Dealing With Crazy..Advice Please..

[HitmanParticipant]

the ex wife pays half the mortgage on the home we bought together.
she is frequently out of work,
collecting workers comp.
when she’s working, a babysitter is needed..
i pay for half the cost of the sitter.
.
she went back to work last march,
handed me a stack of bills from march to july.
.
i stated i would pay my share ,
but 4 months at once was too much to expect from me.
a month averages about 250 dollars for my half.
.
i paid march , last month ( july ).
written in a book to record the payment with her signing and dating the page.
.
well, i asked, as usual for her half of the mortgage …
she starts texting how it’s unfair she pays her half of the mortgage stating that I DON’T pay her babysitting expenses.
.
wow.
dealing with crazy isn’t easy..
get this…
.
she bought a brand new car while we were living together,
she owes me half the value of it..
about 13 thousand.
i explained to her ,
please be on time with the babysitting bills at the end of each month..( she missed july already)
if i can’t pay all of it,
we would make note of it in the book.
she agreed ,
now she’s saying i don’t pay my share of the sitter money..
meanwhile she OWES ME thousands..
the divorce is ongoing, not finished for almost 4 years now.

.
if i force the money she owes me to be paid, i will have to put the house for sale.
if i pay her, as i intend, i have to live on next to nothing.but stay in the home.
.
f~~~ing catch 22 .
the lawyers make the money everytime a call is made..
.
so here’s my deal,
pay and stay in the house is what i plan..
.
if i don’t stay in the house i won’t see our child nearly as much..
which will break both the kid and my heart..
.
this c~~~ jumps to conclusions that don’t exist .
.
thoughts ?
advice ?
.
thanks and sorry for the rant..

[From The AshesParticipant 149]

I know where you’re coming from. So far me and the B&C are still “cohabiting”, but recent events make me wonder how long that’ll last. I’m staying for my kids, that’s it.

Do the kids live with you or her (aside from visitation)?

I’ve strongly considered selling it all, If I feel that divorce is pending I’ll suggest that we put the house up for sale and “buy a new property where we’ll be happier”. Upon the sale of our marital home, I’ll split the proceeds from the sale between us and “wait” for the right deal to come along.

At this same time, we’ll rent a month to month and eventually split. Hopefully here crazy is documented enough where I get full custody of my boys (unlikely in this gynocracy) and I can get my own place and live happily ever after.

I’d sooner split assets than debt (where I’d have to pay it all cause she doesn’t work). No common financial ties when the SHTF is my plan, and hopefully it never does but there’s s~~~stains all over the wall now.

I’ll never leave because I decided to, I’m here for my boys till they’re grown and nuking the family would be her fault. Sounds like you’re a few steps past this and I hope you make out okay brother.

Once the boys are grown, if her poor genetics don’t make me a widower by the time they’re grown I’ll reassess the damages and see where I stand (if we make it that long.)

If someone would have told me what life would be like 10 yrs after I knocked this woman up, I’d have high tailed it out of town like speedy gonzales. Hind-sight is 20-20, isn’t it…

[HitmanParticipant]

thanks guys,
i did some math and i can afford to pay her,
which is to deduct it from her half of the mortgage payment.
.
the irritation comes from her agreeing to work out me paying her,
yet she will wait for my lawyer to force her to pay me….
in a way ,
it stalls the divorce,
gives me a roof that costs way less than any room for rent.
.
i remind her that WE have a house which will grow in value,
to accumulate wealth.
to wait as long as possible to sell..
.
she agrees and then accuses me of not paying her BEFORE i have the chance to do so..
..
we live apart, and she took our kid, filed for divorce,
gets child support,
will not get alimony.
.
what she owes me can be settled various ways,
but it will let the divorce proceed, which will F~~~ ME OVER.
so i am playing nice as possible.
dealing with crazy..

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Apparently, you do not know how difficult you are being.

Seriously, you can’t depend on her. I don’t know anything about your situation. I always go towards the painful extraction route. There are things worse than death.

