Self-Critical

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

I’m wondering if this is a common male trait or not. I’m very critical of myself. It’s NOT productive; it’s counter-productive and cyclical in nature. Do many of you find yourselves self-critical/beating yourself up over mistakes you KNOW you made?

I ask this question because I think that the ability to be introspective and accountable is a male quality; perhaps others don’t do this though.

Curious how others deal with this.

Resident cynic.

[GrumpyParticipant]

Yes I am.
Decades of programming (training) reinforced being hyper critical of myself, my decisions, and my actions.
Yes,it can be extremely counter-productive at times.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[TattooDaveParticipant 6952]

I used to think that I was very critical of myself and in fact I may have been but back then I was around women all the time. I think if you can isolate yourself from women as much as possible you have a pretty good chance of your thinking going back to what it should be without the influence of women. If you think about it your mom was probably pretty critical. If this is the first experience we have really with a human being and all they are is critical once we’re out of that cute little baby stage it’s no wonder we think the way we do. I wouldn’t give it too much thought I know that’s easier said than done but maybe when you find yourself criticizing yourself take that rubber band around your wrist and snap it really hard. You can break yourself of that if you really want to. A little bit of introspection is good if it consumes your whole day you might want to reconsider it. I have very long hair and a beard this is the way I prefer to look it’s hard to be critical when you are what you want to be. If that makes any sense.

I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d

[Anonymous 0]

Yes, I do this quite a lot. More so at work. I just had to come to the conclusion, its not that big of a deal to make mistakes, its human. The unacceptable thing is to never learn from them. So that in mind I can take solace that I did my best possible, but will be better next time. Hope thats helpful.

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

Thanks for the replies…This is exactly the type of subject that I can introduce in this forum, but in real life many men will NOT address it. They are too concerned with projecting a false sense of bravado/confidence. They won’t even touch upon a subject like this.

It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one who does this.

Being hypercritical of oneself is not a productive habit. I need to expunge this practice; just not sure how. Any suggestions are welcome.

Thanks.

Resident cynic.

[chirParticipant]

Yes and No.
Being self-critical is only usefull if you diagnose how you f~~~ed up and then figure out how to un-f~~~ it up or how to avoid f~~~ing up in the future.

Being self-critical only to the point of determining how to improve is how men work s~~~ out. They internalize, work the problem and try again.

Women are critical of themselves then cry. Then people gather around them to console and give the woman false affirmation so they will stop crying.

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

[Anonymous 0]

Hard to elaborate on how I came to this conclusion, but here it goes. Often I would be hyper critical of my performace at work for example here since at was where this was my biggest problems. I work a set day with a set partner so that helped, you get to know each other and become good friends and brothers even. So as a result of that we did not hold anything back from each other, and it took me a while of hear my partner saying the same thing for me to get it. After that I was a matter of identifying when I was doing it. It had became so automatic I would only catch myself after the fact. It just took time recognizing when I was doing to becoming reognizing when I would be getting ready to do it. After that it came down to just shutting it down. Realizing that I had done the best I can at the time. Hindsight being 20/20 If you see it coming you can stop it easier. Having a good friend/coworker was my biggest help.

[Anonymous 14]

I used to be self-critical to the point of full fledged neurosis. Don’t be like that. Being self-critical is good but if you overdo it like I used to it’ll only result in depression. Just don’t forget to reward yourself or at least just give yourself a pat in the back when you do things right. 🙂

[Tiga KParticipant 1693]

In your other thread you called yourself a dirt bag for acting on your biology and needing pussy. That is self critical and I’d say you are being too hard on yourself.

As a guy who has never needed pussy, I can also be self critical. You would think such a thing is great, and I definitely don’t dislike it, but sometimes I feel like a robot. But I’m not. I feel emotions strongly. Hell, I still enjoy romance anime and cry along with the lovers. But emotion always wins and I always remember not to mix up fantasy and reality. I can’t explain it. For example, I had a crush on a girl and fantacized about her for weeks if not months. Then one day she started flirting with me. Almost immediately my logical self steps in and says “Don’t dip your pen in the company (school in this case) ink” and my emotions went numb. I feigned ignorance until she stopped making vague plausibly deniable advances.

