Just out of Jail

[FullMetalExoParticipant 2383]

Robot112 wrote:

It’s been 4 weeks now that I am on my own and yet I still get these horrible ups and downs, mostly downs. I don’t really understand why this is so difficult. I sometimes feel that I don’t deserve the freedom, but know it’s rubbish. I just get depressed, but don’t know why? I should really feel great, but I don’t. Tell me guys this is getting better right?

Dude, you went trough hell.

Im getting education/job right now and Im alone for 27 years, but not lonely, I still have my mother and my friends. And will know soon more people, maybe will find more chill people aswell, and avoid jackasses. I was borderline dead/depressive for 6+ years since my father died. Now Im still here.

Im telling this as a pre-story, in short, just so you know how you and me are different.

 

At the same time, the thing we are not different with – we get those moments where we feel lost, without purpose and unhappy with our Freedom and Life. You got out from a psychological war, not unscratched. And you are an example of a very high endurance, I admire it as Im way more weaker I must admit.

You see, the way you feel is in our DNA, in our conditioning – no matter how BAD the relationship was to you, how you were destroyed daily, you still feel bad/guilty about it and like there is something missing.

Truth is – this unnamed/s~~~ty feeling is there to make you sacrifice yourself and remain a slave, even if a family you wished is broken. It is there so no matter how bad it gets, you stay loyal to the broken relationship.

 

You need to understand it and combat that feeling, and find Serenity in things you like to do, enjoy or achieve.

My thoughts maybe all over the place. Sorry If I couldn’t word it better. Im sure there are better ways to express that idea, and guys here can do it.

 

@chauvinistpig

Is right, and also after Indifference I found Serenity, and I enjoy it 70% of the time. It will get better, but you must WORK on it ( I didn’t find a better word): think positively, relax and do what you can to stay sober and happy. After you do, it will become natural for you to relax and take it easy, and you will find that your life becomes less depressive and less often IF it does. Have your own goals and enjoyments, make a List of them if needed.

 

It takes dedication to get your life back on track, I hope you will. Regards from Latvia.

-----------

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Possibly the reason you have ups and downs right now is that your brain is still going back and forth between being sad over the loss of that (great) woman in your head, and being happy to have escaped the real (horrible) woman you actually had.

Give it time and distance away from the horrible woman you had, and give yourself time and permission to be sad over the loss of that really good woman who was only in your head.  It’s a legitimate reason to be sad.

But keep living your life in such a way as to have new things to be happy about all the time.  Concerts, movies, the cologne of your choice… (read your own old posts here).  Eventually, and probably sooner rather than later, the old sadness over the old losses you have had will fade and be replaced by newer feelings of happiness over the newer, happier experiences you are creating for yourself.  But you have to manufacture those new experiences.  They are not automatic.  And it’s been so long since you had the opportunity to do that, you will need some practice at it at first.

Keep practicing.  Keep living.  Time is on your side here… as long as you spend your time isolated from her and her toxic input into your life…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[DilbertParticipant 281]

Things WILL get better and you can help it along by:

1. Write a list of the things that usually do give you a lift
   1. An activity, hobby, etc.
   2. Certain thoughts or memories
   3. Meeting/talking with certain people
   4. Going to a show/sporting event, reading a book, etc.
2. Get a wall calendar and pencil in a schedule of the things above.
   1. Possibly you can do it electronically, but seeing that wall calendar every  day and physically checking things off are better reinforcers.
   2. It may seem silly, but even put down something like “thinking about fun experiences with the kids”.  Then when it is time, find a quiet place and do just that.
   3. It takes about 30 instances something to form a solid habit, but some things obviously may be just a few times
   4. You may not always get a lift or the darkness will break in that’s OK.  Go through with it anyway if possible.
   5. Use the gradual improvement you will see as a reinforcement.
   6. Occasionally post your positive experiences here
3. Make a similar list for the things that drag you down.  Post it in clear view, and avoid them or abandon them when they happen.
   1. Don’t get down on yourself when you get dragged into a negative thing.
   2. Just smile, say “aha, you almost got me again!”, and mentally kick it out of your life.

It you do this it will work.  A final piece of advice:  If there is even a small possibility that this new phase of your life is even a little bit “lets see how this goes” then that will overshadow your efforts and eventually the pain will make you seriously consider giving up.  You have got to believe the past is a closed door commit to this wholeheartedly.

Which I know you can do.  I can’t wait to hear how well things are going on the other end of your ride away from hell.  In the mean time, keep us updated!

It is for very good reasons the Devil chose to tempt Eve not Adam...

[Jeremiah JohnsonParticipant 2219]

BrainPilot wrote:

your brain is still going back and forth between being sad over the loss of that (great) woman in your head, and being happy to have escaped the real (horrible) woman you actually had.

