Staying with abusive single mom-Please Help

Topic by Shaka Zulu

Shaka Zulu

Home Forums Relations~~~s Staying with abusive single mom-Please Help

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This topic contains 47 replies, has 23 voices, and was last updated by Wildwalker57  Wildwalker57 2 years, 1 month ago.

Viewing 20 posts - 21 through 40 (of 48 total)
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  • #601677
    +3
    Shaka Zulu
    Shaka Zulu
    Participant
    72

    If I had a son still living at home and not working at thirty, I’d be interrogating their s~~~head friends too in the hopes of finding out why my son is still a child at thirty.

    OLD BILL, u are talking from the perspective of a man! There has never been a man in this house! What u dont understand about single moms is that they raise their kids to be dependant on them! Fathers teach sons to be better than them.

    I have had good paying jobs in TV and i lost them cos of false accusations made by chicks who dress skimpy so they can f~~~ the mangina SIMP bossess! In both cases it was proven that the girls were lying but 0 punishment was handed to them while me and other males were fired by the men these girls are f~~~ing in the office! Some of these girls were making rape accusations against men in their FIFTIES when it was proven they were lying still nothing was done to punish them! Thats the problem, these managers, supervisors, MDs are easily seduced by young girls in the workplace. These chicks sleep with them and get them to give the girls promotions and fire young ambitious guys like me who want to ascend the corporate ladder with hard work not sleeping with married bossess.. You might not be familiar with the male unemployment stats in this country, u sound like an old dude, but the global trend now is GIG ECONOMY cos it is the only way for young males to survive>>the corporate environment is all about female empowerment, the results of women in the workplace is that males take longer to leave the nest hence why there is such a high crime rate in my country men are trying to make ends meet. This is happening all around the world.. Freelancing is my job, 500Euros in 1 week is what some people here make in two months. If i master my skills i could be making that twice a week doing what i love which is telling stories film,writing,sound and photography…I hope u are seeing where im coming from…

    #601723
    +2

    Anonymous
    3

    ive been keeping this rage/sadness locked inside cos i dont want people thinking im a softy,

    No, you are not a softy. Finally realizing, that you have problems that you shouldn’t have, thinking on them and asking for advice is actually a brave thing, its the first step.

    Its only behind closed doors

    typical modus operandi of women.

    So if you stay with your mom, I hope you have your own computer / device you visit this site on, and she has no access to it and the whole thing is encrypted an password protected and your private documents too. Privacy is a useful thing in these situation, saying as I was at my mom until age of 25.

    Not having a job can destroy any relationship alone, even if you found a magic unicorn. Money is a big issue, number one reason for couples fighting on, whether they are rich or poor, women want more money (and your valuable lifetime) on THEIR goals.

    And, multiply your free time taken away with a typical hourly wage there, that’s how it’s worth theoretically – or more because it is limited and here I don’t count stress that costs even more time to digest. Never let women take your time, money, and emotional peace. And “women” that includes your mom and exes and other women too.

    I’m saying, that being under stress at home literally costs you money. You will realize it later, you will be capable of better work (for more money) if you are in peace.

    But first get a job, collect up cash stash in a bank account or safe ,so mom cannot take it away and does not know about it – never tell her how much you make. Better would be to get a job in another city, so you need to move there, rent a room there, and never look back (not more than once in a few weeks, so you have control of the relationship to your mom)

    It is better to have an easy to digest reason (like work) to move away. I just moved away with no other reason than being stressed unhappy and being disliked & ignored by girls for living with mom. It was f~~~ing scary emotionally as I could not use those reasons and there were fights on why I move away when I have the same job etc and its not far away.

    She then told me she doesnt need permission to talk to my friends

    She doesn’t need to know who are your new friends. She doesn’t have the phone numbers of current friends, I guess so just don’t invite them to your moms home. Meet them at their place, at parties / bars / library / whatever public places you like.

    Also she doesnt want me to have any girls over, she literally found me in bed with my ex gf over a year ago and chased her away while i was naked,

    That’s extreme controlling behavior. You are seen by your mom as a house pet which she can humiliate and it never bites back. She may actually enjoy seeing you being upset and snapped. She is a psycho, don’t try to reason with her, go away.

