Made to Suffer….

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

It happened so suddenly.  The way things fell apart. When I stop to think about it, all the signs were there. The lying, the being gone at odd hours. Perhaps it is simply not what I expected out of someone that i was married to 10 years for. But alas, that Beast of Burden had borne it’s true form…

I would be far much to tedious a task to describe every fault incurred over our 10 year marriage. But I will say as most, we both had our faults.  Some more readily apparent then others.   But they were forgivable. Or at the time at least I thought. This coupled with the idea of not wanting to jeopardize a strong start to a military career was also at the forefront of my mind.  She was a heavy drinker, and I was tolerant.  She played the whole “I want to be in charge” role, and I succumbed to that as well. I am sure I had my flaws, but, sometimes the mirror we look at just doesn’t yield an accurate reflection. It is only now, upon looking back , that I realize how much I truly detested the whole concept and institution of marriage.

Fast forward. 10 years and 3 children later. The end came not abruptly, but subtly, and deceptively. First there were the arguments, over petty nonsense. These mostly ended with her storming out of the home gone at all hours of the day/night. This progressively worsened to where for some time, she simply didn’t even sleep in the same bed. No hugs, no kisses, no affection, whatsoever.  I would begin to worry.  Such to the point that I even engaged the Chaplin as to what could possibly drive someone to act in such a manner. If one knows of my character, seeking the help of a Military Chaplain is akin to gazing for answers in a crystal ball. Religion just isn’t my cup of tea. But, at that point I was desperate, and dumb for answers.

Matters would eventually worsen, twice she tried to have me arrested, once for “domestic violence” and the second for “Attempted Rape”.. now, mind you, I’ve been blessed to never see the backside of prison/jail cell. Speaking quite frankly, I’m a Black, albeit young Mail. Traditionally in court, any kind of rap sheet with the addition of violent charges is a mixture not conducive to one’s own success or well being. Furthermore, anyone that is even remotely aware of the term “Ike and Tina” knows that it is perfectly possible for a Husband to “Rape” his wife.  Suffice to say, both of the charges were thrown out.  One because it makes no sense to attempt to assault someone when the apparent assailant is the one locking themselves in the room, with the only other alternative exit leaving out. My second saving grace was written documentation by the Chaplain explaining the “Attempted Rape”. In short, I would get teased, but be given no… satisfaction from my better half.

Six months into the madness.. I still didn’t understand what was going on. Then again, I realize all the signs were there, but I was in too much disbelief to accept my own judgement. Back and forth to court. Not even the simplest show of affection, or explanation for that manner. After going back and forth with our military units regarding the matter, it came time for us to move yet again. This meant me loosing yet another decent job and having to settle. We were moving to Oklahoma. I shunned at the idea, as I am IT by trade, Network Security/Analyst, I didn’t see Oklahoma as having an abundance of jobs in that field. However, on the morning of our first day there, she tells, she is pregnant…to most that would be a joyous occasion, unfortunately for me, I haven’t been able to conceive children for the past 7 years. Everything now makes perfect sense.

And behold, I tried once more to be the better man.  To be willing to put it all to the side and suck it the f*ck up. For I had three other children to think about.  A fourth,  undoubtedly of my own blood, would simply have to be cared for.  I asked myself how many other men in the world endure the same, but simply unknowing? Or, sure, it is a mistake, but either we can let the situation define us, or defeat us. I was determined to hang-on, as I didn’t want to seem like the stereotypical dead beat dad which was out of his children lives before they were old enough to understand. I had to endure that as  a child.  And even though I would later reconnect with my dad, I never asked him why. There was no need, he seemed intelligent, professional, and highly respected and regarded in his field. I was sure that whatever reason he had, it was suffice.

But what brought about the end, maybe eight months into this madness, is in driving down the freeway. I thought I would take the wife out so we could discover Oklahoma and it’s resources.  We were debating on what to name the child.  And I asked, that in the end, we would just be honest if we were asked, by the child, and about the child by anyone. For I knew in my heart of hearts that it would serve as a constant reminder of all the stupidity we were capable of. It was at the time that my then wife then said”You’re acting like a bitch”… and something broke. Something deep down inside of me welled up… something I had long was long since burried. It was an aggression learned on the battlefield, but quickly tucked away when you return to civil society.  And at 90 m.p.h in the middle of the highway, I stood on my brakes sliding my Nissan Armada  some 60 feet across the highway. I then looked at her, and told her “GET THE F*CK OUT!!!” . Suffice to say, I had enough.

Long story short, I would watch her give birth to that child. It’s funny, it’s almost like you are having an out of body experience watching “Your” wife give birth to someone elses child.  I doubt the father knows of the childs existence. I would also find out that my father, had left my mother for the same reasons.. I guess sometimes irony isn’t funny at all.

In the end however, I sit here in Europe, I have a decent six-figure job, and a bunch of thirsty woman of my choosing if I wanted.  And yet, they simply don’t seem to understand why I have no interest in anything more.

