Gents, please help me make a decision.

[VarunParticipant 2981]

Sandals wrote:

sidecar wrote:

The f~~~?

How does that even begin to make sense?

I have to ask: is this an actual family or some sort of cult?

Sidecar, nothing he said made sense to me either, until he said he was Indian. Then it all made sense.

THank you. You answered it better than I ever could.

Sandals wrote:

What exactly do you want as a career? Be precise, and first develop your goal before you step into a journey with no direction.

What I want does not fit in a career. I do not want a lavish lifestyle, because my family was wealthy too, until my father died and everything went downhill.

That said, I just want to work in the sidelines and watch my effort come into fruition, and not necessarily take the credit for it. I want to become a philanthropist because I really admire them; you need to be a completely different person to be a philanthropist. (let ’em shame come to me, idc).

Is there any course that teaches you to become one? I don’t think so. Yeah, they have that Bachelor of Social Work but its as dirty as any other field.

@ Mr. Shiny Thank you.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[Smitty the Great OneParticipant 1535]

How old do you have to be to live your life for yourself?

What debt do you think you owe?

Why continue getting a degree you already know to be worthless?

When you can look in the mirror and answer those questions yourself you’ll know exactly what to do. Take your time, it’s only your life….

Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....

[OldBillParticipant]

Varun wrote:

But everyone else is against the idea that I go live alone as I am still very young (I’ll be 21 in January next year).

Young? Twenty one isn’t “young”. You’ve been a legal adult for three f~~~ing years already. I was operating nuclear reactors at twenty one.

Get out, grow up, and start going your own way.

My mother, my aunt and my grandmother (all female relatives) are constantly shaming me…

Crabs in a bucket. They’re shaming you because they’re women and your departure means any resources you bring in won’t be available to them.

I was thinking I’ll quit normal college and transfer to distance education where I’ll be able to work AND complete my useless degree.

If it’s useless why are you pursuing it?

Living alone, it will greatly benefit me because I will be able to allocate more time to both.

You will have more time, time you can allocate to something that isn’t useless.

…and the ‘social status’ I enjoyed being a member of a well-off household will definitely diminish.

Well-off? You brother the sole wage earner is nagging you to get a job because he cannot pay the bills and you still claim that your family is well-off? Really?

As for social status, any status you “gain” as being merely part of a group is false. Status, like respect, is earned and, as a man going his own way, you shouldn’t be concerned about status anyway.

Move out and start becoming an actual adult.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Varun wrote:

THank you. You answered it better than I ever could.

I must have missed the part about being Indian. Even so, the familial obligation imposition you’re describing seems very extreme even for India. I suspect your relatives are using your culture as an excuse to justify their own selfish demands rather than as a motivation in itself. I mean it’s the 21st century even in India.

my family was wealthy too, until my father died and everything went downhill.

Then your family wasn’t actually wealthy. Your father was just very productive, or, as your female relatives would consider it, very lucrative. True wealth doesn’t “go downhill”. It’s created, saved, or accumulated. Or squandered.

Now it seems to me like the females in your family, having lost their primary producer, are keen to keep any other potential producers like you from escaping their clutches. I’m going to make a guess that they aren’t all that keen on you continuing your education any more than they are on you getting out of that house, but they would prefer you leave school to find employment while at living with them so they have access to your income.

I want to become a philanthropist because I really admire them; you need to be a completely different person to be a philanthropist.

It could be that something is being lost in translation here, but it’s my understand that the only requirements for philanthropy are disposable wealth and generosity. It’s not really what I’d consider a career. More the opposite of one. I think you’d have to make something of yourself first, and then use what you’ve made to take up the hobby of philanthropy.

[AttonParticipant]

You need some time away from the family and some time to build your career. Money is what keeps your family in at home and maintains their standard of living. Until such time as your mother and aunt are the ones that pay bills they should have no voice in the matter.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[Freeman_KParticipant 3524]

Psychology degree might not be as useless as you think, but online degree probably is useless. Better check twice what is on table. Proper degree opens many doors that stay closed without one.

The deal that this man is offering you is a good one but it is your decision what to do.

The choices we make, not the chances we take, determine our destiny

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

I was in the exact same position as you are right now but younger, and my parents made it their duty to inform me that it was my obligation that when they got older I had to take care of them. Whenever my father lost his job he would always look to me to pick up the slack to pay the bills. The shaming language was used a lot and being the loyal dutiful son I did as he asked even though I wanted to get out of there. Like a lot of people in our situation I had to work full time while going to university and help pay with bills. My biggest regret was not leaving sooner and I am telling you from experience you need to move away and start living your life and building it up so that when you are older you have a career and can help them out when you are financially stable. My parents never bought a house, nor saved or did anything that insure their future was secure. I ended up buying them a house in my late 30’s and I am still paying their mortgage and helping them with some of their bills. That is how you will justify leaving them to live your life. Your brother will resent you for doing this because he is trapped by your mother too.

Forget whatever she tells you about her status and how she will look if you leave among her friends why does she care so much what other people think? Are those people helping her pay the bills, making her life easier? She has a warped view of the world and you need to get out of there right away take the job and live your own life starting today. If she cares so much about what other people think of her that is her problem and not yours. Yes she gave birth to you and yes she raised you as much as she could but you never asked to be born and you do not owe her anything. How much would she consider your debt to be repaid what is her price to let you go? The answer is you can give her a palace and all the money in the world and it will never be enough. Because she views the world in monetary terms and status symbols you will never be able to give her what she wants. Advise your brother to go his own way, and do the same for yourself she will find a way to live her life the government is not going to let a poor woman die now is the time to try to get her on some type of social assistance. If her pride will not allow her to take assistance because of “status” then that is not your problem it is her problem live your life and tell her you will try to help her down the road when you build up your career the way you want it.

