Advice needed.

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

I have been in a relationship with this woman for almost 4 years and it had has its ups and downs. Today she was on my case about a few models I follow on Instagram and a few women’s pages I liked on facebook. Later however she updated her facebook profile to a sort of sexy pic. One of her men friends on Facebook commented saying ” pssttt sexy” . I thought this was inappropriate and I told her to do something about it or I will. She didn’t so I insulted him in the comments of her pic. At which point she got really upset saying that I insulted her friend. A few hours later two more of her male friends made similar comments. When I asked her if she was ok about it she said she didn’t see anything wrong with their comments.

I thought I was sticking up for my woman but it seems I was wrong. Did I do something wrong by insulting the first man that commented ?? Your thoughts and advice are welcomed.

[WarratahParticipant 895]

I’d say she was just firing a warning shot – “Do what I want you to do or else I might take up with one of these …”

Games and strategies, just games and strategies – as though life’s not already complicated enough eh?

Although the comments from the other men are way out of order – you don’t make remarks like that to a woman who is in a relationship.

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

Thanks. That’s exactly that I thought. If the woman or man is in a relationship you don’t make comments like those. I thought I was going mad or seeing things in some funny than the rest of the world.

[Soul ManParticipant 1856]

She is stocking her orbiter stable.  She may not have cut one from the herd yet but she’s already pulled the saddle out of the barn.

Keep both eyes wide open…oh yeah…f~~~ FB.

HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...

[WarratahParticipant 895]

It’s about manners, honour and respect. I don’t expect them from a woman but it gets to me when another man behaves like a bitch. You did the right thing by calling him out. Now this isn’t going to sound very MGTOW and I reckon I’m going to get flamed but … how does following models and other women’s FB pages affect YOUR honour?

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

It’s just random pages of girls with tattoos of which I have a few. No personal connection to any. No messaging to any. I have been a trooper to this woman since we met.

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

You are correct however and I have since removed these pages from the various social media. I really care about this woman. After all. It’s been three years and I don’t want to throw it away without trying my best even though I fall short sometimes.

[Anonymous 2]

The paradox of social media is that you don’t want to invite it into your life, but without a subscription you have no idea what your woman is doing. WarHar has a point though. Why not sit down, have a talk, and both attempt to ditch as much social media as possible together? She is stocking orbiters, you are daydreaming about other woman. Seems like you’re both giving into your nature and triggering a jealousy response from the other.

I hate social media for giving men AND women the tools to easily f~~~ around in other people’s relationships, going behind the other’s back. Her behaviour is actually worse, as you seem to primarily seek visual gratification and at least attempt to keep your urges in check browsing unnatainable wares, whereas she might realistically open a door for other men.

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

Thanks. You guys are really opening my eyes.

[Anonymous 42]

Just more sewage spewage from FB (“F”ucking “B”ulls~~~), Get yourself a be-a-woman-cage, give your television flying lessons of the third floor (or higher), and turn off all the Cuncesium 137 emitting devices within your realm. That’s just the start, you’ll need a bunker.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Omrel,
Dude, I came on this site to try to GET AWAY FROM situations where I was trying to figure out what a woman was thinking and why she did whatever… and here I am back again trying to figure out this one you describe…!!! hahaha 😛

Joking aside, I’m 48 years old and have seen may share of female craziness over the years. I’ll write some thoughts based just on some experiences I had back in the days when I was still trying to figure women out, and if they help you… you can owe me a beer.

In retrospect, most of the fights I had with women were not really a fight over whatever it was we were yelling about. Deep down, they were fights over things we were not discussing at all. I’ve heard experts say this is common. I believe it.

Statistically, the most common fights with couples are over sex and money. But the real fights are over control and respect, and money and sex are just the benchmarks couples use to measure how much control (money) and respect (sex). Women equate control with security, and they’ll fight for it. Men equate sex with respect, and we’ll fight over it.

My read is that your woman sees those internet girls as a threat to her own security, and is drawing the line in the sand to mark turf (you). I’m not agreeing with it, just trying to explain it as I’ve seen it before. Likely as not, she discussed it with a few other women friends/sisters/coworkers…(none of whom had any formal training on relationships) and one of those women said something to her equating your internet pics of women with cheating on her. It’s not rational, but that is never a criteria that women require. It made her nervous, and that made her mad, and that made her inflexible. When she mentioned it and you resisted, it became a control issue.

Now, she’s going to use the only leverage she has (other men). She isn’t strong enough to force you physically. You probably don’t need the money she earns to maintain yourself so that’s not an option either. But the message seems to me to be that she’s going to use those other guys on fb as leverage against the pics of those tattooed girls. (you didn’t mention if she changed her fb relationship status?). Like has already been said, she’s over reacting, because you don’t know or communicate with them, and so it’s not rational for her to be reacting like this, but rational isn’t a requirement.

It’s a control/security issue to her now. Posting pics of herself online that invite attention from other guys is not exactly the most rational way to mark her territory with one guy, but to her and her female friends, it probably seems like a brilliant plan. If you removed the offending pics, then time to draw your own line in the sand over her fb pics. You cannot over react, but don’t even THINK about letting it slide and saying nothing. What she did is blatantly disrespectful, and was intended to be. She doesn’t even expect you to ignore it.

If your pics had to be deleted because she didn’t like them, then you get to make the same call. She gets security back when you delete those pics. You are going to have to get respect of her acting accordingly: She deletes the fb pics and unfriends/disconnects from both guys who made those comments. This is not something you negotiate on. If a woman doesn’t get security from a relationship, she bails. If you don’t get this respect now, be prepared to bail. Say it, mean it, and be prepared to act on it or in 6 months, there won’t be any respect for you in this relationship at all.

