When someone devalues you, reduce the value you provide to that person's life

[EGParticipant 1877]

It sounds like a cliche but it’s a good rule of thumb for dealing with people who make you feel a certain way. I’m sharing this with the forum because I’m trying to reinforce this idea in my own life.

[Daryll55Participant 2953]

I haven’t seen,heard, nor spoke to my ex in over 20 yrs. That is the VALUE she has in my life.
If you look to the past, you will wind up living your past.
ALWAYS look forward, NEVER look back.
Saying this as i am having crepes with strawberry preserves, real butter, and a sprinkle of confectioners sugar with crisp bacon.

oh,…… and a

Marry again, Hell NO ! ( Even JESUS was hung on a cross just once)

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

ALWAYS ask: “What’s in it for me?”

[AwakenedParticipant 35203]

It’s ironic how often people that ONCE were so important in your life over time become irrelevant to the point where avoidance is preferred over interactions at any level.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[EndParticipant 262]

EG wrote:

When someone devalues you, reduce the value you provide to that person’s life

I would re examine that thought process. If someone ‘devalued’ me I would not reduce the value I provide them,,, I would eliminate it. The act of devaluing you says they don’t give a crap about you and therefore it is up to you to realize that truth and act accordingly,,,,which for me would be to never interact/do business with that person ever again. Always be alert to what others are doing around you since no one will ever have your back more than yourself.

[Freedom Not SlaveryParticipant 508]

When your devalued by people you cut those worthless s~~~s out of your life. If you think those people need to be kept around you need to work on self esteem issue because most men refuse to deal with disrespectful people.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

sidecar wrote:

ALWAYS ask: “What’s in it for me?”

This took me a long time to come to this realization.
Like a business deal, any relationship you have to get something out of it or you walk off the lot.

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[WallyParticipant]

I really appreciate this post just minutes ago I had to end a relationship with a person who has been close to me personally and professionally for the last 5 years. It was painful but necessary.

"what a waste of a life, to marry, give up your freedom, just for the hope of not dying alone. Don't get married Son."

[MonkParticipant 17024]

Quid pro quo.

You can’t afford to carry passengers.

[narwhalParticipant]

You’ve worded that rather negatively, and too narrow in my opinion. Relationships are supposed to be enriching to you, to make your life better. If it doesn’t do that, that don’t engage with them. That could be that you don’t feel appreciated enough, that they simply bore you, or that you just don’t have the relationship useful.

That’s not to say that people who devalue you, say a boss, can’t be useful and worth relating to under certain conditions. It also could be that you’ve made a commitment you don’t want to break just yet, or that you believe that relating to that person could improve or get more interesting in time. It’s always a means to an end though, more than any sort of moral obligation.

I also say that can be useful to make sure you clearly state your conditions to that person, to give them a choice of whether they want to change their behavior or end the relationship. “I’m not going to continuing hanging out with you if you continue to speak to me that way”. Or simply. “No”, or “I don’t want to”.

I find “I don’t want to” to particularly useful with women. Most of women’s manipulative traps play on a man’s sense of obligation, that he needs to behave a certain way in order to be considered a good man. You must pay for her dinner. You must do this, you must do that. Saying “I don’t want to” sends a clear message to her that you are in charge of your own decisions. That you view your own self worth and well being, and how you view others ahead of whatever she and society may think. You’d be surprised at how quickly that gains respects and causing her to rethink her manipulation strategy.

As an example, my ex once tried to get me to pay for my son’s band instrument, beyond child support payments. In stead of arguing with her about, I just told her “I don’t want to”. She flipped out, but has never asked me for extra money since. She knows that when I want to pay for something, I will.

One other thing, one other useful tool, particularly with women, is instead of cutting them out or pulling back on the relationship, simply ignore the crap that is of no value to you. You don’t need to end the relationship if whatever ‘devalue’ trick they are using doesn’t work. In fact, they usually give it up rather quickly when they realize it doesn’t get you to behave the way they want. My ex used to suggest that her new husband cared more about the kids then me, or that I needed to be concerned about money issues that didn’t directly pertain to my own kids well being. I never even bothered to respond to any of this, or take it into consideration in my decisions. She stopped trying that tactic years ago, and we relate much better since. If I had let it bother me, and argued with her about it, then she would know that gets under my skin and know it’s a tool that might get her what she wants.

Ok. Then do it.

[SandalsParticipant 4254]

Wally wrote:

I really appreciate this post just minutes ago I had to end a relationship with a person who has been close to me personally and professionally for the last 5 years. It was painful but necessary.

Even mom has to go.

[SpiderHerderParticipant 3782]

Sandals wrote:

Even mom has to go.

Second.

[NoLongerBlindParticipant 530]

Good to be back!!!

“Devalue” is at the HEART of their Narcissism!!!!!!

They DEVALUE thinking whatever is next is VALUE!!!!!

Whatever…

[shovelheadriderParticipant 2400]

Her native is what she wants to be your reality. ANSWER ” YOU WERE YOUNG ANd PRETTY and I did stupid things and gave you way too much to have access to your time and charms, It was a quid pro quo” ” Take up your complaint with “Father Time” he took away water mother Nature gave you. all sales were final and payed for in full on delivery

[SandalsParticipant 4254]

shovelheadrider wrote:

Her native is what she wants to be your reality. ANSWER ” YOU WERE YOUNG ANd PRETTY and I did stupid things and gave you way too much to have access to your time and charms, It was a quid pro quo” ” Take up your complaint with “Father Time” he took away water mother Nature gave you. all sales were final and payed for in full on delivery

That pretty well sums up my marriage.

[Author]

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