Just out of Jail

[DilbertParticipant 281]

Gotcha.  I re-read your post and realize your were just blowing off steam (sorry if I was a bit of an ass about it).  I guess I overreact because some guys at this point start to waver and usually its old habitual ways of thinking and seeing things that snare them.  So sad when a slave asks for their chains back but I get the feeling that’s not going to happen for you.

I really think @KeyMaster or one of the other developers should create a forum for success story threads like yours so we can point other guys there.  Really inspires them and helps tremendously to stay on track.  The threads just seem to get buried now and with all the new people posting its harder to find critical threads in all the noise.

Keep on keeping on!

It is for very good reasons the Devil chose to tempt Eve not Adam...

[Anonymous 42]

@Robot, when a tyrannical queen looses all her servants (you), she’s likely to display ruthlessness never seen before, don’t let this intimidate you, stay strong and wise, she will become a striking viper looking to inject whatever venom she can directly into your life, she may even abuse your children and blame that on you also. It’s at the point you should not trust her in anyway whatsoever, and you certainly should not continue making contact with her while (HER) court order forbids it. She’s got a shotgun aimed at your head with the power law affords HER and not YOU. You’re staring down a double barrel 12 ga. shotgun loaded with slugs, each with your initials on it! STAY OUT OF RANGE ! Life’s not meant to be dodging bullets around a narcissist’s firing range! 

[experiencedParticipant]

@thebeast she’s not supposed to contact me directly and she doesn’t give a care. I will look for such an app. Thanks!

Ultimately in sequence she will go from “$$ from you,” to “the courts to get $$ from you.”  She is giving you a strategic opportunity here to keep all evidence of, and documenting  her flagrant repetitively actively violating the court’s rules for her at this point, she’s blowing up the bridge she still has to cross. “she’s not supposed to contact me directly and she doesn’t give a care”   Document this! !! !!! !!!! !!! !! ! and it’s quality (what she says/how she says it/ in what context /to what audience)

 

TIMELINE:

A) $$$ from you

A.5)

B) $$$ from you via the courts

“Now”   is “A.5”       let her now cut off her own nose of future court support/court good will,  by spiting your face – – which you don’t care about her doing.

She no longer has the right to say, ” I need this, for the family. ”      She chose to destroy the family unit. It no longer exists[[[it is better for you to internalize this now as opposed to when she is f~~~ing someone else while taking your money.]]] When she speaks these words, eff, any words, as KM said, “Ignore, ignore, ignore.”

Repeat this,       “there’s only my kids and I to be concerned about”

 

Courts are lazy. The more money she can get now” will be used as the database for them to calculate what she actually gets. This is compound interest in it’s most dangerous form. Absolute bare bone minimum is appropriate here, she doesn’t want a safety net nor a hammock, she wants to end up with a full resort in Bali. Look at the end game and keep things screamingly tight now. She’ll scream, but she no longer exists.

Also, the more time you take with your kids now , will be used to calculate how much time gets locked in on you by the courts. They use the first part of this sentence to figure out the last.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[DakotaParticipant 341]

Anonymous wrote:

she’s likely to display ruthlessness never seen before

If you thought cutting up your stuff and tossing you in the slammer was dirty pool…uh, that was what she did when she was in a good mood!  This here is HER famous “March to the Sea.”  A total scorched-earth policy.  Robot, steel yourself.  Just know that after HER ARMY comes through…it will slowly get better.

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

Dilbert wrote:

I really think @keymaster or one of the other developers should create a forum for success story threads like yours so we can point other guys there.

I really want to second that motion for a success story thread HCD. However, I also really feel as though the site itself is a testament to resilience. I’d even say it’s better than the kind of training we got in the military. It is a gathering place for a plethora of guys that have not only been through the same exact kind of hell, but are constantly there reassuring the fallen that the gates are right there within reach. I may not have met any of these guys personally, but we both know that they resemble family in it’s deepest form by default. Nothing short of a dog will you find guys more loyal.

