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This topic contains 22 replies, has 18 voices, and was last updated by 
FunInTheSun 3 years, 8 months ago.
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Good evening fellow MGTOW, I just signed up for the site today and Keymaster was cool enough to enable my posting privileges.
Almost 3 years ago, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and went through treatment. He’s now cancer free. Instead of having a new lease on life he’s continuing to drink and smoke heavily, do drugs, and live an overall crazy lifestyle. I’ve given him money in the past that I know was spent on beer and drugs. I’ve given him money in the past that I know was spent on beer and drugs. When I bring this up and say he could’ve spent the money wisely, he tells me he just doesn’t give a f~~~.
On Sunday he left me a voicemail saying that he was going to commit suicide. I spent this last week calling him, calling hospitals, and calling the police for a welfare check. Turns out he was released from a hospital in a different county.
I’m at a loss for what I can do that will really help. Can anybody give me some advice?This is going to sound s~~~ty, but you are going to have to learn to accept that your father is choosing his own path. You cannot force an adult male to do the self responsible thing.
You have been the good son. You have acquitted yourself admirably.
As hard and as brutal as it is to say this, I believe that It may be time for you to accept the inevitable. However it may present itself.
You don’t have the responsibility to continually rescue someone from their self destructive behavior. Four or five times and you have met your limit. Time to live your life secure in the knowledge that you have done everything you can and are even remotely obligated to.
We are here for you.
S.M.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
hello friend,
sorry to tell you that the only person that can help your dad is him.
it may be tough, but no more money to enable him.
tough situation.
drugs and alcohol numb the feelings..
your dad is hurting inside..
it’s his life and you can choose to watch the self destruction or stay on the side-lines and hope for the best.
be there for him when he needs you,
but try not to allow his behaviors to destroy you.
you are separate entities.
my father passed away years ago,
a diabetic who would not give up sugar.
i had to watch his demise..
i don’t eat sweets as a result..
i am not my father and you are not yours.
pray for him and if an intervention is possible,
don’t intervene alone .
good luck and keep us posted .This is quite a delicate topic to give any sound advice on. My father has been smoking since he was about 17 and always promised me and my brothers he was going to quit, still hasn’t and never will, he’s too stubborn. I’m sure your dad experienced a traumatic amount of stages of emotions between the time he found out to now. First he was faced with the grim reality of losing everything that meant anything to him, he decided to fight for his life, and now he’s being given a second chance. To me it would make a whole lot of sense for him to be living in this sort of denial of responsibility and being an adult.
I don’t know how your relationship is with your father or his mental health, but my piece of advice would to try and reconnect with him on a personal level. If someone says they want to commit suicide its a cry for help that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Can anybody give me some advice?
As the others have suggested, you’re going to have to accept that your father behaves recklessly. About all that you can do is not enable his behavior. (Yes, I didn’t want to use the word “enable”, but it’s the word which best fits.)
Stop giving him cash. Instead buy the items he needs or pay whatever bills he has. You buy him food or keep the lights turned on. You don’t hand him money because he’ll just blow it on booze and cigarettes.
You also need to understand how your father is thinking. He believes he’s “playing with the house’s money”. He believes that the cancer should have killed him and that the cancer is going to come back no matter what he does, so he’s going to go out with a bang. He think he’s living on stolen time.
As for his suicide threat, it could have been because he felt you weren’t paying him enough attention. That line of thinking doesn’t make sense to you or I, but he isn’t exactly thinking rationally.
It’s going to be a juggling act for the rest of his life. He might calm down once he truly believes the cancer won’t come back or the cancer will come back and he’ll completely fall apart. About all you can do is stay in contact while not feeding his habits and delusions.
Good luck.
Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.
You don’t have the responsibility to continually rescue someone from their self destructive behavior. Four or five times and you have met your limit.
No worries about coming off as mean S.M., I only talk to a couple people IRL about this and I don’t they’re willing to tell me that flat out what you and Hitman said.
My dad says everyone has abandoned him, but in the past family and friends have gone above and beyond for him, either giving him a place to stay or moving him from place to place.
I’m only 21, so I’m still trying to put the ball in motion for my own life. I thought that I needed to help him because he’s my dad and I didn’t want to regret it later.EDIT: It’s devastating to hear that one has cancer, but my dad got kind of a lucky hand for a smoker and drinker. It was skin cancer of surface tissue and it was in an early stage.
A parallel might be, if someone wants a friend, they must BE a friend.
If anyone wants others to not abandon them, they must not abandon others.
Do not fall for the possible guilt trip he’s laying on you and others.
People like this destroy families and pasts and then ironically blame everyone else.
You have handled it magnificently.
Time will strengthen your perspective."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
You don’t have the responsibility to continually rescue someone from their self destructive behavior. Four or five times and you have met your limit.
No worries about coming off as mean S.M., I only talk to a couple people IRL about this and I don’t they’re willing to tell me that flat out what you and Hitman said.
