not helping you. Also, start small with music/film as you can capture the absurdity of it all and it would speak to a lot of people. Find classes that teach basics on creative writing, film, music production. But if you are worried about criticism from SJW’s create content under a pseudo name.
Also approach your creative work as “getting out of your system”, rather than trying to change things/impress someone.
Also you are never too old to start something new.
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
― Marcus Aurelius, MeditationsSociety asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Anonymous3I work long hours at work. I have horrific nightmares when i sleep.
[…]
Before i had this new security job, i numbed the pain and misery with drugs and alcohol. Yeh, the stereotypical tormented artist.DYD,
Many brothers already said very usefull things, but I would like to add something that can or not be usefull…I think, at the bottom, it all comes down to the level of “consciousness” one has. Notice that I put the word in quotes, because to me it means when one is present in the moment and not lost in automatic pilot.
The autopilot is when we react to events automatically. As a Zen master once said, people are like fly paper, anything others throw at them sticks! Why? Because we automatically react to it.
Someone comes over and says “you are an idiot”, and we get mad. Another one says “you’re a good guy”, and we get happy. To be mad or happy are two faces of the same coin, an automatic reaction. People can manipulate us just like that.
The same way we react to the past and to the future. Why? Past is gone, future is not here. Where are we?When it gets to painful, what do we do? We try to avoid the trigger! We avoid people, we avoid situations, we escape our thinking through drugs, alcohol or sleep. The ultimate trigger avoidance is pulling a trigger…
But actually it is much easier to avoid the impact of the trigger than the trigger itself, because life is nothing but triggers.
As the stoicism philosophers say:
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
Marcus AureliusWe cannot stop reacting automatically. It is not within our power, and that is good news because we always think we should change and “improve ourselves”. F~~~ that! We are already a perfect expression of God, our worst and our best.
Do you ear me brother? You are not a loser, you are a perfect reflection of the will of the divine!
So. What can we do?
Simply stop giving emotional value to the automatic reaction. You’re sad? Fine. You’re happy? Fine also, but equally meaningless.This is called waking up from Maya, the illusion. The same way you can wake up from your dreams by bringing awareness to them.
There is a trick I once used. Anytime I would see something unusual I asked myself “am I dreaming?” I would be as aware and self-conscient as possible at that moment. Eventually this becomes an habbit. One day, while dreaming, I ended up realizing that I was dreaming. Then I remembered myself and had full control over the dream. It really works, and maybe it can help you.
Self-awareness is hard to explain but easy to experiment. Instead of engaging in a random and uncontrollable chain of thoughts, we simply observe the thoughts. They suddenly get quiet. Just like roaches they avoid the light of attention.
The trouble is that we cant keep this long. Suddenly we notice that somewhere we get grabbed by a though, engaged in it, and forget ourselves again going to autopilot.
A Zen master once said, “dont worry if you notice that you got lost, be very grateful that you eventually got out of it.”I hope this helps. It is not a religious or metaphysical mumbojumbo, but the results of practical experience. I do that. I went from someone that always felt different, unhappy and without purpose, to someone that is different, without purpose, but no longer unhappy. Only content with what I am.
And that is heaven.
I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that life is just one big s~~~ sandwich—we’re all up the creek without a paddle all the time. The good news is that we’re all up the creek together, we will never let you down, nor will we allow you to give up. Think of yourself like the young Conan pushing that mill wheel. Everyday you put up with some huge s~~~ and survive you get stronger. One day you will be invincible, shock proof and indestructibly. There will be nothing anyone can throw at you that you can’t survive. That is the goal you are working towards. Once there you will truly be free.
As for feelings. Quote the Great Virgil Fox: “Bach felt everything!”
Alot of people have told me im really sensitive.
Pretty sensitive too and been told so a lot of times too, been also called a misantropist, bitter and other stuff as well, mostly negative things, for being real and honest. I´m pretty contradictive as a person it seems, at least to others, idc anymore.