    The gf broke up with me

    That one should have been a huge red pill moment on life stuff. That clearly happened due to your mom. (that’s why I never brought girls home in my younger age) Okay, we are not for relationships at this site, but you lost a lot of fun due to your psycho mother. And you are still there. Get a control on your life.

    What im asking for is advice on dealing with her while im still living with her and working on my exit plan…

    Okay, so: privacy, cash stash hidden, no blah-blah talking what you do. Not even to anyone she knows.
    I was sitting in the library browsing internet or books and planning my escape on pieces of paper (keep them private or use some other method)
    Never give her any clue about what are you planning, it will create more fights. Poker-face , shut mouth,and do your stuff behind her back. That was what I exactly did. I already had a job for many years, then I organized the apartment rent in secret, paid for the first months, bought household stuff into the apartment in secret, also brought away some of my not so obvious (easy to see if missing) stuff in my everyday backpack. (Leave fully packed, arrive with less stuff. Be creative and don’t overdo it) Final step can be putting the final stuff in a few bags and call a taxi when she is not home. That’s similar to what I did. (Although mine was more action-movie style, my mom was 100% at home, no job and other outside activity at all (retired) so I packed my last package of stuff on my bicycle at 2 am in complete silence and moved them to the flat. Then back, poker face, and went to work normally as everyday. I have a good poker face when I want. She did not realize my move away until she found in my room that my clothes are missing from the cupboard)

    #601734
    +2

    Anonymous
    3

    500Euros in 1 week

    I made somewhat less then that sum in a month when I was moving out.

    #601745
    +5
    OldBill
    OldBill
    Participant

    OLD BILL, u are talking from the perspective of a man! There has never been a man in this house!

    You don’t think of yourself as a man? Do you think that may be a problem?

    What u dont understand about single moms is that they raise their kids to be dependant on them!

    More excuses, huh? It’s all mommies’ fault? You know what your mother did to you, but you somehow can’t undo it? Playing the victim comes natural to you, doesn’t it?

    I have had good paying jobs in TV and i lost them cos of false accusations…

    Sure you did and it was always the fault of someone else. In all your troubles and tales of woe, do you know what the common thread is? You.

    Until you admit your years of f~~~ ups, until you start learning from your mistakes, until you take responsibility for yourself and your actions, you’ll never amount to a thing.

    It’s your life. Either own it or stop whining.

    Freelancing is my job…

    It isn’t a job, you fool, because it isn’t housing and feeding you.

    If i master my skills…

    If, if, if. Spit in one hand, wish in the other, and see which fills up first. Do something now, then worry about doing something later.

    … doing what i love…

    You can’t do what you love to do until you’re doing what you need to do. You’re thirty years old and you don’t even feed yourself, you pathetic little bastard, and yet you’re dreaming of some media career?

    I hope u are seeing where im coming from…

    I see where you’re coming from. I also see where you going to. Both of those places are called “Nowhere”.

    Get up off your ass, stop dreaming, and start doing.

    Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

    #601838
    Survivor
    survivor
    Participant
    610

    Shaka:

    As long as you’re living at home you’ll have to do pretty much what she says because it’s her money and her place. As long as you’re there, that’s the way it’ll be most of the time. If you want to be free you have to get out. My parents were fighting like crazy when I was 18 many years ago because of my dad’s drinking. I purposely went to a school that I had to move to and stay in the dormitory. I rarely went home after that. Perhaps you can do this or join the military as others have suggested here or seek a job in another city or even another country or consider school in another country. It could be a country in Africa or Europe or somewhere else. Scan study programs in other countries and job listings you know of in other countries.

    Hope things turn out better for you.

    "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, You give love a bad name, I play my part and you play your game, You give love a bad name."--Bon Jovi

    #601889
    Shaka Zulu
    Shaka Zulu
    Participant
    72

    Sure you did and it was always the fault of someone else. In all your troubles and tales of woe, do you know what the common thread is? You.

    Until you admit your years of f~~~ ups, until you start learning from your mistakes, until you take responsibility for yourself and your actions, you’ll never amount to a thing.

