How to completely let go of the need for approval?

[Anonymous 5]

See my problem is I worry about things I can’t control .it weighs on my mind constantly pounding over things again and again . I love helping people out I get a sense of satisfaction if I help a person in need . Now it’s too easy to have people walk over you and take advantage but if someone’s in need I’ll help be it here or in real life . I believe in the kindness in humans I know it sometimes seems like nobody has it but if you see the good I hope people reciprocate the feeling . Anyways I need to work to seek my own approval .

[trader1913Participant 1577]

Approval of others is something we want when we are born and depending on our genetic predispositions some have a higher need than others. We are constantly told that getting approval of others is a good thing; that we should live a cookie-cutter life so we can make other people proud and ‘contribute’. Men as they grow up are always compelled to do things for other people while women are told to be selfish. This plays into the natural predispositions men and women have. Men value things such as honour, fairness and justice so when they are told to sacrifice for others they are willing, Women (over)value themselves so when they are told to be selfish they are willing.

I think that getting rid of the need for approval must be forced; when your friend ditches you for a woman you lose a little of your need for approval. Over time, as these types of interactions build up you become less and less concerned with other people. It helps if you are introverted and enjoy solitude already.

[BrujahParticipant 579]

I care little for what people think of me but it doesn’t stop me from grooming properly. Dressing and eating well will make you feel good about yourself. As the others have mentioned, being a in a state of “zero f~~~s given” doesn’t mean you should disregard your self respect.

Do what makes you feel good. Say what you mean to say and leave it at that. Some people aren’t going to like what you bring sure then in that case, how do they matter in your life? Good, you’ve effectively filtered out more trash from your social life. Your self confidence will draw out the best in you and the benefits will come later. If you over stress yourself to apply a filter for everyone that you meet, you’re just going to end it awkward for everyone.

[Back in BlackParticipant 1732]

I still make efforts to care what other people think:

• “Good morning” instead of “hi”
• “Certainly” instead of “no problem”.
• “I’d be happy to” instead of “sure”
• “Excellent, thanks” instead of “fine”.

… exercise, diet, and looking well put together etc.

With all due respect to KM, for me, it’s really perspective. I do all these things^^^as well. However I could give a s~~~ what others think of me. I do it for me – because it is the right thing to do. Personal integrity if you will.

"Women are directly adapted to act as the nurses and educators of our early childhood, for the simple reason that they themselves are childish, foolish, and short-sighted—in a word, are big children all their lives, something intermediate between the child and the man, who is a man in the strict sense of the word. Consider how a young girl will toy day after day with a child, dance with it and sing to it; and then consider what a man, with the very best intentions in the world, could do in her place.” Quote from Arthur Shopenhauer, 17th century philosopher

[BryantParticipant 229]

took me till i was about 25 dont know what happened just didnt care all of a sudden

"He who lives with honor dies with honor."

[Prefer Peace to PieceParticipant 10809]

Keymaster wrote:

I still make efforts to care what other people think:

Key-

Good point. I do also.
Like or not, we are all social creatures. We live, work, and play with other people.
Etiquette and caring about other people makes social interaction more effective.

In dealing with women in the workplace, a smile, a cordial greeting and an attitude of helpfulness goes a long way.

The trick is knowing when to shut up and when to ignore them.

I personally think female shaming works, to a degree. The trick is not to put too much stock into a woman’s opinion. Thanks.

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