Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › Another bittersweet milestone
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Enjoy The Decline 3 years, 10 months ago.
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Today I finally signed the divorce papers. Last week I went there but there was a document that I didn’t recognize and prevented me from signing. My lawyer explained what the document was over email and today I finally went back and signed.
It was bittersweet.
It was also painful.
Memories started flowing, then started thinking, visiting places on the Internet I should have not, places where I knew I could see some messages she left in the past.
It almost made me cry to the point where I was about to send her a very brief text message with the words “I’m sorry. I love you”. I didn’t do it, but damn I was close…
Instead I smoked, and smoked and went to exercise. Then came back and had soup and salad for dinner. Now I’m here pondering, thinking about it… thinking about how beautiful and comfy it felt to live under that illusion: a woman’s love.
Then I found a recent comment of her online where she says that I’m an abusive person and a liar. That’s all I am to her these days. It was tough to read that I’m not going to lie. I felt like I failed her and I failed myself. But then I go back to all the conversations and events I have been slowly deconstructing and come back to the same realization: to blame it all on me is the easiest path to self-validation.
I don’t blame her for everything, nor do I blame myself for everything. I acknowledge good and bad and try to learn from it.
After deeply reflecting on the situation I went on to delete my professional webpage to finally get rid of every trace left of an online presence I had. Except for this forum, I’m practically a ghost now and I plan to remain like this forever. I had already given up all my other social media accounts in the past, but now there’s literally nothing left.
I feel a sense of relief and a bit of sadness at the same time.
I know it will go away as I keep working on what truly matters and improving myself.
Just thought I’d share…
Thank you for reading guys!
J
Hi J-
I’m sorry you are going through this.
Divorce is painful (been there). You almost have to force your brain not to consider what happened in the past. You have to think about the future and move on. Don’t think about her and definitely don’t contact her. Get rid of all memorabilia.
After my divorce I joined a new gym, took many trips and took up golf. I must have visited San Fransisco 20 times. I spent time with friends who didn’t know my ex so we wouldn’t discuss past events.
You will meet new people. After a while, the emotions will fade. I’m glad you’re on MGTOW.
I remember after my divorce, I threw a keg party to celebrate.Hi J-
I’m sorry you are going through this.
Divorce is painful (been there). You almost have to force your brain not to consider what happened in the past. You have to think about the future and move on. Don’t think about her and definitely don’t contact her. Get rid of all memorabilia.
After my divorce I joined a new gym, took many trips and took up golf. I must have visited San Fransisco 20 times. I spent time with friends who didn’t know my ex so we wouldn’t discuss past events.
You will meet new people. After a while, the emotions will fade. I’m glad you’re on MGTOW.
I remember after my divorce, I threw a keg party to celebrate.Thank you for your encouragement. I already made new friends and the old ones I have where I live don’t even bring negative s~~~ to my attention. They all are wonderful people and help me stay positive.
I already got rid of almost everything with her face on it. And whenever I find a few things here and there I throw them away or put them in the closet for when she finally sends the moving company to take whatever’s left of her crap here.
It’s been a hell of a ride and, still, I’m in a way better place right now than when I started this journey.
Cheers Peace
It’s been a hell of a ride and, still, I’m in a way better place right now than when I started this journey
Always remember this
I wish I had something profound to say aside from this too shall pass.
Best wishes for what lays ahead JThere was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it
“Memories started flowing, then started thinking, visiting places on the Internet I should have not, places where I knew I could see some messages she left in the past. It almost made me cry to the point where I was about to send her a very brief text message with the words “I’m sorry. I love you”. I didn’t do it, but damn I was close…” Good job, don’t cave in to that Blue Pill Hell talk that can be up in our heads.
“Then I found a recent comment of her online where she says that I’m an abusive person and a liar. That’s all I am to her these days. It was tough to read that I’m not going to lie. I felt like I failed her and I failed myself. But then I go back to all the conversations and events I have been slowly deconstructing and come back to the same realization: to blame it all on me is the easiest path to self-validation”. Don’t feel lonely, MOST all of them do this, I got one now that’s trash talking me but hell, she trash talks everyone behind their back, f~~~ing child. Only weak people blame others for their weaknesses!!
Glad your here, glad your free, your better off now.
Bubba
You think Chernobyl was bad? Wait until the ink drys on that marriage contract you just signed...we know, you just wanted sex and fun...you could have gotten that for $100.00 a couple times a month instead of DESTROYING your life!!!
Went through this in 2014, almost sent the same message, but also did not do it. Takes time, but it does pass and get easier.
