If you think she's cheating

[narwhalParticipant]

Before I say anything, full disclosure. To my knowledge, I don’t think I’ve ever been cheated on, so I’m no expert. At the same time, other then my marriage, I never stayed with anyone longer than 6 months. Not exactly giving much time to cheat.

So from what I’ve heard regarding cheating, is that in most cases you will suspect she’s cheating before you find out she’s cheating. There are changes in behavior and such that lead you to wonder what’s going on. Perhaps that’s wrong, perhaps nothing changes and you just happen to catch her in the act one day.

But assuming you suspect before you know, I have to wonder, why even bother trying to find out? The behavior itself bother’s you…isn’t that enough? If you see behavior that you don’t like, that makes you believe she might be seeing someone else, what are your options? Play the fool and ignore it? She’ll just going on behaving badly. Try and catch her? She’ll twist it around to make you think you’re the problem, not her. Or just declare that you don’t like the behavior you see, and leave if it doesn’t get fixed.

Of course leaving isn’t so is if you live with her, but otherwise, why stay in a relationship that you aren’t enjoying? Does it really matter if she’s cheating or not?

I’m probably not making it clear. If she’s acting like she’s holding something back, that isn’t fun to be around. If she’s secretive, staying late at work, lots pf girl nights…that isn’t fun to be around. You don’t need to prove she’s cheating to realize she’s not fun to be around. You don’t need a reason to end a relationship.

Women will push you to prove she cheated, otherwise your the one who ruin the relationship. She claim you’re paranoid, jealous, that there is something wrong with you. At the same time, she will leave because she’s not happy. And you can leave because you’re not happy too.

Ok. Then do it.

[AwakenedParticipant 35201]

I don’t know if I would have the patience or concern to actually even have to contemplate any of this just to “prolong” a relationship which is temporary by its very nature.

If I was a TRULY FREE Man: Why would I WILLINGLY Burden myself with all of these psychological shackles ?

Isn’t it better/cheaper/easier/less time consuming ETC. to occasionally hire a pro if you need/want/desire a Female sexual outlet, and get a dog or two if you desire companionship as compared to all the Drama and Bulls~~~ that comes along with a relationship ???

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[KeymasterKeymaster]

narwhal wrote:

But assuming you suspect before you know, I have to wonder, why even bother trying to find out? The behavior itself bother’s you…isn’t that enough? If you see behavior that you don’t like, that makes you believe she might be seeing someone else, what are your options? Play the fool and ignore it? She’ll just going on behaving badly.

This is key ^^.

But too many men tolerate bad / questionable behavior instead of insisting the criteria for a relationship is entirely devoted and warm, joyful and lovable behavior.

When you make that THE MINIMUM requirement – and eject at the first sign of a confrontational attitude – it’s doubtful she’ll be in your life long enough to even get to the point where you would question her fidelity.

If you make it a policy “she has to be the most pleasant & enjoyable person I know – else she’s history” , you can eliminate all kinds of trash from your personal life.

Unfortunately women don’t see it that way, and they believe upsetting their man / boyfriend / husband is a somehow a GOOD thing. Confrontations, daily dramas, emotional terrorism is order of the day.

They also have this false idea that “men love bitches” when nothing could be further from the truth.

Far too many men tolerate “bitches” for too long though.
He’s just as responsible for that.

It’s simple. SHe’s causing trouble at home? Giving you grief? Making you sleep on the couch? Get rid of a bitch. NOW. Even Bill Burr – who appears to have his act together! – starts this set off by saying “I’m trying to get along with my wife better”.

WHY??

If you have to “WORK” so that it “doesn’t fail” you’re with the wrong person. So he’s not divorced yet . . . . but just because you didn’t crash your car on the way to Vegas doesn’t mean you had a good time.

narwhal wrote:

just declare that you don’t like the behavior you see, and leave if it doesn’t get fixed. . . . . . . . why stay in a relationship that you aren’t enjoying? Does it really matter if she’s cheating or not?

That’s it.

narwhal wrote:

Women will push you to prove she cheated

Thats’ when you know you’re neck deep in a relation-S~~~T , and also when she accuses YOU – expecting YOU to prove you didn’t. Dump that hypocrite on the spot.

Inconsistency and hypocrisy (alone) are enough for me to call it quits. I find them intensely frustrating to deal with and my patience for it is at ZERO. I don’t even find it cute and charming.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Let’s see.

First time it was with my girlfriend of 4 years. I was working full time, finishing Masters degree classes, and studying for the CPA exam, which included an all day Saturday class. But this was only for about 3-4 months where it was all going on at once. A short term sacrifice for long term gain. We were going to colleges about 90 minutes apart. One weekend she tells me that she wants to hang out with her best friend and her boyfriend.

