Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › How to deal with/what to say to a narcissistic mother?
This topic contains 42 replies, has 22 voices, and was last updated by 
Christopher 2 years ago.
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Gentlemen any advice/recommendation is very much appreciated indeed on the following situation.
I am a grown successful man but I have a narcissistic (read ‘bitch’) mother who incredibly after all these years I still find hard to deal with due to her unending sneaky shaming tactics and verbal abuse – just engaging with this narc takes my energy away. I had cut her out of my life as best I could but the issue is that due to my current situation I will soon move back to my original house which is close to my parents house so its inevitable there will be some interaction. Specificly I am trying to work out:
1.What exactly should I say to her or do when my narc mother starts her verbal put downs and subtle shaming tactics (I am not good with words in these situations – I just cant believe what i am hearing and sometimes go into some kind shock of disbelief that this person says what she says – also sometimes I lose my cool when my buttons are pushed)
2. An overall strategy / solution
I would like to be able to live my life in peace and to sometimes call in to see my father (a very strong willed man who she eventually wore down to her control) without receiving put downs, shaming and DRAMA from my mother. Plus I am not sure what I should I do if she comes knocking on my door ? I don’t really want to let this women into my house.
Thank you very much indeed for any suggestions on what to say gentlemen.
———————————————————————————————
(More background if needed: She is a pain in the arse. Her relentless irrational verbal abuse, shaming tactics, sneaky subtle put downs etc made my fathers life a misery (a good very hard working man in his life) and for him to seek refuge drinking in the pub all his life and also made many years of my life a misery.
I had many arguments with her over the years but it made no difference she thrives on DRAMA. Just conversing with this woman is a bait as she quickly introduces subtle shaming tactics. For years everytime I spoke with her I would come away feeling like s~~~ or like there was something wrong with me due to her shaming tactics – me winning the arguments made no difference – this is because just engaging with this narcisist sucks the energy and life force from you.
I consulted with a counsellor years ago and the advice was to tell her boundaries and if she crosses them let her know there will be consequences. I did that and she always pretended to change but reverted back to her old behaviour. So I proceeded to cut her out of my life and spent many years living and working far away from my parents. Unless my father happens to be there on his own my parents house has been somewhere I am very hesitant to go for many years now – I didn’t go there at all this christmas past.
I have been successful in my path in life but this women will ALWAYS find something she says is wrong with you to put you down and something to complain about no matter how ridiculous.)
Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready
What to do: Walk away.
What to say: Nothing. See above.
It sounds like she lives with you lol. If so then move out. Put her in a home. She’s been a pro at guilt tripping you into needing to care/tend for her your entire life. Indoctrinated you that because she’s your mother she can treat you as she likes. Same thing these c~~~s say about their bodies when they want to kill a baby inside of them. The only reason this gets under your skin is because she’s brainwashed you into feeling guilty.
I have parents like this and they are masters at using these tactics. Even society shames you for this. “Call your mother and tell her that you love her…” Oh really, what if she’s a deceiving c~~~ who f~~~ed over my father or emotionally abused her kids for years? Most cucks will say to just brush all that aside and be the bigger man. But then you’ll just keep getting situations like yours. The older these c~~~s get the more they know they have nothing to lose (it’s all about survival for them since they never saved any money up and need to leech off of anyone they can, i.e their kids). Put her in a home or shut her out from your life if she doesn’t change her ways.
But you need to come up with some ultimatums. Write some stuff down about what she’s done to you. How it makes you feel and come up with a way to present it to her, or just write it up, burn it, and move on. Some people will never want to change. It’s up to you whether or not you want to give them a chance. Either way, stop wasting so much energy on this. It’s obviously draining you, making you lose sleep. Most mothers will claim they didn’t know this was such a problem for you, and some evil c~~~s will even pin it back on you and not even apologize.
Your dad sounds like a push over (mine was as well before they divorced, he had zero say in the household, literally), and your counselor was probably a feminist c~~~. Here’s the thing man. It’s those closest to you who know they can f~~~ you over more (if they want to). You already know you don’t negotiate with terrorists. And anyone terrorizing your health or livelyhood is a TERRORIST. You can confront her and maybe she’ll apologize, but from what it sounds like, she’s not gonna budge. Forgive her in your own mind and keep it moving.
Easier said than done, but man, once you do it, you have no idea how much better you’ll feel. I also recommend you find a non feminist shrink (you literally call them and ask them if they’re a feminist…and even if they hesitate, you hang up and call the next one and the next one until you find a Mgtow minded shrink) that you can speak to about this if you need for consolation on cutting out narcissistic people from your life.
Blood is not thicker than oil and your situation is a perfect example of this.
Wow mate that is not an easy one.
I would observe that women like to creep across boundaries. If a man does not like a boundary, he asks if it can be removed. If he is told it cannot be removed he may either accept it or rant a bit and then accept it. Women however just approach the boundary slowly looking humble and submissive and put a toe over it. If you slam them they act all hurt and say they never meant any harm -they were humble and submissive and you are overreacting. If you do not slam them down for it they will then put a foot across. If you do not slam that down then, they will put the other foot across, if you do slam them down down they will act all hurt and say that you let them put their toe across and how is this situation any different?