Hang in there man, best wishes.Someone (a psychologist, I think) said divorce is worse than a death in the family because your Ex is still around to haunt you. My condolences for the pain and grief you are going thorough. I know it must be tough.
On the plus side, your mind will process the trauma eventually and you will be in a far better mental place. You just have to go through the stages first. If you are typical it will take about a year.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
It takes a long time, it really does, but it does get better. Take that from someone who started to think it wouldn’t get better.
It does get better.
Anytime you remember her, force yourself to remember the HER from the end.
That is what you divorced from and you don’t want to be refreshing earlier memories because early memories WERE NOT what the divorce was based on.
It’s the same for all of mgtow. What entities are women NOW? , because that is what decisions have to be based on if you are a rational man."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
You have finally gained freedom.
Congratulations, and may your shackles and chains never be put upon you again. Remember nostalgia, is simply nostalgia, you suddenly forget all the horrible s~~~, so remember what it really is, an illusion of past happiness.
Don’t fall for it, and move forward, great fellow man, who is now free.
JL:
By the time I signed my divorce papers you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face, but the process took almost three years. During those three years I went through similar experiences. Then I would remember all of the nasty things she accused me of. Your ex accused you of being abusive and being a liar online, for the whole world to see. I’m assuming that people that know both of you saw that. WTF kind of person does that?
THAT is who you were married to. That is what she is capable of. She only doesn’t lie when she is getting what she wants. As soon as things get tough, she resorts to lying instead of taking any ownership. You tell a 5 year old that tearing someone else down doesn’t prop you up, but that is exactly what she chose to do.
Just remember that when the chips were down and things got a little rough, that’s when people show their true colors. And she chose to attack you. I know it’s raw right now, but eventually with a little distance, you’ll see her for what she is and not what she could have been. Good luck brother, and please share when needed.
And women wonder where all the good men are……………
Order the good wine
Peace to Piece: thanks again man!
Grumpy: thanks man. Appreciate it. I know it will pass.
Bubba: thanks, bro! I am better, but yeah… it hasn’t been easy. AS you know, divorce is almost as a rule tougher on a man than on the woman. They get validation, support, praise, everything… we are just left to deal with this on our own.
Duke of Mangaf: I will endure. Thank you!
Stealthy: thank you so much for your message. I appreciate the time you took to write it down.
I have been reading about zen Buddhism recently and I’m really enjoying acquiring that knowledge. It helps me to articulate a project for the future better and allows me to dael with my present in a more mindful fashion. Sorry you are going through similar crap yourself as well.
It’s just a s~~~ road, but we will be fine as long as we endure… and that’s what we men are extremely good at: enduring. We will prevail brother! Thank you again.
Roydal: thank you, watched the video. I have been back and forth between acceptance and anger wheneve I have to deal with s~~~ related to her.
It’s such a pain but there’s nothing I can do about it. I just need to accept it and move on.
experienced: thank you bro, your words cheer me up!
Burgundy: I know. It’s just hard from time to time. But indeed I am free.
Taxguy: We just separated back in August so the wounds are still a bit fresh. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did at the beginning but the pain is still lingering there.
Now, regarding her comment, she posted it on YouTube using a nickname, with her photo on it. So anyone who knows her and knows me and sees the comment will be able to connect the dots really quickly.
What scares me is that we used to work at the same place and if she goes and tells my boss something along those lines I would probably get fired very quickly.
My guess is that she won’t do that, as the comment is from five months ago, more or less. As I haven’t been in touch with her in a while my hope is that she does not even think, nor cares about me anymore to even try and f~~~ me over.
She did mention in her comment that she was tempted to try and repair the relationship by coming back to me, so I assume that’s a sign that she still feels something positive towards me, or at least a bit of love. But she ended up saying that I was lying and, of course, that I was abusive towards her.
Thank you for the reminder. It says more about you how you act during tough situations than who you were during the easy times.
Spot on.
Appreciate it.
Thank you all…
I truly think of you as my family, guys.
You recently mentioned what amounts to slander on her part.
Regarding that, here are my two cents.
For now, let it go because it will most likely result in nothing, and “lack of reaction extinguishes behavior” as a rule. “Do not answer a fool according to [her] folly.”
However, if it does amount to something, I would recommend total preparation via finding the best effing slander attorney out there, and getting beyond prepared, and Then….slaughtering her in the courtroom.
So, it’s “look the other way,” but if that’s not possible, DESTROY HER in the courtroom.
IMO."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Experienced: forgot to add you to the previous message.
Yes, that’s what I thought. There’s no solid evidence that I ever hurt her or did this or that to her.
All there is is a few messages from me apologizing for being an ass –who doesn’t send those from time to time anyways? And that’s it.