Is it a big deal if I don’t come visit you this weekend and hang out with them?
Of course not. I trust you, it’s your best friend. I’ve known her for four years and she loves me. It’s not like she would set you up with her boyfriend’s best friend so you can f~~~ him all weekend…….
F~~~’s boyfriend’s best friend all weekend.

Did I miss something? I should be able to trust someone that I’ve known for 4 years to spend a weekend with her best friend and keep her legs together. So, on that one I had no clue.

Girlfriend #2: Dated for about a year. She was ready to get married after about 2 months. Her behavior did change, and I did suspect she was cheating. Never got 100% confirmation, but it didn’t matter. It took a while to reconcile that she was so ready to marry me a couple months in and yet within another 4-6 months had moved on. 3-4 months of fighting, and it was over. So, it’s a yes on that one that I thought she was cheating.

Ex-wife: She claims she NEVER cheated on me. But she was living with her boyfriend for over a year before the divorce was final. Prognosis: bat s~~~ crazy.

So, what did I did learn from all of this? women cheat. And they lie.

Order the good wine

[narwhalParticipant]

I get the point about not even having a relationship. It’s perfectly valid. Since I haven’t had a relationship in several years, this probably more introspective then anything else.

Two additional points.

Keymaster wrote:

If you make it a policy “she has to be the most pleasant & enjoyable person I know – else she’s history” , you can eliminate all kinds of trash from your personal life.

I’ve adopted the motto that if she wants to be in life, she has to be more fun to be with to be without. It seems rather simple, but I find it rather difficult for women to meet that criteria, as well as some resentment that I would even state that.

2nd point, when evaluating my marriage, I can clearly see now where I let bad behavior slide. Again, it wasn’t even because of potential cheating, it was the behavior itself. A part of me regrets my actions, but at the same time, I don’t know that it would have made a difference. The nature of the marriage contract made my response to her behavior irrelevant. Which is one of the reasons you should never sign a marriage contract. It’s like signing a peace treaty where you agree to disarm your nukes while allowing her to keep hers.

Ok. Then do it.

[narwhalParticipant]

TaxGuy wrote:

Did I miss something? I should be able to trust someone that I’ve known for 4 years to spend a weekend with her best friend and keep her legs together. So, on that one I had no clue.

I would love to know what her excuse was. Did she claim it was just sex, nothing to be concerned about? Did she blaming you for not taking care of her? Did she try and claim that it was some sort of out of body experience that would never happen again?

Ok. Then do it.

[Anonymous 7]

narwhal wrote:

…So from what I’ve heard regarding cheating, is that in most cases you will suspect she’s cheating before you find out she’s cheating. There are changes in behavior and such that lead you to wonder what’s going on…

But assuming you suspect before you know, I have to wonder, why even bother trying to find out? The behavior itself bother’s you…isn’t that enough? If you see behavior that you don’t like, that makes you believe she might be seeing someone else, what are your options? Play the fool and ignore it? She’ll just going on behaving badly.

Of course leaving isn’t so is if you live with her, but otherwise, why stay in a relationship that you aren’t enjoying? Does it really matter if she’s cheating or not?

… You don’t need to prove she’s cheating to realize she’s not fun to be around. You don’t need a reason to end a relationship.

My last relationship:

We were together going on 11 years. She was a single mother with a bastard son.

I asked her to marry me about five years into the relationship. Yes, she got a ring. We never got married. In fact, I was given excuses as to why not to go to the Justice of the Peace (she said she wanted it this way, as in no big ceremony.) three times within the first six months after proposing. Huge red flag! I gave up caring because she didn’t. She wore that ring for another six years, and played along with outsiders that we were married. She never corrected anyone telling them otherwise.

In the last three years I felt she had something going on secret. I never even gave a crap to find positive proof… I just left.

The last six months we were together I was making a plan behind the scenes to skedaddle.

Two months before I left I confronted her about her behavior and how I was feeling about things.

I was told that I did not contribute to the household. (Almost all of my pay check went into a joint account for household whatever. I did all the blue chores plus quite a few pink ones.)

I was informed that she never felt intimacy in the relationship. (WTF!)

She said every decision I made was a mistake. (After telling me at the beginning that she wanted a man to make the decisions, and the woman follows.)

I was told that the house I put her in was not mine. (I took her from an apartment and put her in a very nice home in a very upscale neighborhood. Keeping up with the Jones.)

The resolve to leave was solidified.

I told her if she felt this way why was she wearing a ring. She was still wearing it two days after this altercation. On the third day, when I came home from work, she was not wearing it. She took it off and put it in her bedside table drawer. I asked her about it and she said she took it off because I asked her to.