    It’s your life. Either own it or stop whining.

    Dude how can u blame me for false allegations against me and other dudes that were proven to be false? I worked my ass off while these girls were doing nothing but gossiping..One of These girls said a 53 year old man who was doing Swahili news for Congolese listeners tried to rape her in the radio studio but CCTV cameras proved she was bulls~~~ting. So u are blaming all of us for these girls actions, is that MGTOW?? Your talking from a biased, subjective emotional view. Get a grip old man and take your meds

    More excuses, huh? It’s all mommies’ fault? You know what your mother did to you, but you somehow can’t undo it? Playing the victim comes natural to you, doesn’t it?

    No Billy Goat, u really sound like a white knight now…You want to hear how a South African victim mentality sounds like? Go talk to a white south african and listen how he/she feels that whites are being targeted in a non existant ‘white genocide’. What they basically saying is the apartheid welfare system which spoon fed whites for over a century collapsed and they hate the fact that they have to compete with non whites for privileges reserved for whites only. Do u tell white south africans to stop playing the victim card when they scream “white genocide” or “reverse racism” like little cry babies? I doubt it… Do u hear me bringing up slavery, apartheid, government corruption, racism for my situation? All im saying is im in this situation cos my mom raised me to be dependent cos that’s female nature BUT im working HARDER on a going my own way cos the red pill woke me up a few months ago

    It isn’t a job, you fool, because it isn’t housing and feeding you.

    It might not be housing or feeding me permanently but it is what landed me a couple of good paying jobs and it is my only form of income for now, freelancing money is what allowed me to pay for a TEFL certificate to teach English in Asia, freelancing money is what is paying graphic designers to design my website. I dont want a media career i am paying for my OWN media website which will be the first MGTOW page in Africa and the only platform where men of all races, ages, nationalities can discuss their problems on forums like this. Helping the millions of young men going through my situation would bring joy to my heart, what are the suicide rates for men again?

    I see where you’re coming from. I also see where you going to. Both of those places are called “Nowhere”.

    Get up off your ass, stop dreaming, and start doing.

    Your feeble attempts to break my spirit did not work. u actually cheered me up ive always thought American hillbillys were amusing characters…:)

    #601902
    MACHO
    MACHO
    Participant

    Your feeble attempts to break my spirit did not work. u actually cheered me up ive always thought American hillbillys were amusing characters…:)

    Now I see your true self, you obviously haven’t got a clue what this website mgtow.com is all about! I will enjoy watching you sink deeper and deeper in your own fantasy world! I doubt that you are mgtow.com material wise ass! Goodbye!

    You must own a better Crystal ball than I
    #601923
    +1
    Shaka Zulu
    Shaka Zulu
    Participant
    72

    Darth Peter Thats some pretty hardcore advice but its pretty real..I think u were in a very similar situation to me, matter of fact it sounds like ur mom was exactly like mine…

    collect up cash stash in a bank account or safe ,so mom cannot take it away and does not know about it – never tell her how much you make.

    Dude that was the blue pill mistake i used to make whenever i got a freelancing gig, or a job first question she asks is how much u make then i would tell her cos i trusted her shes my mom..Come pay day she would demand i give her more than i was willing to share though she makes 50 times more than me. And i remember when i was in advertising and made my first sale, my bank account was linked to hers. Within 24hours of my first salary R6000 she had withdrawn R1500 and actually wanted more money, it was Christmas eve..we got into such a serious fight over my money the neighbors had to intervene. By neighbors i mean an elderly retired white Afrikaans couple who were p~~~ed cos we disturbed their afternoon nap.. fortunately i closed that account and ive learnt the hard way to NEVER tell any woman how much u make..

