So, I read a post by about this fella dealing with some rough s~~~, I’ll post link below.
Coming Out
It hadn’t really occurred to me to post about my own experiences with all that. Mostly because I’ve tried very hard to put it out of my mind, and I largely have. So, to @jan.Sobieski I thought I’d share my own story.
A while back, when I was in high school, things were getting tough. I had been living with a relative, and we didn’t get along very well, so on my 18th, they kicked me to the curb. She was a woman, and went around playing the poor innocent victim card, yada yada and drug my name through the mud. So, I moved in with a buddy of mine. Well, as it turned out, his gf didn’t like me and he white knighted and boom, I was all out on my own. This is junior year of high school, going into senior year. I’m going to school still, wondering where the f~~~ I’m going to live, worrying about if I’m going to graduate, worrying if I can still work a full time job ect. Meanwhile, everyone else is worrying about prom and s~~~. Life had been pretty rocky for most of my life, with alcoholic family, psychotic family, ect. I always kept on, kept telling myself it would get better, and when all of this happened in the course of a few weeks, that was the breaking point.
What killed me the most was that nobody cared. I was nothing, nobody gave a s~~~ if I died or not, but people were still scrambling over pussy. Both white knights and c~~~s treated me bad, like useless f~~~ing trash. So, I decided that’s it, somehow fate or god or the universe has decided I’m f~~~ed no matter what I do, so I give up. I got some pills, powerful ones, took them all, and tried to overdose. Turns out I had a seizure, and threw them all up. I had heard about that, pills not doing the job so I had a backup plan. I had a gun and went off with the intention of killing myself. The gun was stashed away in the only place I could put it, and it and the bullets got corroded. So, when I go to end it, the bullets won’t fire. They were 22lr, and it struck the rim, but they wouldn’t fire. I tried 5 different bullets with no luck. So, I hadn’t planned on that, so I went into the woods with my belt with the intention of hanging myself. Then, the cops decide to show up. Apparently a 6 foot 4 guy walking around in a leather jacket at 11 pm is suspicious, and so they stopped me and found the gun.
I got charged, thrown in a mental rehab place, got out and life got better. Sorry to skimp on some of the details, but this is already getting way to f~~~ing personal. I changed schools, and had to tell my teachers and everyone else what had happened. That’s right, I failed at killing myself, I can’t even do that right holy s~~~. But, I swallowed my pride and I’ve learned to live with it. That was 5 years ago, and I’ve moved on. If you want to kill yourself, that’s your business, I won’t tell you how to live your life. But I am thankful that I am still alive, and that life has gotten better. Those experiences were sobering, and there were many o’ red pills force fed to me by society. It put things starkly into perspective about how nobody gives a s~~~ about men whether it be suicide or homelessness.
There are only a few people who know this about me in my real life, and I don’t tell it to the new people I meet, even good friends. I am ashamed of it, and I feel like time can heal anything, and it has. So, to you JAN, I have known the feeling, walk tall with pride, you’ve done something that most people don’t have the strength to do. Myself included.
Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.
Silverstone the Second 4 years ago.
