A decade of bad decisions…

[VirginiusParticipant 15]

I apologize in advance for the lack of coherency, linear development and sporadic nature of this post. It was my intention to write a long, thought out post detailing my personal and relationship history to provide context, but it will have to come in spurts, and certain information I am hesitant to reveal…My previous 5 year LTR was full of BPD daddy issues drinking, fighting, and meltdowns. Lying, cheating that ultimately left my blue-pilled dumbass with a lovely STD. ME: “Have you been with anyone since I haven’t seen you” HER: “No, of course not.” Proceeded with no rubber and got burned. Contemplated taking a high dive from the brooklyn bridge. I had switched schools and moved for a relations~~~, young, dumb and completely insecure, I permanently altered the course of my life.

I have made some pretty bad choices, both in my personal life and when it comes to women. As I type this, the neosporin is settling in to the scrapes and gashes in my face.

I was in a two year relations~~~ with a woman with whom I fell instantly in love and instantly shacked up with. I’m 28 and was living at home, so I was beta bitch from day one of that choice. Our relationship was filled with great sex, love and this is all my blue pilled self could have ever dreamed of. She’s beautiful. She cooked, cleaned, cared for me. Now I can’t tell if it’s that we both have BPD, or its her BPD, and the PTSD of my home life and past LTR just doomed me. I was drinking too much, we were fighting, she was jealous but had her orbiters and her ex ex boyfriend on constant contact. I wasn’t going anywhere in terms of a career or future so we split. I spent months redpilling, eating food and lifting, developing new hobbies, approaching life and work with a better attitude, but i still felt dead inside. A raise came and I’ve worked out a place of my own.

Was it a break? A breakup? During this time, I had dated a couple of women, as of course I learned she went right back to her ex ex. Still, these women did nothing for me. I am a physically attractive man that is personable, charismatic and can navigate social situations and conversations well so meeting and talking to women has never been an issue for me, but really I’m an introvert. My inherently cynical nature, once revealed, is what women can’t understand.

I thought I had finally made some progress, had figured a lot out…but three months of new habits was not enough. We started seeing eachother again over the holidays. I kept frame and came into it in a different place it seemed, but I instantly felt a weight, the energy drain from me, my eating and lifting routines destroyed in the matter of a week. I shacked up between xmas and new years, took off work (unpaid). I learned right before new years that she, of course, was still in immediate contact with her ex ex. Her and I went to another city to see a concert and get a hotel for NYE, but when i saw she was still talking to her ex ex that day, I hit up a couple of girls on standby, one being in the city where we were going.

We had great sex all night, but in our drunken sexness she misinterpreted something that was said (i cant remember what) and ended up going through my cellphone while i was sleeping. i woke up to being pummeled in the face. I am lucky to not be in jail right now, I dont know how, but the officers must have dealt with many such instances NYE.

In my battered rage at 4 am I stooped low, opened her phone, read her messages with ex ex, called him and left a voicemail saying some VERY disparaging things, things which have me marked as a target around town now. My friends will be involved and a s~~~storm is a brewing. I want to just back away from it all now. I know I should not be afraid of being “lonely”. Why is it we crave this “companionship”, the smells, the looks, the moments, the feelings?

I feel totally unreal. I feel like the progress I have made in these few months is void. My eating has been off for a week, my sleeping, my emotions are dead, it’s grey and raining outside. The future seems so bleak. I thought I had worked through it, but the poison is stronger than I had ever imagined. I’m not sure how I will be able to live this down, but I know that I have to go my own way. I apologizing for rambling and ranting, but I am very appreciative of this community and look forward to growing into the man I want to be.

TL;DR: my insecurities, lack of impulse control and self discipline have led to horrible choices personally and with women that I’m afraid I can’t live down.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Those who learn from their mistakes grow into wisdom.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[TattooDaveParticipant 6952]

Even though you got beat up mentally physically you’re going to be ok what you have learned will come back there is no such thing as broken you are repairable you’ve done it before and you’ll do it again. Welcome home brother welcome home

I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d

[AkhilleusParticipant 2486]

Welcome bro no judgement, everyone here can relate. Tons of great advice here all you have to do is listen.

Aloha means family you don't leave family behind. Who will be the next Draconarius for MGTOW? MGTOW = brothers = acceptance = belonging

[Anonymous 43]

wow.

[VirginiusParticipant 15]

Anonymous wrote:

wow.

I’ve had a pretty good run.

[Anonymous 43]

ok I posted a big huge bitchslap post, but I took it down.

Amigo, I don’t even know where to begin except welcome to the place where broken men go to heal.

what do I say here? I lived like that for a while, and I was completely wrecked. I give you credit for recognizing where rock bottom is, and willing to climb out of the hole.

You don’t need the bitch slap, you need a hand up.

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

Welcome. You are not alone in learning from experience. It takes most of us time to understand that women are spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E for a guy.

