This is reposted because I made a new email and a new account. I figured everyone needs some type of intro on their profile. I am still EnvyTheDefiance and have already graduated High School. This original post was put up in April of this year I believe. A little outdated with some of the background details, but eye opening nonetheless.
———————————————————————————-
BACKGROUND ABOUT MYSELF BEFORE THE STORY:
I am 18 and close to finally graduating high school. Now I may be young, but being young or being (say in your late 20s) does not change the fact that you can experience pain from love. Over the course of my 4 years in high school, I must say that love hurts, a lot. I have fallen for some wrong people when I was young, and it really sucked. From getting fake numbers, to being ignored, to even seeing the girl talk to multiple guys at the same time. Hell, there was even a time where person had interest in me and just fell off of the face of the Earth to me one day. I was of course young at that time, but it still has a small impact and makes me think sometimes.
Some interests I have are playing video games on a few different systems, (Xbox, Wii U, PC). I also ride my motorcycle to cleanse my mind from stress and have fun every second I’m doing it. I don’t have a huge career goal after high school. I don’t plan on going to a college since I have been opposed to it. I would rather just go straight into work or go to a trade school if it came to needed that. I plan to work on cars with my dad after enough years of build up from experience.
———————————————————————————————————–
I’m not very good at doing things like this, but I can work with what I can.
November of 2015, I had interest in a girl who had many of the same interests as me. We talked frequently, until I heard about her boyfriend/exboyfriend (I don’t know who he was to her to this day). In the midst of us having a usual conversation, I get a text from him. He threatened to hurt me and bring his friends along. Huge red flag. (My luck having my first love go sour). She was naive and gave him my number… I couldn’t understand what logic that could have consisted of. She consistently said sorry and told me not to call police on him. I wish I did do it.
Second comes from February of 2016, where I met a girl at my workplace. She admitted to me that she was interested in me, and just broke up with her ex. We talked for awhile and even hung out a few times. Until, the red flags started sprouting like wildfire. She began to ignore me at work sometimes, barely bat an eye to my existence. I saw on social media that she would be hanging out with her “ex” a lot more. Interesting. I think one of the funniest posts, was that she said she was seeing a movie with him, 10 minutes after she told me that she has a lot of homework to do. Must not be that much homework then. I even confronted her numerous times about it and she said over and over that she didn’t care for him anymore (Lies). I did get back at her overtime at work however. Short on staff? Sucks I just left at the time that I was supposed to. I’d leave her more work to do.
At this point, I started to become numb to relations~~~s. I tried over and over to people I stupidly fell for. Rejection after rejection. Ignore after ignore (one word answers as well). Left at read after left at read. I was at the point, where I didn’t want anyone unless they’d come to me. I began to realize at that point, that I shouldn’t give my time for someone who doesn’t do the same. I had this thought only until something that happened about two weeks ago.
A girl began to talk to me. I thought, for once I don’t have to bust my ass trying to find a person who doesn’t appreciate me. There was one red flag that was probably larger than the Chinese flag. She already had a boyfriend, that she was seriously into. We talked about an assortment of stuff. Some of the things, I don’t even talk to my closest friends about. Very private things that stayed close. I really thought that down the road, I could get her. I really did. I really DID. I really thought that I could steal her away from her boyfriend (Sorry not sorry). We talked all hours of the day via texting, and we even hung out a few times. Behind the boyfriend’s back. I kind of liked this, because it was secretive. At the same time though, it proves she isn’t loyal (how do I know she isn’t talking to someone behind my back and his?) I asked her a serious question about why she is talking to me while already in a relationship. What she told me next really began to rewire my brain together.
She told me she has a history at playing with guys hearts and leaving them. Really? I honestly regret asking that in hopes of getting something out of whatever ‘this’ was. WAS. We didn’t talk at all for the next two days. She didn’t even talk to me in school. I, being the idiotic fool who thought there was still hope, wanted to fix things. I decided to message her about the whole thing and tried to fix things and make them right again. We talked about so much, it would hurt to throw it all behind and walk away from. I thought it was going good again when I was trying to repair it, and then it turned into being ignored. Fantastic.
I think I had enough with doing this. I cannot keep doing this if failure is the only thing I get out of anyone I like. In times of loneliness and being depressed, I found MGTOW and began to research more on it.
———————————————————————————————————–
I have realized that it’s not worth it anymore to try and get someone. If they don’t put time into you, you DON’T put time into them. They become an obstacle in your life that never had to be there in the first place. I still believe that NAWALT, but at the same time I don’t see a major point in getting married and/or having kids. I’ve read number of stories, with wives leave the man, take the kids, money, car, and everything the man worked for. I’ve also seen stories of women cheating, and completely destroying men’s confidence and care for finding someone else. On top of this, the double standards are also not fair between women and men. The system is rigged, and needs to be fixed. The problem is, whether it is too late or not.
Being asked where is my girlfriend, why am I a virgin, get annoying after a while. But I’ve realized, that they are not everything. My goals and happiness go farther than a person to fall for. My self-esteem to finding someone one day has been shattered, and I don’t think I care anymore. The red pill hurts at first, but eventually it feels good. It feels good to see the truth in many situations.
Who am I to talk though? Since I am just a ‘kid’ with no relationship experience, my words don’t matter. I have no experience so I must be forced to live the stereotypical life that others do. I must be forced by society to go to college, flush away thousands on student loans, get married and be forced to start a family, and pass it all down. Knowing nowadays, the chances that a marriage may last are 50/50. (Hence, I have read a number of forums listed under Relations~~~s and Dating. If I can’t even find a woman to fall in love with for a short period of time, hell will freeze over when I find someone that will last forever. I’d rather focus on what makes me happy. Forget double standards. Forget the women who wrong me. Forget the ones who don’t support me. After all, there should be more men going their own way nowadays. Just saying.
As the men below me sift through the fog of despair to find the one they call soulmate, I sit at the highest peak of the tallest mountain embracing the self sovereignty.
Anonymous 2 years, 6 months ago.
