Sorry for the late reply Vajra. I’m currently working two jobs, so I was very busy. While I can admit that I never had a girlfriend, I will say without a doubt that I had dealt with women at their worse a handful of times. Starting from my days in elementary school.
Elementary school has always been a rough place for a lot of kids. Specially if those kids are nerdy, unattractive, and introverted(I’m all three). They get picked on and treated like they should never existed. After 4th grade concluded, my mother had a promotion at her job, and she wanted to move us(me and my two older brothers) to another state. We did, but the place that we move into had a terrible reputation. Tons of gang activity. As a result, the area enforced a curfew. Nobody is to be outside past 9:00pm or else you’ll be dealing with law enforcement. I of course attended the local elementary school and the experience is the worse that I had ever dealt with my entire life.
Almost everyone saw me as a threat. A nothing. I had a male friend from the start of my first year there who deliberately used our friendship to pick on me, and tries to prove himself to other kids. It didn’t last very long, and he eventually moved away. Going back into the topic at hand, I had a girl there that once told me that she never liked me. I asked her why and her response is this…”You’re too smart”. Well…sorry about me taking my education seriously. There was also a girl that I met up with while traveling to the bathroom in the hallway, and she blatantly told me in front of my face that I don’t deserve to be in this world. There was another girl that I specifically had a crush on, who told me that she will never, even consider dating me. Ever. My first rejection. It wasn’t easy for me to take in.
Because of the amount of bullying that I suffered from in the two years that I been in that school(5th and 6th grade), I actually gotten traumatized from it. I became even more distant from others. I had low self esteem and trust problems. Doesn’t help that when I go home and told my mom about the few situations I dealt with in regards to bullying, she scolded and beaten me with the belt for not defending myself(even when it is quite clear that I was a pacifist).
After finishing 6th grade, we finally moved out of that harsh terrain and went back to the previous state that we lived in before. I went back to the school I attended prior to moving out of state to finish 7th and 8th grade. While it was great to be reunited with a few of my friends, that didn’t end the bullying ordeal. The girls were constantly flirting with the bad boys in the classroom, and my close male friend and I would get picked on because we would sit and play video games with each other(most of them assume that we’re gay).
Female nature was shown off in it’s heavenly glory, but I obviously didn’t know about it back then. A few girls pressured me to tell them which girl that I like. I finally decided to tell them, and they gave me a lot of “awwwww” and “that’s sooooo cute!!!”. Because of my low confidence, I told them not to let her know about my crush on her. They agreed to the deal. You MGTOW brethren probably know what happens next.
They lied and even back stabbed me. Those same girls were trying to force me to put on a shirt with a terrible odor, and told me that if I don’t do as they say, they will tell her about my crush. It almost felt like a scene ripped straight from a movie or a TV show. I stood up for myself and told them no. “Go ahead and tell her. I don’t care.” I didn’t want to be taken advantage of. Within the next day, they took it a step further and told the whole school. I had guys from as low as 4th grade questioning me about my crush. I didn’t understand why it was that big of a news story. It was just a crush.
The girl that I had a crush on confronted me. She ask me this. “Is it true that you liked me?” I said “Yes”. She then said, “I will never EVER date someone like you”. She then proceed to point at another girl who is extremely obese(you guys would considered her a land whale). She said “Those are the only kind of girls you’ll ever going to get”. That devastated me. Not only has I gotten rejected twice, but I’ve been insulted and humiliated by almost everyone for it. Since then, I had never had a crush with a girl ever again. While I still get horny and such because of puberty; regardless of the types of women that I saw, I never get attracted to them. I kept to myself even more than before.
After 8th grade, I was having thoughts on suicide but during this time, there a lot of talk in the news about the epidemic of kids committing suicide because of bullying. The adults would say things like “why would you throw away your young life like that” and “Stay strong. There is a light at the end of the tunnel”. I started to believe them. I kept living because I wanted to see if the adults were right. If this “light” even existed. Regardless of my household problems(which I will get into on another post) I tried to find my purpose and desires in life. One thing is clear, a relationship with a girl is certainly not one of them. I partly went MGTOW without even knowing it.
Anonymous 1 year, 8 months ago.
