Sperm Donating #101

[Anonymous 0]

When I first submitted my introduction, I had three issues. One being that I didn’t really understand the workings of the website, coupled with the fact I was also submitting it at the very time some arsehole was attacking the site. This resulted in my introduction being pasted twice, causing the flow of my story to be interrupted.

The other issue I faced was the emotions that came to the surface for me when writing my introduction.

A member has requested I re-edit and resubmit. I thank this member for his interest in my story. He has highlighted the probability that maybe others can learn from my journey. It is with this in mind that I take the time now to re-edit, though I am choosing to leave it as raw as it came out, as it was and is very real to me. Also editing it too much will just do my head in. I have added a few more details. I hope someone may find it either entertaining or useful for their own development.
I would also like to say that sharing my story, accompanied by the acknowledgement and genuine understand by MGTOW members has been food for my soul.

Ok here’s some of my story. I have always pursued the females. This is how it generally has been for me and I’m over it. I’ve been and I am lots of things including an entertainer. I’ve f~~~ed lots of women. I would describe myself as a kind, gentle and generous person. Like a lamb ready for the slaughter (though not anymore).

Sperm donation #1

When I was 23 a 32 year old woman made herself available to me and she stated that she couldn’t get pregnant. After 6 weeks of casual encounters I realised she was not much fun to be with and I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with her. So she f~~~s off for a few weeks and then contacts me to say she was pregnant. I had no say in it. She didn’t want me in the child’s life at all. I left her to it for a few years. I tried to get involved when my daughter was 7, then 11. The mother was having none of it. This daughter is now 25. She wants nothing to do with me as the mother has ensured that her toxic potion did its job. I was nothing but kind to her mother.

Years past and I weaved my way through the narcissistic minefield that is the pursuit of vagina. Anyway I actually thought I wanted to be loved and to love.


Sperm donation # 2.

I wanted a family in my late 30’s. I was living in another country. I met a woman and very quickly she became pregnant. I wanted it to work out so much I even married her to prove it. She kicked me out of her house 21 days after the wedding. I was kind of glad because she was doing really weird s~~~ to me like deliberately keeping me awake at night when I had to work the next morning, trying to isolate me from family and friends, relentlessly making nasty personal comments to me. I could go on a bit hear but I’m sure you get the idea.

In a way I was trapped. How could I walk out on a pregnant woman? How bad does that look? This sense of duty, coupled with my desire for a family and the fact that I didn’t want to look like the bad guy, made me try even harder. Or should I say, put up with a whole lot more s~~~.


So I tried to reconcile a few times for the sake of my held ideal of loving and nurturing a family and of being loved and nurtured in return. She would just start with the s~~~ again and then kick me out or I would leave. I now know she was doing me a favour.

My second daughter was born. Up until she turned 4 I was still giving the mother ‘one more chance’ to show me love and respect. She just returned to the same script. I returned to my home country as I did not have the resources to stay and fight to be in her life. As it stands I have a 10 year old daughter and we now live on opposite sides of the planet. Her mother had a young daughter when I met her. She recently had her third child. She moved in with the father briefly but now she is single once again. She now has three children to three donors.


Now for sperm donation # 3 & 4.

I continued to play the dating game. With all the stupid s~~~ one has to put up with. I’m sure you guys know what I’m talking about. Then I meet a woman who was 11 years younger than me- I was 42. She seemed gorgeous and intelligent. (I was f~~~ing seriously hypnotised) I wanted a family.

She made all the promises. She even started a University degree because she knew I wanted a woman who would contribute to the finances. Everything was going to plan (I now know it was her plan, not the one I thought) Two children followed in quick succession. I looked after the babies while she was supposedly studying. Her behaviour went f~~~ing off the rails.
She never even bothered studying and she quickly dropped out. She picked a fight with a pregnant woman at a children’s playground for no reason, she was stealing from me, lying to me. There is not enough space here to describe the hell I was protecting my 2 young children from as she would fly into rages. Threatening to kill the children, threatening to take the children away and I’d never see them. Lying, cheating undermining. F~~~ me the stories I could tell. (Research cluster B personality disorders and in particular, Sociopathy and understand that she unleashed all of it on me- more about that in the next bit).

