This topic is not really an introduction, I already made one a while ago. It’s more me looking for advice on my point my life has come to. Not sure where to post it, so I decided to just use the introduction forum, since it’s about me, my life and career.
Will outline in a moment the background of what is going on. The reason I’m looking for advise, or some moral support is very simple:
– I can’t discuss it with my family. Specially the narcissistic female part of my family will use whatever I say against me, or try and push their own agenda.
– Can’t discuss it with co-workers, need to keep up the appearance everything is business as usual.
– Can’t discuss it with my partner anymore. She simply cannot put herself fully in my place, moreover is getting tired of me being depressed about where I am now.
In short, I feel fellow men here might be the only persons to understand me, and say anything sensible about it. Will break up the story in two parts, since one part mostly deals with my feelings (and the part I could use some support on), the other part about the road ahead. Will intentionally leave where I am exactly on the planet ambiguous to avoid negative (legal) consequences as a result of what I write here. So here we go.
Part 1: How I ended up where I am now:
I was born in Europe. A decade ago, I decided to migrate to Asia. Felt inspired by the idea of making a new life for myself in a new (and very interesting) country, where there was a strong progressive sentiment and many opportunities. I went chasing a dream of settling down somewhere else, build career, wealth, gain acceptance of the locals.
Believing that through hard work, improvement, and grabbing opportunities when they arise I could do well for myself (kind of the marketing story this country keeps telling you), I did everything I could to improve and increase my usefulness for this nation. Even went as far to do a part time Master’s degree for several years. Didn’t just do the bare minimal at work, took whatever opportunities to shine at work when I could. Would say I did pretty alright, worked myself up from a small guy to someone who commands some respect in his current position. Getting a pretty decent pay too. Believing the story that if I were to prove myself talented, I’d eventually would be able to settle down here and have a good life.
For a decade I worked tirelessly towards my goal and dream, then a few weeks ago it came all crashing down.
Over the past decade, I’ve attempted to become a Permanent Resident in this country. Foreigners have little to no rights. (basically you can work and pay more tax then the locals). Permanent Residents have freedom to easily switch jobs and buy properties and setup a company (another thing I hoped to do one day, specially since investors expressed interest in my business ideas more then once). Some restrictions in terms of rights still exists, but it’s not significant.
I’ve attempted to apply for Permanent Residency 5 times over the past decade. A few weeks ago my 5th application got rejected. In line with the policy of the government institution that handles the applications, no reason for rejection was stated.
One of the most important things MGTOW has taught me is, “To do the sensible thing”. Working 70 to 80 hours a week, with no prospect of every being able to settle down here, the sensible thing to do, is leave.
My partner grew tired of this country about a year ago. (Mostly due to the long work weeks) Where I value the idea of achieving things, and trying to build something. Working is more an means to an end for her. A way to make money and fund a high end lifestyle. We discussed that if my application would fail, we would stop giving our skills and productivity to this country, and go a other country nearby. Am not so interested in returning to my homeland, since the place is not doing so well and having been in Asia for so long, the place feels alien to me.
And that’s where I am now is depressing me. I went chasing a dream, and it fell apart. I worked for a decade towards a goal, and I failed at achieving it. Though I have done good work. The prospect of leaving it all behind and starting over again somewhere else from scratch is bumming me out. I’ve poured all my energy into trying to build things where I am now, I feel I’m out of energy to do it all again. Next to that, I feel like an idiot doing all the things I did to get ahead, but none of it mattering in the end. Moreover, what keeps running through my mind is this: “If I go chasing the same dream elsewhere, it may just result in failure again”.
It’s this what people do not understand. My focus on trying to achieve and build something, and having it all crash down in the end. I hope that some people here can relate to my sentiment and say anything meaningful about it.
Part 2: The road ahead
So me and my partner decided the sensible thing to do is leave. We selected a country which has a good standard of living, and offers both of us opportunities to work on our own level. (and thus have a very comfortable dual income) Going there is the sensible thing to do. But the truth is, I was never really interested in that country. Going there to me feels like settling for a consolation price for having lost the game I was playing. (Again a sentiment most people do not seem to understand).
Again trying to do the sensible thing, I went looking for for jobs in the new country, and that’s where the last thing that is depressing me is happening.
Where my partner has companies lining up to hire her, based on her specialized skills set, I keep getting applications turned down based on my generic skill set which is in demand, but not impossible to find a local to do the same. In short, it’s making me even feel more like a loser.
My partner mentioned as a solution she will take up the job, get me a dependent visa, which allows me to look for work easier. She is well intended trying to bail me out, but the idea of being “dependent” on my partner, doesn’t sit well with me.
Even though, looking at it from a practical point of view, it’s my partner who is able to clear obstacles for me now.
The last issue, the county we are targeting had the concept of “de facto marriage” (thanks to MGTOW for warning me about this). Meaning if a couple lives together for a few years, they are considered married under common law. Told my partner under no circumstance I would allow myself to end up in a de facto marriage. Also told her I will not live with her under a dependent pass without having a job of my own. (Thanks again MGTOW for teaching me what happens to “house husbands”).
Told her that if we moved, it would be an actual marriage with a proper prenup protecting both of us in case a divorce. (Will naturally check if prenups are not thrown out in the court of the new country, if that’s the case, no way I’m going) She sees wisdom in my stance, and has agreed to do things the way I want it to be.
Bottom line is though, having lost the dream I worked towards, and having to make difficult compromises to move forward now, I’m generally not happy with where I am now.
AgitoM 2 years, 3 months ago.
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