Old Joke but it still makes me smile: The Montana Cowboy

[GregB0Participant]

Happy Friday. Anyone else want to share a fondly remembered joke?
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A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2017 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man named Cliff in a
Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple iPad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on
his Galaxy S5® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a United States Congressman”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth
of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know xxxx about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”

“Now give me back my dog!”

AND THAT FOLKS, IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[Silver FoxParticipant 2766]

As a proud Montanan, I say hell yeah!

"Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife." --Apostle Paul

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Q. Why do cowboys screw sheep facing a cliff?
A. They back up.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[GregB0Participant]

Silver Fox wrote:

As a proud Montanan, I say hell yeah!

Lots of sheep in Montana for this type of mistake to occur!

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[GregB0Participant]

FrostByte wrote:

They back up

Thanks Frost, you have me smiling and chuckling at the end of a Friday workshift. Always a good way to leave work.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[XSDBSParticipant 3598]

Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas, are sitting around a fire.
The Oklahoma cowboy says “The other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled him to the ground with my bare hands.”

The Arkansas cowboy replies, “Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.”

The Texan cowboy says nothing, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

[GregB0Participant]

XSDBS wrote:

slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

Oh for a bumper sticker saying this! Bad Ass 24/7

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[GregB0Participant]

Here’s another favorite cowboy joke from the past.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.

One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”
Just then the Indian looks up.

“Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a half hour ago.”

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[bladeParticipant]

Ask a mate this .

Have you ever had a set of p~~~ flaps wrapped around your head .

He says NO .

So were you born out of ya mothers arsehole ya piece of s~~~ .

Best when p~~~ed .

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[Y_Participant 4591]

Nice one. Another.

[GregB0Participant]

Y_ wrote:

Nice one. Another.

You’ve captured the new west to a tee Yumbo!

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

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