This statement is SOOOOOOOOO TRUE Robot! Listen to him on this one. Sorry for chiming in so late  here Robot, and I am terribly sorry for the pain you have felt and are feeling now. I still break down crying over that very statement though. I had this image in my mind, of my fiance, and how we would be together as a very old and frail couple walking in the evenings together, holding hands, and just being. But the hard part here my brother is understanding that is NEVER THE F~~~ING image they had with us!!!!!!!!! In their minds, they are lavished with every material item every created by man, and have several men in their mind satisfying each f~~~ing sadistic need! The hard part here our brains are not wired the same. We care, we have compassion, and the future we build with them in our minds is beautiful, I mean who in their right minds wouldn’t want that kind of peace and happiness? I’ll tell you my brother, women. So yes you struggle for now, but each day it really does get a bit easier, you breathe a little easier, don’t get me wrong, there are times you will fall down and have reverse thoughts, but when you get weak Robot, get your ass back in this room, and we will help get you back on those feet again!!!!!!

Men are at a time when panning for gold in a urinal has a higher probability of success than finding a faithful and loving woman, it is time to go your own way.....

[Anonymous 42]

Jeremiah Johnson wrote:

We care, we have compassion, and the future we build with them in our minds is beautiful, I mean who in their right minds wouldn’t want that kind of peace and happiness?

@jeremiah, you just sparked a memory that helped me with the loneliness on the beginning of my trek away from “real” women.

I created an imaginary world where my perfect woman existed. She had all the qualities and amenities of character I needed to be happy and fulfilled as a man. As my imaginary woman and life grew stronger, cleaner, and more pure than anything on this earth (all while my heart was eclipsed by the deception of real women) I began to see woman’s flaws and how seriously toxic they had been to my life, then one day I just realized that the likelihood of finding such a woman is impossible to none within the paradigm of reality. I never stopped looking for, or assessing all the women I met, the women I met could not hold a candle to what I eventually evolved in my head an acceptable mate.

There are no unicorns within the Western culture, I only see millions of fire breathing dragons incinerating every man they come in contact with!

Now I’m smart enough to approach all women with my asbestos fire suite and fire hose, that’s just the way it is…

Unicorns: ZERO

Fire breathing dragons: ALL AROUND ME!

[Robot112Participant 156]

Guys what a bunch of lifesavers you are. Every post above is like an injection of strength! I went to the cinema Saturday night by myself, for the first time in maybe 30 years. I used to love to go to the cinema by myself as a teenager. That love was one of the first to die once I got married. From there onwards only family movies or movies she wanted to see.

I felt great when I did it and it felt great getting back to my place when I wanted without someone complaining how late it was. How refreshing. But you are right @brainpilot, I still think of the great woman I married that never existed but a few minutes into the relationship. That gives me these “downs”.

I have to change accommodation again today which is a little upsetting as I had gotten used to the place I stayed the last 2 weeks. I have a week at another place now and then I have to find something more permanent.

I was really run down the last week. Like you suggested a while ago I have put myself on a regime of vitamins now and I’m relieved I feel better.

[DOOGLERParticipant 17]

niacin, b12, bcomplex, vitamin a, c, d, e, k, stop eating any foods with chemicals in them and limit boxed, bagged, canned foods.

[Jackson1888Participant 111]

What advice can I give the guy? He is F~~~ED. Just think about it. No money…a women who is controlling his life. His kids…

 

Jesus.

 

This guy needs Jesus. No offense!

[Robot112Participant 156]

I’m still getting these bouts of depression. I’m fearful of the fear. I’m mostly fearful about going back. I know I’m not going back but I cannot help being depressed about it. I still feel I’m responsible for her no matter what.  Really not easy this whole thing.

I’m still staying with different people all the time. @doogler I will try the supplements. Never really believed in them but will try….

 

[Anonymous 42]

Hey

Robot112 wrote:

I still feel I’m responsible for her no matter what. Really not easy this whole thing.

That thought is total blue pill POISON! Remember the “fact” she’s the wild uncontrollable horse that kicked in your stalls B~~~~! You owe her NOTHING, She made the ruins, she s~~~ all over YOUR HEAD,  meaning she’s now the head of her own misery and destruction, she (with the help of feminazi law) threw you under the bus! F~~~ that! You, and any other man in here is undeserving of such betrayal and utter MAN DESTRUCTION!

When they’re hurting you and destroying your f~~~ing life, do they give one remote thought about the outcome? NO, F~~~ NO! It’s only when things are ruined by their actions do they try to pull you back into gynocentric slavery! Bitches like her should be struck by f~~~in lightning!

 

 

[Robot112Participant 156]

@mg-tower Thank you, needed to hear that again. Thank You!!!  You are 100% right thank you! This post is going into my phone !

