Tails of Monkey-Branching

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Gentlemen:

For those that are new, my ex-wife is a bit of a narcissist. And I’m pretty sarcastic (she’s a huge narcissist). We’ve been divorced for a little over a year, separated and divorced total about three years. Every once in a while she makes a small monkey-branching attempt, but a few days ago I got an email that was over the top. To summarize:

She’s very sorry (she’s not)

I’m a great dad (I am)

I was her best friend and she should have told me that every day (the problem is she wasn’t my best friend. My best friends don’t tell me that they give a f~~~ how my day went.)

I am the most attractive man in the world (I’m not. I’m probably a six. Also, I told a story one time about buying two new shirts. When I tried on the first one, she told me the shirt looked good on me. But with the second one, I looked like s~~~ in that shirt. When I pointed out to her that she complemented a shirt but took a dig at my looks with the second one, her response was “Whatever, same thing.” I’ll bet Brad Pitt has never heard that.)

We had a bond that never should have been broke. It was her fault, kind of, but she never cheated on me. (Which is funny because she lived with her boyfriend for over a year before the divorce was final. And again, it became so one-sided that I was putting in all of the effort. And even before they boyfriend, she had a match.com account.)

She misses her best friend. We should be looking forward to travelling now and enjoying time together once our girls are off to college. (I parasite misses her host. She won’t be able to travel without my money to travel on.)

WOW!! Lucky me, right? Then last night I get the bombshell in the context of another communication with her that the boyfriend is moving out in a couple of months. As if it wasn’t clear enough from the email, now she let’s me know she’s about to be single again. If this isn’t one of the best cases of monkey-branching then I want to see the better one’s.

So, know I have to figure out how to respond to this email without p~~~ing her off. Why not p~~~ her off? Because vagina. Because if I do, then I will probably have the police at my door some random day at work and she will have a black eye that I caused even though I’m never alone with her. Hell hath no fury like one that has been told that her vagina is not made of gold.

Heed Ol’ Sage’s advice: Never get married!!

Order the good wine

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Tell her you have a new bed-mate, a gorgeous 20 something; and then tell her about all the expensive gifts you are showering down on the new mate. I would also tell her you and the new girl are going on a two week cruise of the Rhine river etc. etc. And to keep things civil tell her also you know someone interested in her—the local clerk at the AutoZone.

[Freeman_KParticipant 3524]

Good luck, dealing with cluster b is proper hell.

The choices we make, not the chances we take, determine our destiny

[JVBParticipant]

Sorry no honey. I’ve moved on and I really like here a lot. Can’t wait!! We’re going out of town soon for the weekend. Best of luck to you and don’t worry, you’ll find that special someone one day….. that will do it. Good luck bro.

Peace is > piece.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

For the record, my answer will be some form of letting her know that

I don’t believe in moving backward (one chance, per person, per lifetime)

That since she could only find this type of clarity when are apart, we are probably more healthy human beings apart than together

That I wish her nothing but the best, and

That she needs to understand that love is a verb. And before she lets another good guy get away, she should really try loving the guy she is with. If you want something, you have to give it. Love is an action, so try acting on it.

Should be entertaining. I will be sure to let you know how it goes.

Order the good wine

[Freeman_KParticipant 3524]

Got an idea, read this list of Machiavellian maxims before engaging in potentially toxic dealings:

https://illimitablemen.com/2017/01/15/machiavellian-maxims-part-4/

Some good ones:
36. – It is pointless to explain why you’re rejecting somebody because they will disdain the rejection more than they appreciate the reasoning behind your decision.

35. – The fewer words you need to explain, the likelier you are believed

etc, there are 100+ of those.

The choices we make, not the chances we take, determine our destiny

[Oz-BlokeParticipant 3233]

My response would be –

‘Just confirming, I pick the girls up on Thursday?’ (or whatever day it is).

#ManOut

[XSDBSParticipant 3598]

TaxGuy wrote:

So, know I have to figure out how to respond to this email without p~~~ing her off.

Simple.
Don’t respond to her email(s)… Ever…
Don’t give a s~~~ if it p~~~es her off.

She had her chance and she made her choice….

[BalthazarParticipant 722]

Because she can’t have you now, in her mind you’re her true love and it must have just been the wrong time before.

anyone ever hear something like that before?

This body holding me is a reminder of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal and all this pain is an illusion.

[experiencedParticipant]

XSDBS wrote:

TaxGuy wrote:

So, know I have to figure out how to respond to this email without p~~~ing her off.

Simple.
Don’t respond to her email(s)… Ever…
Don’t give a s~~~ if it p~~~es her off.