In my circumstance, I sold the house and took on all the debt. Took me 15 years to burrow out.

The only path out that I saw was to sever everything as soon as manly possible.

I know, it sucks. Trust me, it hurt like a pencil tip to the eyeball. That is why it was easy for me when she tried to monkey branch back. Not enough blue pills in the bottle after going thru what you are going to have to do.

Oh, I didn’t see my child for 5 years. As my father said, “straighten out your life so that you will be ready when he flees crazy.” Broke my heart but it turned out to be the best thing I did. But, that’s another long story.

Being a man means sometimes there is no good solution. The path that might lead you to freedom is worth the try. Try hard.

Peace brothers

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Sorry Hit man, just read your latest reply. Your in mitigate damage mode while going through divorce? I think.

My John Galt mentor would tell you to put your house up for sale, pack your s~~~ and finish divorce. Like yesterday. Your burning daylight.

And then he would say something sarcastic like “Don’t make me come over there and straighten your life out….again”

I really hate him…

Peace brothers

[HitmanParticipant]

these women act on impulse and not reason,
logic is missing..
emotions rule their world.
.
sorry to hear you went through hell Darksith..
nice to get out and come back i’ll bet.
.
no time soon for me,
but i continue to make lemonade out of all the lemons she throws at me .. !!!
.
all this made me grow up mighty fast..
i’m 50+ ( late bloomer…)
chased tail almost all my life,
decided to “settle down ”
ha. …
the joke was on me..

[Anonymous 54]

Never get married young guys in love. This is why.

[HitmanParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

Never get married young guys in love. This is why.

yep.
started a “family ” and had it torn apart by a woman,
who before the pregnancy was really a sweetheart.
AFTER the kid was born,
holy f~~~ing s~~~, like the DEVIL was in her eyes.
.
women of child-bearing age are too immature to deal with having a child…
mind-f~~~.
.
not to mention wallet-rape …

[Chaff/FlareParticipant 3235]

Hitman, been through this s~~~. For what it’s worth:

Finish the f~~~ing divorce ASAP, whatever it takes
Have a parenting plan, and all finances/responsibilities addressed…ensure there is language to modify child support when necessary. Be nice now. As soon as divorce is final, turn on the NO:
Can you help pay ….no
Can you fix…no

Want to come over…no

When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.

[HitmanParticipant]

C.F. thanks ..
i live alone and see my kid 4 times a week.
every weekend.
all that will go bye-bye if i finish it now.
.
i get what your saying, and wish i could do that.
it will happen when it happens.
.
in the meantime,
i live in a nice house,
pay half the mortgage,
have lots of time with the kid,
………..
money.
it ALL comes down to money.
i’m still juggling credit card debt from legal fees..
have a good career,
a working man ,
excellent health benefits.
.
i would have to spend a lot more to re-write the terms of divorce to match up with the reality after the terms were written.
.
money…
.
i cannot afford to rent or buy where i live,
10 minutes away from the ex with our child.
.
it would force me to live in new york city again, instead of a short distance outside gotham..
separating me from the child.
.
btw..iv’e never been asked to “come over”..
may be better this way..
.
i’m the type of guy who likes to rip the band-aid off FAST..
so this slow torture is a real test i’m enduring.
.
not turning down your advice,
just explaining the best i can my situation..
thanks my friend…
.
trying to use the MGTOW think-tank here..
NO bad ideas..
brainstorming…..
.
there has to be an angle i have not looked at in this…….

[AttonParticipant]

Hitman wrote:

Old Sage wrote:

Never get married young guys in love. This is why.

yep.
started a “family ” and had it torn apart by a woman,
who before the pregnancy was really a sweetheart.
AFTER the kid was born,
holy f~~~ing s~~~, like the DEVIL was in her eyes.
.
women of child-bearing age are too immature to deal with having a child…
mind-f~~~.
.
not to mention wallet-rape …

I hope that others learn from your story.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[Anonymous 42]

Pray for some trucker to fall asleep on the X-Bronx and dump his load on her!