If your mother is a narcissist I think it is almost sure she will play some variant of this to try to get back into your house and into your life on her terms not yours by slowly trying to erode the barriers you try to set, while saying you are very unreasonable if you protest.
I think you need to draw a very clear line at the very outset as to what she is allowed to do and then regardless of her ranting and saying you are a bad son you will have to enforce it every time, even if that means closing the door to your house in her face.
Other than that you can’t control her and it is not good to try to and get upset over it -remember she is a woman she will not act reasonably or accountably. Its is best to try not to let her get to you, perhaps by practising tactics of mental positive reinforcement of your good qualities when she is around. In the end she can hurt you because her opinion matters to you. That is the only real reason. You need to also consider the opinions of others who matter to you and try to see her opinions in context of her overall level of ignorance. When you were a boy she knew more about your world than you did but now you know far more about your world than she ever will, her opinion is not of much value any more.
I would not spar with her when she engages, just say nothing if you can manage it and think positive things about yourself. I know its a lot easier said than done though. If you let her push your buttons, she is succeeding in controlling you, even if only in a negative way, she is controlling what is happening in your mind and that is not desirable. The moment you have an outburst, she has made herself look like she is on top being reasonable and you are ranting impotently. I would try to deny her this by silence when she goes too far.
I don’t know if any of this will help but that is my immediate reaction.
Best wishes.
A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own
Gentlemen any advice/recommendation is very much appreciated indeed on the following situation.
I am a grown successful man but I have a narcissistic (read ‘bitch’) mother who incredibly after all these years I still find hard to deal with due to her unending sneaky shaming tactics and verbal abuse – just engaging with this narc takes my energy away. I had cut her out of my life as best I could but the issue is that due to my current situation I will soon move back to my original house which is close to my parents house so its inevitable there will be some interaction. Specificly I am trying to work out:
1.What exactly should I say to her or do when my narc mother starts her verbal put downs and subtle shaming tactics (I am not good with words in these situations – I just cant believe what i am hearing and sometimes go into some kind shock of disbelief that this person says what she says – also sometimes I lose my cool when my buttons are pushed)
2. An overall strategy / solution
I would like to be able to live my life in peace and to sometimes call in to see my father (a very strong willed man who she eventually wore down to her control) without receiving put downs, shaming and DRAMA from my mother. Plus I am not sure what I should I do if she comes knocking on my door ? I don’t really want to let this women into my house.
Thank you very much indeed for any suggestions on what to say gentlemen.
———————————————————————————————
(More background if needed: She is a pain in the arse. Her relentless irrational verbal abuse, shaming tactics, sneaky subtle put downs etc made my fathers life a misery (a good very hard working man in his life) and for him to seek refuge drinking in the pub all his life and also made many years of my life a misery.
I had many arguments with her over the years but it made no difference she thrives on DRAMA. Just conversing with this woman is a bait as she quickly introduces subtle shaming tactics. For years everytime I spoke with her I would come away feeling like s~~~ or like there was something wrong with me due to her shaming tactics – me winning the arguments made no difference – this is because just engaging with this narcisist sucks the energy and life force from you.
I consulted with a counsellor years ago and the advice was to tell her boundaries and if she crosses them let her know there will be consequences. I did that and she always pretended to change but reverted back to her old behaviour. So I proceeded to cut her out of my life and spent many years living and working far away from my parents. Unless my father happens to be there on his own my parents house has been somewhere I am very hesitant to go for many years now – I didn’t go there at all this christmas past.
I have been successful in my path in life but this women will ALWAYS find something she says is wrong with you to put you down and something to complain about no matter how ridiculous.)
Cut all contact with her.
http://www.leavemeansleave.eu
YOU are an ADULT.
YOU can CHOOSE WHO YOU INTERACT WITH.
I have CUT OUT TOXIC Family Members from MY LIFE YEARS AGO WITHOUT ANY REGRET.
When I AM DIVORCED I SHALL CUT THAT ONE OUT TOO.
YOU HAVE CHOICES.
MAKE THE CHOICES THAT ARE BEST FOR YOU !!!!
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
Anonymous54I limit my interactiin with mine.
She thinks Im my old man, who she hates.
Its ok to not like her.
Its ok to tell her to p~~~ off.
This will offend some.
Dont give a f~~~.
It’s difficult to give good advice when you haven’t been in that person’s situation. We can say what we think we would do, but never having met your mother, we don’t know if it’d be the right thing to do.
If it were my mother, I’d just tell it like it is. I’d say she is only welcome in my home if she behaves herself and doesn’t say all that s~~~ that I don’t want to hear. I’d invite my dad over if I wanted to see him and tell her she isn’t invited unless she can keep her mouth shut.
The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.
My mother is evil.
http://www.leavemeansleave.eu
Anonymous54My mother is evil.
Mine tried to shank me with a 3 point Crasftmen phillips head, when I was 14.