Anyway I managed to convince her to see a shrink. She suggested she see the one she had seen previously before she met me- a man in his 70’s- highly qualified and experienced.

I went and saw him too, but separately. Her behaviour worsened.

She pressured me into having a vasectomy. I would not have had this procedure if it was not for her C~~~ING PRESSURE AND ABUSE. I was willing to try anything that might recapture the (fake) bliss that was the beginning. As I was waiting in the pre-op room, I realised I could have just walked out instead of being mutilated, but I chose to stay and now I don’t regret it. I can f~~~ my brains out if I want to and no C~~~ can use me as a donor anymore.

Anyway, finally I could take no more. I couldn’t have the children witnessing this appalling behaviour anymore.
I pulled the pin. She exploded like FATBOY!

I went back to the shrink and said ‘what the f~~~ is going on?’ He said ‘Well, she has a personality problem.’ I said ‘What is that?’ He said ‘She has Narcissistic and Histrionic Personality Disorder and she’s a Sociopath, and it is obvious when you first meet her!’

WHAT THE F~~~!!!!!! Oh my god. I say to him ‘Why didn’t i see it?’ He said ‘AH, you were naïve!!’
NNNNOOO!!!!! So I started reading about that serious mental illness and realising I’m F~~~ED!!!. At the same time, this SPATH is riding the f~~~ing 3rd wave of feminism pipeline on the long-board of Victimhood. She gets to rip my kids’ away, label ME as the perpetrator, herself as the victim and the Feminist MEN AND WOMEN of the family court help this C~~~ to continue to F~~~ ME OVER!!!! FFFFUUUUCCCKKK!!!

Calming down now. Sorry guys I’m still in a pretty bad place. I nearly killed myself not long ago. I want to say that the abuse I and my children are suffering has been made worse by the laws and sick, toxic third-wave feminism. I am a Primary (Elementary) School Teacher. I love children. I am kind and gentle and nurturing. I possess all the nurturing traits the C~~~S think they own. WELL THEY F~~~ING DON”T OWN LOVING AND NURTURING!!!! I’ve f~~~ing cried a full bucket of tears and spent weeks in the fetal position as I try to overcome the grief of getting my own children ripped away from me. FFUUCCCKKKKKOOOOFFFF I did all the night feeds, baths, changes, playing with them while the LAZY C~~~ got fat on the couch. Then when all the hard work was done, she f~~~ing steals them from me. I’m F~~~ING ANGRY. FFUUUUCKKK!!!!F~~~ no s~~~ aaaarrrrgghghhhhhh!!!!! MEN CRY AND HURT TOO YOU F~~~ING C~~~S BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS ITS F~~~ING REAL!!!!!!!!!


Sorry guys- writing this is bringing it all up to the surface. I think i will appreciate the support here. Anyway I realise I have spent my whole life playing a game that is rigged. How f~~~ed up is that? And I know you guys know exactly what I’m talking about. I have a dream – yes a dream where feminist men and woman are f~~~ing burnt at the stake, then gassed in the Chamber and then flushed down the nearest sewer where they can REST IN S~~~!!! Preferably their own s~~~ because f~~~ me it is the most rancid s~~~ there is. RIS FEMINISM!