With that said, I really hope Robot finds both the mental and testicular fortitude he needs here to make it through his ordeal. We are all here for you man. You’ve got several thousand shoulders to lean on…

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Robot,

You, and your soon to be ex are about to become acquainted with the power of the word “No”.  The power of that word is going to be a surprise to both of you… As it has been absent from your relationship with her for a very long time.  You should both brace yourselves.  But knowing what I know about physics (and psychology), I’d rather be the wrecking ball than the building.  And I’d rather be saying no than hearing it…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[DilbertParticipant 281]

Yep.  Just think of a child whose world is expanding and starts encountering a lot more “No” in their life.  It’s called the “Terrible Twos” for a reason!

The big difference is that two year old’s don’t have near the cunning and resources as “Terrible ex-Wives” have.  To limit potential excursions to hell you absolutely NEED to build an unassailable wall between you two before you really start setting the limits.

The guys here who have lived with  satan before you are an excellent resource about what/when/how to do things.

Remember, deception is morally acceptable when dealing with someone who is trying to destroy you.  You will be safer having her spend her energy chasing/dealing with mis-directions, straw men, and phantoms.

Also, you know her buttons.  Push them often and strategically.

Ultimately, she will leave you alone when the reward isn’t worth the pain and effort.  Help her find some jackass who deserves her and will support her!

It is for very good reasons the Devil chose to tempt Eve not Adam...

[Robot112Participant 156]

Great to come back from a night out, watching a concert and now seeing the messages here. I was pretty annoyed today again, because she’s still saying crap about me and yet she’s still thinking I’m coming back. Does she not know that she abused me for 20 years??? Why would anyone go back??? I read the thread here all the time and I have learned a lot but it is so unreal so it’s almost impossible to see how abusing me from far and still thinking I’m coming back anyway.

Anyway I had a great evening and for the first time I switched off the phone, I didn’t have to look for text messages or missed calls and I could watch the concert without looking at the time. It kind of felt like freedom!!! I l took the train back  to my place and ate an ice cream at midnight. What a life!

[Anonymous 42]

Robot112 wrote:

It kind of felt like freedom!!!

@Robot, that is freedom, it’s like being a kid again, some people call it the Peter Pan syndrome, it’s when the responsibility of being a tyrants partner evaporates with each taste of freedom. I lost my FREEDOM over a woman’s actions and that event alone sobered me up to how valuable my freedom really is!

After my incarceration it took me seven years before I dated another woman, and she was the last woman for me, the final straw! That was 18 years ago (when ALL MY TROUBLES ENDED!).

Since then I had more success in life, went more places, did more things, and never once was I concerned about a woman. All my concerns for women died with the last little piece of my heart to be devoured by a cunning and deceitful woman. I may die alone, but then again I’m happiest and most secure living alone, and my life is being lived to the fullest! One thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t trade it EVER to go back to the misery and suffering I endured in the company of vile women. I live in peace and solitude, I’m like a bird now, I take flight at the slightest sign of trouble, my tolerance for unnecessary mental agony is non existent, I can never be with another woman, my happiness and peace of mind will not allow it.

Only a sadomasochistic could return to that house of horrors after 18 years of prosperity living in a peaceful bliss…

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Anonymous wrote:

I may die alone, but then again I’m happiest and most secure living alone., One thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t trade it EVER to go back to the misery and suffering I endured in the company of vile women. I live in peace and solitude, I’m like a bird now, I take flight at the slightest sign of trouble, my tolerance for unnecessary mental agony is non existent, I can never be with another woman, my happiness and peace of mind will not allow it.

Tremendous of Tower to tell his tale.

Goddammit I can relate. My hat really goes off for guys like this – who went to prison because of some bitch.
Because of Men like Tower, I didn’t have to endure that s~~~. Came dangerously close once or twice though.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Robot112Participant 156]

@Tower women is the last thing on my mind. I have seen friends leaving their women just to move in with another. Hey it’s far easier to leave someone if you have some other waiting for you but that was not for me. Hell I cannot even think of doing that, or dating someone. So great to hear your story.

I feel now I am only at the start as she is getting into abusive gear again at the moment because of money. She will try and destroy me now…

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Robot,

As the threats ramp up, try to remember that the worst thing she can possibly do to you… Would be to convince you to move back in and re-assume the position she had you in before.  If she could do that, she would effectively make your life not worth living (some things really are worse than death).  But, that would require your cooperation.  As long as you refuse to cooperate, the damage she can do is limited.  Although it can be enormous in the short term, it is limited, recoverable and is certain to diminish over time.  Just give it time…

She can hurt you (at least for a while), but she can’t stop the clock…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Robot112Participant 156]

@brainpilot thank you! I am still worried about false accusations. She has threatened me before that in case I would leave her she would say unspeakable things about me. I just hope that all the abusive texts I collected over the years help me to prove that she is out to destroy me, that she is mentally ill and hence makes false accusations.