My dad says everyone has abandoned him, but in the past family and friends have gone above and beyond for him, either giving him a place to stay or moving him from place to place.
I’m only 21, so I’m still trying to put the ball in motion for my own life. I thought that I needed to help him because he’s my dad and I didn’t want to regret it later. My grades suffered and I lost a job because of all this drama. It’s good to know I’m not being an ass by thinking it’s time to cut the cord.Is your father on some form of retirement or does he pay his own bills? because if he pays his own bills i would not bitch about the drug habit but you should be very cautious if you are paying him that he is buying drugs with his money.
It is clear your father is on the highway to hell lifestyle nowadays since he probably just doesn’t care anymore. If i was you id still keep in contact with him and support him before he ends up going down all the way (i just had to there).
Just an east coast asshole who likes to curse, If you get offended by words like fuck, cunt, shit, piss, bitch or any racial slurs then you just scroll down.
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Is your father on some form of retirement or does he pay his own bills?
[/quote]He gets a disability check + monthly income from a trust after my grandma passed away. I gave him s~~~ about it because he’s drinking HEAVILY (6-12+ drinks daily). He’s on medication for afib and blood pressure where it’s not recommended to drink at all. This combined with smoking and using other drugs makes it hard for the body to recover. It’s also hard on the wallet.
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Is your father on some form of retirement or does he pay his own bills?He gets a disability check + monthly income from a trust after my grandma passed away. I gave him s~~~ about it because he’s drinking HEAVILY (6-12+ drinks daily). He’s on medication for afib and blood pressure where it’s not recommended to drink at all. This combined with smoking and using other drugs makes it hard for the body to recover. It’s also hard on the wallet.
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Don’t pay for your fathers drugs don’t support your fathers own demise. You should still keep in contact with him since it is likely is final few months to years if he keeps up with drinking while on medication. I mean unless he went and abused you as kid you should support him.Or it just may be that i come from a family history where it is not uncommon for fathers to die young with the youngest i know of dying at 32 but usually they died around their 50’s and 60’s.
Just an east coast asshole who likes to curse, If you get offended by words like fuck, cunt, shit, piss, bitch or any racial slurs then you just scroll down.
Give him advice if he doesn’t follow it then you can’t do jacks~~~.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
I could give you advice but I don’t know what it would be worth. My advice would be to ask a professional what to do. Do what you feel is right, not what other people think is right. When you look back on this, 20 years from now, what do you want to be proud of? What will make you think “I did the right thing”?
I bathe in the tears of single moms.
I’ve gone through a pretty similar boat myself.
My dad was heavily into cocaine and drinking. The worst part was that I worked with him and had to drive him to work and home everyday. He acted so f~~~ing stupid and hyper at work, I was extremely embarrassed. I couldnt quit because he lost his driver’s license, and my dad was the only one who made enough money to support my mom. When I realized I was “trapped”, so I went to the ledge of our building and tried to jump. Couldnt do it, I just balled my eyes out in a corner of a hallway.
One day…The drugs, medication and alcohol f~~~ed up his brain, he turned into Terrance from the Shining. He would scream and yell at me for hours without making any sense. We scrapped soon enough and I got my face punched a few times, and I told him to go f~~~ himself, and I left.
He was stuck with my mom by himself and she hated who he became, and he started getting into fights at work. He either had to go to rehab or get fired. He went to rehab, and it worked wonders. But he made a “joke” near the end that got him kicked out, and now hes jobless. But he hasnt done drugs since, and our relationship is getting a bit better.
If you can get him professional help…Thats my best advice. If not, look out for yourself, you wont be abandoning him, because He already abandoned you.
Brother, we need to stick together.
Has he been like this is his entire life or has there been a sudden change ins his behaviour?
If there has been a sudden change and you think he is mentally unfit, you should play the voice mail to the authorities and have him submitted and put on suicide watch.If that is how he chose to live his life, quite a while ago, then it is not really any of your business. Yes, you would expect your father to act more maturely, but it is his life. If he thinks, his life is not worth living anymore, he is entitled to end it (ofc he should not call you ahead and leave a message on your answering machine). If he wants to be stoned all day and drink like crazy, it is his choice as well. All he has to do is not endangering others (e.g. driving while stoned).
Really, all you can do is emotionally distance yourself from him, step by step.
Anonymous42Every man has his “bottom” when wallowing in self pity and self loathing, for some the bottom is in a box 6 ft under.
You’re only enabling him to make greater strides toward destruction. He needs serous professional help including detox. He’s lost in the cycle of chemical addiction. He will kill himself in his own destructive and long trained behavior.
It’s likely you’re suffering from the ill psychological effects being emotionally tied to this toxic condition. It’s agonizing, I’m going through it myself, and I’ve learned to accept it, people become alcoholics and some never recover to a normal state of healthy psychological conditions.
I quit drinking long ago, and I’ll never touch the s~~~ again. It’s mind altering, and it’s dangerous to real comfort, and real safety.