[Maraudrz1Participant 2250]

If you take the job as offered one) you get food, meaning your brother won’t be buying you food. two) a place to sleep, probably a small room you can set up as you wish and you won’t be using utilities. three) If you had a room at your house then that room can be put up for rent bringing in even more income.

Also, you would most likely have peace and quiet to study for your degree. I wouldn’t necessarily call it useless. There are many places that you can use such a degree such as prisons, schools and other government facilities. There also may be Big Corporations that hire such people as well. You might want to do some research before you give it up. You can go to the Department of Labor’s website and look to see what they say the outlook is for that degree. You may have to get some additional education that needs that degree to give you an additional chance at finding a great paying job. Good luck

Women's brains and vagina have one thing in common. There is nothing in there until a man puts something in there.

[OldBillParticipant]

Varun wrote:

THank you. You answered it better than I ever could.

Blaming your poor choices and muddled thinking on something as ephemeral as culture is pathetic.

In fact, MGTOW is a renunciation of culture. Men going their own way turn their back on the demands, assumptions, and precepts imposed on them by culture.

You need to make a decision about more than just taking a job. You need to decide whether you’re actually ready to go your own way.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Anonymous 16]

Are you a MGTOW?
What does that means?
21 years old… Dont you think thats old enough?
What do you want to do?

My case, i left from home when i was 17, to study in the cuban revolution. My mom was against it.
Everyone was against it.
Still i did. Got my doctor degree.
My only mistake GOT MARRIED F~~~KKKK.

If you feel like they are shaming you its becouse they are, if you feel its what you wanna do, THEN DO IT.
You dont owe s~~~ to anyone.

[Anonymous 0]

Their reasons for you staying seem to be 50% financial and 50% “what will I tell my friends? OR I will be embarassed”
Varun, what about you? None of them seem to care about you as anything other than a utility. TAKE THE JOB, BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE.

[WallyParticipant]

Varun, with every decision in life there will be something else that gets missed, or someone gets neglected, you have to live your own life, still help your family when you can, but if this job is what’s best for you take it, by bettering yourself, you better your family in the long term.

"what a waste of a life, to marry, give up your freedom, just for the hope of not dying alone. Don't get married Son."

[uchibenkeiParticipant 7965]

I say take the job and the free place to stay. However, getting free room and board might be a taxable benefit if your current home is not that far from work already. You might want to check the tax laws in your country or state. That means even though your income is 20,000 (just as an example), you’ll be taxed on 20,000 + the value of rent for the time you are there. If you’re making minimum wage, maybe your income is not very taxable anyway. maybe you and your employer can keep it hush hush. Maybe the savings in transportation is greater than an increase in tax, if any. Just some things to think about. if you have to live there for this job, then there’s nothing to think about.

I bathe in the tears of single moms.

[Anonymous 42]

I know what Keymaster would say…

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Varun wrote:

But why do I feel like I’ll be making a mistake?

Note your phrasing. “…why do I feel like…”

This is your programming by a gynocentric culture. Feeling are to be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
Use your masculine reason, and judgement to make this decision. Consider the short and long term consequences of a move away from home. If the women in your family cannot see the value of you exercising some independence, then that says much about their motives and characters.

Whatever you decide, apply yourself fully, and make the best of your situation. Please keep us posted.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

sidecar wrote:

Now it seems to me like the females in your family, having lost their primary producer, are keen to keep any other potential producers like you from escaping their clutches. I’m going to make a guess that they aren’t all that keen on you continuing your education any more than they are on you getting out of that house, but they would prefer you leave school to find employment while at living with them so they have access to your income.

^^^^^^^^^^^

THIS.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[sonofthedestroyerParticipant 318]

Being of Indian origin myself i can relate to the typical Indian family setup and mentality. Try to find a balance. Nobody here can really tell you what to do. As UG Krishnamurti once said ‘All questions you ask are borne out of the answers you already have’

[narwhalParticipant]

Yea, I know a little about Indian family culture, but have no idea what it means to you, or how your family is operating. What I can say is that you don’t need to make this as monumental of a decision as you are thinking it is. It’s not as if you are signing a lifetime contract, you’re moving out and accepting a job position. Unless I’m mistaken, you can take the job, and if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, then quit.

As I understand it, you’re not just looking to pay for yourself, but you’re also planning on sending money back to your family. I would think your mother would be much more accepting of the situation once she sees that the money is better.

I think you should define what family meets to you and do what you need to do to meet those obligations. Don’t let your mother or brother define those for you. Any other way, and you won’t be happy with yourself.

Ok. Then do it.

[VarunParticipant 2981]

Thanks a lot for your advice.

@oldbill Sir, if I had heard that 3 years ago, I’d not have wasted so much time.

Nobody really said those words to me like you have here. I didn’t get no direction at all. People couldn’t care less. Teachers at school couldn’t care less. My family couldn’t care less what I Wanted. They just expected me to “figure things out on my own” and “go with the flow”. People were telling me what NOT to do rather than helping me find out what to do. That confused me a lot than it ever should have.

I’ll take some time, think things out, and let you guys know what I did.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[Chaff/FlareParticipant 3235]

Old Bill and Sidecar said it well. Also agree you are not “young”.

I’m not Indian, but I have read this book before. Listen to me carefully:

Your brother, your mother, and your aunt see you as THEIR ASSET, THEIR PROPERTY, THEIR RETIREMENT PLAN.

If your good with that, start planning on how your going to brainwash your kids into taking care of you.

When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.

[Author]

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