A friend of mine in the Navy married a Russian Hag…she looked incredible, like a 9+…
Within a year of being here in the USA she turned into the biggest Bitch on Wheels I’ve ever had the misfortune to come across…and my buddy who married her was in the Seventh Circle of Married Hell…
She was so bad that she was referred to – even by her housewife whore “friends” – as “The Bitchy”, or just simply called “Bitchy”…which she would just laugh at (with an evil laugh, mind you) when she caught someone calling her that nickname.
However, my buddy hit the jackpot of all time when she was killed in a traffic accident only 1 1/2 years into the marriage, and of course it was her fault. Drinking and driving. Thankfully she didn’t kill anybody else, only a tree.
My buddy was falling down and kissing the ground and thanking his lucky stars every minute of every day after she died, but he did put on a huge funeral for her. It was held in a funeral hall that seated 200 people. My buddy asked me and a couple of other squadron mates to attend the ceremony, so a grand total of 4 of us showed up for it, my buddy the widower, myself and just two other guys.
The four of us sat there for 2 hours – and not another single living human soul showed up to “Bitchy’s” funeral – nobody else came, she was so universally hated!
We were a little bored – what with the non-stop maudlin organ funeral music playing and all – so my buddy started telling stories about her.
About the time he came back from being deployed and how she had timed it so that when he pulled up in his car in front of the house she had a huge pile of his clothes outside on the front lawn that she had poured barbecue lighter fluid all over and set on fire – including his Navy uniforms. The Fire Department came to the house that time…
About the time she timed it so he was returning home and she was sitting on the front porch of their house with a megaphone she had borrowed telling the whole neighborhood she “needs f~~~ing, gotta damma (“God Damn It” in her Russian/English accent). She wouldn’t stop and he couldn’t pry the megaphone away from her without being thrown in jail. The Police came out to the house that time.
Or about the time she faked a suicide attempt with pills – once again timing it so that he was just returning from being deployed – and how the “pills” were vitamins. Nevertheless, the Ambulance came out to the house that time.
Finally, the story that we went into physical paroxysms of laughter about that we couldn’t stop ourselves until it was seriously painful was about the time she invited 4 of the guys she was screwing while he was deployed over to “meet him” when he returned from yet another stretch of Duty. He got to the house, went inside, saw her screwing all of them, turned around and drove back to the Base and checked into the BOQ (Bachelors Officers Quarters) – and never went back to her.
The next week she got drunk out of her skull and went out for a drive and flew off the road at something like 60 MPH and demolished herself and the car and a big tree.
She was on the way to the Base and the BOQ that my buddy was staying at and told her neighbors “We goin to have it out gotta damma”.
Call me biased, but I’ve never met a meaner bitch then that one. And she was only 35 years old, beautiful and slim.
That was by far the funniest Funeral I have ever attended…we were laughing after it for weeks whenever my buddy and I saw each other!
"In my many years I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two are a law firm and three or more is a Government..." - John Adams
Riargs 3 years, 10 months ago.
