Shotgun Wedding

[Bob DylanParticipant 1352]

One morning, a woman comes downstairs, to the kitchen, to find her husband crying, inconsolably, over his coffee. Worried, she tries everything to find the reason for his upset.
Finally, the husbank takes a short break from his grief, and asks his wife “Do you remember when your father caught us fooling around, with your panties around your ankles ?…and he told me that if I didn’t marry you, he would have me arrested and sent to prison ?”
The wife smiled, and said “Yes, I could never forget that !”. The husbank began sobbing again, even louder than before.
As he took another pause he said “I would be getting released from prison now !”

..it ain't me babe...it ain't me you're looking for, babe...

[Gravel PitParticipant]

LOL. Thanks for that!

[TicParticipant 4329]

An old jewish American man and his wife go to Israel to visit Jerusalem. While they’re there, the old wife suddenly has a heart attack and dies. The old man goes to a funeral parlor and speaks with the director. The directors says “well sir, you have two options. One is to send your wife’s body back to US. The shipping costs plus insurance and fees will be about $5000 dollars. Or, you can bury her right here, in Jerusalem, like a proper jew as it should be. It would only cost $500. I’m should she would like that. And you ‘ll save alot of money.”

The old man thinks for only 3 seconds and replies: “oh, I think i’ll be shipping her back to US.” The director says, “sir are you sure, it’s much more expensive and you ‘ll deny her a proper burial here in Israel. ”

The old man replies: “Listen pal, 2000 years ago, they buried a jew here and in 3 days, he was resurrected. I don’t want any chance of this bitch coming back.”

God bless peace and freedom.

[SwimcatParticipant 3589]

My cousin runs a stop sign. A cop spots him and turns on the lights. My cousin bolts and they chase him for miles before finally stops. They yank him out of the car, put the cuffs on and throw him in the back of the patrol car. The cop says” Why did you run from us like that?” My cousin says, ” Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I thought you might be bringing her back.”

[SwimcatParticipant 3589]

I called my cousin in Ireland. I said ” How are you doing Pat? ” He said, “not good last week my wife ran off with my best friend Sean O’Toole.” I said, “since when is Sean O’Toole your best friend?” He said, “since last week”.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

Swimcat wrote:

I called my cousin in Ireland. I said ” How are you doing Pat? ” He said, “not good last week my wife ran off with my best friend Sean O’Toole.” I said, “since when is Sean O’Toole your best friend?” He said, “since last week”.

The best thing that ever happened to me is that my ex succeeded in monkey branching way up the tree to billionaire levels. I have no expenses putting my son through college, for example.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[Author]

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