Hey guys,
I wanted to contribute something of my own before responding to other threads on here. I have an example of male/female inequality at work that is a real shame to witness, but I hope this will help a few people out.
I got a job recently working for a big finance corporation in customer service. I was supposed to be going back to Uni in September last year but due to an issue with my student funding I had to defer and find a job until I go back. It’s fine as jobs go, respectable company, decent pay, can’t complain.
My department is fairly small, about 10 of us but it is mainly women, there’s only 2 guys, me and 1 other. Since I started there a few of the girls have tried it on, asking me to do things for them that aren’t in my job role and I’ve always given them a firm no, as in make it clear from the beginning how they can treat me. Also when I have a difference of opinion, I state my case in a respectable way even if the other person is getting frustrated, I just tell them my point of view and I don’t back down even when a few of the girls gang up about things. This worked for me and now I have a very good you don’t f~~~ with me, I don’t f~~~ with you level of respect going on.
Anyway this guy that works with me, he is the whipping boy of the group. It really pains me to see. The girls tease him, laugh at him, most of it is just straight up bullying. Some of the girls there are pretty young so it doesn’t surprise me, but the guy never stands up for himself and is always apologising. The f~~~ed up thing is this guy is incredibly talented, he pretty much built the software program we use as a database and is very helpful to our clients over the phone. Despite this, he gets pushed around and everyone is telling him what to do, despite him probably being one of the smartest people there.
We went out for lunch a few weeks back and he told me he found it funny how I set this girl straight in front of everyone and really embarassed her when I first started working there. It hadn’t been my intention to do this but she really left me no choice. Basically I was discussing my work with a colleague and she just decided to blurt out what she thought was right and told me how to do my job. I of course told her how wrong she was, at the time I was standing up as she was sitting so the dynamic of me standing over her made her really uncomfortable. She quickly shut up and I got on with my work.
We talked about it over lunch and he showed me some texts they had sent between each other after they’d fallen out because he’d complained about her, so she found out and wrote a weepy-eyed essay of a text explaining how sorry she was and how she couldn’t understand why he would do that.
I was stunned at how juvenile the s~~~ was, it’s the kind of s~~~ my younger sisters would pull on me when I was a kid, yet he had no clue what she was doing. He later asked me how I could speak to this girl like I had done at the office and get away with it. I simply told him that I treat people how they treat me, if someone is rude like that to me, they get it right back. I had to explain to him how women’s way of attacking you is cleverly disguised with the words they use and their tone. He’s a very logical guy like me so he hasn’t figured out that in order to stand up for himself, sometimes it means getting your hands dirty. Like if someone in the street wants to fight you, diplomacy isn’t always going to cut it, sometimes you’ve got to fight back blow for blow. We discussed how I thought people bullied him there and he asked if I would put a stop to it for him i.e. fight his battles for him. I obviously told him no, but said if you stand up for yourself I’ll back you up, but I’m not your mother, grow some b~~~~.
After this chat he seemed a bit more confident and even tried fighting back at work, but within a few days he was back to doing everything everyone asked of him and taking loads of s~~~ to go with it. The other day I told him I thought he apologises too much to people and he got really offended and now will barely speak to me.
Seems like he’s gone back to his more comfortable role of the whipping boy rather than trying to stand up for himself. It’s a damn shame, if he grew some b~~~~ he could be doing so much more for the company and be earning a lot more money. If it were all guys, I don’t think he’d be having the same problem.
KingOfTheSea 4 years, 11 months ago.
