Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › I messed up!
This topic contains 22 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by 
Theronius 3 years, 11 months ago.
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Hello guys, welcome to read and maybe give an advice or two for my inglorious f*ck up.
I am a 27 year old male, have a gf for 3 years, known to mgtow for about a year and would like to define myself as a purple pill kind of guy (or so i thought).
In the beginning of the relationship i was definitly a blue pill guy, whereby after i learned about mgtow i started to question and react to the ways my gf acts. The more i questioned the way she acted the more clear picture ive got of what kind of person she really is. Lets just say that she is a nagging person, which is emotionally dependant on her parents and which is not that interested in sex (dont want to go in more details here).
4 month ago we had the “child talk”, because she got fired from her job, i finished studiying and had a full time job with an ok sallary (i am a software engineer) so she thought that it would be good timing because nobody would hire a 25 year old female without children (in my country employer must her salary for up to 6 month after my gf will give birth to our child, while she is at home nursing).
My thought here:
1. In the country i am living child support is set to be about 200-400 dollars a month where i can withdraw taxes from this money each month, which i am okay to pay if it is going to be nessesary.
2. We are not married so there are no way where she owns 50% of my stuff (again beucase of the laws in the country i am living)
3. I want, and ready to have a child
4. I have a fulltime job with a good salary, so i can support the child on my own if everything screw up
5. I have an okay savings account so if anything goes really wrong for me or the child i can take care of it
6. In my country each parent have 50% of the custody by defaultJust two weeks before the child talk we had a sex talk initiated by me, where i told her that it is an important part of the relationship for me which i am not interested in missing. She assured me that it was just because she was exhausted and tired and had some medical issues and everything will be fine. I thought what the hell, lets see if things will get better.
After the sex talk, sex life improved and the child talk came to table. And i agreed to have a child. See my f*ck up here?
After two month og trying gf got pregnat (start of november). In this two month relationship was basicly perfect. After gf got pregnat sex dropped off completly and we are arguing constantly.
We had to buy a new and bigger car, so there will be place for a baby things, where i payed the initial 10k $ and gf payed 0. Because of the dealer of the car huge f*ck up, the car ended up in her name but bank loan is both on her and me.
And now the main event. Now she would like to have joint finances which i really dont want. Here are my thoughts.
1. I make twice her sallary
2. I dont want her to be dependent on my money
3. I dont want to ask permission to spend my money
4. I dont want her to spend the money ive earned (with her monthly salary right now she can probably pay half the budget nad have 200 $ for her self for fun stuff)However i can see her point, she would never be able to get as high salary as me so she wouldnt have any spare money to have fun, thats why i am ready to pay more of the budget if nessesary so she have more “free” money, but her ultimatum was either full joint finances or we had to split up, and i caved in and agreed. However after thinking about this for a month i really dont want to do this, and we are going to have another talk about the subject, if she throw the same ultimatum again i am going to leave. But i dont want to leave my child behind even tho he/she is not born yet…..
What would you guys do in my situation, maybe someone was in same situation?
P.S. Please dont beat me to death, i already know that i made a royal f*ck up.
You already know this since you asked.
No Joint Account
No MarriageIf she thinks she’s going to break it off because unmarried she can’t have ultimate control of your finances then she would be a nightmare as soon as you are married.
Since you complained about the lack of sex prior to the baby talk, she hooked you good by throwing a little your way. It’s unlikely that will ever get better (for you) again. She already has what she wanted from you.
After the baby is born demand a paternity test. From whatever proximity we are actually at I’m getting the smell of you being on the hook for another guy’s kid already.
More will answer, just my initial thoughts. You’re in the right place.
I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.
if she treats you like s~~~, then leave her. Move somewhere far away.
DO NOT get married. You are screwed enough already. don’t make it worse.
DO NOT make a joint bank account. Don’t even consider it…What are you thinking???
MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.
Anonymous42It sounds like you willingly tossed yourself onto a misery grenade! Can’t help, I don’t have experience with willingly swallowing grenades! Sucks to be you! She says things will get better? yea, right. We both know where things are headed, wait for the blast, pick up your guts and walk away…
After the baby is born demand a paternity test. From whatever proximity we are actually at I’m getting the smell of you being on the hook for another guy’s kid already.
good point @ogre
as i reread the OP, i agree. i would estimate 50/50 chance the baby is not yours. Women show no remorse when telling major lies.MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.
