The StanAndreas Story

[StanAndreasParticipant 160]

Hello, MGTOW. I’m StanAndreas, and here’s my story. Fair warning, it’s pretty long since it covers about thirty-five years of my life as a mangina. This was surprisingly hard to write, because it meant owning some unflattering things about myself, and because I don’t want to seem like a downtrodden victim. I created my situation, and take responsibility for it. If any of this seems like excuses, please call me on it. I may need another red pill or two. I know many of you have had much worse gynonightmares than me, but this one’s mine. Also, please note, no children were harmed in the production of this tale.

I was born in the mid-1950s, a middle child in a dysfunctional suburban family. My father died before my second birthday. My mother was an alcoholic and my stepfather was kind of a dick. In my twenties, Mom sobered up, divorced my stepfather and went her own way, but that’s a story for another time.

I grew up a bit of a loner and introvert. I had friends that I hung out with, and activities and girlfriends, but I’ve always been comfortable in my own company and not super eager to seek people out.

I got married at twenty-five, to a girl I met in college. We were best friends and drinking buddies and she was a lot of fun. We settled down into the typical professional couple lifestyle with jobs and vacations and social events. Gradually, I gave up more and more control and autonomy. All our friends were really her friends (most of whom I didn’t like much), and most of our activities were her choice. My best friend was slowly but surely becoming my only friend, while I wrapped myself in chains that I paid for.

After twelve or thirteen years of marriage, I was getting very disillusioned and unhappy with my job. My wife, meanwhile, had built a pretty successful professional career of her own. With my support and encouragement, she started her own business and was doing quite well at it. I started helping her out part time during her busy season and came to enjoy the work as well. Eventually I quit my high-paying but unrewarding dead-end job and joined my wife’s company full time.

Now my utility value plummeted. I was still good for fixing stuff, lifting stuff, dealing with mechanics and contractors, and being the designated bad guy (all of these things both at home and at work), but I no longer filled the ATM function. My wife’s ‘boss’ role became more prominent, both at home and at work. Everything became a test, which I usually failed because her tests generally had no right answers. I came under criticism for what I read, watched, said, laughed at, wore, and how I drove. She would harp about me gaining weight, but always encouraged me to overeat whenever we went out (which was quite frequent). Any protest from me would bring down an unholy s~~~storm of butthurt about how she was only trying to help me and only wanted to make me happy (by force, I guess), and a thorough examination of all my human flaws and especially my overwhelming selfishness and ingratitude. I would invariably cave in and grovel in apology. Yes, I was a total beta pussy mangina, trapped in an economic and psychological prison designed, built, and maintained by me.

Meanwhile, we were no longer drinking buddies, as my wife drank enough for both of us. One of my principal functions was permanent designated driver. From time to time, she would get especially out of control drunk and unload on me screaming about what a loser asshole I was. These confrontations never once got physical, but they were pretty devastating to me. Although once or twice she apologized after such an incident, usually they were ‘my fault.’

Despite drinking to the point of slurred speech every night, my wife was a dedicated health and fitness fanatic. She had fallen in with a fitness cult and worked out several times a week. I had less than zero interest in this and refused to participate, although of course I offered plenty of beta pussy mangina support. Among her gym and professional friends were a number of people who maintained significantly more lavish lifestyles than us. Naturally this created a lot of envy and resentment as to why these people had bigger houses and nicer cars and took better vacations than us, never mind that some of them had serious financial problems including bankruptcy. Somehow, all of this came about through some failure of mine.

Brief sidetrack about hypergamy: My wife claims that she never cheated on me, and I believe her. She did, however, point out more than once that she had had plenty of opportunities to do better than me. So there’s that.

I was eating this steady diet of s~~~, and getting nothing in return except a job and room and board. Sex was all but nonexistent, unless she wanted some. I once pointed out to her that she had to get drunk to want to have sex with me. She responded with her set script for any criticism, which was to deny it and blame me. One time I called her on her ‘deny and blame Stan’ strategy. She denied it and blamed me for it. You see, it was always about me because I’m such a selfish prick.

