Gents, please help me make a decision.

[VarunParticipant 2981]

Gentlemen, I’ve got a big issue eating away at me and I would need your advice on it.

Yesterday I interviewed for a job at a restaurant and they have agreed to pay me a minimum including food and a place to stay. This is quite a good deal for me, and the owner had also asked me to help the current manager with their spreadsheets, and that after 3 months’ time, I would be considered for a much better position of a book-keeper/accountant.

The reason I interviewed for the job is because I was constantly nagged and pressured by my brother, who’s the only main income-earner in our household, to get a job because he wasn’t able to meet our expenses. What he said is right, because we have a lot of expenses, and I still have three years to complete my psychology degree (and I doubt that will assure me a good job).

The problem is that my employer wants me to stay close to work at a place in the town (rent-free and all meal expenses paid) because that way I would be able to concentrate on the job more (he assumes family will be a distraction).

But everyone else is against the idea that I go live alone as I am still very young (I’ll be 21 in January next year). My mother, my aunt and my grandmother (all female relatives) are constantly shaming me “you don’t care that you’ll break the family?”…and everyone else is slowly following in their footsteps which I think is getting to me. I know that its a no-brainer that I go walk my path…. even if its just a 20-minute drive away into town.

But why do I feel like I’ll be making a mistake?

I know that if I live away I might not be able to take good care of my mother…I don’t mind taking care of her because as AWALT as she is, she go us through our tough times and only retired when my brother was able to take over. I don’t view it as an obligation…..rather I look at it as a trade payable… and I do not like debts. Am I being wrong by thinking like this?

I was thinking I’ll quit normal college and transfer to distance education where I’ll be able to work AND complete my useless degree. Living alone, it will greatly benefit me because I will be able to allocate more time to both.

What do you guys think I should do? Not to sound like a typical blue-piller but I do know that I will be viewed as an outcast by my entire society and extended family….and the ‘social status’ I enjoyed being a member of a well-off household will definitely diminish.

Your advice will be greatly valuable. You guys are the best.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[HitmanParticipant]

And if you don’t take the job, your brother will be okay with that?
I say take it..21 is a grown man who has the right to be free. ..
Free from shame that comes from the very people who you want to help. ..
Family sucks. .

[Anonymous 18]

If you can be certain based on your demographics that online/distance learning would be on the same wavelength as your traditional college degree then by all means move out and live on your own.

The family will change their perspective and accommodate you once the money you make starts to ease the burden on your brother.

You want to move and as the saying goes you are feeling the chains tying you down. Don’t listen to your family before you listen to yourself.

And from the sounds of it their reasons for you to stay at home are not very convincing. The same people would be telling you to marry a girl once you are in your mid-20s and your (hypothetical, non-existing, extremely unlikely) wife would ask you to move out anyways.

So you are basically making a decision you’d be required to make if you got married.

Since that is not happening might as well go ahead and move out – give your own family a taste of what is better for them need not be all on their own terms.

You make the money. The financial situation improves. You get to live on your own and grow as a man.

Win-win. Apart from the emotional drama.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

You don’t know what you don’t know so you can’t really decide yet. But, it’s not like the decision is irreversible.

I recommend you tell your boss and your family we will try this for (you decide how long), and then we will revisit it. If it’s not working you don’t have to quit you might see other opportunities to adjust work schedules etc. and make it work.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[JuehueParticipant 1316]

Just tell your brother one less mouth to feed.

[sidecarParticipant 35851]

Varun wrote:

But everyone else is against the idea that I go live alone as I am still very young (I’ll be 21 in January next year).

Twenty one is not young. There were eighteen year olds on the Lewis and Clark expedition. There were much younger men storming the beaches at Normandy.

My mother, my aunt and my grandmother (all female relatives) are constantly shaming me “you don’t care that you’ll break the family?”…and everyone else is slowly following in their footsteps which I think is getting to me. I know that its a no-brainer that I go walk my path…. even if its just a 20-minute drive away into town.

That’s some crab bucket bulls~~~ right there. They aren’t telling you that for your sake.

If it was really a bad idea for you, they’d know you’d be coming back in short order. They are worried for themselves.

I was thinking I’ll quit normal college and transfer to distance education where I’ll be able to work AND complete my useless degree.

Can you not switch to a degree that’s less useless? Also a psych degree might not be as useless as you think. By itself it might not be much, but it’s a good stepping stone to employable degrees like criminology or justice.

[Klaus WindamierParticipant 543]

The faster you are going into independence, the better, and as i have seen you, you are not a stupid people who will waste their time and money in drugs or women.

Those who against your independence are literally wants you to still chained at your feet.