Worry about the negative effects it’s having on you. Family members do all the real suffering when a father falls into the wallow of self pity with it’s various chemical forms of inebriation.
His physiological condition is extremely toxic to every human being he comes into contact with. I limit my dealings and contact with people engaged in self destructive behavior. I do it for my sanity, the preservation of peace and tranquility, and because no person is given the right to make any part of my life miserable, not one minute, not one second! I’m repulsed by heavy drinkers, and I wouldn’t hesitate to draw down on a crack head or opiates abuser, they’ll cut your throat to get a fix.
My duties are entirely fixed on me, I’m living in the asteroid belt of reality, my rules are strict about keeping separation and safe distance from these cosmic wrecking b~~~~.
So much good advise here that it is hard to add to. Do not be an enabler. keep your distance from him. If he calls for help involve professionals. If he needs money try charity organizations. Do not get involved in his affairs or life. If you try by yourself to help him it will only cause you mental pain and anguish. If he is a veteran contact the Veterans Administration. They have professionals that can help.
Focus on your own life. Get debt free. Save up money as much as possible. Get an education in a field where you can make decent money. You can do quite well with a 2 year degree in a field high in demand. Stay away from women as much as possible. Good luck.
PS. FUBAR= F~~~ED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION
Women's brains and vagina have one thing in common. There is nothing in there until a man puts something in there.
Has he been like this is his entire life or has there been a sudden change ins his behaviour?
Yeah, he has a history of instability and relapse into boozing and abusing drugs. My mom went through hell for years… Filed for divorce. No child support. No alimony. She just wanted to get away from his s~~~.
He was in rehab was January. A friend of his convinced him to go, spent something like 2 weeks in.. Once he’s out it’s the same song and dance.One day…The drugs, medication and alcohol f~~~ed up his brain, he turned into Terrance from the Shining. He would scream and yell at me for hours without making any sense. We scrapped soon enough and I got my face punched a few times, and I told him to go f~~~ himself, and I left.
I’m glad you didn’t end it for yourself The_Young. I’ve also heard the delusional rambling from a psychotic break.
Welcome Josey.
My Dad was diagnosed after my Mom and him went for a walk and she felt his left arm had no strength in it. He LOVED deli meats, spicy salami, bacon and could eat the hottest peppers by the jar. He smoked and drank in later years too.
I know why, and I understand him AFTER his death better than when he was alive. I’ve actually told my mother she can “drive a man to drink”.
When he found out he didn’t have much time left, everyone, my brother, his wife, and my Mom sat around the table and started giving him s~~~. “OK no more smoking. No more drinking” ( as if he agreed to work out and go on a diet ) but the man just found out he was DYING……and they were nagging him in his last days.
Being the red pill asshole of the family, I said “OK STOP. Give the man a f~~~ing BREAK for Christ’s sake”... and he looked up at me like I was the only person in the world who took his feelings into consideration. I asked him in front of everyone “Dad? do you want to be left alone?” and he nodded and smiled at me, like all he wanted was not to be nagged and have some f~~~ing PEACE.
We went to a family cottage to spend Thanksgiving with him. One day, he quietly pressed $50 in to my hand and begged me to take the boat to the store, and buy him a bottle of vodka and some cigarettes.
He was my Dad. What the f~~~ was I supposed to do? Say NO?
I said “sure” because that’s what he wanted. He wanted a drink and a cigarette. One of the vey few REAL pleasures in life. Imagine that. How bad is it for a man, when a “real pleasure in life” is a cigarette and a few shots of booze?
To this day I don’t regret it, because it made him happy.
And he thanked me like a starving man would thank you for giving him a meal.About 8 years after his death I told my Mom I did this for him – because he asked me to. She wanted to give me proper s~~~ for that, but I looked her straight in the eye and told her I would have pulled the plug if he asked me to. He was my Dad and never said a f~~~ing bad word to anyone.
I didn’t cry when he died (only days after). That Thanksgiving weekend was the last time I saw him alive. I’m SO glad I could give him some temporary happiness. Such a stupid thing, but it made ALL the difference.
•••
I heard a Marlyin Manson speak once about a school shooting, and the interviewer asked him “what would you have said to the shooter?”. And he answered: “I wouldn’t have SAID ANYTHING to him. I would have listened – which is something nobody did”.
Nobody else LISTENED to my Dad…. in his quiet desperation. They only SAID s~~~ to him. I need this. I want that. Dad can you do this. Dad do that. Dad give us money. Dad can I borrow the car. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Don’t sleep in front of the TV. Don’t snore. That’s all he ever heard. It’s no wonder his last grasp at some contentment was a cigarette and a drink.
LISTEN to your Dad. Because it’s a good bet nobody else will.
I hope this helps.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.He’s now cancer free.
How much time has passed since then?
He may be thinking “this is too good to be true”.
Cynicism is a standard reaction after being given a s~~~ deal over and over again.
Did he say anything else than “i don’t give a f~~~”?This might be a stupid idea but…
why don’t you show him this site?- AuthorPosts
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