The calmer you are, the lower the chance that the fight will escalate away from what the real issue is that’s being fought over… Try to stay focused on security and respect and keep it calm. I never had a brilliant idea for a solution to any problem just pop into my head while having a loud screaming argument about it. But at quieter times, all kinds of good ideas have occurred to people.

I hope maybe this helps some. Trying to figure this out made my head hurt. It’s a familiar headache. I get this same headache anytime I try to figure out anything that operates on estrogen or windows. It’s why I’m typing this on an apple, and why I’m on a mgtow website. Good luck buddy. If you’ve been with her for 3 years and been happy, it’s probably worth some effort to maintain. Just keep in mind that it can never be worth sacrificing your self respect for. If you allow her not to respect you, very soon you won’t respect you either.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

Brain Pilot.

This has gotten me really thinking. Her putting up that pic was really to get the vultures coming in but a way to get me to remove the pages that I have liked. All in an effort to maintain security. I totally get what you wrote about respect. After I confronted one on her page another made similar comments I guess in an effort to taunt and gain a negative reaction from me. By this time I refused to be dragged into this more than I already was and I asked her repeatedly what she was planning to do about the comments since I regarded them as a slap in my face. She said that she saw nothing wrong with them and in her eyes they were normal. Bearing in mind that a few hours earlier we had discussed about making your partner comfortable and feeling secure at which point I removed the pages from my facebook account. I asked her about what we spoke but she continued to resist until late last night when she deleted their comments. This is manulipation as far as I can see. If she had just come to me and made her displeasure known about the women I would have gladly removed such since I have no connection, emotional or otherwise to them. I think I owe you a few cases of beer. Thanks.

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

I have to take a few hours to digest all of your wisdom.

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

Her claim is that these men didn’t know she was in a relationship hence they made those comments. My thing is that I gave her a chance to either remove the comments or talk to her so called friends and have them do it. But I had to fight tooth and nail to accomplish this. In the end she did it herself.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Three years with a woman and she can’t just come out and say, “I feel_________ about ___________and so I need__________from you. In exchange for this from you, I can offer you ____________’.

This is one of the main reasons I gave up on them. One of the most intelligent ones I ever knew was my ex (Her IQ tested out at over 150 on three different exams). I got so tired of playing ‘figure out the secret’ with her that I finally just said to her, “I feel abc and I need xyz and I want you to change the letters to complete words and speak this sentence back to me…”.

It was like talking to a little retarded kid. I gave her this simple little challenge, and she couldn’t do it.

Their lives and our lives would be so much simpler if they could just learn to fill in the blanks on that sentence and say it out loud, to my face, in English, at normal volume, before they have become totally enraged and thrown a tantrum or pulled some other relationship-damaging behavior (like posting inappropriate fb pics) about having not already gotten whatever it was they needed…

Omrel, for some reason, you seem much younger than me. Probably it’s the patience and tolerance for this kind of stress from women that I no longer have the patience and tolerance for anymore. I’m essentially retired from the effort it takes to interact with them. So, if somewhere out there, there’s a woman who is ‘meant for me’, I hope you find her and she falls in love with you before she ever meets me… 😛

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Omrel6191Participant 2]

Brain Pilot

i am not much younger than you( I am 42) but I find truth in your words. Maybe you have had much more experience with them than me or maybe studied them more in depth. I really am committed to this woman and would like to make this work. However…. There is a limit to everything. I am too old for these mind games. We aren’t teenagers. There should be a mutual understanding and respect between us. I really thought there was but I guess I was wrong about that and a few other things. This individual has been hurt several times in the past and while I empathize and go out of my way just to make her feel secure I don’t think I should be punished for the assholes that messed her up and giving her monumental insecurities.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

I have gone so far as to write that sentence down on paper and hand it to a woman and told her to “fill in the blanks and bring it back to me…”. If you’re committed, it’s worth a try, but don’t bet your house on being able to keep her happy, especially if what it takes to make her happy is a f’ing secret! In movies that they watch way too many of, ‘men don’t have to be told what the woman wants, they ‘just know’ and that is so much more romantic’.

That is a quote from a woman (many years ago in my much younger days). I tried to explain to her that the guy in the movie was following a script… but gave up when I remembered that adults should not have to have this explained to them.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

BrainPilot wrote:

I feel_________ about ___________and so I need__________from you. In exchange for this from you, I can offer you ____________.

I think I’m gonna get that printed on a set of business cards and just hand one to any female I encounter who is being a t~~~.

[Anonymous 42]

Stargazer wrote:

I think I’m gonna get that printed on a set of business cards and just hand one to any female I encounter who is being a t~~~.

Hey Doc, you’ll need a whole forest of 500 acres to harvest enough wood to make that many cards, and several loaded trucks following you everywhere.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

At Doc,
There are an extremely rare set of things that I’ve found in my life that will shut a woman up, and none of them work for very long. But that line, written or spoken, has stopped arguments with women more than once right in the middle of the drama.

The last line of the argument was mine, and it was, “I gave you a blank check to get whatever you wanted from me, and you couldn’t fill it out. You cannot complain about not getting what you want if what you want is a f’king secret!”.

Logic rarely works with women. We know this. But if you pull out a big overwhelming load of it and just blast them with it, it can buy you a little time …while they figure out a way to go around it…LOL

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Author]

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