    Better would be to get a job in another city, so you need to move there, rent a room there, and never look back

    Thats why im trying to raise money for cabin crew training in Johannesburg. The course takes six weeks and the fees includes accommodation at a nearby flat so its convenient for people like me coming from outside Joburg. So if… no when i raise the cash not only will i be staying in Jozi for six weeks, but December is peak time for airlines so as soon as im out i will get called up and I’ll start flying around the country within a few weeks of finishing the course…I think the cabin crew course would be ideal cos ill be working around the country and later I’ll be travelling the world, staying in hotels and earning incentives in US Dollars every day. Though ill still be staying with her, i will probably be home one week per month at most…

    Poker-face , shut mouth,and do your stuff behind her back. That was what I exactly did. I already had a job for many years, then I organized the apartment rent in secret, paid for the first months, bought household stuff into the apartment in secret,

    I like the idea of secretly plotting my ‘escape’ with a poker face. Flats are really expensive to rent here but im sure with my cabin crew job and my freelancing, i should be able to follow your escape tactics…

    That’s extreme controlling behavior. You are seen by your mom as a house pet which she can humiliate and it never bites back. She may actually enjoy seeing you being upset and snapped. She is a psycho, don’t try to reason with her, go away.

    Another time i had a girl over, i introduced her to my mom. That day my mom left to buy groceries, anyways the moment she drove out we didnt waste time getting naughty. While we were f~~~ing my moms calls me over and over, when i answered she told me she forgot the grocery list so i must go downstairs and read it to her over the phone. By the time i had finished the girls vagina had dried up and she wanted to go home cos she knew my mom did this on purpose…

    That one should have been a huge red pill moment on life stuff. That clearly happened due to your mom. (that’s why I never brought girls home in my younger age) Okay, we are not for relationships at this site, but you lost a lot of fun due to your psycho mother. And you are still there. Get a control on your life.

    Yes, we didn’t break up immediately, i actually found out via Facebook that she was cheating on me with some crusty lipped SIMP, thats what also made us break up. That was my last relationship though, over a year ago. Its one of the reasons that lead me to MGTOW. Now im all about pump and dump. With this cabin crew job i think i will be able to do plenty of those on the air hostesses 😉

    Get a control on your life.

    That i am doing, with advice like yours im definately doing it better. Thanks for the words of encouragement my brother they mean a lot to me. May all the GODS bless you and may the universe bring abundance of prosperity in your life..

    #601941
    +2

    It might not be housing or feeding me permanently but it is what landed me a couple of good paying jobs and it is my only form of income for now, freelancing money is what allowed me to pay for a TEFL certificate to teach English in Asia, freelancing money is what is paying graphic designers to design my website. I dont want a media career i am paying for my OWN media website which will be the first MGTOW page in Africa and the only platform where men of all races, ages, nationalities can discuss their problems on forums like this. Helping the millions of young men going through my situation would bring joy to my heart, what are the suicide rates for men again?

    All while still staying at your mother house. What OldBill is trying to say is all that “dreamer” stuff you’re doing is still not enough for you to gain independence at 30 years old so it’s time to find a “real” job that can pay for you a roof and food. When you ask people for help be ready for some to give you a kick in the ass if need be. Your post is full of excuses all while blaming your mothers rearing of you as the reason for your failures in life. You are a grown man that’s self aware of the manipulation from your mother so now it’s time to act!

    Never lose sight of what brought you here.

    #601949
    +1
    Shaka Zulu
    Shaka Zulu
    Participant
    72

    Guys please check that YouTube link out, its called “34 years old, graduated three times, unemployed and still living with parents” and it was made by this guy from Scotland.

    Male unemployment is a GLOBAL pandemic effecting men of all races, ages and nationalities. You cant run away from it, this gynocentric bull s~~~ is emasculating us…But it might be a good thing as it will unite men under one common cause called MGTOW…Africa, European, Asians, Hispanics, whatever…we are at a crossroads gentlemen, the time for infighting is over we gotta learn how to work together as men.

    #601955
    +1
    Shaka Zulu
    Shaka Zulu
    Participant
    72

    When you ask people for help be ready for some to give you a kick in the ass if need be

    For sure i understand… im not a sensitive snowflake…

    Your post is full of excuses all while blaming your mothers rearing of you as the reason for your failures in life. You are a grown man that’s self aware of the manipulation from your mother so now it’s time to act!

