Not Your Cavalry

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Tonight I am attending a charity masquerade ball and, as I am single and not involved with a woman who I wish to impress or expend any resources on, I have invited my gay guy friend to attend with me on the assumption that he will A) pay his own way, B) dress and behave well and not embarrass me and C) find something (or someone) to do with himself when the night is over.

A young woman I know is also planning to attend this event… I know because she’s been bragging about it and her outfit and her date and blah blah for weeks. I did mention to her that I was attending the event but did not discuss the rest of my plan so she knew I was going but, I assume, thought I was going alone.

Now once, some months ago, we had a brief affair which I ended because she made it clear she was more interested in a wide variety of shapes and colors of c~~~ with which I could not provide her than in taking me seriously as an individual. Since then she’s been on a campaign to make me jealous with stories of her exploits with other men which I have largely ignored. Interestingly, though, just now she texted me out of the blue with “Can I ride with you to the partyyyy? ☺️”

A few weeks ago we had a long conversation (well, it was more of a monologue) about neoteny and amae… the Japanese cultural interaction of pretending to be a helpless child in order to secure protection and provision… don’t know what we call it here, honestly, though, but you get the point. Now of course her text was a total “helpless little girl” play… embarrassing for a 28 year old woman who is usually either saying “c~~~” or sucking one… and of course it doesn’t work with me.

Even if I didn’t have a date, I wouldn’t have agreed to go pick her up, drive her to the party, take responsibility for her and then have her land in some other dude’s lap then have to either rescue her from herself or abandon her there. To be honest, I fully expected this and was pleased to be able to say “no”.

The moral of this story: the hardest part of adulting is not being an adult, but rather remembering that everyone who isn’t being an adult has chosen to be a child. I have no room in my life for children and I have no time, energy and treasure to expend on people who are only interested in what they can get from me in their moments of want and need.

[Anonymous 5]

Stargazer wrote:

go pick her up, drive her to the party, take responsibility for her and then have her land in some other dude’s lap then have to either rescue her from herself or abandon her there.

That’s exactly what “Can you give me a lift there” means,,, and don’t forget it could mean waiting around for her to feel like leaving even if there isn’t any major dramas.
I made this same stupid mistake for the last time over 5 years ago.
The moment she got in the car it was silly flirting and baby talk. None of which I responded to in the manner she was hoping for.
You’re right, they’re giving you the job of being responsible for them on the night too.
She was acutely aware of the fact of when I wanted to leave this gathering but just had to stay on and on and on.
Instead of being grateful for the lift to and from the turnout (in a different town) she was making out I ruined it because I wanted to go when it was effectively over.
This stupid bitch actually asked me for a lift to the next one,,,lol. I simply replied I wasn’t sure of my arrangements and said I’d look forward to seeing her there. She got the hint.

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Anonymous wrote:

That’s exactly what “Can you give me a lift there” means,,, and don’t forget it could mean waiting around for her to feel like leaving even if there isn’t any major dramas.

You are absolutely right… waiting around for her until she either hooks up with someone else and disappears or is ready to be driven home… with an obligatory stop for late night food which she expects to not have to pay for.

Get this, the same woman has been making noises about wanting to go to a festival I’m attending… so far she hasn’t indicated that she wants to ride and camp with me, but I suspect that’s coming. Right now she’s still at the phase where she’s showing me all the sexy outfits she intends to put together and wondering how she’s going to get the money for a ticket.

When it does come down to it, my reply: “Not a f~~~ing chance, sister… not paying for your ticket, not giving you a ride, not providing you with food, water, medical help, personal security or entertainment and not taking any responsibility for anything that happens to you. I’ve already had everything you’ve got to offer and it isn’t worth one single day of having to take responsibility for you.”

In fact, it’s time to cut this one from my life altogether.

