Divorce mediation tomorrow……

[Nice Guy EddieParticipant 527]

Gentlemen,

Heading into the mediation Coliseum tomorrow with my ex.

Professional mediator (middle-aged female) and our respective lawyers in attendance.

Because my ex is a lazy, hypergamous entitled whale, I am exclusively paying for the pleasure (about $5000 for the day) and also forgoing a day of paid work.

She has requested a “support person” be present, presumably to wipe her tears and distract me.

Any tips from my battle-scarred colleagues?

NGE

[TaxGuyParticipant]

I only went to one mediation session. It took me about 5 minutes to figure it out from an accounting perspective. You will split your balance sheet: assets and liabilities. Cash, house, retirement accounts net of credit card debt, car loans, etc.

Then comes the statement of cash flow: incomes etc.

Once I had a few things like stock options put in the correct bucket, it wasn’t hard to sort out.

The one thing I appreciated about the mediator was that she (a middle aged woman) didn’t give a flying f~~~ about the sob story of how the ex gave up her career to stay with the kids when they were little (completely her choice by the way and guaranteed me that she wouldn’t do that when we got married). She was just there to split the balance sheet and the cash flow. I took time off of work to show up, and my part-time working ex could only make time to call in. After it was over the mediator asked me if she really even wanted the divorce. I told her I assume so since she asked for it and is already living with her boyfriend. She was floored. The reason I’m telling you this is because a good mediator isn’t going to put up with the support person for the emotional bulls~~~ she is going to attempt.

I sincerely hope going to mediation is a help for you. If the mediator listens to more than about 30 seconds of sob story, I would request a new one. They aren’t there for marriage counseling, they are there to split your s~~~.

Go in unemotional with no baggage. Just there to split the s~~~. If she gets emotional over a couch, give her the couch. It’s just s~~~. Split the s~~~ and get out.

Let us know how it goes. It’s just s~~~, split the s~~~ and get out.

Order the good wine

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Spent the entire time with a distracted look on your face accompanied by the trace of a smile — like you’re remembering that little thing, the 22 y/o girl “just earning some tuition money”, did with her tongue.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[Nice Guy EddieParticipant 527]

Great stuff lads, keep it coming.

NGE

[narwhalParticipant]

I went through mediation and found it rather productive. If possible, you and your soon to be ex should be in separate rooms. The mediator can go back and forth between you too. That will keep you from getting distracted from your goal, and also allow your mediator to better understand what your ex is about. That will likely help you out. It will also throw off your ex as it takes away her strongest weapon, manipulation. It becomes very impersonal and emotionless, and can leave your ex feeling confused and lost, out of her element. Welcome to the real world, kind of feeling.

I hope you have lawyer present. Always good. If not, don’t be afraid to ask the mediator what they think is fair. They have experience on this and will end up helping you make sure you don’t get screwed. I think it helps that the mediator is female.

Ok. Then do it.

[Nice Guy EddieParticipant 527]

narwhal wrote:

I went through mediation and found it rather productive. If possible, you and your soon to be ex should be in separate rooms. The mediator can go back and forth between you too. That will keep you from getting distracted from your goal, and also allow your mediator to better understand what your ex is about. That will likely help you out. It will also throw off your ex as it takes away her strongest weapon, manipulation. It becomes very impersonal and emotionless, and can leave your ex feeling confused and lost, out of her element. Welcome to the real world, kind of feeling.

Yeah, I’m still tossing up the pros and cons of “shuttle mediation”. Her lawyer is an incompetent idiot, so I would enjoy getting stuck into him face-to-face for his innnumerable factual errors in the documents, but I suspect that’s just pride talking.

NGE

[TaxGuyParticipant]

narwhal wrote:

I think it helps that the mediator is female

I completely agree. If the mediator isn’t fair then your attorney will never agree to work with them again. And since it’s a woman, your soon to be ex can’t complain that it wasn’t fair because it’s a guy thing.

Plus, no one better than a woman to know when your ex is playing a bulls~~~ woman game. They know their own crap when they see it.

As for shuttle mediation, I think that may depend on whether or not you can stay in the moment and not get emotional. Not shuttling could give you the chance to read the mediator’s body language when the ex starts getting emotional and give you a clue how to react. I would hope for the amount of money you are paying your attorney he will have an opinion on that one.

Order the good wine

[Anonymous 54]

Have a Bootle of scotch or what ever for afterwards. There is always a price to pay for freedom.Good luck.See you on the free side!

[Nice Guy EddieParticipant 527]

Anonymous wrote:

Have a Bootle of scotch or what ever for afterwards. There is always a price to pay for freedom.Good luck.See you on the free side!

Thanks Old Sage, I’ve already organized a night out with the kids afterwards, and a catch-up with an attractive, intelligent, recently-divorced hottie the next night. Life is good.

NGE

[HitmanParticipant]

I practically begged for a mediation.
Far better than a long drawn out divorce.
We will be with you brother. .
Good luck!
Let us know what happened!

[experiencedParticipant]

Nice Guy Eddie wrote:

Gentlemen,

Heading into the mediation Coliseum tomorrow with my ex.