    I think i’ve made it clear that i’m already acting and that i only started to fully comprehend this when i took the red pill a few months ago…

    Once again thanks for your words of encouragement even the hard ones, I got no grudge against Old Billy Goat and Macho man…No hard feeling gents

    #602051
    +3
    Foghornleghorn
    foghornleghorn
    Participant
    3449

    Find a job, get a place of your own and move. The longer you stay the longer you validate her behavior towards you.

    #602072
    +1

    Anonymous
    11

    Shaka Zulu(I like the handle too), I lost my father at a young age. My friend lost his ex-wife leaving his daughter without a mother at a young age. In both cases on my end, the parent and remaining child drew closer so I’m assuming the same dynamic played out in your case.

    My mother was not a feminist, but yours is. At 30, I was buying anything extra my elderly mother living on a pension ever needed like stove, hot water heaters, windows etc… in cash an endeavor neither of my siblings would ever bother to contribute. When she passed, she rewarded me in her will more than the others, and all hell let loose in my family. The biggest takers were the biggest complainers.

    I also work in the gig economy. I work my ass off paying for my overhead. You’ve got to keep trying. I know it’s hard, but that just means we have to work harder. Do not allow anything to waste your time during your quest for independence.

    Work harder on making yourself independent of your mother. I’d also follow Old Sage’s advice on being non-confrontational as possible. She is a feminist which is a very serious condition. Reason is not their forte.

    #602080
    +2
    OldBill
    OldBill
    Participant

    as soon as im out i will get called up and I’ll start flying around the country within a few weeks of finishing the course…I think the cabin crew course would be ideal

    You’ve lost every other full time job you’ve had because you can’t successfully deal with other people. Yet, despite that long record of continual failure, you now want to believe think becoming an airline steward and dealing with the flying public is something you can handle?

    You can’t get along with people, you’ve failed in other careers because of that, and now you’re taking a customer service job thinking everything will be okay? You couldn’t handle a few co-workers in an office. What the hell are you going to be able to do with an airliner full of passengers?

    You need to start facing reality and stop dreaming. Until you do that, you’ll do nothing.

    Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

    #602329
    +2
    Shaka Zulu
    Shaka Zulu
    Participant
    72

    You’ve lost every other full time job you’ve had because you can’t successfully deal with other people. Yet, despite that long record of continual failure, you now want to believe think becoming an airline steward and dealing with the flying public is something you can handle?

    Ok OLD BILL, those are really harsh words i really needed to hear, you are the voice of reason and truth people dont wanna face but i will face the truth, which is i failed in the past and i have nobody to blame!! i accept it!!

    Im aware that the cabin crew biz is 85% female, of the remaining 15% males, 10% are f~~~~~s and the remainder 5% is straight dudes like me. So taking into consideration how working with women ended up as a fake accusation party in the past, i have to adjust my mindset to working in an overwhelmingly female dominated environment without getting falsely accused of anything as well as learning how to deal with really s~~~ty passengers from all around the world and working mad hours on long haul flights…The last two is generally the worst things about being a FA from my research..

    Fortunately there is a 6 week course which will psychologically and physically train me for this kinda s~~~

    You need to start facing reality and stop dreaming. Until you do that, you’ll do nothing.

    Reality is i might have tried in the past but i failed cos here i am still living with my momma…I still believe in my dream of starting my media company though, but my priority is getting a decent income and moving out cos i have to be realistic..However i acknowledge my failure, i am greatful you pointed it out Mr Billy, and i will use all the wise and harsh words of advice to start a proper, clean, successful chapter of my life in my 30s…Im very excited at that prospect…THANK YOU

    #602401
    +1
    Had_enough
    had_enough
    Participant
    29

    For domestic abuse issues you can contact people at http://www.moshate.org.za/

    Other information can be obtained from the magistrates court.

    I suggest that you educate yourself a bit more by doing proper research into issues before you generalise by making comments about any racial group regarding victimisation.

    #602424
    +1
    Shaka Zulu
    Shaka Zulu
    Participant
    72

    Thanks for the link, had no clue about this… which South African city u from?

    I suggest that you educate yourself a bit more by doing proper research into issues before you generalise by making comments about any racial group regarding victimisation.