By this time I had already been working with a real estate agent looking for a home.

I played along with the charade for months… nfg because I knew I had a plan and was going to follow through.

When I found my new home and things were finalized for a closing date I was prepared to let her know what was going on. The week before my closing date I had set aside time over the weekend to separate accounts, etc. I was going to tell her that weekend. On the drive to the bank to close the joint account we were talking and I caught her in multiple lies. Not too big, but this is where I decided I was not going to tell her s~~~.

The day of closing was freaking hectic. I rented a truck while she was at work and packed up all my stuff, and left most everything that was jointly purchased. My Harley was the last thing to move out. She got home when I was coming back to pick this up, and she had no idea that this day was the last she would see of me. She didn’t even seemed shocked/upset/other. I put the house keys on the counter and walked to the garage got on my Harley and rode to my new home.

She never said a word.

I say all this to make a point; it is very difficult to give up on something you have spent time, money, and energy on. With the fairy tale dream being pushed, seeing my parents stay together, etc., I found it hard to let go. Still having issues with the loss of this person, but I think it has to do more with the “golden rule” not being applied for my benefit. Backstabbing, disloyalty, and indifference really pulls me down.

When she is cheating (phone play, new clothes top to bottom, makeup that she had never been into before, hairstyle, dinner dates with an old friend, etc.) it can only go as far as the other person allows. I was taught not to give up, but I was pushed too far.

I think it is the trying to hold on to the dream that causes the procrastination in leaving.

I learned a lot from being a complete dumbass wussy… please learn from my mistakes lurkers.

Edit to add:
The thread’s title says it all. If you think/feel she is cheating… she most likely is cheating.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

narwhal wrote:

TaxGuy wrote:

Did I miss something? I should be able to trust someone that I’ve known for 4 years to spend a weekend with her best friend and keep her legs together. So, on that one I had no clue.

I would love to know what her excuse was. Did she claim it was just sex, nothing to be concerned about? Did she blaming you for not taking care of her? Did she try and claim that it was some sort of out of body experience that would never happen again?

I was the only guy she’d ever had sex with. Wanted to make sure she wasn’t missing out on anything. She sugar coated it, but that was basically it. Then was dumb enough to tell me. I would have never known. She could have taken that one to the grave.

Order the good wine

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

“If you think she’s cheating…”

She’s cheating whether you think it or not. Whether she acts on it or not, in her head, she’s cheating.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Solo MAN’S Wisdom wrote:

“If you think she’s cheating…”

She’s cheating whether you think it or not. Whether she acts on it or not, in her head, she’s cheating.

And to that I would add something nobody mentioned yet . . . .

If she’s not “cheating”, she’s “cheating” you OUT of it.
It’s cheating either way.

@SolWiz (above) is right. They “cheat” their hair color, height, weight, face, nails, cleavage, and their motivations… which really belongs at the top of the list.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

Simple, you dump that bitch! – Tom Leykis 101

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[narwhalParticipant]

Keymaster wrote:

nd to that I would add something nobody mentioned yet . . . .
If she’s not “cheating”, she’s “cheating” you OUT of it.
It’s cheating either way.
@SolWiz (above) is right. They “cheat” their hair color, height, weight, face, nails, cleavage, and their motivations… which really belongs at the top of the list.

Not exactly sure I’m following. I get it in some respect, but at the same time, I don’t care if parts of her are artificial as long as they remain that way. If she wears makeup and cleavage till she gets you hooked, then drops it and start claiming you were shallow for being into those things, then yes, she’s cheating you. But it doesn’t really matter. If I’m not interested, I’m not interested. I don’t care about being shallow.

Ok. Then do it.

[TheStormWithinParticipant 778]

TaxGuy wrote:

Let’s see.
She was ready to get married after about 2 months.

This should have been a flag more RED than a used tampon.

Aunt Esther: Fred, I'll have you know this body was blessed by Mother Nature!! Fred: Well, too bad your face was cursed by Father Time!

[NeroParticipant 1466]

I’ve been cheated on in almost every relationship. A lot of this had to do with dating the hottest women available. These types have so many orbitors/options, its hard to keep them. All c~~~s will cheat, though, just the more attractive ones get more options.

At the very least, they would dump me on whim and be together with someone new next day or SAME DAY! So, like some have said, they’re all reading to jump ship. You can’t take it personal. I did. I let a few of these lil’l honey’s wreck my psyche for quite some time. Sometimes, I knew and sometimes I didn’t. I caught a few in the act. Most will lie till their grave unless you catch them. You have to accept the fact a woman will cheat nowadays and treat them accordingly. I don’t mean like a prison guard, I mean have some emotional detachment while dealing with them.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

TheStormWithin wrote:

TaxGuy wrote:

Let’s see.
She was ready to get married after about 2 months.

