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Mr. Man 4 years, 1 month ago.
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Hey brothers been following the forums and it’s been very therapeutic realizing that I’m not alone.
I’ve been seperated from my wife for 6 months now after I evicted her from our apartment and she filed a false domestic violence charge. Of course, she won the case and now I have a 1year no contact order.
My wife did this out of spite for me standing my ground and saying no to her verbal abuse and trying to demean me. Ironically she was the abuser in that she would throw random temper tamptrums out of the blue and hit me with whatever object was near her followed by scratching and punching etc (she would counter this in court by saying it was self defense). I had enough and told her to get out asap. She did randomly one day and what followed was the court order.
She suffers from bp and alcoholism and stopped taking her meds in favour of Johnny Walker. This turned what was an awesome marriage into a nightmare.
I’m seeing a therapist from the insomnia and depression I’m suffering from all this. A weird form of PTSD if you will. I’m conflicted bc I miss the woman I married and loved but detest the monster she later revealed herself to be.
You know what’s more of a mindf~~~? The day of the hearing she walked up to me during the recess and told me that she still loves me and had dreams of a family and a future.
This has messed with my head. Part of me wants to wait and hope that a year from now things will change (reading the forums from other veterans I say that’s a lost cause), and another part wants to say f~~~ it and move on.
But when I try to move on I feel hesitant, and hurt. The wounds are too fresh.
So brothers, what has been a method you’ve used to move on from such a devastating and traumatic event in life? I can’t even imagine myself trusting women ever again. They’re wolves in sheeps clothing.
Thanks
Anonymous1Hello brother,
Welcome to the forum.
I never been married, nor dated. I am saying this in order for you to understand my experience when it comes to these types of advice and for you to make your decisions from it.
So, here it goes:
Don’t walk away, RUN!
This woman is trouble, from the worst kind, in more ways than one. And this is apparent even for a guy that has no experience with relationships like me.
In a way, you were lucky not having children with her. Kids can make everything worse for men, and she would definetly use your kids to hurt you in anyway she could, regardless of the damage she would be causing them.
Don’t let your guard down, don’t contact her ever again, divorce right away. Cut your losses while you still can.
That is how I see things.
And try dedicating yourself to things you like. Think about your hobbies before meeting her. And if you didn’t had any, time to pick one. Or many!
But do stay away from women, they are not worth the trouble, and I think you just experienced that.
Good luck and stay safe.
Cheers.
Welcome!
So brothers, what has been a method you’ve used to move on from such a devastating and traumatic event in life?
My method was (and is) a combination of things:
* Meditation
* Exercise
* Focusing on projects bigger than myselfIn addition, I avoid TV entertainment and the news. These just annoy and depress me.
Full disclosure: I’ve never been married, but I did date an alcoholic for some time. She led me to believe she was a non-drinker when we first met. As it turns out, she kept the vodka bottle behind the teacups in her kitchen. Coffee and vodka, can’t start the day without it.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
She probably inside wants you to “fix” her or “complete” her. Sounds like she is dysfunctional and wants you to be her emotional pack mule (codependent).
You might consider checking out Al-anon. Not to be confused with AA, it is for family of alcoholics. You’ll be surprised how many other people have had to deal with the BP/Alcoholic syndrome. I’m actually not a huge fan of 12 step programs, but when you go there and hear other people’s stories, the ones that took the spouse back once, twice, three times (a lady), you’ll see where you’re heading if you don’t get out now and that may help to steel your resolve.
You’ll also find a lot of other guys that have gone through the false accusation thing. They may have advice.
My $.02,
Biggs
"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,
Anonymous18he day of the hearing she walked up to me during the recess and told me that she still loves me and had dreams of a family and a future.
This has messed with my head.
Firstly, its a 1000% normal to feel confused by her actions. She is crazy. You are sane. Once we have that established, accept that you loved a person that was toxic.
You will have many days where you’d feel torn between your mammalian reflexes and the higher order rational processing.
What those of us not emotionally invested can tell you is that the road ahead is hard but it will turn or meet another road sometime in future. Being with that woman, on the other hand, is a dead end. A wreck waiting to happen, she hasn’t accused you of rape yet. She very well will do so.
