Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Realizations and fear and how it has held me back
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Y_ 2 years, 10 months ago.
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Tonight, as I sit alone, thinking about my life, MGTOW and my blue pill hell that I have left myself trapped in, I had a semi-Jerry McGuire moment where I dug deep into introspection and had some realizations that have shocked me a bit.
Men, if you find any of this relates to you, I hope you can find a way to learn from it. I am not yet strong enough to follow through on learning from it, but I believe I see the way.
Now, trust me, I am no expert here. I’ve followed this site now for about 7 months, am still very much stuck in my Blue Pill ways but have learned how I arrived here, in this mess of my own creation. Perhaps the therapy I did a little over a year ago finally stuck.
10+ years ago I left a long term relationship because I wanted to. I threw out my LTR who I did love, but wasn’t attracted to. I was straight with her and told her I was no longer attracted to her, that I was more shallow than I thought, and that I deserved better. After she left, I was happy, or I thought so. I spent a couple of months working on my house, working on myself and drinking and having fun. Soon though, loneliness crept in, and I started searching for something. What I needed was some reality, some focus and some men to hang with, instead I searched and found a woman at work. That went really badly. Never s~~~ where you eat… I wrote a whole paragraph about it but won’t bring it up here.
What my revelation was… comes after that relationship. For a short time I let my ex back in and we hooked up a couple of times. But I was bored, lonely and essentially scared. Scared of being alone, because I had never learned how to. I never learned how to be satisfied by myself. I sought solace in dating and relationships that were unhealthy because I didn’t think I was capable of being alone. I am still not sure I can be.
So I got married… and scared in a different way. Scared my wife was unfaithful, deceitful and lying to me. Sadly, most of those came true and remain true. But I’m honestly still scared guys. I’m scared of being alone, of being an outcast for not being in a relationship and scared that I can’t deal with the loneliness.
That fear holds me in a relations~~~ that has gone severly downhill and is on the outs. I will be alone soon whether I am afraid or not. For the last week I’ve essentially been alone all day anyway as my kid is no longer a kid, and my wife has deserted me out of town. I know I am being lied to constantly, and am afraid of repercussions for breaking it off.
Fear. Fear of loneliness. Fear of failure at a relationship. Fear of the unknown. Fear that I may not be able to deal with it. It is all fear.
It is all irrational. Today is roughly day 7 of having nothing to do at night, sitting here bored out of my mind and broke, and I’m actually ok, though a little tenuous. I have to learn to be alone. I have to learn to be a man. Something I was never taught, but have learned something about from the brothers here at MGTOW. Men here have been supportive, have helped me see what needs to be done (even though I have failed to do it yet) and have offered their advice, their stories and their honest to goodness love, to help a fellow man in need.
This is the place men. Bring your fear to the table, face your fear. Learn to get past it, and thrive. I am working to conquer mine. I will work to not be afraid.
I apologize in advance if this makes no sense, or seems counterproductive, but fear has been on my mind tonight. I need to sometimes share to grow, and learn from others sharing as well. I hope there is something others can learn from this… set your fear aside and grow.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
I read it. I feel for you Gerald. I’ve been alone the majority of my life. I was only scared of remaining so when I was blue pill. We all move at our own pace. De-programming can be difficult depending on your initial programming.
I know it’s important that you share. I think getting it down is a good start. I believe you will only find support here.
MGTOW is listening.
Good luck in your reflections and thoughts.
Anonymous43God bless man’s ability to sit alone and stare at a campfire and reflect upon his life. With reflection comes redirection and awakening.
So Gerald, my man, it sounds like you have been through the woodchipper just like a lot of us. It’s ok. You survived. Many lesser men would have killed themselves over what you went through. I almost did. Then I got angry, angry enough to make some changes. I did everything right, yet my woman was destroying me. What was wrong with me? Sounds like you have those days too.
It is ok to be alone. We are so brainwashed by media, and societal expectations that we have to adopt a woman. No, you don’t. Having a woman in your life is not a biological imperative. Air, water, food, shelter…that’s it. Got all that in your life? Great. It’s ok not to share what you produce with a woman.
Go to a quiet place. No noise, no phones, a huge empty field is ok.
Ask out loud these questions, wait a minute and answer these questions.Why do I want a woman in my life?
What benefit is having a woman in my life?
What do I give up by having a woman in my life?
I’ll share my answers.
Q1 I wanted a woman in my life because I was afraid of being alone. The society pressured men to have women at all costs, the hotter the woman, the more societal value I will have. The hotter the woman, the more demands she places on me, so if she stays with me, I must be valuable. Women are lousy judges of value. Look inwards to find your self worth.