I am a broken man. I feel like a horse that has been in battle against a poison jelly fish on the beach. The poison f~~~ed me in the end. The faithful tide of Feminism came and saved and nurtured her again and again while I was slowly destroyed.
So I have two little girls 4 and 5 years old. I was their primary carer (week about) from when the youngest was 7 months until she was 3 and ½. The court cared S~~~ about that! The mother has a slightly older daughter from another donor.
The mother has recently met another donor. He looks like he has had a hard life and he looks like he is very involved with the lovely little family he has. SHE IS PREGNANT!!!!! I feel for him because I know her illness is such that she will soon purposely destroy that security he thinks he has. He looks vulnerable to me but that’s his thing to learn. Maybe he will be her first trophy on the wall. She didn’t claim the head of the donor of her first child. She nearly claimed mine. Oh f~~~ yeah. I nearly went and threw myself off the second floor of the family court building. A very fitting end but thank F~~~ I didn’t do it.

Thankfully the court has granted me the privilege of seeing my daughters 4 nights a fortnight. I’m so drained. The C~~~ and court has sucked my life away. My children do nourish my sole. But I’ve got a long road ahead at the age of 49. Especially with a cluster B F~~~ING FREAKING NUTCASE who will be trying to stick pins in my eyes until the day I die.
Sperm donations 5-18

Years ago when the entertainment pathway was out of my system, I went to University. It was then that I answered a call for sperm donors of the official kind. One got paid to wank. One got paid to get health checks. I know my donations produced children that now range in in age from 6-14.

Why have I shared this? Good question apart from the fact that it fits within the theme of my life.
I offer no advice to anybody. I have no regrets except not recognising cluster B staring me in the face. I’m clued up on that. If I had been before I wouldn’t have two little girls who fill me with their love when the feminist-approved time lets us. I am presently deeply wounded. I almost lost my life.

I played and I lost again and again. I will contradict myself now and will offer this advice to anybody who wants to read it. NEVER KILL YOURSELF. In the past when I’ve felt all f~~~ed up, things always got better. This is what I’m holding on to now.

To finish I’d like to share with you one of my Red Pills. The Pill bottle I have is a 44 Gallon drum.
My Lawyer suggested to me that my Spath EX would be seen by the Family Court as ‘the poor young woman victim who has been abused and controlled and manipulated by an older man’. She was 37-me 48. Yeah right! She was/is a f~~~ing abusive controlling C~~~!!!!!!!!

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

Welcome home brother!

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Welcome ParasiteFree. And holy f~~~ man that’s a rough road.

Anonymous wrote:

I realise I have spent my whole life playing a game that is rigged

But you’re absolutely right. +1 for you for coming to the realization. Unfortunately some men remain in the matrix forever.

Congratulations on your escape from the plantation!

[Anonymous 0]

Thank you MattNYC. At the risk of sounding like a mangina I feel like I need some love, support and understanding. I’ve had every ounce of energy drained and I’m in a low place. Your words of acknowledgment mean a great deal to me and thank you again. I feel this site may actually save me from the dark place I have been.

[The Manipulated ManParticipant 1856]

Greetings PF,

There is something really powerful about telling your story here amongst free men who understand you. And everyone benefits for the process. No one will judge you here for the choices you made in the past. We all understand the process is messy/ cathartic, especially for someone who has been behind enemy lines for a long time. A lot of scars and damage is to be expected.

Your career as a primary school teacher is rare for men and you provide a valuable service. My son and I were lucky to find a good teacher. He was excellent because he was a man. I will write a little more about him at the end. As a parent, I have a tremendous debt to pay to him. So, I know about the good things you do and some of the problems you face on the job.

There is no grammar police at MGTOW. Everyone is encouraged to get there story out any way possible. We all understand that there is a process. We are happy to have you on the MGTOW road with us.

That being said, since you outed yourself as a teacher, an educated man, there are standards to keep up. No, I am not addressing the rough language. I prefer crude language when describing the C~~~ocracies. We are all men here. I am writing to tell you that it is possible, even now, to change the format errors in your story.

Because of my experience working with teachers in primary schools, I know your great value. And I loved reading your excellent story, so here are some tips using an analogy from construction:

Like choosing to mix your cement in a wheel barrel instead of on the ground, there are advantages to writing your larger stories in a Word file first. It is good for everyone involved, when the story gets at least one edit.