Professional mediator (middle-aged female) and our respective lawyers in attendance.

Because my ex is a lazy, hypergamous entitled whale, I am exclusively paying for the pleasure (about $5000 for the day) and also forgoing a day of paid work.

She has requested a “support person” be present, presumably to wipe her tears and distract me.

Any tips from my battle-scarred colleagues?

NGE

Well…my ex agreed to mediation, then turned around and immediately served me with divorce papers, lying that it was required to start the clock. My attorney confirmed it was a lie. So went another step in her official exposure as a c~~~. So, relative to that, you’re doing well.
I’d definitely do the shuttle set up vs the spittle set up.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Buller100Participant 2189]

In mine she left for a Chad, I just focused on getting the best deal I could, I think I was lucky as we both wanted it resolved quick so I had some leverage.

Good luck,

[BeerParticipant 11832]

Nice Guy Eddie wrote:

I’ve already organized a night out with the kids afterwards, and a catch-up with an attractive, intelligent, recently-divorced hottie the next night.

What the f~~~…how stupid are you?

[Nice Guy EddieParticipant 527]

Half-time at the Coliseum….

Emotion v Reason.

Reason winning.

Much tears and anecdote.

Mediator dealing with it like a boss….

NGE

[Nice Guy EddieParticipant 527]

Well lads, it was an ….interesting experience.

Despite several months of time to get her act together, she was woefully underprepared: She didn’t have any of her her financials sorted and didn’t present a cogent case for child custody arrangements.

We didn’t reach any firm agreements, but we made some headway.

It was telling that she left the mediation room crying her eyes out, with the arm of her cuck lawyer around her. The mediator was unimpressed. I was suitably impassive.

Oh, and she broke the strict confidentiality rules by discussing the negotiations with her “support person”. That is going to come back to bite her.

Thanks for all the advice – I think I did MGTOW proud today.

Oh, and the hottie I’m seeing tomorrow: we’re just mates, although I may try to sling one up her. I haven’t decided yet.

NGE

[WarratahParticipant 895]

I’m glad it went well for you. I experienced much the same.
I have since discovered that the mediation agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
I’ve been in and out of court like a yo-yo with the ex and her lawyer chipping away and changing the agreement to suit herself.

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

[Nice Guy EddieParticipant 527]

Warratah wrote:

I’m glad it went well for you. I experienced much the same.
I have since discovered that the mediation agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
I’ve been in and out of court like a yo-yo with the ex and her lawyer chipping away and changing the agreement to suit herself.

I’m determined to avoid court. Judges are overworked, underpaid and make dumb decisions.

Although I don’t care about my ex, I don’t think the expense and hassle would be worth it in the long run.

I’m reasonably well resourced, having stashed away some money in a home loan account for a few year prior to this, but would rather spend it on my kids that achieve a pyrrhic victory.

NGE

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Warratah wrote:

I’m glad it went well for you. I experienced much the same.
I have since discovered that the mediation agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
I’ve been in and out of court like a yo-yo with the ex and her lawyer chipping away and changing the agreement to suit herself.

I don’t know if it’s the same in every state, but I doubt you are doing binding mediation. The mediator is just there to help the attorneys prove to the two of you what is in the ballpark of fair.

I heard a great quote from a divorce attorney (it’s not family law if the purpose is to rip families apart). “There’s not a lot of law in family law”. Meaning, if you two will agree to it, a judge most likely will too. So, if you can agree without going to court, then the court doesn’t really give a crap. You are obviously negotiating as adversaries.

Hopefully it will serve to tempter her expectations. Your attorney’s job is to make you think you win. Her attorney wants her to feel like she got a good deal. Maybe this will help bring her back down to earth and if she does a little better than what the mediator thought she should get then she will take it. Giving a little more only stings for a month or two. That’s about how long it takes to figure out that you would have paid twice as much to be away from her!!

Order the good wine

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Good deal, sounds like you got it.

It caused me tons of anxiety when I went as well. No easy way through it. Paper is paper. A contract is only as good as the person is that signs it. Courts can’t force someone to be a decent person so once your out the door move on. My lawyer told me that in a divorce case no woman gets thrown in jail (I was going on about every infraction made, etc) Pay the bill and move on. One day it will be a memory…

Good luck

Peace brothers

[OldBillParticipant]

Nice Guy Eddie wrote:

We didn’t reach any firm agreements, but we made some headway.

So, there’s going to be a Round 2? Will you have to pay another $5000 for that?

As for her unpreparedness, it helped you during the first round but what about the second? Will the mediator still impose decisions despite your ex not having the required information on hand?

Oh, and she broke the strict confidentiality rules by discussing the negotiations with her “support person”. That is going to come back to bite her.

“Support person”, ugh. We’ve that s~~~ too on our side of the Pond. It’s mostly animals here. Brain dead women pretending they’re special snowflakes by claiming they need the constant presence of dogs, cats, guinea pigs, emus, moose, etc. simply to leave the house and waddle to Starbucks.

I’m very glad to read she screwed up by sharing confidential information.

It sounds as if you’ve fed her enough rope to hang herself a couple times over.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and best of luck in Round 2.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

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