You should not bother yourself with what people think about you, every day I care less, it´s my life and I´m living it. Don´t let society judge you.
Thinking a lot about the world and where it´s going and feel miserable about it… but I know I just can support the people near me and offer help if wanted.
Free yourself from the harness of expectations of others, it will do you no good. I live alone have a handfull of people I call friends, but yet not depend on them, the only thing that keeps me going is not to close my eyes and just thinking it´s all A OK, subscribed to reality and it sometimes hurts.
Keep your head up, that´s all you can do, don´t let the world break you and don´t give in.
I know it all sound bathetic and corny but if you let it sink a little…..
Also drinking makes melancholic and gives bad vibes, maybe you should start making music again, it can really help.Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. Friedrich Nietzsche
Thanks so much for the replies guys, really, really appreciate it.
I’m not having a mental/emotional breakdown. This is a malaise thats been with me for years, and recently it’s just grown and grown into this debilitating tumour inside my brain, f~~~ing up all my senses and reasoning. Like a mental cancer. And it’s invisible to others.
My problem is that I’m incredibly artistic and creative, but totally s~~~ at being practical. I know I could make a film or act better than half the s~~~ out there, but i struggle to find the bloody capability of how to do it.
I have gone out there gents, busted my ass and gone the extra mile at work and all of that bollocks, and it got me no where.
One of the biggest afflictions in my life at the moment is being stuck in a country I absolutely despise. I want to get out of New Zealand. I have given 10 years of my life to this country and its spat back in my face. No friends made, no advancement in f~~~ing anything. Just c~~~s who have screwed me over and then ran a thousand miles when i’ve chased them in rage.
I know i have to leave my son for a while when i leave the country, this kills me more than anything. He’s having alot of issues at school etc at the moment and he needs me here at the moment. Anything he does wrong his mother blames it on me, which is just spiteful.
Another thing that bugs me is i have zero contact with any male in my family. They are non existent. My grandfather is dead, he was never interested in talking to me, my birth father is a ghost, and my stepfather disowned me when i was 16. Now im not seeking pity at all, or ‘woe is me’, its just utterly frustrating having to deal with my grandmother, who is the only person in my family who communicates with me, and im supposed to be staying round hers when i go over. But she f~~~s me about all the time, changes her mind, etc.
And also, England is f~~~ed. No jobs, filled to the brim with immigrants, i am a 3rd class citizen in my own country. Last time i went back in 2011 i had to prove i was British and send in my passport to apply for the dole while i desperately searched for a job.
Trust me, i do try. But im always getting a F~~~ YOU in my face. And i give a f~~~ you right back. I am tough, mentally, but im also sensitive and prone to negative thinking almost on a daily basis and my mind is taken to f~~~ed up places that are designed to hamper me and instil uncertainty and doubt.
F.U.D-fear, uncertainty and doubt. Fear is the mind killer.
I write alot of poetry when im feeling down, maybe you guys could give me some brutally honest feedback. I sent this in to the UK poetry competition last year and they weren’t interested in it. Will post below. Thanks guys.
Weakness…this….weakness.
Embittered I, a perverse complication of my genetic make up.
They squandered all the blue prints to your well deserved reconstruction. Twisted metal, the mechanical screams reverberating through punctured holes and ripped tissue.
Father, I hear the calling. Don’t forsake my consummate beginning, as it ends with violent confrontations. With…them…..they….I see them in-between my bleeding eyes.
When they come for me, judgmental, skeletal, meddling, blackened, grasping filthy hands…they will clutch at smoke!!!
And heres some of my more badly thought out, angry poetry where i just write in a rage and make no sense to make myself feel better.