You accept her back now and you are signing a confidential and lifelong contract to be walked on for the rest of your life. Any more drastic actions on your part to get her out of your life will be met by her determination to come back. You did it once. And you will do it again and again.
The real unfortunate truth is you are the sane individual. At times you may question your own sanity. But that is a good sign. A great sign in-fact.
Meanwhile, your ex being BP, alcoholic also seems to have sociopathic tendencies and she is a woman. So expect 0 remorse and 0 guilt on her part.
She f~~~ed your life enough man.
Move on. As hard as it turns out to be. Better days are ahead.
This has messed with my head.
It’s supposed to. Women love doing that to keep you thinking about them. She wants to live in your head rent free by confusing and misleading. Don’t permit it or talk to her again.
So brothers, what has been a method you’ve used to move on from such a devastating and traumatic event in life?
Knowing “you can’t fall off the floor”.
They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Nature furnished them with that. It’s their advantage and they know it, but someone here recently said it’s good that life’s not fair, because you can turn it around to make it work in your favor. Women think we don’t know this. Let them.
The day of the hearing she walked up to me during the recess and told me that she still loves me and had dreams of a family and a future.
TOO F~~~ING BAD. When this happens to her, she’ll be forced to look at her own reflection.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2263518/I-left-love-life-I-thought-I-better-Now-Im-childless-42.htmlOf course, she won the case and now I have a 1year no contact order.
Make it a lifetime no contact order. Don’t speak to this woman again. You’re dead as far as she’s concerned.
Welcome and I am sorry for the abuse you had to endure. No one deserves to be treated like a doormat- not by anyone. Please – do not let her back in your life. She has a serious illness called alcoholism – and combined with her verbal demeaning – it’s too dangerous. Glad you threw her out. You found true friends here. Please keep us posted – all the best to you.
Welcome and I am sorry for the abuse you had to endure.
Sorry I forgot to say that. She drags you to court and then tell you during recess she still loves you? I wasn’t even there and this story made me mad. Be strong, man. We will be glad to help if we can, but you have to want no part of her in your life again.
Anonymous29Sorry to hear about all the s~~~ man.
Do not let her back in your life, ever.
Concentrate on yourself, work and what interests you.
Each day make it a point not to dwell on bad s~~~ and in time it will pass.
Welcome to MGTOW.Of course, she won the case and now I have a 1year no contact order.
I would say follow this order to the letter and have no contact with her indefinitely. If for whatever reason you just happen to run into her record any and all audio and if possible video. Above all have no communication with this idiot and if she tries to pull any legal s~~~ fight back as hard as you can.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
This has messed with my head.
It’s supposed to. Women love doing that to keep you thinking about them. She wants to live in your head rent free by confusing and misleading. Don’t permit it or talk to her again.
Man, this guy even helped me figured out something from my past too, I swear. She is just trying to do whatever she can, just to get in your head so that you would be in conflict with yourself and that alone would affect you in other areas in your life. I swear to God she is doing this because someone in my past tried to do this to me too. I am 100% sure that she doesn’t give a cr*p about you and is not even a very nice person to put you in conflict with yourself. I even read a story here that a wife kept on teasing her husband to come back from a separation and then they were on and off till she dumped him off for sure and then he killed himself because of how painful it all was. I wouldn’t be surprised if she wants to f*ck up your life too.
"Question everything" - Albert Einstein
Welcome, Soloway, you will find friends here.
I have been through much the same as you, except my kids were in the middle. After close to 10 years of marriage, and just one week before it all kicked off, she told me that I was the one she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. Fast forward one week, she assaulted me, I called the police, they arrested ME, charged me with assault, banned me from my house and kids over Christmas and New Year without even the chance to explain to my own children why I would be absent from their lives for the first time ever. Fake bruising pictures were shown to me – she’d taken a hammer to her leg and photographed the bruises, which luckily looked absolutely nothing like the description of how they happened.
How did I survive? I had a lot of support from my mum and dad, and a good close friend or two. I read the s~~~ out of every book on BPD that I could get my hands on, went to groups (there weren’t any male DV survivor groups, so I had to attend an aggression counselling service (!) and 9 of the 10 guys there were suffering the same fate as me.