    I fully agree with you, but the smear campaign being run by white south africans about our country is very disgusting, u cannot deny that the most negative, ugliest pictures of SA come mainly from white south africans (not coloureds, blacks or Indians) who emigrated & would rather spend all day talking kak about SA like how they victims of systematic racism or some other sob story, instead of starting their new lives. Look we have problems, every country has problems, just like every family has problems, just look at my dysfunctional family… but i have never ever come across an unpatriotic bunch like some of the white saffies online , the stuff u say in comments and the exaggerated info u feeding Americans and EU states just so u can skip the line and get free citizenship makes me want to cringe.

    I know People who come from s~~~hole 3rd world states like Congo or Uganda where there aren’t even any highways, who are more patriotic my broer, some of u guys really behave like spoiled entitled feminist brats. We seriously need to sort out our differences as SA men irrespective of who is president and we need to pull the men of SA together, did u see that little boy who got shot in the mouth with rubber bullets by police? Did u hear about that little girl who got killed by racist white farmers recently? Or the 16 year old boy who got murdered by white farmers in North West province? Or the black man who was thrown in a coffin by white farmers in Mpumalanga? What about the countless workers who were shot by farmers cos they mistook them for “baboons?” When discussing white farm killings with these Americans, why do white south africans always conveniently never ever mention how white farmers are also brutally killing farm workers? It reminds me of how one sided feminists talk about femicide when in reality there is an infanticide caused by abortions…See the hypocrisy and subjectivity??

    …Im cool with white people, i just dont tolerate bull s~~~ and ill call it out when i see it whether its coming from blacks or whites…But i think this is just another topic we should discuss on a South African webpage cos im going on an off topic rant right now…

    #602468

    Anonymous
    3

    You’ve lost every other full time job you’ve had because you can’t successfully deal with other people. Yet, despite that long record of continual failure, you now want to believe think becoming an airline steward and dealing with the flying public is something you can handle?

    Yes, on the long run, you need to learn some psychology. Many people are irrational, stupid, snowflake, whatever sometimes for no reason. A cabin crew need to deal with those idiots. You deserve better than that. Choose a job that does not need too much contact with people. Your personality, emotions, and all of that is damaged heavily by your mom and you need a lot of time to heal from it. You f~~~ it up because your soul is damaged and you don’t even know it. I know, I have been to the hell and back in this matter. Me, I’m most of the time locked up in an all-male science lab with good guys, communicating to the outside world on presentations and articles only (rewritten many times, to have all possible meanings of all sentences correct). I really don’t like mainstream people, I’m and introvert and I know it.

    About workplace and women: Use the “need to know” as guiding light. Be stealthy. Talk bulls~~~ and misguide conversation, if asked from stuff they don’t need to know. At last chance, tell them “I don’t talk at a workplace about non-work topics”. I know that a regular workplace is annoying if there are women, and rules and bulls~~~. If there is half a chance, go for flexible working hours. Do the tasks and get paid. Never ever in life has all day the same amount of work to do. There are 6-8 hour and 12+ hour days at random, depending on how much stuff is to be done. The same applies on your own business if you go for it, but then you alone need to be the employee, the boss, the paperwork, accountant, company lawyer, whatever. And still need to pay a lot of taxes, and knowledge on how to optimize it.

    #602834
    Had_enough
    had_enough
    Participant
    29

    A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion – Grantland Rice

    #603382
    Narwhal
    narwhal
    Participant

    I agree that you should go get a job asap. It doesn’t need to be a job that requires any training. Go work at McDonald’s if you have to.

    While at work, just do your job. No socializing or anything like that. Just do your job.

    Use your spare time to look at a realistic career.

    Move out as soon as possible.

    As far as dealing with your mother right now…don’t. Don’t engage her. Cook your own meals if you can. Keep your distance as much as possible. Tell her ‘no’ as often as possible.

    Do not bring friends or GFs over to your house. Honestly, I wouldn’t do anything with friends at all right now. Not unless they are interested in helping you reach your goals, they can only get in the way.

    Most importantly, stop looking for excuses. It’s a waste of time. The only person who’s going to get you where you want to go is you making actual changes.

    Ok. Then do it.

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