Being a dad

[Anonymous 3]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

I was a single father for my son’s entire life from when he was 9 months old. His mother was incapacitated with “post partum…I don’t want a baby” depression. So I raised him by myself from 9 months till three years when his mom was found to be ok and she got 50/50 because that’s the ethic I was raised with. Equality of the sexes. If I wanted to be a parent I had to do the work.
And when she moved he made my life miserable, I was considering a military school. Then, he called the police on me and made up a story. As it didn’t happen no charges were lodged and he moved down to his mom. I didn’t speak to him for 3 years. We got together once a year for another two years. I haven’t seen him in the last two years.
I will not go to his graduation, wedding, children. He will not come to my funeral.
I regret wasting my life taking care of her son. Children belong to their mother. Women don’t even want go acknowledge that turning a child against his parent is child abuse (parental alienation syndrome).

Damn.

I think there’s the answer to OP right there. It’s not going to be your child. It’s all hers. Her real husband is the state. You’re just a sperm donor.

[SwimcatParticipant 3589]

I come at this from a different prospective. I never had to go through the horror of the family courts. I have two daughters and a son. The expense of raising them was massive, not including college costs that I finally paid off with the life insurance funds I received on the death of my wife. In spite of the expense and aggravation I’m very proud of their accomplishments. Last year my son made me a grandfather. Now that I’m alone I’m damn glad I have them. However, heed the warning of others. I consider myself a lucky man. Life would have been very different had I been divorced.

[Daryll55Participant 2950]

I am not going to say yay, or nay on the father issue. That’s too personal.

I will try to enlighten you on something that many seem to overlook.
TIME
When you become a parent; you are one 100 % of the time, The first 3 years after they are born, you mays well throw away any thoughts of individuality or personal activity. You will be a dad,….. always. Honey puss will be tired of being a parent too, and will make opportunity to let YOU have them so she can find some “alone time,”
Thing is: you are never alone.

There is an upside: they get dang cuuuuute from like age 3 to age 8 or so.

Marry again, Hell NO ! ( Even JESUS was hung on a cross just once)

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22522]

LionOnTheLoose wrote:

I’ll probably just keep enjoying the “fun uncle” role.

It sounds like you have answered your own question.

The fact of the matter is western laws and society will not let men be “dads” to any children the men father.

As of right now, any dreams of fathering children and being a dad by to teaching your boys how to play baseball and someday walks you adult daughter down the aisle are not going to happen.

Instead, on average of around six or seven years after you start a family with a woman, she is going to divorce/leave you. She will use the courts to destroy you, take everything you have worked for, stick you with paying regular alimony and child support payments under threat of imprison with the payments being beyond you ability to afford. And while you will be paying to raise your children, you will not have a say in how the children will be raised, and as time goes by your ex will teach your children to hate you.

I personally know men whom are in that situation, and I would rather not have children than be in that situation.

The only event that would make me consider changing my mind would be if society collapsed and women did not have the government to backup them up and support their every whim at the expense of hard working men.

[NoMoreParticipant 1233]

Having kids is like playing the lottery. It’s a tax on people who are bad at math. I gambled and lost. The only positive is my kid. The huge downside is that I have to constantly fight with the ex about literally everything. The court gave her everything she wanted. She gets all the fun of raising our child with absolutely no expenses. Her only hang up is my one week a month with him. So, she enrolled him in sports that only have games when we do our exchange. She’s trying to guilt me into traveling an entire day round trip so he doesn’t miss a game, which means she doesn’t have to drive at all to bring him to me.

There are a few men who will win this lottery, but they are the minority. If you don’t have kids, avoid the game. If you do have kids, do whatever your conscience tells you to do. Sometimes you go all in, but sometimes you have to fold. It’s very personal and no one can tell you when to give up on your kids. I’m currently still fighting tooth and nail. I refuse to let my only son go down the path his mother is creating for him.