For me, learning about how BPD works, how you can NEVER win, how they constantly f~~~ with your head [“I love you, go away!” and “I hate you, don’t leave me!”] along with a whole host of other f~~~tardery, was invaluable to start to unplug from it all. I’m still unplugging 8 years later, but it’s massively easier now.
I cried my heart out when I finally gave up my children, knowing I wouldn’t see them again until they were grown adults. I have raged and stomped and railed and got lawless (in benign ways though). Basically, do what you need to do to process the s~~~fest that has gone on.
Books or topics that might be helpful as a start:
Cycle of grief (Kubler-Ross)
Manipulated man (Esther Vilar)
Walking on Eggshells [BPD] (Paul Mason, Randy Kreger)
http://web.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/V71-Straus_Thirty-Years-Denying-Evidence-PV_10.pdfOther useful advice:
Go to a gym, get fit
Eat well!
Find and follow your passions
Be awesome.Honestly mate…this a golden chance for you….. I gather you’ve no children? Right?
You’re in your own apartment? King of your castle?
You’re living the dream….
She flipped after only 6 months? What makes you think she will improve? She won’t improve she will get worse much worse…
You tried to do the good and right thing…..
But that doesn’t mean anything to some women……they’re just here to exploit and abuse men…
You dodged a bullet mate….. why would you wanna go back into the battlefield….. you will get maimed for life…
Please see reason…. I think Sandman and his pussy worms which get up inside your dick and into your brain might be right….. (ok maybe I lost you there) but something irrational happens to men’s brains when women are involved….in fact it’s the case for the whole animal kingdom…. Many male creatured willingly get eaten alive for the privelege of a few moments of golden pussy……
You’re a man not a spider…. don’t even think of getting caught in that mad bitch’s web again….
Good luck and stay free.
At least you didn’t have kids, i say you dodged a bullet!
I miss the woman I married and loved but detest the monster she later revealed herself to be.
I’m sorry if this sound too blunt but the woman you married and loved was just a facade.
We men try excuse everything bad a woman did in a relationship just because we hold on to that one time she acted nice or that one time she said “i love you”.
Stop looking at that one time,look at the whole picture.If the picture is predominantly ugly get the f~~~ out and don’t look back.Enough martyrship and masochism .
Learn to love yourself and learn to love life without women, and you will have the world!
You will find your way!
Men always do.
Anonymous42You know what’s more of a mindf~~~? The day of the hearing she walked up to me during the recess and told me that she still loves me and had dreams of a family and a future.
Hi Soloway, welcome to the forums! I’m sorry to see you in such a distraught mental position. I don’t say this lightly, your so-called “wife” has chosen the state over you! She’s now in cohesion with the law, her true master is the state, she belongs to that conglomeration through the acts of her own treachery and false witness, it’s a door women can chose to open or stay away from, she not only opened that door, she gave her signature to that conglomeration attesting to her rendering herself, and exposing you to the machine for lawfully prescribed disposal.
Her “new signature” with the hive, by all accounts, voids her signature on the marriage contract, she is in fact now married to her ill and regrettable deeds.
She’s but you through the meat grinder!
She’ll do it again and again until you’re spirit and well being has become minced meat! Then in the end you’ll be standing where you are right now, but with a few more charges and reprimands on your dossier, not to mention the financial and emotional tolls on YOUR life!
I know it hurts, but the pane does subside and an overwhelming feeling of security and sovereignty will rise to fill the void.
The secret is how much you’re willing to accept the facts, and not let the ILLUSION of hopes to dull your thinking.
It’s sad to see how women abuse the awesome power of law only to ruin themselves in the process, be thankful she’s only a paper machete grenade, with children they become a cast iron grenade with lethal consequences.
I’m not telling you what to do, but if I were in your position, I’d fun like hell and thank my personal God it was only paper, and that the contract of marriage is NULL & VOID by “her” actions, deeds, and her signature on your demise.
Let the state have her! Let her go and educate some other poor slob about the powers she has through the laws of the state.
Personally, I would sever the rope, and push her out to sea!
You can always try again with her, but I’m betting the results will only worsen with time.