I am Binary Logic.. and this is my story…

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[Soldier-MedicParticipant 2566]

Binary.  First of all, kudos for exercising real restraint on your part.  I mean, while you would get convicted in court for domestic violence not a single man would have blamed you.  The honor you displayed was for your own sake and not hers.

Secondly, have no doubt that you are a man.  You struggled to keep your family together while your ex did everything she could to tear it apart.  This is what men do.  We struggle against adversity in the hope that all of our efforts will pay off.  Your efforts did pay off.  You got out of the relationship with your integrity and freedom intact.

Third.  Consider counseling.  You have been in a real fight for several years and it sounds like it has taken its toll. 

Binary Logic wrote:

they simply don’t seem to understand why I have no interest in anything more.

  This lack of interest in pleasurable things is a hallmark of depression and PTSD.  After all that you have been through, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

Fourth.  Forgive yourself.  The things that are done to us don’t make us who we are.  The abused (sexually, physically, emotionally) child accepts the shame for what it has experienced.  This intellectual and emotional response is equally true for adults.  There is no shame in fighting and loosing.  But again, I must point out that you did not loose your integrity and freedom.  Instead, feel sorrow for the one that has done you wrong and forgive them also.  By forgiving her you can let go of the bitterness and anger that have accumulated over the years.  Can a person as ugly as this ever be truly happy?  The most that this person can ever be entitled to from you is your pity.

Thank you for sharing your story.  Stories have chapters and you are starting a new one.  What would you name the title of this one?

Welcome to MGTOW Binary Logic.  You are free.

"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.

[Anonymous 42]

Hey Binarylogic, you’re in the right place, your experience serves to warn others about the destroyed trust misplaced in a woman. Welcome to MGTOW, your introduction was sobering….

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

After a time, when the hurt and pain become less of a mountain,  you will wake up one morning and the sun will be that little bit brighter, air smell sweeter and your posture and chest that little more pronounced. You are on your back my friend. Welcome and know that you are not alone and never will be from here on.

[taliensinParticipant 30]

i am almost at a loss for words but its over now, the only way to go is up.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Binary Logic wrote:

I’ve been blessed to never see the backside of prison/jail cell

You know there is something deeply sick and wrong with the world when a man is THANKFUL he never went to jail for something he didn’t do. Just thinking about that reveals how sick that really is. “Whew !! I was falsely accused, but SO THANKFUL i never went to prison. I count my blessings.”. Men are grateful for something that didn’t happen – which shouldn’t even be POSSIBLE in the first place.

Binary Logic wrote:

”You’re acting like a bitch”

A very telling comment coming from a woman. That comment is not an insult to YOU, it’s an insult to herself. If acting like a bitch is such a problem, why the f~~~ would she go out of her way to do it herself? A woman who projects that s~~~ just gave herself away:

/video/how-not-to-be-a-simp/

Binary Logic wrote:

In the end however, I sit here in Europe, I have a decent six-figure job, and a bunch of thirsty woman of my choosing if I wanted. And yet, they simply don’t seem to understand why I have no interest in anything more. I am Binary Logic.. and this is my story…

I was finally relieved you finished on a positive note and things are looking up for you.
Thanks for telling your story and joining. Welcome to MGTOW.

You’re not a one-off example. Not even close. Hope you’ll find some solace in that.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

Soldier-Medic,

Thanks for the sound advice battle. Maybe I am a little more war-torn then I realized. For the most part, and for quite some time, I’ve often debated with myself as to what part of my reaction/current character is a result of the f~~~ery/ ass-clownary I had to endure. I had come to the conclusion that the end result was a type of “Inception effect”, as I have found it increasingly difficult to discern who I truly am, vs. what I have become as a result of the madness I had to endure.

To expand just on my comment just a bit.. I do take pleasure in physical attention, hell, what man wouldn’t. But when looking at woman, the first thing that crosses my mind is “I wonder how it would be”, almost immediately followed by ” I wonder why kind of b.s. I’ll have to endure”, I then regress. I still find joy in the little things.  Riding motorcycles, fast cars, trying weird food. Hell, I even enjoy my job, as it allows for my mind to be preoccupied with an endless supply of complex technical problems. I guess woman in general, I don’t partake in psycho-drama. LOL.

I will heed your words though, Heaven knows every Medic I’ve ran into has been pretty dead-on in advice. Tango-Mike.

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

Thanks everyone for the support and greeting. It’s pretty GD comforting if I may say so myself. The world feels upright here… think I’ll stay for awhile.

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[BDParticipant 1146]

Hello Binarylogic, sorry to hear about your misfortune. This is a great place to talk about it with people who understand. It is a difficult experience being falsely charged by a partner, and it seems that society is only concerned with, or aware of, the violence supposedly committed against women and children. So when a male is accused of anything, we are just considered guilty and labelled the bad guy. Women need to be held responsible for their paternity fraud and false accusations….. Another great reminder to go your own way.

On the part about moving on, I recently started travelling solo. I never would have imagined the great experiences I have stumbled upon, truly amazing… Travel with no expectations, an open heart and mind, and the opportunities are limitless… Enjoy your freedom and best of luck.

Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

BD wrote:

Hello Binarylogic, sorry to hear about your misfortune. This is a great place to talk about it with people who understand. It is a difficult experience being falsely charged by a partner, and it seems that society is only concerned with, or aware of, the violence supposedly committed against women and children. So when a male is accused of anything, we are just considered guilty and labelled the bad guy. Women need to be held responsible for their paternity fraud and false accusations….. Another great reminder to go your own way. On the part about moving on, I recently started travelling solo. I never would have imagined the great experiences I have stumbled upon, truly amazing… Travel with no expectations, an open heart and mind, and the opportunities are limitless… Enjoy your freedom and best of luck.

 

BulletDodger, traveling does seem a bit therapeutic in it’s own right.  I’ve been to a few places since my ordeal, and I will be the first to tell you that you see the world through a totally different set of eyes when you are exposed to the rest of the world. It’s quite humbling. Furthermore, I found that it’s NOTHING like the movies, were you just go to a different country and everything is sheer bliss. LOL. One must learn the language, still deal with discrimination, as well as some pretty positive effects. I’m fortunate to have experienced more good than bad the world over.

Thanks for acknowledging my presence, hope you day fares well.

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[SymoParticipant 42]

Hang in there pal, for you are BETTER than the way you have been treated.

You chose the high road & I can assure you, it’s only going to serve you well in time. I will never give a women the opportunity to rubbish me or my fellow man, I simply wont fuel that engine. I simple refuse to give them even the tiniest of an excuse. This, like the word NO is very empowering.

While you are sleeping soundly at 2.38am one random Tuesday morning, just a few short years from now she will be awake crying into a bottle of cheap white wine & realising the full, ugly extent & implications of he actions. This, I can almost assure you will happen.

Now, it’s no real comfort – other than to know that you, being the better person WILL be acknowledged by her – she just wouldn’t give you the pleasure of seeing it. Such is their c~~~ing ways.

Clearly you are a smart, articulate bloke that has achieved much in you life and there’s just so many, many great times ahead. My last 15 years are testament to that

I had a break down after my “dance with the devil”, in part because 15 years ago there wasn’t really much support (such as MGTOW) & it was a very, very dark time indeed. But it pass.

I wish you all the best in your journeys & we all look forward to hearing of your great European adventures.

Symo – we shall fix all that is wrong with this world – one woman at a time

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

Symo,

Believe it or not, as wicked as it sounds, I actually find some comfort in that idea… of that realization kicking in.  At one point I wanted to wish it all away; Believe it to be a nightmare.  Then I wanted to reconcile, until slowly but shortly, I realized the freedom that was once lost, was regained.  In truth, I use to have dreams of attempting to reconcile with the ex.  And sadly enough, even in my dreams, I faced rejection.  Then came a moment where I realized I needed to find the Testicular fortitude to move on. Ironically, that same night, in that very next dream, I found that reconciliation. The irony of it all is that I then immediately realized all the madness, suffering, and psycho-drama I had do endure, the emotional hurdles that had to be overcome, and turn and walked away in such hurry, I actually woke myself up from said dream. Anyhow I say all that, I trust in your words. Thanks.

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[LucidLeoParticipant 65]

I f~~~ing love this! A black man no longer letting women or society trample all over him and deciding ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! Men of all racial backgrounds are realizing they do not need a woman to control their lives. You are a strong guy and enjoy the hell out of life from now on. It is a shame so many white men are addicted to the blue pills, the corporate life is a death sentence. Your story gives me strength

[Tom_CassidyParticipant 0]

All I could think about this is WOW. I’m glad you’re still around to share your story and empower other men to get the dicks out of their asses. Kudos to standing up the broad.

[revistaParticipant 232]

Binary logic your story resonated with me.glad your in a good place now.i meet alot of women but my first thoughts are like yours.what s~~~ is she gona give me and whats her motives.i cant be bothered.if youve got a peaceful mind why bother bringing stress to it.good luck on your journey.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Binary Logic wrote:

The world feels upright here…. think I’ll stay for awhile.

Mind if we add that to the homepage testimonials? That’s very well put.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Anonymous 11]

Your title is very appropriate. You were made to suffer by her on purpose. What seemed to you to be a sudden exit was actually planned by her and her hive very far in advance before you even had a clue.

Even though you’ve been thorough hell, you will come out stronger than before as you have the right attitude.

Best of luck.

[Mover1799Participant 58]

Prior military here, I enjoyed reading your story and I can relate to some degree, while I would not say my wife was as much of a whore as your I still felt deception was there.

You seem like a great guy man it sucks, I have met women that you have married and I am lucky I never got one of them pregnant or married one of them.  God I could not imagine man, when I read these stories I realize how lucky I was in the long run.

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

Keymaster wrote:

Binary Logic wrote:

The world feels upright here…. think I’ll stay for awhile.

Mind if we add that to the homepage testimonials? That’s very well put.

 

I don’t mind at all KeyMaster. Feel free to run with it.

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[DJKevgeezParticipant 141]

You still make 6 figures even after child support for 3 kids AND lifetime alimony????

Got dam I shoulda got into IT.

[Author]

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