Junkie slut whore swallow his f~~~ p~~~
Metal fatigue on all the lower bearings
4:3 yes I see the deformity in your sex fist
Necro building network, funded by dead beats
Catatonic slaves enabling a c~~~s progress
Systematic abuse mental hell rape behind loch ness
F~~~ing drones inhabit bisexual snake pits
Impregnate vermin to spread HIV bread sticks
F~~~ ducks, sniff women’s bicycle seats, give two anthrax infected f~~~s
Mark the turn of ill fated cum shots
Killing time, wasting red wine, fulfilling homicidal robotic thoughts
Squander emotional capacity, dilated japs eye of inbred naked hop scotch
Regret of snails crossing without the correct armed response unit
My mother is a tree
My father a bumble bee
Watch the storm consume them anallyFREEDOM IS A PARADOX
Like your angry stuff best, had a good laugh at :
F~~~ing drones inhabit bisexual snake pits
Used to create lyrics for different bands of my friends one part of a song is by me, that is pretty similar to:
FREEDOM IS A PARADOX
It was in German though: transliterated it be like. “Freedom is a word for the dead, whilst war is life´s content”. Faux Ami (faux friend) is the name of the song.
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. Friedrich Nietzsche
Like your angry stuff best, had a good laugh at :
F~~~ing drones inhabit bisexual snake pits
Used to create lyrics for different bands of my friends one part of a song is by me, that is pretty similar to:
FREEDOM IS A PARADOX
It was in German though: transliterated it be like. “Freedom is a word for the dead, whilst war is life´s content”. Faux Ami (faux friend) is the name of the song.
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Awesome. Do you play any instruments? Alot of my lrics are abstract and no one can make sense of what the song is about, a bit like Kurt Cobains writing style.
That band reminds me of Motorhead haha. (Thats a good thing.)
That band reminds me of Motorhead haha. (Thats a good thing.)
Yeah, the drums rule a lot here, the drummer (he´ll turn 50 soon) is a big fan of Motörhead, the singer is one of my best friends, lost him to a woman he fell in love with, hardly see him anymore, he turned mangina, I told him straight in the face, we know each other for more than 27 yrs., so he knows where I´m coming from. He sort of fed me the red pill unknowingly over the years, he is an angry guy, pacified by pussy now, he was disillusioned about his existence, his cure was to hook up with someone.. I hope he does not regret.
I play guitar a little, both handed tapping (steel acoustic), it helps me when I´m down and need some distraction, have a Fender bass too that I play sometimes. Stick to the acoustic more though.
Used to write prose and poems, mostly when I was damaged, to soothe my sore.
Once wrote something for a “special” snowflake, she did show it to another guy, bet they had a good laugh at me…that´s been a lesson learned the hard way.Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. Friedrich Nietzsche
That was c~~~ish of her. Lets imagine crumpling the poem up (because she’d never appreciate it) and shoving it down her throat lol.
So many good dudes died this year. Lemmy, Bowie etc. F~~~ing blows. Why can’t lady gag or Rhianna croak it. Most of all, Justin Dweeber. Such a little c~~~.
Shame that black dude didn’t knock his head off. I was rooting for him. Did you know the guy was fired by his job because his boss didn’t want fans coming to his business hating on the guy?
J.B can sip the hell of some purple drank, he´s part of what´s wrong with mainstream music nowadays, love, love, bla, bla. I wonder why those artist keep on singing the same s~~~ over and over again, just with different words and still be successful, like in a spastic cramp repetition, seems like the people wanna hear it over and over, blue pill to go.
Here the people don´t understand most of the lyrics (being English) and just move to the beat, while the artists milk the golden cow of love, f~~~ those musical illusions. Bet nobody would listen if they sang about dopamine, serotonine and oxytocin.
I guess J.B one day is gonna wake up, realize he´s 60 broke due to 5 marriages/divorces and sings to playback at the opening of a Walmart, all that with the sourness of his gastritis and the knowledge he´s f~~~ed to be the monkey for the masses (old c~~~s with stinky tarpit vaginas).Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. Friedrich Nietzsche
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