As I have posted elsewhere on this site to other guys in similar circumstances: there are actually 2 women in the story you have related to us here. You think that there is only one, and that she is special. but I promise you that there really are two.
One of these women is the one in your head, and she is worthy of all the time and effort and attention you gave her. She is also worthy of all this attention and despair you have now that she is gone. She is special, one of a kind, like no other, and is never to be found again anywhere in the world among the other 3 billion women on the planet. This woman exists only in your head.
The 2nd woman is the woman you dated. For everyone else here, she is indistinguishable from the other 3 billion women. We could pass this 2nd woman on the street in broad daylight, and be completely unaware of what you believe makes her special. We would not notice, because for us, she is just that one ordinary woman.
She looks very much like that woman in your head. She helped to create that woman in your head. And she has benefitted enormously from the time and attention and effort you made for that woman in your head. By first helping you to create that woman in your head, and then pretending to be that woman, this 2nd woman has hijacked all that time and effort and attention to herself.
All this angst and despair passes 5 seconds after you learn to distinguish these two completely different women from each other. The best advice I can give you for making this distinction happen as soon as possible: interact with 10 other women… A DAY. Talk to them, f~~~ them, wave at them as you pass them on the street. Whatever is appropriate. The more you interact on any level, the sooner you see that none of them is all that different from any of the rest. More importantly, you will learn that the none is qualified to be that woman in your head.
That second lesson is more important, because it will keep this from happening to you again. When you are done and past all this emotion, it’s very important that you look back at yourself at the time in the days and weeks before you first believed in the first special woman you thought you found. The second one, the one you actually dated and now believe that you miss, did not create that woman in your head alone. She had help to create that woman. She had help from you.
You helped her because for whatever reason, you needed that special woman to exist. Looking back at what you were thinking and feeling in the days and weeks before you first perceived that ‘special’ woman may help you to figure out why you needed her to exist. What was going on in your life that you needed this ‘special’ woman? How is it that you were born, grew, learned, became and adult man… all without that special woman. How did you get so far in life without her? And how is that now you can suddenly go no further without her?
Figure that out and address it directly, or you will be repeating this experience again in a few years…and every few years.
As harsh as this might sound, this is not the voice of criticism. It is the voice of experience…
Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you
BrainPilot 3 years ago.