Posting on MGTOW is like pouring your cement into a form. The option to add pictures and YouTube Videos is like adding rebar for reinforced concrete.

There are a couple opportunities to edit your post after you submit your story. For several hours there is an edit button on the upper right corner of your post. This is like “Cement Finishing” which is an art form where you can make everything look good. Sometimes the pictures don’t work and it requires another attempt.

Cement takes about a day in mild weather before it is fully set and up to full strength. If you are unhappy with the job, it is easier during this time to bust it up and start over. It is possible to send an email with your corrected introduction to the MGTOW editors and request that they change your post to the corrected version, especially if you only have a few comments added to your introduction.

I look forward to reading more of your posts.

My son’s teacher was a professional football player who was injured and had to give up football. He was able to do things at my son’s public school that no one had the b~~~~ to do. My son got lots of time outside and was taken on many field trips. My son’s blocks to learning were removed by this wonderful man. His teacher was also a carpenter and built things in the class room to make teaching more fun. Kids could climb up into a mini fort to read books in private. His class was like a Rudolph Steiner school.

The concept of “Unschooling” from the Home School movement was created by teachers. My hero of the homeschool movement is a man named John Holt:

What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?

[Anonymous 0]

Thank you ‘The Manipulated Man’ for your advice on using this website. I must say my language was appalling. I usually do not swear much at all believe it or not. Your thoughts on teachers and education are appreciated. I do hope I make a difference in children’s lives. The John Holt quote is a classic. I see teachers in staff meetings not showing the respect they themselves expect of children. Its a bit odd to see but I suppose is nature being nature and sometimes I feel in many ways there is not much difference between an adult and a child.

[Mr. SpockParticipant 10911]

Welcome to the forums. I am sorry for the things you have/had to endure. You will find a lot of peace and understanding here. God Bless.

Feminism isn't about equality with men, it's about leverage over men.

[RedDawnParticipant 1391]

Welcome to the forums Parasitefree! Enjoy the cartharsis of letting it all out here.

I’ve found stoicism to help give me some grounding, here’s one such link:

http://99u.com/articles/24401/a-makers-guidebook-9-stoic-principles-to-nurture-your-life-and-work

Courage is the key to life itself - Morgan Freeman

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

Welcome Parasitefree, thank you for sharing your story. Your life story will help other brothers try to avoid the traps that you faced over the years. I am so glad that you didn’t kill yourself and instead found us, we are here to support and help you grow as a man again. No one is too young or old for help everyone needs help do not hesitate to ask for advice if you need it we will not judge you. You are experiencing red pill rage at the moment it will take a long time to let it go but you will eventually heal.

Best to keep your mind off it by doing hobbies you like, reading a book, and exercising to help you cope with the rage and hopelessness you feel. If at any time it gets bad just take deep breaths to relax and walk around a bit and it will subside. We all been where you are with the rage I look forward to reading more of your stories and wisdom you have to share. Welcome to a new beginning brother we will walk with you along your journey to health and happiness once more.

[Anonymous 0]

Thank you. I’ve started reading that link. I’m actually starting to feel better already. I’m glad I have found this place. Many thanks to all of you out there that are involved with this website and philosophy.

[The Manipulated ManParticipant 1856]

I was one of those parents who showed up to chaperone the field trips and conspire with the good teachers to get my son “fired up” with his education. Occasionally, I would help out in the class room.

So, I have been too respectful and less direct with my last reply which has led to some confusion.

I actually felt c~~~ed blocked when you f~~~ed up your conclusion. Your “formatting errors,” which were the numerous paragraphs of repeated text, was sloppy for a man with your skill set. That is what I was thinking about when I wrote about keeping up standards.
Alas, the part I wrote about “standards” was a just weak attempt to get you to fix the train wreck at the end of your intro.