A co-worker recently told me, "If you want to see who someone really is, divorce them." I have found out how true this is. When your wife drops the façade of being the caring partner, you will witness all of the greed, hate, and spite that she has masked. It is truly breathtaking!

[MonkParticipant 16995]

Anonymous wrote:

I think there’s the answer to OP right there. It’s not going to be your child. It’s all hers. Her real husband is the state. You’re just a sperm donor.

This.

[AzraelParticipant 502]

Secret Agent MGTOW wrote:

Clu wrote:

Lets just say, when you dont have kids you think you are missing out on something, but when you have kids you realize that you weren’t.

Its the grass is greener fallacy. Everyone wants what they dont have because they THINK its better than what they currently have. But since they dont have it, they have a unrealistic image of how great what they dont have, is. They hyper fixate on positives and ignore and dont know about the negatives.

I would say this is a MAJOR driving force behind women’s desires. “(Friend that I actually hate) has (insert car/kid/job/whatever), I want that too!”. Never mind the hard work or commitment it takes to achieve that.

Quit looking at my signature, queer-mo.

[iMickey503Participant 12465]

I’m not going to tell you one way or another. It just happens. If it does not, good. The world today makes it close to impossible to raise good children.

But let me make this clear. MGTOW men are about the BEST DAD’s and fathers there are out there. And that is EXACTLY why they target us. PERIOD.

So Should you? Sure if the Artificial Womb and Eggs come around. But is it worth it? I don’t know. As an Uncle? The kids sure think so.

Most MGTOW men make GREAT fathers. Sadly, we just got the Magic. I know I do. But MAN am I glad that I can leave my sisters.. I went over there today to drop of a Propane outdoor hot stove from my moms house to hers. Well. Of course the SECOND I get in.

GUNKLE! GUNKCLE! with the Happy dance. Yea, that little 2 year old girl sure does adore me. But that’s just about all kids. Some Crayons and some Play Doh later and some Being a Motor engine Pushing her around the house with a toy and then having her help me fix some chairs in the house with my tool set. I WAS ABLE TO LEAVE! Whoo… Man KIDS. Screw the gym. JUST HAVE kids around. You get a work out.

I kind of just like many of you have this nack for people just coming up to you. Kids are NO exception.

Think is, we would all make and have been great dads. But the system does not allow us to do this.

I honestly feel more depressed after they come by the house. As a man that can not see his own son, its pretty hard on you. And my other 2 are over 18 and doing their own thing.

The thing is, man. Its great being a dad. Or an uncle. But no matter what happens, we get f~~~ed out of our joy. Really, a father never gets lonely. I’m laughing as I say this cuz I’m pretty sure I am going to be a very busy Uncle for the next few years.

It is rewarding to have them grow. But as my sister will tell you, it sucks raising girls today. I mean I have a neese that is 10 right now about to turn 11.. And it is not a picnic for my sister. She already is saying she likes girls.. Hmmm. Wonder where that came from???

But overall. Should you? HELL NO!. Heck. I am looking to get this this year:

And of COURSE putting in extra lights and some other cool stuff into it. And Maybe fixing up the Quad I got here. But really, it sort of the fun of it. I mean I LOVE doing things fun with the kids. And that little 2 year old is WAY to smart for her own good. LOLZ.

But guys this is why we are MGTOW. THe bad deal is not worth the price it takes on everyone else. Like it or not, MGTOW is the best thing that is going to fix all this s~~~. And maybe one day make it possible for the next generation of kids not to suffer from the crap that WE are going through.

But again. That ALL depends on WOMEN and the government.

Is being a dad great.. Overall.. ITS A HELL OF A TON OF WORK! But.. Today. All we have is memories.

And man. I never got around to building a garage for all the Powerwheels we use to have.

Like it or not. Its amazing to be a father.

But when you add this to the picture. IT ALL falls apart.

