I was very shy when I was a teenager. I had to develop a sense of familiarity with a girl before I got the courage to ask her out on a date. After high school, I didn’t have any strategy for dating women. I didn’t do a lot of dating because I was generally afraid to approach women and strike up a conversation. I was afraid of being ridiculed or rejected in a way that would be really embarrassing. When I was in my 20s, I did more socializing and met more people. I was in situations where I would hang out with a group of friends and meet new people. If I found a woman liked, I’d ask her for her phone number and we’d go out. I dated several women, but I wasn’t good a seducing them. It’s like I had to date 5 to have sex with one. I tried “cold calling” a few times: I’d introduce myself to a woman on the street and start talking to her and then see if we could develop a connection, but I was always too nervous to have a decent conversation this way. I’m not dating right now. I haven’t dated a woman in years. Ironically, since I stopped trying to impress women, I find it much easier to have a conversation with them. When I used to go on dates, I was constantly thinking about getting the women to take their clothes off. Because of this, I was worried about saying or doing something stupid to “turn her off” (and we all know it only takes a split second to turn off a woman). At this point in my life, I don’t have the pressure to have sex or have a girlfriend to be socially acceptable. I accept that some people are going to have negative opinions of me. I also accept the fact that there could be a million different reasons why a woman would reject me if I asked her out on a date. Believe me, I’ve been rejected so many times…I don’t even cry anymore or scold myself for my lack of social/seduction skills. I just accept reality the way it is and work with it. In spite of the failures of the past, there is one aspect about myself that has improved: I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed when I introduce myself to people. I look them in the eyes, smile, and say my name with a sense of pride. For years, I used to have this vibe that made me feel apologetic for being who I am. I decided to let go of that—sometimes I even laugh at myself for feeling insecure or tripping on the sidewalk in front of people. It’s therapeutic. What I am striving to become during the second half of my life is: a self-sufficient man who’s financially and emotionally stable.
I’m reminded of a scene in the movie, The Matrix. During this scene, The Oracle was having a conversation with the main character, Neo, and she pointed to a sign that said, “Temet Nosce.” I interpret this particular scene like this: the The Oracle wanted Neo to realize his own value. Later on, after a few failures, Neo discovers he has some hidden talents and uses them to become a hero. Once he really knows who he is and what he’s capable of doing, he doesn’t have to go through life being afraid and unsure of himself. I think the same state of mind is necessary to feel comfortable talking to women and dating them: you know your worth, and no one can take that away from you.
"I saw that there comes a point, in the defeat of any man of virtue, when his own consent is needed for evil to win-and that no manner of injury done to him by others can succeed if he chooses to withhold his consent. I saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ‘No.’" (Atlas Shrugged)
Anonymous 4 years, 5 months ago.