Or the two truck squisharoo! Like a metal zit! POP! Then collect the insurance.

P.S. It’s beyond my mental capacity to understand how guys manage to go through a divorce that lasts for years and years, counting and nitpicking every penny and having a perfect stranger decide who gets who and who gets what.

I like being economically destroyed all by myself, there’s allot less to think about…

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Ahh. Understand now.

Any chance that she will find a white knight that wants to marry her?(Worked for me)

Setup a dating site for her, etc. What you need is a blue pill mangina on a white horse. Where are they when we need them?

Peace brothers

[HitmanParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

P.S. It’s beyond my mental capacity to understand how guys manage to go through a divorce that lasts for years and years, counting and nitpicking every penny and having a perfect stranger decide who gets who and who gets what.

once you walk through the gates of hell,
the only thing you can do,
to stop the pitchfork from jabbing your ass,
is to make a deal with the devil..
.
if there was no kid involved i would be gone ..
it’s out of the love for a child that i go through this..
.
the lesson is here for the guys who think it will work for them,
it won’t.
.
i had 45 years of freedom..
now a worker slave to the state.
and dealing with miss crazy…..

[Chaff/FlareParticipant 3235]

Hitman wrote:

it would force me to live in new york city again, instead of a short distance outside gotham..
separating me from the child.

Of course, I don’t know the whole story…sorry, I feel like an asshole. I really don’t get it. How does her not paying you money stop the divorce?

F~~~, I almost killed myself doing it…..took 12 months.

I know it sucks, and I know it seems like a lot, but I always have 10k in the bank that I don’t touch no matter what. The second she renigs on an agreement or blows me off about the kids, straight to court. After divorce, usually they have to pay their own fees. Seems to work well. Goes without saying that they will never honor an agreement if you don’t crack the whip

When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

My advice:. Sell the house. It’s no longer a home, she made sure of that. At this point it’s just an asset to liquidate. It gets you your $13k that she owes you and makes the divorce go easier.

Plus housing is a seller’s market right now. I had to sell when prices were down and we got nothing.

There’s worse things than selling the house. One that comes to mind is living with someone who hates you.

Order the good wine

[Chaff/FlareParticipant 3235]

TaxGuy wrote:

My advice:. Sell the house. It’s no longer a home, she made sure of that. At this point it’s just an asset to liquidate. It gets you your $13k that she owes you and makes the divorce go easier.

this would make him have to move and loose his kid. She is paying half the mortgage, but he is paying child support. I don’t get it, but seems like classic s~~~sandwich

When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Chaff/Flare wrote:

TaxGuy wrote:

My advice:. Sell the house. It’s no longer a home, she made sure of that. At this point it’s just an asset to liquidate. It gets you your $13k that she owes you and makes the divorce go easier.

this would make him have to move and loose his kid. She is paying half the mortgage, but he is paying child support. I don’t get it, but seems like classic s~~~sandwich

I get it, but it doesn’t sound like she’s keeping up on the bills so Hitman has to make up the difference. And the sooner the divorce is final the sooner he get the custody agreement and can spend time with his kid without all of the tension. His kid will love spending time with a happy dad.

And it’s just food for thought. And personal experience, but it’s just my experience. His may be very different.

Order the good wine

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

One thing about us is that we will hold the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Consider atlas shrugged. When you ask for options you take some off the table. Your child is the most important thing to you. You will walk through the fires of hell for that child.

All I can think of is what my father said after I said I had to wait for this or do that, etc.

He looked me in the eye and said, “let him go, you can never be free until you do. Then, prepare for his return.”

Once my ex understood that I didn’t care about anything but getting rid of her a miraculous thing happened. I was free.

My father passed away one month to the day after that statement.

Hope this helps

Peace brothers

[KeymasterKeymaster]

The advice I would offer here isn’t practical, but I know me, and I would remove myself from this kind of a situation – as far as possible. Except there is a child at stake so I understand you’re at an impasse, and have to make the best of it. Wish I had more to add, but you and the child are everything to you….

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Author]

Posts