No pictures, no direct admissions of abuse or anything, no police reports on me. So I think you are right when you say I should just let it go. It is very unlikely someone will ever find that message and connect the dots, as she wasn’t even well liked in our work place lol…
I, on the other hand, have a collection of messages from her admitting that her mental health was very bad and she couldn’t distinguish her left from her right most of the time. So if it comes down to that I’d be able to bring her to court, I guess.
My hope, again, is that she doesn’t give a s~~~ about anything and we can just both forget about this very quickly.
Will be ready though in case it happens, but, as I said, it’s a very old comment and she doesn’t mention my name or hers… only someone who knows us pretty well would be able to make that connection.
Great advice! Thanks!
I can’t say I’ve ever been through a divorce, J, but I’ve been through some tough s~~~. We all have, man. I will say the old adage about
TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS
Is very true, man. It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to feel like s~~~. As men we’ve been told to have emotions means you are weak. You’re not. Things will get better, man. They will. Day by day it’ll get easier. Sometimes the first step is the hardest, brother. But every other step you take, the weight will be less. We’re rootin for you, buddy. If you need anything just message or post. We’ve gotcha.
Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.
I’m twice divorced one for 6 years and one for 4. The last one was 18 years ago.
From my perspective, on my worst day, when I’m feeling low down, the world is f~~~ed and everything in it I think;
I could still be married. I could still be married.
And that brightens my day considerably.
Not only does time heal all wounds, the numerous advantages going your own way has on your life make the married state a distant nightmare.
#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.
JL, first off, congrats on your milestone man and thanks for sharing.
After the mandatory 90 day probationary period you’re inducted in to the MGTOW Lodge, complete with billiards room, cigar lounge, 5-star dining area, shooting range and test tracks (BMW sedans, Ducati motorcycles).
In all seriousness, RoyDal hit the nail on the head, and like you said going between anger and acceptance. I remember hitting all 5 emotions in 5 minutes, going out of my mind. But it did get better, little-by-little at first, then a f~~~load more later on.
Regardless, glad we’re all part of your journey. If your road leads you to NYC anytime give me a holler – i’d definitely buy you a “free man” beer in my town.
JL – about the slander – I think you got off easy, I’ll share my story to put things into perspective to make you feel a little better.
Once my XW ran off and I kicked her out of my house, she told everyone (including my mom!) that I was a junkie who used to rape her and once beat her up so badly that I broke her jaw.
And people thought: “Even if she was exaggerating a little bit, it couldn’t be all lies, so some of it must had been true”. So even people who knew me well cut all the ties with me.
Imagine the agony I had to overcome. And now I have to see her once a week because we have a daughter together.
It will pass. You will laugh at it afterwards. I smile every time I see her now. Not because I am glad to see her, but because she’s getting heavier.proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome
JL – about the slander – I think you got off easy, I’ll share my story to put things into perspective to make you feel a little better.
Once my XW ran off and I kicked her out of my house, she told everyone (including my mom!) that I was a junkie who used to rape her and once beat her up so badly that I broke her jaw.
And people thought: “Even if she was exaggerating a little bit, it couldn’t be all lies, so some of it must had been true”. So even people who knew me well cut all the ties with me.
Imagine the agony I had to overcome. And now I have to see her once a week because we have a daughter together.
It will pass. You will laugh at it afterwards. I smile every time I see her now. Not because I am glad to see her, but because she’s getting heavier.Man, what a disgusting whore a wife you had to deal with!
Unbelievable. And yes, your story makes mine look like I’m just worrying too much! WOW
Hope you are doing better now man. And one thing is for sure… those who turned their back on you without asking for your side of the story don’t even deserve your friendship. I know, however, that it must have hurt like a bitch to go through that.
F~~~ing bitches, seriously, f~~~ them
Silverstone:
Thanks for your word, bro. I know, I felt better the day after and today I feel even better! It just gets easier and easier as time passes.I’m also getting used to being on my own, and let me tell you, it’s awesome to come back home and know that it will be quiet, clean, and there will be no one creating tensions or adding more stress to my life anymore.
Effing priceless!
Puffin Stuff:
It does brighten my day to think like you do. Thanks for your words bro!MattNYC: thanks man! I will probably be in NY in June/end of May, will attend a conference. If that ends up being the case I will get in touch with you. Appreciate it.
And one thing is for sure… those who turned their back on you without asking for your side of the story don’t even deserve your friendship.
That is very true. This is the great way to weed out your circle of friends.
Infact, a lot of negative events in our lives – are actually blessings in disguise. Things like bankruptcy, divorce…
This realization helped me to deal with anger and sorrow, and raised my awareness to the next level.proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome
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