[Anonymous 42]

@Robot, if you have any recording device whatsoever, be it video, or audio, USE IT! Also make a mental note of where security cameras are along your travel, you may need this knowledge for an incontrovertible alibi! My entire life is documented via my own CC-TV system, and dash cams in my autos, the peace of mind I get knowing I’m LIAR PROOF  is immeasurable! Theirs no better feeling than shoving Exhibit A. up a liars ass in front of a judge! I’ve had the pleasure (several times) it f~~~ing great to tear a liar apart! I know how a Lion must feel!

[Anonymous 11]

Robot112 wrote:

Does she not know that she abused me for 20 years???

Actually, both yes and no. She knows that she did wrong things to you, but she cannot control her actions. By having no empathy and believing her own lies she makes you into the bad guy to keep her from facing her faults. They are dysfunctional is so many ways.

I deal with C level executives in my consulting practice. They tend to be more narcissistic than normal. I had two appointments I was lining up for yesterday. Exceutive A beat B by 5 minutes so I scheduled around that. Come show time A had a meeting with some high level managers and re-scoped the project without informing me negating the need for me to drive 1.5 hours round trip. Had I known this, I would have had scheduled B first. Even though A and I had a pleasant 30 minute meeting. The project has been moved so I’ve got to enforce a boundary with the king of procrastination A to honor my commitment to B for next week. I charged him full rate for my wasted driving time too. He did not think of me and my business needs as he was absorbed in his own world. I pretty much deal with it by charging them for the costs incurred. You don’t have that luxury here.

The guys are right. This is going to be your most dangerous time as she is freaking out over losing you. It’s all about her rather than you so keep that in mind. Your actions are just triggering her. It’s a shame we cannot summon a White Knight to come to her(really your) aid. It would help her transition and take pressure off of you at the WK’s expense. Definitely cover your ass in all departments.

[Robot112Participant 156]

Update:The days are getting better. More independance. FOG is still there but nowhere near where it was in the first 5 days.

What are my main fears now? Losing work, income and health…I feel I need to build up strength. I feel like I am incredibly weak.

The FOG is only really based on that actually, now being away from her, I can have peace. Something she cannot have with a small child. But I have to remind myself that I did not want this. I wanted a decent relationship and I tried for 23 years and probably would still be trying if she wouldn’t have jailed me. I’m out now and I feel my wings are growing back !!!

 

[FIDKParticipant 32]

FitzBones wrote:

pefully it helps you prepare. She WILL use your kids against you. Firstly she’ll try and use them to control you. ‘Do this for the kids’, ‘Do that for em’, ‘Do you really wanna do that? What about the kids?’ and if that doesnt work, she will turn them against you in one last act of petty vengeance for you rejecting her. Take steps, my friend, do everything you can to counteract that.

 

She will also neglect them, and you will hear about it indirectly. It will make you mad. Just realize, it is on purpose to get under your skin.

“Mom does not make dinner”, etc.

[FIDKParticipant 32]

Robot112 wrote:

@thebeast she’s not supposed to contact me directly and she doesn’t give a care. I will look for such an app. Thanks!

You reported this, right?

[Robot112Participant 156]

@fidk Well, actually I’m confused about this. I cannot contact other than via a third party and only discuss the kids. SHe says she’s not been told anything, but I think if she is allowed to contact me then this could be seen as baiting and provocation. I don’t know.

 

Now she’s saying she’s going to Police because I’m not giving her enough money. I don’t think the police will care and by the way I give her enough money…I wire money everyday for groceries etc. I have to do this daily in small installments otherwise she will by things that make no sense like another pair of shoes.

[Robot112Participant 156]

Ok she’s getting evil now. Money I give her is not enough as predicted, although it’s not a penny less then we spent in the past, in fact it’s probably more.  The more I ignore her messages, the more come, now via the older kids too.

So I think I can expect more false accusations soon.

[Author]

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