Q2 The benefit to the woman I married was her income plus mine was enough to start a household, and she was the mother of my oops baby. There was also the imagined sexual value a woman has…a secondary need was supposed to be taken care of. I provided money for rent and expenses, she took care of my sexual needs. When the sex dried up and blew away…I was working for????? what exactly? Great, everyone ate, and sleeps in a warm bed, where’s my real reward?
Q3 I gave up money, time and effort to the woman and our children. I could not experience life without consequences. I was committed to one woman for the rest of my life. This woman was the best I was going to have for the rest of my life. I sacrificed life experience outside the home for the safety and security of home and family. I also sacrificed much of my personal choice, deferring to her most of the time to keep domestic peace. I wasted 20 years of my life to a woman I should not have been with except out of fear of being alone. I live like a recent college graduate, s~~~ty apartment, low paying job, little job experience, hand to mouth, except I have gray hair, I am 47, living like a 24 year old. This sucks donkey dicks.
I was afraid of being alone. But guess what? Here I am alone. I was alone going back to college at age 40. I was alone living in my car. I was alone most of the time going through school. I was alone at work…no socializing because everyone else was married. was alone standing in court facing a gynocentric legal system. I was alone when the system crushed me and I lived in a tent. I am still alone today but I have this network of amazing men with similar experiences that I can talk to 24 hours a day. Hmmm maybe I am not alone after all.
Because you found the other 20,000 men here, you are not alone. You are brave enough to speak out after 7 months of lurking and reading and reflecting on what the other men have posted. We have all been wrecked just like you. We have come to grief here in this place and we realized we all shared the same experience. It is not we the men who have f~~~ed up, but rather women and the society we created have f~~~ed us. I believe you are a man, just like us, a good man wrecked by the unknown properties of woman, and the hidden rules of society.
The best part is yet to come. You will have red pill rage, the realization that all the societal bulls~~~ heaped upon you has been a lie. Women are not sugar and spice and everything nice. They will f~~~ you over in a second because they thing the next guy has better stuff, more cash, and forget you exist. That bitter taste will never go away. It is a reminder of the f~~~ing some woman gave you, and you will never let it happen again. You will open your eyes to the true nature of woman. You will be walking along and observe woman’s s~~~ty behavior, and you will be amazed at what you see. You will understand how society, media and other people have been working against you. It is literally like moving around a game in godmode.
Then you will calm down, and find peace. You will not feel alone then. You can never go back to the way things were. You will never look at a woman the same again. Women are spoiled petulant children needing constant supervision and guidance. You are a wallet, a pile of resources to them. You are disposable, expected to slave for them, give into their whims. They expect you to die for them. Their bodies are designed to make children, their minds are designed to look for the next better resource. The love you feel for them is the same effect as cocaine. All designed so you give up everything you wanted in life.
Women are designed to give sexual pleasure…a drug inside your own head. To cure yourself of this addiction, search for speculum examinations of woman’s vaginas. A woman is a walking meathole who’s sole purpose is to use you. Women are parasites. There is nothing magical up in there. If you really knew what was in there you would never have sex ever again. That is the final realization you must reach. The real value of a woman. Zero. Empty set. You can take care of that business yourself.
Sorry Gerald. This was a lot to throw at you at one time. I think you needed to understand that things will get better over time. I think you needed to see what the process would be, rather than stumble around in the dark.
Gerald. Come back any time and ask anything. I mean anything. We will answer your questions. It is ok to reach out for help.
Anonymous54I dont know much about fear.
But being alone is a skill you can learn. Plan activeties. Things you like doing.What is the fear?
Too much time to face your thoughts?Challange yourself.
Read about concoring anxiety.
Visit a Cemetary, and remind yourself to live before you Die.
Look to Natuer and Spirituality for guidence and strenght.
If this isnt helpful, ignore it.
S~~~ will get easier and better in time . It is apart of adapting . Fear and other emotions are normal when there is life style change
We are champing for ya bro and there is always someone here at all times of the day . Ya a cool bloke gerald . We all love ya man .
Ps . Blade does not do back pussy action or blow jobs . Lol . Humor is good medicine
THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .
Anonymous43
Anonymous13Fear of being alone.
BEING alone is far better than fear of being alone.
It’s like so many things in life we fear or don’t want. Thinking about them or fearing them is actually worse than just doing them or being them. The thought of it is actually worse than the state itself.
Take this from someone who used to have terrible fear of being alone. I didn’t think it was natural to be alone and thought it meant I was a loser. Seriously, that was the programming this Matrix put inside me.
Since I’ve been alone, it’s PURE F~~~ING BLISS.
I’m not saying that sometimes you don’t feel a bit lonely and the first year is the one where you reprogram and change.
I couldn’t imagine sharing my place with any woman ever again. Nothing but chaos and upset, trouble and strife. Constant tidy up because they’re such messy creatures. No. Never again.