My analogy about working with cement was a subtle way to show you that you can still fix it. Like cement, it is a lot harder to make changes as time goes on.

I would still like you to consider deleting the repeats, as I suggested in my first reply, and also add more to your finish, because it is an OUTSTANDING introduction.

YOUR SWEARING IS THE BEST PART OF YOUR INTRODUCTION.

Don’t hold back.

There are a lot if women who continually try to infiltrate MGTOW and cause mayhem. Swearing helps to establish your Bonafides. C~~~s lack the skills for greatness like Chefs, Scientists, and Artists. Men turn vulgar language into an art form. At some level, women are reminded of their inferiority to men with the use of so called “foul” language.

“I must say my language was appalling.”

That is the indoctrination coming out which has been implanted into anyone working in an academic environment. I have it too because now I am working with mostly Post Docs, Graduate Students, and some senior college students. The suppression of sexualized language is a necessity for any man working within the bowels of the C~~~ocracies’ beloved Academia.

Swearing is a rite of passage for adult men. I was fortunate to use it working with other men in construction. Many buddies from the neighborhood became Teamsters and their use of “appalling” language is amazing. And old timers with military experience are true artists of the use of “atrocious” language.

When I was working in power plants on night shifts, I went back to school in the day time to get a Bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering. It was all men in the senior level classes. I was amazed to discover that the founding fathers of mechanical engineering were dirty minded mother f~~~ers. Most of the machining processes are very sexual and originate from the activities of using your dick. I laughed so hard in most of my classes, that I p~~~ed myself too often. The hilarity got so bad towards the end of the courses that me and my instructors, who were all senior men, would burst out laughing before a word was mentioned.

MGTOW is a place for free and freed men. Appalling, foul, atrocious, vulgar, obscene, and filthy are descriptions used by those who wish to enslave us. Here is a poster that shows what is happening to men after they wake up:

What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

S~~~.
P~~~.
C~~~.
C~~~.
C~~~~~~~~~.
Motherf~~~er.
T~~~.

Just so we cover all the bases.

Anonymous wrote:

I must say my language was appalling. I usually do not swear much at all believe it or not.

Dude. Nobody here gives a f~~~ about you dropping some 4-letter words. Let em rip!!!

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Anonymous wrote:

I’ve had every ounce of energy drained and I’m in a low place.

One of the gems my therapist threw at me, while i was going through the roughest part of my life:

“MattNYC – when you get shot, you’re gonna bleed.”

Feeling like s~~~ is AOK. In fact, if you have your heart ripped out of your body via your wallet, you *should* feel lower than s~~~. That’s your mind’s way of saying “Dude. Don’t do that s~~~ again. It sucks.”

Good news: it gets better, and doesn’t last forever. This too shall pass.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

This new member was kind enough to write and send his intro re-edited. At the time of joining , the site was experiencing and outage so his edit was dodgy, but he rectified that. Thanks very much for sending. Your edit is in.’

Welcome to MGTOW and the Forums.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[NeroParticipant 1466]

@Parasitefree: Welcome to the group! You have been through a lot. A lot of your words about men and how we feel about others, especially our loved ones, is so true. You can’t win against Cluster B, man. No one can! It’s not your fault. I am glad you are here. This place is one of peace and tranquility for men of sound mind. You may never feel so “at home” here compared to anywhere else in your life again.

[The_YoungParticipant 1073]

Holy s~~~. Thank you for confirming how f~~~ed they are.

Welcome home, brother.

Brother, we need to stick together.