That’s my opinion.

[RedRojasParticipant 559]

You could always tell them that the reason you’re getting the job is for your family. I don’t know about you, but getting away from all those women hassling you would be a plus in my book. Just keep in contact with them and talk to them over the phone and visit once in awhile. That way they don’t feel abandoned. Remember when it comes to women: it’s all about Tha Feelzz. LOL

Consistency is victory - Ultra Magnus

[~BSParticipant 3266]

what is your useless degree?

"He didn't marry until now, so he won't ever do it. Think about it, why would a man like him ever marry? It's too late to catch him. " ~some cunt

[Back in BlackParticipant 1732]

Dude,

Do what is best for you. That is the only way you will be able to benefit your family in the long run. Beware advice from women, especially family members (my personal experience).

BIB

"Women are directly adapted to act as the nurses and educators of our early childhood, for the simple reason that they themselves are childish, foolish, and short-sighted—in a word, are big children all their lives, something intermediate between the child and the man, who is a man in the strict sense of the word. Consider how a young girl will toy day after day with a child, dance with it and sing to it; and then consider what a man, with the very best intentions in the world, could do in her place.” Quote from Arthur Shopenhauer, 17th century philosopher

[VarunParticipant 2981]

Thanks for the responses.

Hitman wrote:

And if you don’t take the job, your brother will be okay with that?

My brother is okay with contributing to the household…. not okay with living away. The brief time I talked to him, he said, “I won’t be able to do this alone. I had the same option three years ago, but I didn’t go away. You should stay.”

My mother’s last ‘offer’ is to stay until my brother gets married. Its very hard to find a bride if the groom’s family has a renegade member. That’s what she’s saying. “People will question us…. Why? How? It’ll be an insult to my honor; they’ll say I failed to become a good mother (emotional trauma I know) who couldn’t keep her sons close.” She is very traditional…. thrives off the validation of society while I don’t give a f~~~ about it.

But what’s in it for me really? I won’t acquire a huge amount of her estate by doing so. Even if she DID give me extra, I would level it up again among the three of us…… I might probably not take anything if I can successfully make myself financially independent. I am like that.

I talked to the manager in the morning and he said that he WOULD consider me living with my family…. but he did it begrudgingly and I know that would spoil my future opportunities.

sidecar wrote:

Twenty one is not young. There were eighteen year olds on the Lewis and Clark expedition. There were much younger men storming the beaches at Normandy.

I know that. But you have to understand that western people mature much faster than the lot…..and Indians are dependent on their parents until they marry up… not because they can’t (in fact, they very well can) but because their familial ties and beliefs do not allow them to live independently. Its a completely different scenario here.

sidecar wrote:

I was thinking I’ll quit normal college and transfer to distance education where I’ll be able to work AND complete my useless degree.

Can you not switch to a degree that’s less useless? Also a psych degree might not be as useless as you think. By itself it might not be much, but it’s a good stepping stone to employable degrees like criminology or justice.

I’ll see what I can do. Guidance & Counselling is hot in the coming decades, so I might go for that. Criminology might also be an option.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[Prefer Peace to PieceParticipant 10809]

Varun,

It sounds like you don’t have peace about taking the job. Don’t be swayed or shamed by your brother. What do you want to do? If you’re not sure, give the matter more thought and consideration

I personally find it admirable that you want to take care of your mom. Although I also understand your desire to go your own way.

As far as college goes, what do you want to do?
You know you may have to seek additional education to land a job. What job do you want after you graduate? Will your degree prepare you for the job you want?

Good luck brother. Don’t do anything until you have peace about the matter.

[The_Mad_PirateParticipant 1278]

Take the job, for the thing you love most in life, take it. Moving away from your parents it’s the most enriching life experience you will ever get, it will teach you to be your boss, it will teach you who you really are and what is what you believe in. If your relatives are not lettingg you go is proba ly because they are afraid you learn how to think for yourself.

"We didn't start the fire. It was always burning. Since the world's been turning" "A world that vilifies men only breeds a generation of men that feel no empathy towards women" “In a woman’s mind , there is really no such thing as a ‘we’. In her eyes, earth allways revolves around her, not the other way around. So thinking that your needs , aspirations or desires are valid enough to be persued, or even that you are entitled achive such goals, is like asking your boss for a pay rise in your very first day at the job.”

[sidecarParticipant 35851]

Varun wrote:

My mother’s last ‘offer’ is to stay until my brother gets married. Its very hard to find a bride if the groom’s family has a renegade member. That’s what she’s saying. “People will question us…. Why? How? It’ll be an insult to my honor; they’ll say I failed to become a good mother (emotional trauma I know) who couldn’t keep her sons close.” She is very traditional…. thrives off the validation of society while I don’t give a f~~~ about it.

