too funny, and too real

[Anonymous 43]

drinking game time…it can only help ya read about this s~~~ vortex that just waddled through the door. Every time you read the word landwhale, you drink one swig of beer, Everclear, Jack, Coke, whatever, take a hit. This will be fun.

my brother is visiting. He brought his landwhale girlfriend and landwhale girlfriend’s landwhale daughter

Landwhale daughter is staying here where I am staying. Brother and landwhale girlfriend are going to a kitchenette in another town. Landwhale’s Landwhale daughter is staying on a blowup bed in the living room.

F~~~ me raw, this is not good, the house I am staying in is very small, so there is my mom, me and landwhale’s 25 year old landwhale daughter in a 900 square foot 1 bedroom house. She will be staying a week I think.

Landwhale girlfriend is obnoxious and 47. I’d rate her at a high 2. No I’m kidding she is fugly as f~~~. landwhale’s landwhale daughter is a 1, 5 foot tall, 350 pounds. short hair, militant feminist type. My brother is 36 and absolutely lost in her eyes or whatever. Same brother almost shot by cops when I was removed from my house. don’t ask, I don’t want to go there. I’d love to shove them off a cliff, but I don’t have to put up with her.

Brother drove 900 miles to pick up his landwhale unicorn and landwhale’s landwhale daughter up, drove 900 miles to Michigan, then 1800 miles to get to Florida, where he will drive his landwhale special snowflake and her landwhale daughter all over Florida visiting landwhale relatives, then he will drive the landwhale and the landwhale’s landwhale daughter 1700 miles back to to the landwhale and the landwhale’s landwhale daughters house, then drive 900 miles back to his home.

They found each other about 12 years ago in some forum, and have this relations~~~, chatting daily for hours together. again, don’t ask me brothers, not my circus, not my monkeys.

Dinner was insufferable. the landwhale daughter wants to be a world class chef…not in school, no job, barely cooked hotdogs properly. The landwhale girlfriend only has a job because I got a job in Kansas and told her about the teacher shortage in Kansas. Yeah, she’s a teacher. no money, divorced, umm broken down truck, lots of stuff, exiled to Kansas.

My brother decided to rescue this landwhale and this landwhale’s landwhale daughter for God knows what reason. Because he is out of his f~~~ing mind. Again, do not ask me why. He and I have already had a conversation, and after all the s~~~ I went through he thinks being with the landwhale and landwhale’s landwhale daughter is a good idea.

LOL I love how y’all are drinking every time I write landwhale, and then y’all gotta take two drinks when I say landwhale’s landwhale daughter. OOO that was another three drinks for no good reason, just to f~~~ with y’all.

I don’t drink, been dry for 30 years, so I’ll drink vicariously through you, but maybe by the end of the week, I’ll be as drunk as you guys.

Maybe it is good I work over night, sleeping all day while they are here.

[AutoliteParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

LOL I love how y’all are drinking every time I write landwhale, and then y’all gotta take two drinks when I say landwhale’s landwhale daughter

DO Anutheor post! I stil got halv a bottel left… 😀

[Anonymous 42]

Autolite wrote:

DO Anutheor post! I stil got halv a bottel left…

I’m too stoned for another post!

[StormtrooperParticipant 1080]

We should start a harpooning company with how many whales your brother is spotting,

THAR SHE BLOWS!! Keymaster could be captain Ahab.

Having a girlfriend is like owning a gun, the longer your around it, the more you want to shoot it.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Anonymous wrote:

landwhale

I like “womanatee” too. Cracks me up every time.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[OldBillParticipant]

Butterhuffer, lardbarge, obeast, mayo dumpster, buffet rapist, hamplanet, minimoon, deathfat, shemayo, blubberbeast…

I can go on for hours. Reading FPH on Voat is one of my many personal failings.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Author]

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