I felt so unbelievably weak, emasculated, and even cowardly
Why? This is not your character flaw. Be careful about what you’re hard on yourself for. Berate yourself for the RIGHT reasons instead.
When someone is an asshole, not out-assholing them is not “your weakness”. (The word “emasculated” shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary. I say that as a friend.)
FACT: You can say anything you want to anyone you want – and get away with it – if you say it with enough authority.
The intimidator rarely expects this, in the same way that you wouldn’t expect to intimidated by a chihuahua. But if the chihuahua growls in the right away, and shows that it could get rabid when provoked, even Arnold Shwarzennegger would back away from it.
You can really surprise yourself with this(!), and all that’s required is change in attitude. When someone tries to intimidate you, or belittle you, you can stun them with a question “why are you behaving like that?”
Check this out. In this video Tom Cruise is answering a question, and the asker squirts him with water thinking it’s funny. He’s trying to make Cruise feel “weak”, “emasculated”, and being the same kind of asshole you’re talking about.
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Cruise holds up a mirror to him and asks “why would you do that?”, like 5 times. Pointing out this kind of behavior is rude totally unacceptable, and intimidates him back. He could walk away (and is encouraged to), but he doesn’t. He holds him there and FORCES him to answer the question – which he can’t.
When someone tries to make you feel like a weak piece of s~~~, its because they think you won’t – or can’t – do anything. Tom Cruise is a small guy too. But intimidators are never counting on someone to bark louder. Use that to your advantage.
There are a number of ways to handle your situation – and win! – without force. The only reason you didn’t beat this guy, is because your self-esteem is already in the s~~~ter. He made you feel “weak”, and it worked. But what if it didn’t?
Have you ever read “The Art of War?”
Classic book. It about a great Chinese warrior who came up with various formulas and rules for beating his opponents while minimizing his losses. He reduced it down to such a science, that he could conquer and win – without fighting! That book has come in handy, and even translates to petty conflicts and confrontations in the workplace, in social situations, and everyday life.
Eventually, you will have ENOUGH of allowing yourself to be intimidated, and you will surprise yourself at how easy it really is to disarm your opponent. They already think you can’t – or won’t. And that in itself is an advantage.
Your “manhood” is not a question.
It’s a statement. Make the statement.
Hey Rock, let me tell you, as a smaller guy who at one time was extremely athletic and abnormally strong for my size, and having trained in fight sports since a young age, I got into a lot of fights. This was because of situations you just described. Bigger/Stronger men will often bully and just outright overpower you at times because they do not see you as a threat. As a young man I never stood for it, and even though I have never fought a person who was my size or smaller because I was not a bully, I did get into about 15 or so full on fights, and never lost 1v1. Even having been this type of guy, with age I realized it was not a great idea. The situation did not seem urgent or imminently threating, I would advise calm, retreat to your room, and call security just to report the situation. Trust me, they want to know things like this and will make a record of it if they are properly trained. Beyond that, confrontation is not necessary, not even to the level you took it. It is almost always more wise to not escalate the situation and retreat.
Don’t let this incident bother you at all. Have a good night, and I look forward to more music from you.
I had to comment just to mention how helpful the advice you two have given is to me. I’m average height, have always been very skinny, and have always been weaker than pretty much everyone else until recently (started working out 6 months ago now). The video of Tom Cruise was especially powerful to me. Thanks for sharing, brothers.
gui 3 years, 10 months ago.