The f~~~?

How does that even begin to make sense?

I have to ask: is this an actual family or some sort of cult?

[GnosticParticipant 2491]

If you don’t get this job, or do it in a way to spoil your future prospect,
how easy it is for you to find new employment?

I assume it will be hard to get a job, then tell your brother it is hard to get a good job close to your family. If don’t take that job, most likely your work will provide very little income to help the family, or cannot find a job at all. Life is not fair to you nor it will be fair to him.

If he insist on you working while you stay with the family, then he have to be prepared that you cannot find a job at all, or a job that contributes little to the family.

If it is easy to find a good job, and close to your family no less, I guess we won’t have this conversation. Just stay with your family to pay your debts to them.

Also why do you need the “social status”? To marry?

There is no magic in MGTOW, just recognition of the truth and logical decision how to avoid dangers. The red pill is but the truth, it is no magical potion. Do not think in this modern world men have no longer have natural enemies, men are prey to women and government.

[ShinyParticipant 2307]

FrostByte wrote:

I recommend you tell your boss and your family we will try this for (you decide how long), and then we will revisit it. If it’s not working you don’t have to quit you might see other opportunities to adjust work schedules etc. and make it work.

That sounds eminently sensible.

Varun wrote:

My brother is okay with contributing to the household…. not okay with living away. The brief time I talked to him, he said, “I won’t be able to do this alone. I had the same option three years ago, but I didn’t go away. You should stay.”

My mother’s last ‘offer’ is to stay until my brother gets married. Its very hard to find a bride if the groom’s family has a renegade member. That’s what she’s saying. “People will question us…. Why? How? It’ll be an insult to my honor; they’ll say I failed to become a good mother (emotional trauma I know) who couldn’t keep her sons close.” She is very traditional…. thrives off the validation of society while I don’t give a f~~~ about it.

Ahhh the f~~~ing MUM… I say that because I’ve been there, and lived much of my life subconsciously or even deliberately making choices because of her reaction, even if it sickened me… it’s a hard habit to break.

I wish you the best dude, it’s easy to type “hey, walk away from your family!” but it’s certainly much harder to do. I think at the end of the day your family will accept your decisions to live your life – my mum did on a couple of major life changes she disagreed with (not that that’s an indicator of what will happen for you) – and if they don’t and cut you off, it’s THEIR choice to treat you like that and it will expose them for exactly who and what they are. Give them the chance to be better than that and accept your choices.

[SandalsParticipant 4254]

sidecar wrote:

The f~~~?

How does that even begin to make sense?

I have to ask: is this an actual family or some sort of cult?

Sidecar, nothing he said made sense to me either, until he said he was Indian. Then it all made sense. But before that, I was like “is this guy British royalty? What the hell is he saying?”

Varun, I don’t recommend getting a psyche degree, unless you want to spend the rest of your school and career hanging around people who fundamentally hate you because you are a man. Psyche degree is 100% pure bulls~~~ (no offense to that new psychiatrist who just signed up – he’s totally cool!)

What exactly do you want as a career? Be precise, and first develop your goal before you step into a journey with no direction.

As for Indian family dynamics (and mother’s true intentions / manipulations), watch this:

[Anonymous 3]

They refused to take care of you financially or set you up, and I guarantee you if things don’t work out they’ll lord it over you. As a man you’re always on your own and will be attacked no matter what you do. So at least own it and take the chances that will give you the best opportunity to stand on your own.

I left at 18 like most people did, maybe still do. If I was born into a wealthy family I know things would have been different, but I was born to lower/middle class at best. So they never helped me and always refused to give me either financial assistance or any type of genuine help and guidance. It accelerated my understanding of the world, and how little anyone will ever care about since you are born a man.

Also stop listening to women. And stop stressing about social status. That’s a surefire way to get married. And considering you’re on this site, I assume you know better than that.

[HitmanParticipant]

MY GOD .
these women LOVE DRAMA..
run ..
RUN like the wind…
.
i pray you do not participate in the soap opera that women create.
.
women make two things.
babies and drama.
think about it.

[sidecarParticipant 35851]

Sandals wrote:

Psyche degree is 100% pure bulls~~~ (no offense to that new psychiatrist who just signed up – he’s totally cool!)

Psychiatry is different from psychology. Psychiatrists are actual medical doctors. Psychologists are not. Psychiatry is the medical field of the brain. Psychology is the study of feels.

That being said, the experimentalist psychology disciplines do have their uses, though usually in support of some other specialization.

[Author]

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