Greeting brothers. I found this site a few weeks ago and it has meshed totally with the what my life had been going thru. I am in my late 40’s, and I am nearing the 20 year mark in a police career, I can retire after 20 years on. I did not have a lot of luck with women in high school. That started to change when I got out and got into the military and college. All thru my 20’s, I had a near steady stream of relationships and one night stands. I was the good guy, not a player and was always thinking that the relationship I was in could be the one, until they ended for various reasons. I was married by 30 when I started my police career. After 15 years of that marriage and two kids later, the marriage ended. There was never a lot of fighting. She just became more and more controlling and bitchy, the sex just dried up, to the point where I did not even want to try. I can remember looking at her and thinking what the hell is wrong with you when she would be bitching over absolutely nothing.
In June of 2014, I met a woman at work, (non criminal type call) and instantly felt a huge connection that I had never felt before. What should have been a 5 minute run turned into me being there for 45 minutes. When I finally left I had given her my number (she asked how she could get a hold of me of she needed me). I could tell that she liked me and the attention was wonderful for a change. I was very professional and did not hit on her ( I was still married and I don’t do that) So we went our separate ways.
A week later she just happened to see me when she pulled into a grocery store as I was pulling out. I was on duty in my marked car. I never saw her but she saw me. She quickly texted me that she had seen me and to please be careful at work. I was flattered and instantly remembered the attraction from the week before. We texted back and forth just a little bit, and I actually flirted with her and told that I had really enjoyed talking to her last week. Again I did not ask her out ( I was married and I don’t do that) We went our separate ways.
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Flash forward six months. The marriage had continued to deteriorate, and I had off and on thought about the cute little thing that had acted interested in me. By the end of the year I was totally fed up with the situation in my marriage. I was sitting in my car doing paperwork when I got a text message from a number that looked vaguely familiar. It was her! She was asking about her daughters cell phone that had come up missing. I answered her questions from a law enforcement perspective and let it go at that. At home that night I was miserable with the wife. The next day at work I said to hell with it and texted er asking if she had any news concerning her phone. I didn’t really care about that phone. She later told me that she knew I called for her and her only. From that moment on we texted all day every day and and it would sometimes get very sexual in nature. Of course she new I was married and had to stop talking when I got off work. This lasted for about two weeks with one lunch date snuck in. She was absolutely intoxicating. I have never ever been ensnared by a woman like I had with her. Three weeks or so of leading this double life and I was in turmoil. I had met her at work a few times just to see her and talk to her. She was getting very attached to me and it was killing her when I had to get off work and go home and be unable to text. Those three weeks I felt like my skin was crawling when I was home. And remember I don’t do that, I made fun of the man whores on the department and I will be damn if I didn’t find myself right there. Co workers could tell I was in turmoil and they asked if I had started taking drugs or was depressed.
So it came to head, I went home after work and told the wife that I was done, that I could not take it any more. I packed some things and went to stay at a family members. I filed for divorce. Three week later, when I had my children for the weekend, I learned from them that mommy had her new boyfriend move in. Three weeks…. Now I did not know this when I moved out. But it explains a lot of what I was feeling the previous year if she had a side chad running around with her. That does not excuse by behavior, I don’t do that right.
So the next year and a half I am with the new girl. A torrid love affair so intense that it left me reeling. The best sex by far that I have ever had, a cute face and an unbelievable body. The most intense attraction and love bombing I have ever felt. When we discussed the last 20 years it was amazing how our lived had mirrored. We had been in the same places ran around the same areas and never ran across each other. Her step father who she adored was also a police officer and I would do and say so many things that reminded her of him that it was truly scary. After my divorce was final, (I lost everything except for a gun collection, but I was able to secure my retirement). She got the house, all the contents, and a nearly paid off two year old luxury SUV. I married the new girl a month later. The red flags I am getting ready to reveal then exploded. I had fallen for a woman that has a condition that is almost fatal to men, border line personality disorder.
It is truly a nightmare for the person who suffers from it. Unfortunately it is deadly to the partners of the person. As I said before I am near retirement. She wanted/wants me to quit my job (losing the retirement) and move to a state down south where she has family. She wants me to start all over on a police pension there if I can get hired. That will put me working the road until I am in my late 60’s. Part of the issues that she suffers with is crushing insecurity. The way that manifest is that she is scared to death of me leaving her, cheating on her, looking at other women. I have been accused so many times when we are out of looking at other women, sending her into a rage. Magazine displays, football games on TV due to cheerleaders, etc. She is scared to death that I would compare her to these women and it just killed her. No matter how many times I told her that I thought she was absolutely amazing (5’0, 120, D cup, 27 inch waist and the tiniest shaved female parts that made me feel like I was king kong) she just could not accept that I would not change a thing about her. I had to get my district changed at work as she could not handle me working on the same side of town that my ex lived on. She drove a wedge and separated me from contact with my mother and brother ( they deserved it as they stayed friendly with the ex) but it was the good excuse she needed. She hates me going to work for fear of co workers telling me I was wrong and should have stayed with the ex (again there is some truth to that but she has gone way overboard with it). She is so scared that she will check cell phone calls and text. Even insisting that I get a new number and only share it with my supervisors. That would keep the ex and my family and friends from calling. Borderlines cant control their emotions. Anything that would set us off for just a minute will send them into a rage for hours. It is referred to as walking on egg shells. She also had a razor sharp mind and can remember every fricking word spoken or texted from a months ago.God help if you if you have an inconsistency, because that proves that you are a liar. I have never been accused of so much in my life. When she comes out of her rages and her funks she is extremely apologetic and embarrassed of her behavior.
My kids, she also hates my kids and says that she doesn’t want to be a mother. She had one 21 year old who had moved by the time I met her. Also a 15 year old that I have tried to be good to. She says that my kids remind her of something that we will never have together. I said before that we could have easily met back when we were 18 and 20, but we missed each other. That idea crushes her, I know it is not an act. She literally is devastated that we will never have children. So many more stories that I could like the above ones.
She filed for divorce in april, and went south. We talked and agreed to try and work out. By the end of the school year I had still not found a job there. She had placed the house (hers) for sale and it sold. She then went south to stay with a family member. All summer I have looked for a job to no avail. The relationship is suffering even though I go there every couple of weeks to visit. I told her today that I wanted her back here and that we needed to stay here and get my retirement. That then I could combine that with any old job I would get there and we would be set. Also I have great medical insurance which we both need. I have no idea what she is going to do, but I am sick of it. If she cant come back and accept my kids then good riddance. I will be haunted for losing her, when she is not in a triggered condition she is awesome but the things I have to do is killing me. I have been thinking more and more about what it will be like to be just me and my kids going on vacation together. I picture me retired in a few years, starting a second career on top of the retirement. A house alone doing what ever the hell I want. If this doesn’t work I am done!
Just don't care anymore,,,,
Tired-Cop 3 years, 4 months ago.