First things first, do not panic. It’s true you have f~~~ed up so far but with the collective brains and experience here available to you it should be possible to get you through this with the best possible outcome for you.
I don’t know the rules in your country, so its difficult to advise. You say if you split up you would still get 50% custody, that’s good as it sounds to me that you want the child but not the woman. She sounds like a manipulative bitch who has used the fury check book to get what she wants. I assume you don’t yet have the joint bank account? On no account have joint finances. As soon as you do she will quit her job and you will be the sole provider, after all why should she work if your money is also her money?
Its time to start some reverse psychology, use s~~~ tests on her. First of all tell her that the joint finances thing is not going to happen, if she threatens to leave so much the better. It is important that you do not attempt to rationalise this with her, just tell her NO! The aim of the game here is to establish control. If she leaves you she will not be able to play the victim, pregnant and thrown out in the street. If she doesn’t leave, and I can pretty much guarantee that she won’t because she needs you far more than you need her, then she will be broken.
So, assert your masculine power and she will either f~~~ off ( unlikely ) or she will stay but the new power dynamic will be established in your favour. Either way its a win win for you.
“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”
good point @ogre
as i reread the OP, i agree. i would estimate 50/50 chance the baby is not yours. Women show no remorse when telling major lies.Absolutely! I think its unlikely the kid is not yours, but it is better to be safe than sorry. More importantly it will be a s~~~ test of note, for her to agree to such a thing will be extremely demoralising. If she refuses the test you have a perfect excuse to dump her, what does she have to hide? Another win win.
“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”
First things first, do not panic. It’s true you have f~~~ed up so far but with the collective brains and experience here available to you it should be possible to get you through this with the best possible outcome for you.
I don’t know the rules in your country, so its difficult to advise. You say if you split up you would still get 50% custody, that’s good as it sounds to me that you want the child but not the woman. She sounds like a manipulative bitch who has used the fury check book to get what she wants. I assume you don’t yet have the joint bank account? On no account have joint finances. As soon as you do she will quit her job and you will be the sole provider, after all why should she work if your money is also her money?
Its time to start some reverse psychology, use s~~~ tests on her. First of all tell her that the joint finances thing is not going to happen, if she threatens to leave so much the better. It is important that you do not attempt to rationalise this with her, just tell her NO! The aim of the game here is to establish control. If she leaves you she will not be able to play the victim, pregnant and thrown out in the street. If she doesn’t leave, and I can pretty much guarantee that she won’t because she needs you far more than you need her, then she will be broken.
So, assert your masculine power and she will either f~~~ off ( unlikely ) or she will stay but the new power dynamic will be established in your favour. Either way its a win win for you.
Well mentally i am ready to leave if she is going to shame me or throw ultimatums, but good point about that it is best if she breaks it off, so she will not look as a victim. You are right there is no need to rationalise, because she doesnt understand that.
Thank you for sharing your situation here!
Get the paternity test no matter what.*
*this means WITHOUT HER KNOWING.
Get away from her, or commit to warning other guys how she’s making your life worse and worse …. …. …. …. and you did nothing about it. I apologize for being harsh, it’s just that I don’t want to see you further hurt in the long run and that witch fits the definition of a man wrecker too well.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Your gonna be fine man. There are plenty of men on these forums no doubt (myself included) who have made bad decisions.
No reason to beat yourself up.
Here is my advice
1. No joint bank account! My friend you MUST put your foot down here, and do not back down if she leaves or threatens. Just accept the consequences. Do not compound your mistakes! That’s your f~~~ing money.
2. Marriage will solve nothing! Nothing! It will only bring out that which you fear most about her.
3. The car is a tough situation but not a terminal one. You may get stuck with the payments, and I don’t know how the laws of ownership and payment go in your country so do some research.
4. Start saving all you can. This is not a good time to get any more reckless on spending.
What’s done is done. Stop the bleeding. No marriage. No joint accounts. You know she is pushing the envelope with each request. this is a total manipulation and you;re falling for it but you can stop it. Just say no and don’t change your mind no matter what. SHe’ll cry, scream, accuse you of s~~~ but just ignore it.
I bathe in the tears of single moms.
Good luck and let us know how you get on.
“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”
Time for some damage control. See if you can swap the car for something of equal or slightly lesser value. Why? to get YOUR name on the vehicle with her name and to get her name on the loan with yours. Opt for a mini-van. You can easily sell that to her because it’s safer for the child.