Well, throughout this whole time (many years) I grew more depressed, apathetic, passive (yes, more passive) and helpless. Finally, I hit bottom and realized this would kill me if I didn’t get help. I ‘fessed up to my wife and told her I had never been a happy person and didn’t know how to be happy, and that I had reached the point where I didn’t care about anything including myself, and I was resolved to seek professional help.

I thought this was kind of a breakthrough and thought my wife would respond with relief and support. She wanted me to be happy, right? Nope. I had broken her heart. I had never been happy with her, and I didn’t care about her, and it was all about me. Holy s~~~.

I followed through and found a counselor who made an enormous difference in my life. He helped shake me out of my passive patterns and regain control of my life. My wife continued to hold it against me that I ‘broke her heart,’ but I started to feel better about myself and slowly chipped at my prison walls. My wife got a counselor of her own, but I never observed any changes as a result.

We did go to a couple’s counselor as well, for a couple of months – a woman, of course. I began to see a pattern in our sessions where I was the one who had to do all the changing. By then I had recovered enough self-respect to speak up about it, but of course my wife denied it and blamed me. After a couple of months of this, the couple’s counselor wanted to meet individually with us. Topic #1 on my agenda: why do I have to be the one making all the changes? Counselor told me straight out she thought I was the softer target. Goodbye, couple’s counselor.

My wife moved out of the house Christmas Day, 2011, ‘to give me time and space to figure out what I wanted to do.’ I still worked for her, so I saw her every weekday anyway, but at least I didn’t have to deal with her at home any more. I continued to see my own counselor, and continued to regain my confidence and dignity. One morning I was sitting in my house enjoying the peace and calm, and I realized I actually like my life now. No one telling me what to do, say, think, eat, read, etc, and no risk of anyone suddenly going bats~~~ crazy and screaming at me. My home was actually a safe place, and I liked it that way.

The next day I told my wife thanks for giving me all that time and space and I had made a decision and I want a divorce. I think she really expected me to back down and get my mind right as I had always done before. The only explanation I would give her was that I was tired of trying and failing to be whatever she wanted me to be, and that it looked like she was going to hold ‘breaking her heart’ over me for the rest of my life, and I just wasn’t going to spend my life that way. From that point on, I refused ever again to explain myself to her about anything. I had learned from hard experience that Why? is not a question – it’s an invitation to an argument. Sorry, I am unable to attend your argument today.

So I have been living on my own for almost four years, still digging the peace and calm and solitude. From time to time, I entertained notions of someday meeting another woman. Whenever that came up, I immediately flashed to all the BS and games and wasted time, money, and effort and thought, Not Today. Then I saw a post about MGTOW in a forum I frequent, and it all came together. I saw myself in all the YouTube horror stories. And just like that, whoa lightbulb, I knew my path. No more BS, not today, not ever. I am a free man, and I’ll stay that way, thank you.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for being here. I look forward to contributing to this community and paying forward the help I find here.

Cheers,
StanAndreas

Safety rules: All guns are loaded. All knives are sharp. All stoves are hot. All women are like that.

[Big Viking Chef BVCParticipant 1286]

Great story, man. Welcome here. I can only hope that your very well written story will be read by someone at the end of his rope, saving his life with the idea that just possibly there may be some happiness that comes with being alone — being free.

BVC

Swallow this RED PILL ===> Men will lay down their lives for their brothers, their women and their children. This makes Men useful as slaves. Women will lay down their lives for ONLY their children. To expect more from women is just a FANTASY created by society and reinforced by the unconditional love that we experienced from our Mothers. The key to freedom is the understanding that the woman you meet is not going to fantastically love you like your Mother did. If you buy into the fantasy, then she is your new master. If you do not buy into the fantasy, then she is nothing, and you retain your freedom.

[Anonymous 5]

A big welcome!
Thanks for sharing your Blue Pill hell.
As you might already realize, it’s very typical of a marriage contract, experience, almost text book.