Try tasting freedom long enough to get the flavor, I assure you, you will be grateful for the alternate route offered in these forums,
As MEN, we need to start holding women “accountable” for their actions, and to enforce the “consequences” for such actions……
Good luck, I truly wish you WELL, not gynocentric HELL!P.S. Soloway, I learned to “post first” when I arrive late to a thread like this, otherwise the aforementioned advice would only serve to dilute what I’m thinking after I read your post. Take note how our collective mind and thinking jives with everything in your “logical brain”, we’re men just like you that have felt the stings and torment of modern brainfried feminist indoctrinated women, you’re married to a house fire, and children will only handcuff you to a steam radiator! GET OUT AND RUN!
Welcome Soloway, you are in the right place brother, I’ve been through something similar to your situation years ago, so I understand the pain you are going through.
Make it a lifetime no contact order. Don’t speak to this woman again.
Agreed! Never speak to her again for any reason, ever. Block her in every way possible.
She suffers from bp and alcoholism and stopped taking her meds in favour of Johnny Walker. This turned what was an awesome marriage into a nightmare.
Do not allow her to have any excuses for her behavior, she is crazy and dangerous, run like hell my friend.
It may be tough to see it now, but after every tragedy usually comes your finest hour, pick yourself up, use that pain to throw around some weights at the gym, feed your body good nutrition, find some good books to read, chase your dreams, travel the world, and learn to love and honor yourself above all else. It is only through our adversities that we strengthen ourselves.
There will come a day when you look back at this situation, and you will be thankful that she put you through this, because it will make you the great person that you will become in the future.
Stay strong, you are on the right path.
Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.
Hello Soloway, your introduction and plea for advice has generated some outstanding responses which are all gems.
I have been where you are at. It is normal to look back and want another chance. Just keep one foot in front of the other and you will eventually arrive at a better place.
Have the courts placed her in your apartment, rent free, while you have to find some other place to live?
Now that the police were called and you are in the system, you must have zero contact with her. Why are you talking to her, in person, at the court house? A good lawyer will explain that any contact from now on will put you in legal and financial jeopardy. If you have any future business or words with her, it must be done through the attorneys.
In the past, I found that doing twelve step programs like ALONON was helpful for making alterations in my behavior and handling alcoholics/ addicts. The daily meditation book, “Courage to change,” is my favorite. It is one of the main ALONON books, and not the Obama propaganda. Try to find a “Men’s Only” ALONON meeting which are the best for guys like us. It is now possible to get a “sponsor” and attend meetings over the phone.
Alas, ALONON is dominated by women, which is problematic for men.
Also, the recordings of AA speakers helped me to get some perspective and understand what I was dealing with by hearing the honest stories of Alcoholics and their journey to recovery. AA meetings are mostly men. It has been my experience that it was worth it to listen in on an AA meeting.
Look on the bright side, you made it to a place where you can examine real freedom through MGTOW.
Sadly, too many guys cannot handle their new freedom and return to their jail cells or some other form of slavery. And there is no “half way house.”
I hope you can enjoy your freedom and the big new world waiting for you.
What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?
Thanks for all the comments. It’s encouraging and inspirational. I have been hitting the gym and eating better, it’s the mind that needs recovery most of all and I know it will take time, just wish there was a speedier process to heal.
I’ll definitely checkout everyone’s recommended literature and programs.
Have the courts placed her in your apartment, rent free, while you have to find some other place to live?
Now that the police were called and you are in the system, you must have zero contact with her.
She has moved to her cousins house so I’m thankful to have my peace at my own place. And yes all contact (which at this point is none save for the legal obligation of providing her health insurance) is done through the lawyers. That time she spoke to me in person was the last and was in the courthouse with my lawyer by my side.
Again thanks for all the comments, I really appreciate it. Feels weird to call this ‘freedom’ as I feel mostly alone and lost when I’m not in the company of friends and family. The mind really likes to mess with me especially the nightmares. But I know, this will pass. It’s almost like a slave who grew up all his life a slave and has just been unchained. The first steps to this new life are the hardest! Long live MGTOW 🙂
Bp???bipolar?? Oh man run run and dont stop you cannot fix her
My heart goes out to you. Welcome. Find yourself and make your own happiness.
Don't stick your dick into anyone you aren't willing to put up with for eighteen years and nine months.
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