This should have been a flag more RED than a used tampon.

Yup, it SHOULD have been. I just thought I was doing really, really well!! Ah, the good ol’ blue pill. I don’t miss you, you stupid little bastard.

Order the good wine

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

If she thinks YOUR cheating she probably is. All my experience has been the woman projecting her behavior on to me.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[chirParticipant]

There is no “if you think”. She is cheating. Often as she can with multiple partners and with women as well as men.

This reminds me back when I was a f~~~buddy of this one cute gal. She would hang out occasionally and crash at my place once in a while. Sometimes just to sleep or just talk about all her drama. She was a starving photographer and invited me to a gallery showing. I stop by and she is sweating bullets at the gallery. I thought it was due to pressure to have a good show but then I see the reason. She is surrounded by men she has been f~~~ing and none of them know it except for me.

Her current guy. (serious f~~~ing)
Her old flame. (still f~~~ing)
Her teacher from college. (f~~~ed him 6 months ago)
And me. (f~~~ed me 2 months ago)

She is having a panic attack that the s~~~ will hit the fan with all of them there. I was just having fun watching her deal with potential catastrophic drama and hovering on the edge of a panic attack. Why are do they cheat? They want soap opera lives overflowing with drama.

If you want to be sure just slap a gps vehicle tracker to her car and let the hi-jinks begin. 🙂

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

[Anonymous 5]

It’s a shame you have to be on guard at all times so basically your left wondering if she’s out with a guy.I caught my wife in a lie when she said she was at work she was at a friends house getting plowed . Is it really worth it to be on edge ? No its not worth it I rather be alone then always be on edge.

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

Nero wrote:

You have to accept the fact a woman will cheat nowadays and treat them accordingly. I don’t mean like a prison guard, I mean have some emotional detachment while dealing with them.

That right there is the key to dating in the current marketplace, you simply have to not get attached.

[Won'tGetFooledAgainParticipant 3293]

Men are usually pretty crap at spotting the signs, but if your gut tells you there is something suspicious going on then she is definitely cheating. Women always monkey branch, they can’t just leave a relationship without something “better” (i.e more money/more Chad) to move on to.

Six months before we split up my ex wife Joined a gym, starting losing weight, bought new clothes and started wanting to go out with the girls most weekends. She also joined Facebook after years of taking the p~~~ out of all her friends who spent their whole lives on it.

A little while later I got a call from my Auntie telling me that my ex wife was constantly posting on one guys page and that I should watch out. I half jokingly asked if my ex wife was having an affair and she laughed and said “He is a hairdresser, I think he is gay”

Soon after she was arranging to drive 70 miles to see him to get her hair cut, again I suspected nothing. She added a lock to her phone and claimed it was to stop the children using it. She spent all night every night on a different sofa to me messaging on her phone. Suddenly I was just the babysitter while she went to the gym or went away with her friends for the weekend. Obviously she made every excuse possible not to have sex with me.

Then one weekend she said she was staying with her mum for the weekend. I didn’t believe her so that night I drove down to her mothers and surprise, surprise her car was not there. It was past midnight at this point so I phoned her and asked where she was. She just shouted “you followed me” and that was it, I went home and the next day when she returned I moved out. She claimed she was staying with a female friend as she had to sleep on the sofa at her mums.

I had access to her phone records so I downloaded them all and low and behold one number appeared time and time again, she was texting him over 100 times a day. One day in particular stood out, my birthday when she went off to bed early and I could see she was texting him while I was downstairs. This is also the day she avoided sex with me, she obviously felt like that would be cheating on her new man.

When I pushed her about these records she claimed it was a female friend who was going through a divorce. I had no way to find out who it was so could not prove it either way. I tried to text the number but the person would never reply.

I had this number stored in my phone and one day I went to send a Whatsapp to a friend. Whatsapp had matched the stored number and lo and behold there is a photo of the hairdresser, the guy my auntie had warned me about from the start.

To this day she still denies she cheated on me with anyone. A couple of weeks after we split I had the children and this was her first weekend alone. I was at the house getting the children and went upstairs to use the toilet. A quick search of the bedroom revealed all her lingerie was not in it’s usual place, packed no doubt for him. She phoned me that weekend to talk to the children and I could tell she wasn’t at home, she was clearly in his bed after spending the weekend getting f~~~ed by him wearing the lingerie I paid for.

For women, everything eventually boils down to Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.

[Author]

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