[Anonymous 43]

I lived like that, drifting, living too long at home and lived with a chick, made a baby got married and regretted it every day, then 3.5 years later was coerced into having another baby. First kid turned 18 in September. I woulda been free of that disaster then. Its the next 3.5 years that are the killer…$650 a month thrown away.
The exc~~~ makes $15,000 a month. Yeah. I didn’t care where my life went, as long as the c~~~ took care of me. As long as I was useful I suppose. I went back to school for a new career. First kid came along when I was 28. I had to grow the f~~~ up over the summer of 1998, because the kid was coming. I didn’t want kids, I wasn’t ready, or mature enough for that. I was an idiot.

Don’t be like me amigo. If you think things are f~~~ed up now, wait til some piece of ass you barely remember calls and tells you she is pregnant. Her family hated me, I was the dude who knocked their daughter up. That I grew up and became a good guy and raised two awesome kids didn’t matter. I was the knockerupper. Do not become that.

[experiencedParticipant]

RoyDal wrote:

Those who learn from their mistakes grow into wisdom.

Agreed!

When a “warning flag” pops into view, do not ignore it.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Back in BlackParticipant 1732]

My brother, I too let what was important to me go (working out, eating healthy etc) in exchange for sex/relationship.
It NEVER works.
If you feel you must be in a relationship, set clear boundaries around those things that are non negotiable to you. Otherwise it will be a.living hell.

Good luck my man and welcome. There are some great men here.

"Women are directly adapted to act as the nurses and educators of our early childhood, for the simple reason that they themselves are childish, foolish, and short-sighted—in a word, are big children all their lives, something intermediate between the child and the man, who is a man in the strict sense of the word. Consider how a young girl will toy day after day with a child, dance with it and sing to it; and then consider what a man, with the very best intentions in the world, could do in her place.” Quote from Arthur Shopenhauer, 17th century philosopher

[Anonymous 42]

Virginius, no practicing woman juggler on the c~~~ carousel is ever successful. You need to become 1.

Look ahead and plan your life away from women and toward your own wants and desires or keep riding the carousel that keeps going faster and faster until one day it going so fast it looks just like a female hamster wheel then you get ejected and SPLAT you hit the WALL.

Dangerous life you’re living. I live in peace and seclusion and have done so the past 20 years without one regret.

I can’t stand the sight of 90% of today’s modern women. Once you see the MATRIX you’re transformed forever!

The payoff? TRUST ME, a lifetime of pure freedom and PLEASURE!

Society is a meat grinder! Oh, another thing, I’m personable, polite, witty and humorous, but I no longer cast my pearly charms before the swine! It’s just not worth it…

[HitmanParticipant]

It’s not too late for you, stay away from crazy and save yourself.
Being here is a damn good start!
Welcome back to sanity brother!

[AwakenedParticipant 35206]

We don’t stop making mistakes until we stop waking up in the morning.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[VirginiusParticipant 15]

Thank you for the kind words, gentlemen.

It’s the sanity I desperately need. I never matured before I went down the destructive relations~~~ path, and I don’t really know what “normal” is, apparently. It feels surreal, to be honest. The shattering of the Keatsean concept of love, the fallacy of “companionship.” It’s all quite intuitive, but all quite depressing.

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome home, Virginius
Beer’s in the fridge

You seem to be at rock bottom and recognizing your mistakes but still willing to go forward. That is because you are a man. That’s what men do and that is how the world got built. You have the opportunity to re-build your self. Rebuild in the way that YOU want. If that means putting a thousand miles between you and the site of the wreckage, then do it.
There are almost 20,000 guys here that you can talk to. We’re all here to help just like in the future you will be here to help other guys. Welcome home.

[NerevarParticipant 8040]

Damn, brother…

Welcome to MGTOW, where we’re always here for you!

"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K

[TattooDaveParticipant 6952]

Virginius wrote:

Thank you for the kind words, gentlemen.

It’s the sanity I desperately need. I never matured before I went down the destructive relations~~~ path, and I don’t really know what “normal” is, apparently. It feels surreal, to be honest. The shattering of the Keatsean concept of love, the fallacy of “companionship.” It’s all quite intuitive, but all quite depressing.

Many of us never got the chance to be on our own. We went from our parents house inter cohabitating with a woman after that and never having had a chance to mature. It’s going to be ok and you will be able to realize your full potential in time it just seems Bleak right now. Don’t worry help is on the way

I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d

[007 (Reborn)Participant 1672]

Guess what man. Your story is normal. Many of us have been through the ringer too. Some, even worse.

We have all been broken and are here to help each other rebuild.

I have a few suggestions to give you a good start.

1. Cut those women out of your life. They are poison. Trust me.
2. Don’t have sexual relations of any kind until you are whole again.
3. Seek help for your anxiety issues if you haven’t already. If the pills don’t work, kratom could be a good aid.
4. Visit this website every day for at least a month. It has helped so many of us become stronger and smarter men.
5. Don’t hold back or feel the need to censor yourself on this website. Let yourself go. We will not shame you.

You are safe now. Consider us to be your brothers.

Welcome home.

Pursuing Happiness and Freedom.

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

RoyDal wrote:

Those who learn from their mistakes grow into wisdom.

And those who also learn from the mistakes of other become wiser. That is where the MGTOW forum is of the greatest help.

[Author]

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