The process of isolating and then chipping away at your individuality and self-esteem is almost universal.
It’s so subtle that few men know it’s happening until it’s too late.

Sociopaths groom or pedestalize their victims in the initial phase. No one will make you feel better than a sociopath.
Then they’ll isolate you, slowly but surely. They’ll criticize you behind your back to the people around you as they criticize anything you do or about you to your face All their criticism is masked as helpful.
Then it’s subtle but constant negative opinion about any friends and allies you have which leads you to avoid them.
No one will take away your dignity or belief in life like a sociopath.

As you can see, the difference between a wife and a sociopath is nomenclature.

Enjoy your Red Pill journey in the forum!

[Anonymous 42]

San Andreas,,, good handle! It matches your life’s story, lots of earthquakes, then one day California (your wife FAILT) just slid onto the pacific ocean giving you a beautiful new beach front property. Every MGTOW is now living beach front! Welcome to the waterfront club!

[StanAndreasParticipant 160]

Anonymous wrote:

San Andreas,,, good handle! It matches your life’s story, lots of earthquakes, then one day California (your wife FAILT) just slid onto the pacific ocean giving you a beautiful new beach front property. Every MGTOW is now living beach front! Welcome to the waterfront club!

Haha! You are one perceptive MGHOW, sir, to see through my nom de plume with such ease! And thank you!

Safety rules: All guns are loaded. All knives are sharp. All stoves are hot. All women are like that.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome, Stan! We are all here for you, in our separate and individual ways. Keep on truckin’!

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[HitmanParticipant]

welcome brother stan , enjoy being here, i had a good amount of what you went through ..shaming , name calling , even violence towards me ….somehow , always MY fault ! cheers mate ! to FREEDOM !!!

[SnakeSpectator 2080]

Welcome. Thank you for the introduction.

[Anonymous 18]

A warm welcome Stan.

Reading your story is like reading another chapter from the same book.

It happens all to often. Women in relationships are like bottomless pits. No sane man can stretch himself enough for a woman’s satisfaction.

And my hypothesis why women generally dislike happy men (and mgtow…. One and same) is because they are generally unhappy with themselves. The pretty ones just bide time with attention from Blue pill minded individuals.

I am glad you had it in you to stick to your resolve. Your wife is history; had you stayed married it would have been your sense of identity.

Cheers

[Tiga KParticipant 1693]

Welcome. Its nice to see an older guy in the forums. I was born in ’92, so I’m in the younger crowd around here.

[OrlandoParticipant 833]

Thanks for sharing your story. That was a great read.

[StanAndreasParticipant 160]

Thanks for all your kind words and warm welcome, MGTOW!

Safety rules: All guns are loaded. All knives are sharp. All stoves are hot. All women are like that.

[Anonymous 29]

StanAndreas wrote:

This was surprisingly hard to write, because it meant owning some unflattering things about myself, and because I don’t want to seem like a downtrodden victim.

Well, I don’t usually correct many on this forum nor am I correcting you,. but I do think that you seeing the light was a lot harder than writing down a good story of you, for us.
Good to see another, born in mid 50’s here.
Welcome.

[Elric GreenstoneParticipant 1637]

Welcome. It was good to read your story. Well done for breaking free of your chains.

"You can either love women, or understand women. You can't do both. Because once you understand women, you realize that there is really nothing to love."

[globemasterParticipant 443]

Women,especially sucessful ones actually wants atleast two men at the same time in their life.
Guy one–a blue pill guy,average looking,has to take care of her,children and house,do chores,has to earn if she doesnt ,if she earns he should be stay in house husband.Shoul look after her when she is wasted or sick.

guy two–A bad boy, who will take her on dates,who gives a good time,good looking guy. She will like go to parties,restaurants with him. But she knows he wont be a good husband, so she needs the first guy.

I think only a cuckold can live a happy life with these self centered creatures.

[Author]

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