You are all alone. If you have been falsely accused of RAPE, DV, PLEASE let all men know about the people who did this. http://register-her.net/web/guest/home

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

NoMore wrote:

I’m currently still fighting tooth and nail.

I was once a fool too. It cost me $300,000.00, I lost my house, my job and my sanity. Be very careful. My ex wouldn’t send my son to games if I was going to be there so don’t be such a fool as to waste your day traveling. Start thinking of yourself, neither your children or your ex will ever see you as a walking atm machine. When you stop paying out, or she finds a bigger atm, your out. Like it or not you are raising her child and the courts and everyone but you know that.

You, like me, are buying into that whole…if your there for them the children will love you…but that’s not how it works. Women go for the money and children are worse. I’m not wishing you harm but wait until adolescence. They will drop you like a bad habit.

Your a glorified baby sitter. If you like giving her weeks off and spending your time taking care of children that will hate you. I say better you than me.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

As a son, i wish i was never born.

My mother said if she knew she woldnt have had kids andi agree with her.

You like kids, you want kids, ME ME ME, what about the poor bastard that comes to be a slave in this s~~~hole world?

VASECTOMI FOR THE WIN.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[guiParticipant 825]

For me it a somewhat complicated matter and currently I think it’s better to not have children.

I am 24. I like children and I have to desire to be a father someday but there’s so much disadvantages and impediments to it that it’s just sad.

Some points that I’ve take in consideration and make me think I will probably never have children:

– I hate the idea of being on a marriage because I know that currently we don’t get anything back for our sacrifice of being married.

– Like it’s been said so many times before on this site, nowadays divorce is a foregone conclusion to any marriage. It’s just matter of time. And with divorce comes the messy fights where the woman would put my children against me. Also, in case of divorce the mother always get to keep their custody and I would have to beg her to see my children. To top it all the mother can also force the children to accuse me of abusing them.

– In today’s feminist society you don’t get to raise your children because both the state and the women have hijacked that position from you. Good luck instilling values on your children when you see them only a few times a month and the feminist mother is the one living with them.

– I don’t want to have to pay for child support since I know the mother will spend most if not all of the money on herself. Also child support is based on your income and if you lose your job or get a lower paying one it’s a real pain to convince the judges to adjust the value.

Sadly like the brothers here have said already, children belong to their mothers.

I sometimes think about using surrogate mothers but there’s plenty of issues with that as well:

– kids would miss a mother
– single guys get easily branded as pedophiles by society when close to children
– I haven’t researched far but I am sure my country’s law would be a pain in the ass to regularize such a situation.

There also the problems related to my finances and the state of the world is today:

– I currently can’t afford children. If I ever were to have them I’d want to be really stable with good income. I don’t want them to grown up like me with frustrations of almost never getting what I wanted and I’d want them to have money to do any sports, courses and travels they wanted, to give them a better home, better opportunities, better everything. Of course I know it’s important to not spoil your children and teach them the value of things but every father want to be able to at least give decent life quality instead of a depressing one where money is always a issue.

And the thing is that with divorce being a foregone conclusion even if I got a really good income I wouldn’t be able to provide this because I would get divorce raped and the mother would spend it all on herself since she would be the one with their custody.

Also, my country is dangerous, it’s democracy is really unstable and regularly threatened by communist politicians. Also the quality of life is bad in many aspects when compared to first world countries. I wouldn’t rest knowing I brought children to such an envirorment where they would have to deal with really bad urban violence, a broken depressing economy that doesn’t let anyone dream about achieving anything and a government that always seems to get more authoritarian and more incompetent.

It’s been a long rant but to sum it all: I wish to be a father but I know I can’t because I can’t provide them with a fair chance at a happy life because of state of the world I live at.

That said I also know that there’s a gamble when the character of children are concerned. You never know if your children will turn out to be good or bad because regardless how well you raise them everyone has their own essence that helps shape who they become.

I wish life was more about effort and less luck based but such is life.