It takes time but being alone is bliss, and peaceful.
I see people all day in work, when I go shopping or when I go out with family and friends. But then, when I’ve had enough, I’m back to my peaceful oasis that’s exactly as I left it and I can do or be what I want there.
Start thinking of things YOU want to do and places you want to go.
Alone, but not lonely.
As soon as I read your post, I went to my computer to type this.
this is Mr. T. He is a legend. He fought and died alone one day protecting his territory. His brother had already died in battle.
Are you a lion, or a lamb. Do you need a woman to constantly comfort you, in deceit? Are you gonna just sit there waiting the world to bring you a solution (a woman) to solve your problem (lack of self esteem) or are you gonna go get your manhood back? You see, you were brain washed all these years to think you’re weak? You’re not. You’re a man. But, you were programmed to think you need others to make you happy. Happiness comes from knowing that you love yourself, that you deserve to be respected as a man, that you are self sufficient as a single unit to face this world.
I used to be you. Until I finally just said “f~~~ it.” Because life is short and soon both of us will die off. So what are you afraid of anyway?
God bless peace and freedom.
I cant wait to be alone. What do you do with a women anyway. I do not get it. They have no interests, they have no intelligent thought, they complain, they create drama from nothing, they talk about silly subject matter, they never can pay for anything, all they do is shop and watch TV.
Let the good times roll
I cant wait to be alone. What do you do with a women anyway. I do not get it. They have no interests, they have no intelligent thought, they complain, they create drama from nothing, they talk about silly subject matter, they never can pay for anything, all they do is shop and watch TV.
Well, I hear you. But sitting alone for hours a day is not something I am used to. I am used to having someone to talk to. Getting used to not having anyone to talk to is part of the fear.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
Another period of loneliness followed by hope then fear then abandonment then rage. Men, we are better than all of this. YOU are the prize. YOU are the worth, the honor, the one. Find something you love and can’t resist doing.
Today an email came in askin me to go on a golf trip. With some real gyow guys. After more bulls~~~ in my relationship… I am seriously considering going. I haven’t had one in years. Days of just drinking, golfing and general mayhem (though much less mayhem due to age now). There is absolutely no reason why I should not go.
Life continues to kick me in the nuts each day. But… There has to be hope men. There is a way. YOU are the way. Find something each day about yourself that makes you happy. Can be something really stupid, can be something major. it is up to you, it is up to me. WE men have to fix the world, by fixing ourselves.
I know, what a philosophical load of horses~~~… But honestly… There is a better way. Find it. Find YOUR better way, or all of this relating of the bad s~~~ that happens when you lose it is wasted.
I know I am one to talk, right? Perhaps this is where I manage to kick my own ass hard enough something good comes from it.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/robinwilli650958.htmlIf you fall down 7 times, get up 8
Anonymous1its great to read that you’re seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and you recognise your fear is irrational.
I think it was someone here who recommended Beyond Success and Failure.
I managed to buy an old dog-eared copy. It talks a lot of simple, common sense. One of the things that struck me in particular, was fears holding you back. I have the same issue, based on ‘fear of failure’ that I think has been hobbling me most of my life.
Its worth a read. Basically slaps you about and tells you to grow the f~~~ up.
I just think life is a total blast and that there are so many fun things to do. You have buddies that golf, this is a great asset, exploit it. Pursue your interests, love your work, get closer to your family, go back to the sports you love or biking or whatever you loved when you were 25. Do things and you will accumulate lots of people to talk too. You have to just give it a try rather than stick to the formula that got you to where you are now.
Let the good times roll
Tonight, as I sit alone, thinking about my life, MGTOW and my blue pill hell that I have left myself trapped in, I had a semi-Jerry McGuire moment where I dug deep into introspection and had some realizations that have shocked me a bit.
First and foremost – Relax. Peace be upon you.
You are a victim of our times, and have been lied to constantly to believe in an alternate life of loneliness without women. It has been implanted in your psyche.
You cannot rip out this lie by force – even though you know it for what it is. The reason is it is an emotional prison made for you by society for most of your life,
There is a way out – it is in your genes – just like the rest of us. You just need to learn how to control it.
You need to unlearn what you have been falsely taught about life and servitude.
Do it gradually and one day it will make sense. You will never have to return to the prison again.
Men are never alone. Alone-ness or loneliness implies a loss or a deficiency or an imperfection. Men have none of these.
Men are solitary – and we are never never alone.
In solitude we find out who and what we really are.
In solitude we find our freedom.
In solitude we find the individuality denied us by society.
In solitude we are the force of good that shaped this world and made it what it is today.Think on this. And be amazed at what you are capable of.
I wish you success young man.
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