blackcoated,
If you’re in school, I’m quite a bit older than you. I have been in a nearly identical situation with a very similar girl, although it was so long ago, it was probably before you were born. Let me try to clear a little of the fog for you. The girl you describe is not the person you believed her to be. We have a saying the in the U.S. that goes like this: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them… the first time…”.
Simple as it sounds, it’s difficult to do. It is appropriate to be disappointed that she is not who you thought she was. It is not appropriate to be disappointed that it did not work out with this girl. That girl you wanted exists only in your head. The real life girl looks identical to the one in your head, but they are two different people. One of them, the one in you head, may have been worth pursuing, buying flowers for etc. The one you describe is not. It is difficult because it’s a loss. You believed for awhile that the girl you described is the girl in your head. Realizing she is not is a loss of that girl in your head, and losing that girl is good reason to be disappointed.
As for the real girl you describe? She is unreliable, and far too immature to handle the responsibility that comes with anyone being emotionally invested in her. Losing her is no disappointment. To better illustrate the point, suppose I told you that the girl you describe was really a homosexual man until the sex change operation he had a few months before you met (him). See how fast your disappointment about it not working out disappears? You might be disappointed that he was not the girl you imagined in your head, but you have ZERO disappointment about it not working out…
The girl you described is no closer to being the person in your head than the transgender homosexual man I just described.
If you want a landmark to guide you in how to handle yourself in this situation, try that. Imagine you just found out that this girl was actually a man until that operation a short time before you met, and respond accordingly, if you choose to respond further at all.
Ignoring the text from her asking to meet was a good move, even if it was not necessarily intentional on your part. At this point, if you are going to respond further, I would suggest responding the way you would to someone you just found out used to be a man. Perhaps a text from you that says something like: “Now that I’ve gotten to know you better, I’ve realized you’re not the person I’m looking for, so you probably won’t hear from me much after this message. No need for us to keep communicating.”
This is 100% true. It bears no malice and no cruelty, and no one can fault you for saying it. AND IT SOLVES THIS F~~~ING PROBLEM!! You can re-read this outgoing message on your phone whenever you need to in order to remind yourself why you amputated her from your thoughts. And most importantly, it will give you the experience of rejecting a woman who does not live up to YOUR expectations. It is the very last thing that your gut will tell you to do…which means that in the state of mind that your head is in, it is EXACTLY the next thing you should do. You need that experience. You need to know what it feels like to reject a woman like this. You need to establish the precedent that you will reject women that don’t live up to the minimum that you will accept… because ultimately, it may very likely turn out to be the case for ALL of them.
You are not defined by what you say ‘yes’ to. That doesn’t really specify exactly who you are. in relationships with other people in general and women in particular, you are much more definitively defined by what you say “no” to. That is what clearly establishes your borders.
This may be difficult for you to see and understand right now. After all, I’m just some random nameless voice on the internet typing things you’ve never heard before that probably make little or no sense to you. But I can confidently predict that in the subsequent responses below this one, not one other man my age will disagree with any of what you just read. The combined experience of me and all those other men adds up to centuries of experience with women that really did start before you were born. If in a day or two, you see no disagreement below what I’ve just written here, perhaps you can more easily trust that.
In any case, welcome to mgtow. I think you’ve come to the right place.
Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you
BrainPilot 4 years, 12 months ago.