[Anonymous 42]

@Robot, I’m behind any man willing to free himself from the nightmares of TOXIC WOMEN! You’ll always have our support, we’ve been made aware….

[RedDawnParticipant 1391]

Hi Robot, I was living with someone who tried to provoke me to harm her, it didn’t work on me and I bailed out on her when she was away one day out of fear of being falsely imprisoned and I didn’t get to see my 7 month old son for 4 months.

Remember as a person and a father you don’t need to be perfect, just good enough!

Also I have a metaphor to hopefully help you feel a little more at ease with life.

Imagine your happiness is the sun and the sky. Sometimes there are lightning storms, snow or smoke from fires, yet these all pass and the sun and sky are still there.

Sometimes we feel guilty or anxious or angry, yet these are all temporary emotions and happiness can return. You can also imagine yourself as a mountain in this situation for solidarity.

Feeling depressed is a part of loss, your ultimate goal is to come to acceptance of what has happened, which will take time.

Meditation and aromatherapy (especially lavender) are powerful tools in relaxation and feeling happy.

There are 9 pages here of people who give a damn about you, look after yourself brother.

 

 

Courage is the key to life itself - Morgan Freeman

[Robot112Participant 156]

Quick update Guys. Not much has changed. I still get depressed. Now, not having to listen to this constant nagging, I’m wondering what I have achieved in my life and it appears to be depressingly little. This is really taking me down another level. What have I actually done the last 20 years?????

 

Next Friday I have my first hearing…

[Anonymous 42]

Robot112 wrote:

Quick update Guys. Not much has changed. I still get depressed. Now, not having to listen to this constant nagging, I’m wondering what I have achieved in my life and it appears to be depressingly little. This is really taking me down another level. What have I actually done the last 20 years????? Next Friday I have my first hearing…

Hi bot,  Don’t think about it, it’s a red pill, they taste like s~~~ at first, but somewhere along the way you develop a craving for them, Your mind has been tortured my friend, we feel for you, like trees in a forest we’re rooting for you!

It’s kinda like a sludge filled engine (your brain) you need to keep running and heat up to break down the sludge and condensation, with enough MGTOW oil changes, and depending on how hard you drive your brain, eventually all the clogged oil galleys, frozen lifters, and rusted piston rings will be a thing of the past. MGTOW run TIP TOP, High Performance! Don’t give up, never surrender! FORTIFY!

[Mover1799Participant 58]

Ohhhh man brother feel ya there after 5 months of continuances I just said f~~~ it and accepted a stupid plea deal for breaking a f~~~ing chair because I found out my ex wife was f~~~ing another dude and had proof.  The justice systems are so f~~~ed for men regardless what country you are in and I am guessing she was playing the victim really well and had one of those women advocates stroking her c~~~ to keep her hard.

Feel for ya man, I got probation for 2 yrs where I cant have a gun and 1 yr of Domestic Violence classes, but that really isn’t s~~~ compared to what a lot of other men go through, so in essence my life is salvageable.

[Mover1799Participant 58]

FYI your depression is normal I went through it, but it does get better, going to the gym and getting in shape was the best thing I could do when I always had negative thoughts and stuff.  Just remember that there will be days you will be depressed, but do not feed her PLEASE do not man, this bitch will burn you to the ground.

[Robot112Participant 156]

Got to come back her now all the time because I need to remind myself how s~~~ everything was. The brain still thinks I married a decent woman. i did not!!! Thanks @Tower and @mover1799, just what I needed to read.

[Anonymous 42]

You’re welcome R-bot

Anything to help a brother by waking his intellect to the truth. I remember how it feels when all the effect of toxic emotion leave you somewhat “bewildered” (being in the wilderness of change). My MGTOW mind has established a unique trail system throughout the wilderness of change.

I sure others here know what I’m talking about as I read their wisdom how they navigated trails I’ve never seen, including how to splint broken bones after being pushed over a cliff by their hiking partner.

We’re here to encourage you whenever you feel lost from the dramatic and somewhat traumatic metamorphosis that transforms you to MGHOW. Keep going, never stop.

[Robot112Participant 156]

Guys a new update. I had my hearing today and she indeed withdrew her statement some time ago so the court withdrew the charges today. I am no longer on bail.

I told her I wasn’t coming back and she said “You’re not going anywhere unless you have divorce papers”. I said “I’ll get them eventually, don’t worry and I’m not coming back”. She says, “then tell your kids that you are abandoning them”. I said they know and with regards to the toddler I said I never were able to spend so much quality time with him as I have in the last two months without having to listen to  all your shouting….So for now she’s quiet. But something will come….and I do admit I fear that unknown…

[Author]

Posts