Pity and contempt are siblings. You only feel pity for those you consider weak.

[Anonymous 12]

Being a Dad

NOPE.
It usually comes with a Mother of some sort.
And diapers, and time spent and money spent.
and why would i put another human being on this planet.

Nah.
U mad bruh

[iMickey503Participant 12465]

gui wrote:

For me it a somewhat complicated matter and currently I think it’s better to not have children.
I am 24. I like children and I have to desire to be a father someday but there’s so much disadvantages and impediments to it that it’s just sad.
Some points that I’ve take in consideration and make me think I will probably never have children:
– I hate the idea of being on a marriage because I know that currently we don’t get anything back for our sacrifice of being married.
– Like it’s been said so many times before on this site, nowadays divorce is a foregone conclusion to any marriage. It’s just matter of time. And with divorce comes the messy fights where the woman would put my children against me. Also, in case of divorce the mother always get to keep their custody and I would have to beg her to see my children. To top it all the mother can also force the children to accuse me of abusing them.
– In today’s feminist society you don’t get to raise your children because both the state and the women have hijacked that position from you. Good luck instilling values on your children when you see them only a few times a month and the feminist mother is the one living with them.
– I don’t want to have to pay for child support since I know the mother will spend most if not all of the money on herself. Also child support is based on your income and if you lose your job or get a lower paying one it’s a real pain to convince the judges to adjust the value.
Sadly like the brothers here have said already, children belong to their mothers.
I sometimes think about using surrogate mothers but there’s plenty of issues with that as well:
– kids would miss a mother– single guys get easily branded as pedophiles by society when close to children– I haven’t researched far but I am sure my country’s law would be a pain in the ass to regularize such a situation.
There also the problems related to my finances and the state of the world is today:
– I currently can’t afford children. If I ever were to have them I’d want to be really stable with good income. I don’t want them to grown up like me with frustrations of almost never getting what I wanted and I’d want them to have money to do any sports, courses and travels they wanted, to give them a better home, better opportunities, better everything. Of course I know it’s important to not spoil your children and teach them the value of things but every father want to be able to at least give decent life quality instead of a depressing one where money is always a issue.
And the thing is that with divorce being a foregone conclusion even if I got a really good income I wouldn’t be able to provide this because I would get divorce raped and the mother would spend it all on herself since she would be the one with their custody.
Also, my country is dangerous, it’s democracy is really unstable and regularly threatened by communist politicians. Also the quality of life is bad in many aspects when compared to first world countries. I wouldn’t rest knowing I brought children to such an envirorment where they would have to deal with really bad urban violence, a broken depressing economy that doesn’t let anyone dream about achieving anything and a government that always seems to get more authoritarian and more incompetent.
It’s been a long rant but to sum it all: I wish to be a father but I know I can’t because I can’t provide them with a fair chance at a happy life because of state of the world I live at.
That said I also know that there’s a gamble when the character of children are concerned. You never know if your children will turn out to be good or bad because regardless how well you raise them everyone has their own essence that helps shape who they become.
I wish life was more about effort and less luck based but such is life.

See this post above? I will bet you MONEY that in the future it will be used to start a war.

Damn. This post hits like a ton of bricks. Well written, well thought out. Logical.
You got a gift GUI. That is some SUPERB writing.

My hats off to you.

You are all alone. If you have been falsely accused of RAPE, DV, PLEASE let all men know about the people who did this. http://register-her.net/web/guest/home

[Anonymous 3]

gui wrote:

I also know that there’s a gamble when the character of children are concerned. You never know if your children will turn out to be good or bad because regardless how well you raise them everyone has their own essence that helps shape who they become.
I wish life was more about effort and less luck based but such is life.

And that, my friends, closes the issue.

One thing is to sacrifice and risk for something worthwhile, the other is to even get negative return at the end.

If the world was different, you might take your chances on the outcome. But as it is, you already take risks all the way.