Before mgtow, I thought that maybe I was asexual… But I’m not…. But then why am I not chasing pussy like the other young guys? Sometimes I feel like a lone robot in a world of strange emotion addicted people and there are few models to imitate when going my own way. Those that proceed me do not feel things as I do, and I’m stuck navigating this life without a map. I feel content but sometimes I have to wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Its like that John Lennon quote where he says he wasn’t sure if he was “mad” or “a genius”. Whatever I am, it sure isn’t normal.

By this point I’ve accepted my self and am prepared to do the best I can with that. I have my faults and perks, so I’ll do the best I can with them for however many years I end up living.

[Anonymous 0]

Tiga K wrote:

As a guy who has never needed pussy, I can also be self critical. You would think such a thing is great, and I definitely don’t dislike it, but sometimes I feel like a robot. But I’m not. I feel emotions strongly. I thought that maybe I was asexual… But I’m not…. But then why am I not chasing pussy like the other young guys? Sometimes I feel like a lone robot in a world of strange emotion addicted people and there are few models to imitate when going my own way. Those that proceed me do not feel things as I do, and I’m stuck navigating this life without a map. I feel content but sometimes I have to wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Its like that John Lennon quote where he says he wasn’t sure if he was “mad” or “a genius”. Whatever I am, it sure isn’t normal.

By this point I’ve accepted my self and am prepared to do the best I can with that. I have my faults and perks, so I’ll do the best I can with them for however many years I end up living.

I swore I was the only male on the planet who was that way. At a time I even tried ridding myself of emotion, I was trying to become a machine. The result was not good. I was much better off accepting ,myself for what I was instead of trying to be a machine. And am much happier for doing so.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Ancientwisdom wrote:

Do many of you find yourselves self-critical/beating yourself up over mistakes you KNOW you made?

I wouldn’t consider that a problem. Where I would stop you and bonk you over the head is to point out when you are being overly critical (and beating yourself up) for mistakes YOU did NOT make.

Blaming yourself for problems that ARE NOT your own, is all too common.

• “I should have listened more”.
• “I should have learned more game”
• “I should have said the right things”
• “I should have brought her flowers more often.. even when she behaved like a bitch”

I’m exaggerating using petty examples but you see the point. Too many men blame themselves for things that that weren’t really their own problem – like a failed relationship / marriage or a cheating girlfriend / wife.

Women would love nothing better than to point the finger you for damn near EVERYTHING and so many men accept the brunt of that as matter of natural course. Lighten the load, and kick that baggage off your shoulders.

Being overly hard on yourself is already enough.
But instead of being overly critical…. consider just DEMANDING MORE from yourself.

Instead of getting “down” on yourself, it props you UP.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

Tiga K wrote:

In your other thread you called yourself a dirt bag for acting on your biology and needing pussy. That is self critical and I’d say you are being too hard on yourself.

Thank you so much for this. Good insight. You’re right – it is only human nature.

Resident cynic.

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

Keymaster wrote:

Ancientwisdom wrote:

Do many of you find yourselves self-critical/beating yourself up over mistakes you KNOW you made?

Lighten the load, and kick that baggage off your shoulders.

Lightning the load, and kicking the baggage off of the shoulders is PRECISELY what I need to do. That is what I am talking about.

It’s similar to another thread you guys were discussing the simplicity of saying “No”. There is not guilt in it; yet we often feel guilty for it. The same principal applies here.

Resident cynic.

[Anonymous 3]

I was extremely confident when I was younger, but after a lifetime of having society blame me for everything, put roadblocks in my way, screw me over every chance it gets and attack me all the time, I’ve pretty much decided I’m no longer playing this rigged game and it’s not my problem anymore.