She had her chance and she made her choice….

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[BubParticipant 1406]

TaxGuy wrote:

Hell hath no fury like one that has been told that her vagina is not made of gold.

This is true …….

Just rolling down the road

[Anonymous 42]

Money-key branching!

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3725]

PistolPete wrote:

Tell her you have a new bed-mate, a gorgeous 20 something; and then tell her about all the expensive gifts you are showering down on the new mate. I would also tell her you and the new girl are going on a two week cruise of the Rhine river etc. etc. And to keep things civil tell her also you know someone interested in her—the local clerk at the AutoZone.

I like the cut of your jib sir, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

TaxGuy wrote:

That I wish her nothing but the best, and

That she needs to understand that love is a verb. And before she lets another good guy get away, she should really try loving the guy she is with. If you want something, you have to give it. Love is an action, so try acting on it.

I would go with this, but with a slightly less accusatory tone. To be clear, I think this is an awesome response, just not the tone I would use when trying to keep things civil.

Presumably you need to try to keep things civil with her because of your kids, so I would just explain that you can’t go down that path. You just don’t have the emotional energy or some bulls~~~ (or not) like that. I say “or not” because it’s very likely true that you don’t have the emotional energy, especially when things go back to right where they were in 6 months (or less).

If you’re really worried about her doing something like the black eye bit, I would phrase things in terms of how not getting back together benefits her; Now she’ll have the time and space to find herself, regain emotional clarity, find direction, that kind of thing.

Whatever you do, don’t engage her in a way where you’re hoping to get a few “digs” in. Like TaxGuy’s tone in the quote above. The quote’s brilliant, but I think you’ll find your interests better served by adopting an attitude of concerned indifference.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Thanks for the thought Biggvs Dickvs—BTW your avatar is killer!

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

Use the following;

“Dear ex;
Your perfect, but I’m not perfect for you”.

My ex was a borderliner/narcissistic combo. I got this from her as one of the many excuses as why she was banging a chad. A narcissist knows a narcissist. Fight fire with fire.

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

would go with this, but with a slightly less accusatory tone. To be clear, I think this is an awesome response, just not the tone I would use when trying to keep things civil.
Presumably you need to try to keep things civil with her because of your kids, so I would just explain that you can’t go down that path. You just don’t have the emotional energy or some bulls~~~ (or not) like that. I say “or not” because it’s very likely true that you don’t have the emotional energy, especially when things go back to right where they were in 6 months (or less).
If you’re really worried about her doing something like the black eye bit, I would phrase things in terms of how not getting back together benefits her; Now she’ll have the time and space to find herself, regain emotional clarity, find direction, that kind of thing.
Whatever you do, don’t engage her in a way where you’re hoping to get a few “digs” in. Like TaxGuy’s tone in the quote above. The quote’s brilliant, but I think you’ll find your interests better served by adopting an attitude of concerned indifference.

Thanks, that’s very helpful. That’s the reason I haven’t responded yet. I want to get the wording right so she understands that there is no way she’s sitting on my branch again without the tone sounding like I’m blaming or accusing her of anything.

Order the good wine

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Eyeswideopen wrote:

Use the following;

“Dear ex;
Your perfect, but I’m not perfect for you”.

My ex was a borderliner/narcissistic combo. I got this from her as one of the many excuses as why she was banging a chad. A narcissist knows a narcissist. Fight fire with fire.

Thanks. I may use some version of that line!

Order the good wine

[bigboy83Participant 11312]

Say, “you couldnt keep me around, so what makes you think you can actually do it this time?”

Shit Tested, Cunt Approved.

[Sky-OParticipant 18936]

It’s textbook, monkey branching behavior. With her mentioning her ex-boyfriend is moving out in a couple of months, a mild panic is setting in.

During a time like this, her contact she initiated with you is one of numerous satellite launches and multiple points of contact with any and all potentially available sources to lock onto.

She will be planning, calculating, manipulative and tactical as she makes this transition to what will be the final c~~~ of destination.

[WarratahParticipant 895]

The only communication you should be having with a BPD/NPD is about the welfare of your children. Anything else is just playing a role in her gameplan.
NO CONTACT.
NO CONTACT.
NO CONTACT.
These are incredibly destructive and manipulative individuals.
She has sent you one e-mail and already you’re giving her headspace. This is EXACTLY what she wants. She’s still pulling your strings and pushing your buttons. Are you enjoying it? I guarantee you, she is!
NO CONTACT.

(PS – I’ve been there, done it, got the t-shirt)

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

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