[Anonymous 0]

Thank you Nero and The Young. It actually makes me feel better when I receive feedback such as yours. For too long I was suffering alone. No one would even believe my s~~~ if I told them. I know you believe me because my story has similarities to so many other men’s stories. I have only shared a brief snippet. As I said I have a 44 gallon drum of red pills. Even though only a small number seem to have read my story on here (at least commented anyway), I know that I’m not the first one with a totally f~~~ed up story. If anybody wishes to discuss anything with me I am more than happy. I have a lot of ‘hands-on experience’ with bona-fide cluster B personality disorders and have read and researched it as much as I feel I have needed to in order to gain some control over my life. Needless to say its really f~~~ed up. The behaviours of so many women in todays world is indicative of cluster B, though most probably don’t have the disorder. Having said that, I completely disagree with the really out-dated research and assumptions that suggests that Cluster B’s are mainly found in men. I feel that one day it will be acknowledged that more women than men are sociopaths. There is an article on this site about ‘flakey’ women. I like to call a spade a spade. The description of the ‘flakey woman is actually the description of a sociopath, or psychopath if one want so use the former term for this disorder. Maybe I should explore creating a forum myself if this page is not visited much. Any advice would be appreciated.

[NeroParticipant 1466]

@parasitefree: I’m glad you feel well received. It’s very important for us whom are struggling. I highly recommend a book called The Sociopath Next Door. It is a highly touted book on the subject. Obviously, you are well aware of what you’re dealing with. If you want, check out my intro. It may help to see what your fellow brothers have been through too. I haven’t completed my intro yet. I have more parts to write, but I think you will be able to connect with it. Have a great weekend!

[globemasterParticipant 443]

Anonymous wrote:

THEY F~~~ING DON”T OWN LOVING AND NURTURING!!!! I’ve f~~~ing cried a full bucket of tears and spent weeks in the fetal position as I try to overcome the grief of getting my own children ripped away from me.

I can understand the pain.

[darreljamesonParticipant 57]

Wow. I know it is tempting to want to handle things alone, but I’m sure you know the bitch that tried isolate you from your friends and family was not trying to do you any favors. And yes, I say bitch because she was a crazy person that did EVIL things that there is no excuse for.

I don’t know what it is like to lose kids in divorce or due to lying user bitches taking off with them. However, I do know what the isolation feels like when you feel you can’t leave, but staying makes you feel more alone than when you had no leeching bitch to argue with. I too considered suicide, and actually sat there with a gun in my mouth, feeling it was the only escape available. Feeling like if I left, I would be cursed forever, failing God’s expectations of me. This left me death as the only option to escape.

It is not. I couldn’t do that to my parents, leaving them alive without their son because some rotten bitch ruined his life. You must talk about it with people who will listen, and you must let it out. I actually gave it another 6 months or so after that, until the final push had me unable to face a future with this witch that only took and never gave any effort at all to even pretend to care about me or the marriage. When I finally did and accused God of deciding to cast me aside forever for giving up on making my marriage work, I heard an answer. 2 whole sentences in fact, as if someone was sitting right there in the car beside me. I actually checked my phone to make sure it wasn’t accidently on in my pocket with someone on the other end. No one else was there to convince me that I didn’t hear it, clear as day, and I will tell you that these things are kept track of. God knows your side of the story; it has been noted in places that bitch cannot reach. Whether anyone believes me or not will not change what I heard, or the fact that my life was saved a completely different time from something I did not see coming, by a completely different message, from that same voice.

On a different note, I’m sure you have tried, but perhaps you could sue for custody based on her mental condition? Perhaps you could even publish it on facebook, youtube etc that the woman has this mental condition so that it is public knowledge, even if the crooked judge says it is inadmissable for the jury to hear? I know it can take an actual crack-addicted mother for the judge to consider giving custody to someone else. You would be better off with a jury.

It is good that you look at the creation of your children as a positive to come out of this. Sometimes good can come out of the most terrible circumstances imaginable. You would not see the stars if it was not dark on Earth. I like at the end of Lord of the Rings where Sam gives a speech. I was going to quote just part of it, but there are too many applicable parts:

“I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”

Before you say NAWALT, condemn those women publicly; it's like a signal flare to the good men you can't find. But. first...stop being THAT girl.

[Author]

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