I’m minimalist, don’t give two craps about my career, and just try to have as much time to myself as humanly possible. Now granted, there was a period in my life where I banged out 80 hour work weeks week in, week out, clearing a top 2% or whatever it was income. But even that was rigged, and wasn’t worth it. But I’ll admit it helped set me up for what I am now, and really taught me how disposable we men are, how little anyone cares about us, and just how much the world favors women.

[ComputernerdParticipant 465]

I’m only really self critical when I’m trying to improve my skills or when I’ve f~~~ed up really bad. I’d say most men know when to give themselves constructive criticism and when the criticism just becomes too much.

Women, on the other hand, will criticize themselves to death over the dumbest of s~~~. As in, they’ll say they’re too fat when they’re skinny as f~~~ and weigh just 5 pounds over what they should weigh. That to me, is just harmful criticism of yourself.

[SandalsParticipant 4253]

Yes, very self critical. It’s the human condition. Everybody is self-conscious / insecure – every single person. It is the ego (the devil), and the ego wants to destroy us.

[coolthingy450Participant 1223]

Tiga K wrote:

In your other thread you called yourself a dirt bag for acting on your biology and needing pussy. That is self critical and I’d say you are being too hard on yourself.

As a guy who has never needed pussy, I can also be self critical. You would think such a thing is great, and I definitely don’t dislike it, but sometimes I feel like a robot. But I’m not. I feel emotions strongly. Hell, I still enjoy romance anime and cry along with the lovers. But emotion always wins and I always remember not to mix up fantasy and reality. I can’t explain it. For example, I had a crush on a girl and fantacized about her for weeks if not months. Then one day she started flirting with me. Almost immediately my logical self steps in and says “Don’t dip your pen in the company (school in this case) ink” and my emotions went numb. I feigned ignorance until she stopped making vague plausibly deniable advances.

Before mgtow, I thought that maybe I was asexual… But I’m not…. But then why am I not chasing pussy like the other young guys? Sometimes I feel like a lone robot in a world of strange emotion addicted people and there are few models to imitate when going my own way. Those that proceed me do not feel things as I do, and I’m stuck navigating this life without a map. I feel content but sometimes I have to wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Its like that John Lennon quote where he says he wasn’t sure if he was “mad” or “a genius”. Whatever I am, it sure isn’t normal.

By this point I’ve accepted my self and am prepared to do the best I can with that. I have my faults and perks, so I’ll do the best I can with them for however many years I end up living.

I hear you man. I had a similar experience with one or in my case three girls at different grades. However I ended up questioning the living hell out of people and myself. I would have gotten laid at least three times, but for some reason, The voice in my head told to to smarten the f~~~ up, One wrong move and your life is over. I don’t remember why I didn’t bang at least one of them. Guess that’s what saved me from having a kid.

I guess at this rate, I’m going to die alone as a virgin, and a loser according to women. So what, I’m buying a fleshlight so I’ll get a feel as to what it’s like to f~~~ a meathole which is better then the real thing, and I got my waifu to keep me happy, They all receive love and care.

That’s all I got. just a voice in my head that comes in when I f~~~ or something. I don’t know anymore as long as there is a feedback system.

Actions have consequences and consequences have prices. Cause and effect at work.

[Maraudrz1Participant 2250]

This is just my opinion, but I think a man should simply admit to himself he made a mistake and either learn from it, correct it or apologize if necessary. Never, ever beat yourself up over it.

Women's brains and vagina have one thing in common. There is nothing in there until a man puts something in there.

[AwakenedParticipant 35200]

I am very self-critical when it comes the past decisions that I have made to get married, and have children. Other poor decisions I have made throughout life have all worked themselves out, but marriage and kids are poor decisions that will haunt me for as long as I breathe.
Never the less, I don’t beat myself up over them, but I try to learn from the consequences on a daily basis.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Definitely. It is actually a symptom of depression using ‘should’ statements.

I should work out (I may be fat)
I should have not talked to that girl (then I wouldn’t be sad)

etc

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