Under no circumstances should you share a bank account with her! Marriage is definitely not to your advantage either. Did you notice something about the terms of this ultimatum that she threw at you? It doesn’t benefit the child, it doesn’t benefit you, it is only for HER benefit. If you give in to sharing joint bank accounts with her, you can kiss your arse good bye. As of now, you still have a way out. Give her access to your money and she’ll purposely spend you into debt so that you CAN’T get out.
Please do not try to justify giving into her demands. You don’t owe her anything for having the baby nor do you owe her anything because you make twice her salary. You make the money and as you stated in your post, you could do fine raising the child without her. It’s your money and as such, you get the make the rules, not her. If she’s not willing to go along for the ride according to your rules, then let her go.
Keep us posted and good luck.Feminism isn't about equality with men, it's about leverage over men.
Maybe its just me, but when I had a long term relationship a long time ago, I only matched the same amount of money that my girlfriend put in and made sure it all got spent on bills. Whatever was left over we spent on dinners and going out. She had her own separate account and I had mine.
You should have got a vasectomy before trying to get her pregnant, but that’s of no use now. Maintain a focus on yourself and make sure you are doing well.
Remember Your Sovereignty: what’s in it for you?When the war cemeteries are half full of the corpses of dead conscripted women, only then will women have earned the right to speak of equality. Sidecar “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.” - Bob Dylan
Little update…
Just talked to her, and told her that i dont want anything to do with joint account. She got pretty p~~~ed and drove over to her parents to talk…
Im feeling a bit like shut right now…
Updates will follow
She will do everything! in her power to make you feel like s~~~ unless you are giving her more power. Don’t let her persuade you to be a fool.
If the $$ is in your name only, or better YET! In cash, stashed away, it will be YOUR decision where it goes.
“JOINT ANYTHING” NOWADAYS GIVES THE FEMALE FULL CONTROL.
So, who do you want in charge of your money:
YOU – which she will fight tooth and nail. -or-
HER – which is “joint” anything.CONTROL YOUR RESOURCES!
CONTROL YOUR RESOURCES!
CONTROL YOUR RESOURCES!
IF LATER YOU WANT TO GIVE SOME AWAY THAT IS YOUR CHOICE.
FOR THE LOVE OF COMMON SENSE DO NOT TURN OVER THE PURSE STRINGS TO HER!"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Anonymous11Let her be p~~~ed. She’ll get over it. Never submit to ultimatums as that is blatant manipulation.
I promise our galaxy is still rotating around its center of mass exactly as it was before she pitched her fit.
Well… Her new proposal… To split expanses and split the rest i half….
Which means that if she makes 3k$ a month and i make 7k$ a month and our total expenses is 4k$ a month, then we have to split the rest 6k$ in two for each of us and use them as we like. I am okay to pay more for some budget things but split everything evenly sound a bit like nightmare.Problem is also that she cant work for the next 1,5 year because of pregnacy and baby the first year. And i just dont really feel like that i will be getting anything for those money, all i hear is excuses from her for why things didnt work out.
What the hell do i need to do?
Don’t give in. Never allow her to have any control over your money in any way. That is YOUR MONEY, not hers. You dole out whatever it costs to pay for your portion of the child costs and tell her that she needs to go get a job and pay for her half of the bills. Get daycare and split the cost of that.
Also, if the car you mentioned before is in both of your names, just go and sell it. Tell her to go get her own! The nerve of women to think that just because they have a child that they can suddenly just live for free is beyond ridiculous. The year is 2016, go get a job and stop being a POS.
Also, get a paternity test but don’t tell her about it.
#MANOUT
Well… Her new proposal… To split expanses and split the rest i half….
Which means that if she makes 3k$ a month and i make 7k$ a month and our total expenses is 4k$ a month, then we have to split the rest 6k$ in two for each of us and use them as we like. I am okay to pay more for some budget things but split everything evenly sound a bit like nightmare.Problem is also that she cant work for the next 1,5 year because of pregnacy and baby the first year. And i just dont really feel like that i will be getting anything for those money, all i hear is excuses from her for why things didnt work out.
What the hell do i need to do?
Man, I think you with your major in software engineering are smart enough to think through what she is trying to do to you. She is making it really obvious that she treating you like a sucker, even with your computer major. I am even sure that her family do not give a cr*p about you and are just feeding her sh*t on how she should deal with you because she seems to always go to them for advice and comfort. Would you really want to deal with her family for the rest of your life? If you get her, you will get the whole family, and I doubt that they care about your well being as much as they do their daughter/sister.
"Question everything" - Albert Einstein
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