[HermitParticipant]

When I was very young, I swore I would never get married and never have kids. I wound up having a kid for the wrong reasons. I was stupid and got married and thought I may as well have a kid. I was too young and dumb and had no idea what I was doing.

Now however, my son is the only person on this earth who I truly love. I don’t consider myself to be a very good father at all, but my son seems to think that I am a good father. As time goes on, it seems I love him more than the day before. He’s growing up to be quite a man. I know he’ll be alright.

Other than having him for the wrong reasons, my only other regret is bringing him into the world as horrible as it is becoming. The good thing is that he can see what’s going on and he knows right from wrong. Everyone makes bad decisions and he of course is no exception, but he learns from his mistakes and he will go on to make good choices. He’s smarter than he thinks he is.

I am absolutely glad to have my son. I will forever be tied to my x through him, but that doesn’t change anything for me. We have a good relationship and I cherish every moment that I can spend with him. It doesn’t matter how or why he came to be. He is here and is a very large part of me and it’s good.

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[MonkParticipant 16995]

Puffin Stuff wrote:

…but that’s not how it works. Women go for the money and children are worse. I’m not wishing you harm but wait until adolescence. They will drop you like a bad habit.

Many years ago, I knew a man.

Due to medical negligence he went blind. His wife then divorced him, but he got custody of the two children – mainly due to the fact that she was a card-carrying crazy. He got a lot of state help to look after them.

Then she found a new wallet – a US citizen. She immediately filed to take the children, and move to the US (to a ‘better life’, she claimed). The judge left it to the children to decide.

They both opted to go with her. Materialism (and Disneyland, apparently), won out.

[RealityBitesParticipant 2198]

I have thought of buying eggs and getting Invitro and finding a Surrogate Mother to bring the baby to term. Cost averages around $140K. But then I think about my age and health and roughly how many years I have left and it isn’t fair to a kid to lose his/her only parent when they are in their 20’s.

The Traditional Route (without Marriage) is fraught with problems of Child Support and the Mother Weaponizing the kid and using the kid as a tool to extract money and exert control.
I simply cannot afford to get divorce raped at my age and have some hope of financial recovery – so marriage is definitely not an option. (Alimony, Communal Property, AND Child Support AND she would get her claws into my retirement) – this is a big “No-Go” for me.

I don’t have children and it hurts me a lot. Then again: I have some who have children and grandchildren and their kids or grand kids are rotten to the core. So its a bit of a crap shoot, really.

[Gravel PitParticipant]

Threads like these are the life blood of this website. See the variety of responses here? And all of them are valid and worth considering. This is the MGTOW dot com I’m a member of.

I’ve been lurking and reading this while on vacation. Im proud to know all of you. peace and thanks

[Gravel PitParticipant]

I wanted to be one, or at least didn’t mind the possibility. All 3 times I got a woman pregnant, she aborted. Call it dodging a bullet or call it missing a massive human experience… that’s just how it went down.

Hermit and I have very similar stories. Both young men in our early 30s in the ‘midwest’ America. Both impregnating women at age 27. He ended up as a dad, I did not. It is what it is.

If Im going to be a dad, now is the time though. I don’t want to be dealing with a teenager or going to high school graduations in my 60s. But options are limited as we all know. Unless they miracle us some Paternity rights, I doubt I will go for it at this date.

I want the right to opt out if she is a bitch. Child support is bunk Without that option, Im resolved to be celibate, f~~~ it.

[HermitParticipant]

Gravel Pit wrote:

Hermit and I have very similar stories. Both young men in our early 30s in the ‘midwest’ America.

I wish I was in my early 30’s, but back then I was wasting my life being married. I’m 51 now and wonder how my life would’ve turned out had I not got married and had a child. Maybe my best years weren’t wasted. Maybe I’d be worse off now. You never know what would’ve happened had you taken a different path.

I’m pretty happy and content.

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[Author]

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