[BeerParticipant 11832]

Stargazer wrote:

Now once, some months ago, we had a brief affair which I ended because she made it clear she was more interested in a wide variety of shapes and colors of c~~~ with which I could not provide her than in taking me seriously as an individual. Since then she’s been on a campaign to make me jealous with stories of her exploits with other men which I have largely ignored.

Haha…women are so stupid. Does this make you jealous, or just make you think “stupid whore, enjoy hitting the wall in 3….2….” and make you want her even less. I know which my reaction would be.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Stargazer wrote:

When it does come down to it, my reply: “Not a f~~~ing chance, sister… not paying for your ticket, not giving you a ride, not providing you with food, water, medical help, personal security or entertainment and not taking any responsibility for anything that happens to you. I’ve already had everything you’ve got to offer and it isn’t worth one single day of having to take responsibility for you.”

I think there’s a shorter & sweeter version of this response:

“No”.

Full stop. It’s one of my favorites.

[MGTOWmonkey aka No More Fucks To GiveParticipant 6635]

Stargazer wrote:

0rdinaryguy wrote:

That’s exactly what “Can you give me a lift there” means,,, and don’t forget it could mean waiting around for her to feel like leaving even if there isn’t any major dramas.

You are absolutely right… waiting around for her until she either hooks up with someone else and disappears or is ready to be driven home… with an obligatory stop for late night food which she expects to not have to pay for.

Get this, the same woman has been making noises about wanting to go to a festival I’m attending… so far she hasn’t indicated that she wants to ride and camp with me, but I suspect that’s coming. Right now she’s still at the phase where she’s showing me all the sexy outfits she intends to put together and wondering how she’s going to get the money for a ticket.

When it does come down to it, my reply: “Not a f~~~ing chance, sister… not paying for your ticket, not giving you a ride, not providing you with food, water, medical help, personal security or entertainment and not taking any responsibility for anything that happens to you. I’ve already had everything you’ve got to offer and it isn’t worth one single day of having to take responsibility for you.”

In fact, it’s time to cut this one from my life altogether.

WHy even engage with her for anything? Yeah you may have good talks but men have better conversation. If you’ve already had sex with her and she’s talking about other c~~~s I just dont see the point in continuing on. She seems to have lost the bonding respect by even socializing with you about other men rather your with her or not.It’s like you’re on the friend zone launch pad. punt that c~~~!

Never lose sight of what brought you here.

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Beer wrote:

Haha…women are so stupid. Does this make you jealous, or just make you think “stupid whore, enjoy hitting the wall in 3….2….” and make you want her even less. I know which my reaction would be.

You and I have always seen eye to eye here and you are absolutely right. It doesn’t make me jealous, it makes me start the wall splat countdown. Every time we have any sort of interaction I tell her the same thing… “Enjoy yourself while you are young… It won’t last long.”

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

MGTOWmonkey aka No More Fucks To Give wrote:

WHy even engage with her for anything?

We have a business relationship that will be complicated to untangle. Not impossible, just complicated. And you’re right, it’s time to end it.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

MattNYC wrote:

I think there’s a shorter & sweeter version of this response:

“No”.

Full stop. It’s one of my favorites.

“What’s in it for me?”

[OgreParticipant 5863]

It sounds like she believes that “what she has done for you” in the past makes her feel entitled. I’d say a gentle reminder that you ended it because she was seeking greener pastures and c~~~ variety, and any perks from you were a result of that previous arrangement.

She’s a child in a grown up body.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Ogre wrote:

It sounds like she believes that “what she has done for you” in the past makes her feel entitled.

Hah, I was a way better lover than she was… so if anything, it would be what I did for her in the past that she might be having regrets about not getting from me any more.

She’s a child in a grown up body.

Absolutely.

Quick follow up: my friend and I had a nice dinner, went to the event, made our contributions, had some drinks, talked to a few people, made fun of the rest then went to a classier and more mature lounge to finish the night. I didn’t see her there, not even sure if she made it or not and don’t care to find out.

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