Hi there,
I’ve heard of the MGTOW for a while but didn’t know much about it in detail. It wasn’t until after reading many articles online and specifically from a website called http://asktheniceguy.wordpress.com, that I learned there was an actual organized internet community around it and how many of my fellow males felt the same way as I do. I’ve read a few of the discussions on this site and I instantly felt like I’ve gained access to a special world.
My lack of success with women has been slowly eating away at me for years and after turning 30 this year, something inside me just “broke” and I’ve given up altogether. After a string of rejections, betrayals and failed relationships, it just got to a breaking point where I would rather deal with all the stigmas of being single as well as the emotional and physical loneliness rather than go out there into the brutal world and take rejection after rejection.
I might as well describe the event that occurred that caused me to break although it’s been in the works for the past 4 years. I had a close group of guy friends who I felt were very like-minded. We’re all reasonably successful in our careers, well-educated, like to go out for drinks, talk about serious issues and sometimes just being ridiculous. Slowly over the years, I’ve seen these friends of mine get hitched into serious relationships and sometime this year, there were only two of us singles left, myself and my friend.
My friend and I decided to make a concerted effort to go out there and talk to girls because both of us felt “left out.” I made a serious effort to go out there and be confident and present myself to girls and thought “maybe this time……” I went to a party and there were three girls there. Two of them were twin sisters. I made sure to get enough liquid courage to approach but not too much in that I’d end up making no sense. I went up to them and talked to them and it actually worked. The three were engaged and were friendly. I was even invited back to the twin sisters’ apartment. Not for anything sexual (more about this later). One of the sisters wasn’t feeling well and so she decided to stay in. The other sister and I went out to this other bar. Nothing happened that night, mainly because both of us had too much to drink and I was tired. But I got her number and I thought this would be the beginning of something.
The next day, my friend had his birthday party at his place and I decided to invite the twin sisters. What made do that? I don’t know. I just felt like it. I thought it’d be easier to get to know them in a group social setting. Big mistake! Anyhow, that night after my friend’s party, we all went out to the bar/club again and my friend and this girl hooked up. It began with dancing together and towards the end of the night, they were obviously hooked up. Her twin sister already has a boyfriend and wasn’t interested in hooking up with me. I was crushed.
I was brave enough to go out there and approach and I had some success and then I was crushed and betrayed by my friend.
The thing is, I’m not even bitter at my friend. He didn’t do anything “wrong.” I’ve known him for awhile. He’s a good guy whose had his shares of lady troubles and I think both of us have a “nice guy” syndrome. But he got lucky that night. I can’t explain it. Neither can he probably. It just happened. There was obvious strong physical attraction between the two of them. And when I think back to it, it was SHE who made the first move. She started gravitating towards him and he reciprocated. And that’s it.
If it were me, I admittedly would have done the same thing.
I’m more bitter towards the girl. It was obvious I was interested in her. She knew it. But as usual, the nice guy who prefers to court a girl slowly finishes last.
See, it’s the girl who has all the power. The game is rigged. If she hadn’t shown any interest toward my friend, my friend wouldn’t have made a move either. She made it easy for him. She pulled the strings all along.
I’m still friends with him and we hang out and occasionally, he will bring her along. We get along fine. And they do look right for each other. Maybe it was fated. I don’t know. But I know that it’s useless to blame them specifically. Why? Because this kind of thing has always happened to me. I realize the problem is ME. I’m not sure specifically what is wrong with me because on paper, I seem to do be doing pretty well or I’m told that anyway. But time and time again, I fail to attract women. I’m too nice and too caring and I get friend-zoned time and time again only for those girls to say, “You’re such a great guy and I’m sure you’ll find someone great someday….” meanwhile watching them date guys who can’t hold a proper job, or guys who are plain mean to them. You know how the story goes.
This experience broke me. When guys complain and say they give up, a lot of times they’re just discouraged and after having a break, they go back out there. I’ve been through that too. I’ve always “bounced back” only to fail again. And this time, something fundamentally shifted inside of me and I am truly broken.
But as I’ve heard many of you say, I do feel a certain weight lifted. Yes it still bothers me but another part of me tells myself, I’ve tried. I’ve gone out there and tried. And it’s like a startup taking their product out to market. A lot of times it just fails because the market deems that it’s not a good product. There is no longer a sense of regret for not trying or an “I don’t know” factor. I pretty much know that I’m not desirable to most women out there. There is a certain sense of peace in having that knowledge.
It’s not that I don’t want a relationship or to find love or things like that. I do want those things. It’s natural and hardwired into us. It’s just that the process of looking for it and the pain of the rejections and disappointments are no longer worth it. I have better things to do. I am not a loser. I have a good career. I’m smart. I’m intelligent. I have friends from all walks of life. I’m quite successful in life except for women. So I’ve decided to just close the door on this blotch on my resume. Wipe it out completely and just say I don’t have it.
It’s like applying for a job that requires a specific skill and just admitting that you don’t have that skill. I am pretty open about being single and that I’ve give up to friends and colleagues who care enough to inquire. Yes sometimes the reaction is brutal. I’ve lost certain guy friends who when they get a girl, they think they’re all superior now, and end up losing respect for me. But I’m lucky in that I’ve got a group of friends now, some of whom are married or in relationships and we all go out together and nobody cares that I’m single and that I always attend these hangouts alone. They just don’t care. It wouldn’t make a difference to them whether I showed up with a girl on my arm or not.
And that’s really the only way forward for me. Focus on career. Focus on friends and making new friends whenever possible and this includes both girls and guys. Focus on intellectual interests and pursuits. Keep fit and active. And just learn new things continuously.
Life is still worth living. Not having a woman by my side is a significant disadvantage. It’s like a crutch. It’s like being semi-handicapped. But the thing is, people who are semi-handicapped still can lead successful lives. It reminds me back in my university days and there were these two blind students who always got high marks and one of them now has a successful career. I’m sure he still finds it sad that he can’t see like everyone else but I’m also sure he finds life worth living and he’s proud for his accomplishments.
That’s all for now. More to come from me later.
dominator_x 5 years, 2 months ago.