Red pills taken early.
It does toughen a Man up though….
Thanks Ma!!! Hahahh
1. Boundaries. Lay it out for her. She will not drop by unless invited. Do not answer the door. You will have to continually reenforce these boundaries many times.
2. With the shaming and such, let it go one ear and out the other. Then let it go. She will say what she says, but you can condition yourself to hear only Latin coming from her mouth.
3. Stick to these, and maybe over years she will realize she is talking to a wall.
Good luck!
Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free.
What exactly should I say to her
“Die” “Please” “Soon”
Anonymous54What exactly should I say to her
“Die” “Please” “Soon”
Pete!!! Haha
Anonymous54This may look terribly cold to some.
But most anything female can give birth.
Love must be offered, to be recripicated.
Birds get kicked out of the nest.
But some surive and soar anyways!!!!
It’s all benn said but just to emphasise the point WALK AWAY AND STAY AWAY. That is the one and only way to deal with narcissistic mothers.
I stay away from mine as much as possible. Even then she plays victim and tells people that I am a bad son who never visits. She neglects to tell them why I stay away. Because my mother is dangerous. Period.
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius
I learned this much – for a person to play vitime they often need to criminalise someone.
Don’t let that person be you.
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius
Anonymous54When I see a young women giveing her young Son love and affection, I can only wonder what its like.
I take my canoe out on the lake.
When a boat passes, I close my eyes, so I dont see the waves comeing.
I let it rock me.
Mother Natuere is my “Mum” ( for you Brits! Hah)
Whether we call her Mam Mom or mum. It’s title many women never earn. Many abuse.
It seems many of us here have suffered at our mothers hands.
I have to agree Old Heyoka. Mother Nature is more reliable a parent.
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius
Cheers for all the responses men. This is really helpful to me.
What to do: Walk away.
What to say: Nothing. See above.Thanks very much Sidecar I appreciate it. Good advice for sure.
It sounds like she lives with you
Your dad sounds like a push over (mine was as well
Forgive her in your own mind and keep it moving.
Thanks very much GoodKid44 for your thoughts. No I dont live with my parents – I have I have my own house which is pretty close to my parents house. I havent lived in my house for years as I moved away to work elsewhere. I will be moving back to my house soon. My Dad was a big strong tough man he dominated her and didnt put up with her s~~~ in the early years he almost managed to dump her years ago but she tricked him and played chameleon and the messed with his head for 30 years with shaming tactics and henpecking. Now he is mangina its f~~~ing heartbreakin. If you live in the same house as a narc bitch you cant win.
Yes I must have forgiven her a 100 times in the past – but she doesnt stop. Good advice though best to forgive and move on. Cheers.
If your mother is a narcissist I think it is almost sure she will play some variant of this to try to get back into your house and into your life on her terms not yours
I think you need to draw a very clear line at the very outset as to what she is allowed to do and then regardless of her ranting and saying you are a bad son you will have to enforce it every time, even if that means closing the door to your house in her face.
I would not spar with her when she engages, just say nothing if you can manage it
Thanks very much Branched Off mate. I really appreciate all this considered feedback. Yes this is the thing she will prob try to get back into my life – you have grasped the nettle of it – this may come down to shutting the door of my house in her face. She will take offence if i dont let her in – and then she will play victim and portray me as the ‘bad boy’ of the family.
Cut all contact with her.
My mother is evil.
Cheers Its’allbs mate. Yes Ive pretty much already done this as much as possible. Wondering how it play out when I move back to the area soon.
YOU are an ADULT.
YOU can CHOOSE WHO YOU INTERACT WITH.
I have CUT OUT TOXIC Family Members from MY LIFE YEARS AGO WITHOUT ANY REGRET.
When I AM DIVORCED I SHALL CUT THAT ONE OUT TOO.
YOU HAVE CHOICES.
MAKE THE CHOICES THAT ARE BEST FOR YOU !!!!Thank you very much indeed AWAKENED. This is the STUFF I really need to hear and say over and over to myself as needed – even when its parents. For the time being I have to move back to my house (which is close by to my parents house) – if things get messy my backup plan is to rent the house out and move away again.
I limit my interactiin with mine.
She thinks Im my old man, who she hates.
Its ok to not like her.
Its ok to tell her to p~~~ off.
This will offend some.
Dont give a f~~~.Thanks very much Old Heyoka. Yes I need to cultivate my ‘Dont give a f~~~’ attitude ! and tell the bitch to p~~~ off as needed. I have done this in the past but she doesnt forget and always try to get revenge by putting me down to other family members.
I’d invite my dad over if I wanted to see him and tell her she isn’t invited unless she can keep her mouth shut.
Cheers Hermit mate ! Good plan. Thanks for that.
Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready
I have CUT OUT TOXIC Family Members from MY LIFE YEARS AGO WITHOUT ANY REGRET.
I have done the same. If they cannot act civilly and stop trying to manipulate and control you, you have no obligation to put up with it, regardless what relation they are to you. Humans are the only parents who try to control their children after they have become adults.
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