OK it’s 2017 and I haven’t progressed since my move to Florida from Tennessee 27 months ago.
This is my worst month for work since I moved here and I’ve actually had to take professional chauffeur job which is fine because I prefer to work and it’s flexible. Over two years we basically kept spending proportionately with the money we were bringing in so this fall when I lost some regular work started to get behind and now the chickens have come home to roost. Yep it’s definitely my fault but when you’re f~~~ing miserable in a marriage and you feel trapped Instant gratification can help. For me it was buying a new truck right after I bought my wife a new car. $1100 a month and car payments $250 a month insurance that we definitely cannot afford. Then 2016 hit we had $6000 worth of dental plus at least three or $4000 with the medical that I haven’t even been billed for the procedures but had to have. Payday advances every single payday credit cards slowly crept up for things like car payments other credit card bills food to feed the kids etc. And here we are now.
So now I’ve got a bust ass and Dave Ramsey my way out of the s~~~ and I will because a man does what a man needs to do. But I’ll tell your brothers right now if there was such thing as running my life 180° in the opposite direction, faster than the speed of light then I’d be doing it!!!
My business promo is still not done my partner is working on it therefore we have not launched and we’ve missed at least half of the conference season and I would surmise will be lucky to pick up a handful of gigs when it’s all said and done before summer. The ironic thing is I’m not even really into it. I know you don’t have to be into your work as a man and it’s a means to an end but when you really don’t give a s~~~ about something you just spin your f~~~ing wheels to try to keep the lights on and a roof over your families had it’s demoralizing. I keep rationalizing that I’m sacrificing my own happiness for the kids but I am starting to think it’s bulls~~~. I’ll give you an example.
They went to see their father in another state right after Christmas and are coming home today yet I have not heard from them one time. Their mother texts with them sporadically but let’s face it if I’m not in front of them they don’t give a f~~~ about me I’m not the father. I might raise them 10 months out of the year when it all comes down if you’re not blood you’re nothing. I have always known this anyway at some unconscious level. Which leads me to question what the f~~~ am I doing here in in existence that bores me to f~~~ing tears and I’m not doing anything I’m passionate about whatsoever. As men we have to have things in our lives especially if we are making tow as men we have to have things in our lives, passions, pursuits, that give us joy. That make all the other sacrifice is worth while. I haven’t had anything for years now.
And it’s really money that’s stopping me. Our nut is so f~~~ing expensive I can’t afford to pursue any of the perspective passions and hobbies I may want to get into or even try things to see if I’d like them. It’s a conundrum.
So now I’ve had to sell off a bunch of my s~~~ to pay some bills and had to take on another job which will undoubtedly add 50 or 60 hours a week. It’s OK because I’m going to pay this debt down and pull myself out of this s~~~.
2017 Will be the year of realignment and homeostasis. Plans will be made and tightened up. Debt will be slayed.
Then my passions pursuits and personal MGTOW journey will take a center focus.
I’m not buying any s~~~ this year. Our cell phone bulls~~~ will be paid off credit cards killed medical bills assassinated. I will not buy some $300,000 mortgage. I just don’t see the upside and if I were not married I’d be living in a fifth wheel trailer but the side of the river. Or in a cot at my business office.
That’s entire lifestyle is my fault and it’s because I am married with two stepchildren. Yes my wife is A woman but the only leverage she has over me is the fact that I’m a good and honorable person and wouldn’t leave her in debt and f~~~ed over. yes I’m not happy and this is not how I want to live my life right now we get along very well have great sex regularly and she still attractive to me. I can’t be divorce rate wouldn’t owe alimony or child support.
So I’ll just put myself in a really good debt-free position by busting serious ass and see what happens. At least if it all blows up at that point I’ll be debt-free. Head down work mode for the busy season until about June I’ll reassess at that point.
Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Awakened 3 years ago.
