Home › Forums › Introductions › My relationship as a deaf man, or a dead man
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Crazy Canuck 3 years, 7 months ago.
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Hope I’m posting in the right forum.
Deaf guy here. I’m not profoundly deaf, just partly. I wear hearing aids, and sign language is my primary language. I feel beaten down, upset, confused, bottled-up, and angry when it comes to my relationship. I’m currently in a relationship right now. We have been dating in long distance relationship in the last 4 years. We flew in to visit each other 15 times in the last 4 years so far. I was the one who had to break off the relationship 3 times, but none of them worked, so that’s probably why I’m still dating her now. I kept telling her to move here to live with me, but she never did. She, instead, insist I move there. I can move there (if I work my ass off to move there) but she needs to gain my trust 100%. She still tells me where she goes, and what plans she has as “facts”, but they’re just words. I need more solid proof of everything she’s doing while we’re so far away from each other. Our states are right next to each other, so we’re about 500 miles apart.
Reason why I don’t trust her as much as I used to is because she had a baby with a “bad boy” behind my back two years ago, and that was the time when I was TOTALLY happy with her, and totally trusting her WITHOUT KNOWING SHE WAS CHEATING ON ME at the time. It started to make more sense to me as to why she was always talking about baby names before she got pregnant.
She keeps saying he raped her, but I don’t believe that story. She got “raped” in her car in the back seat after she saw him pull out his dick when he was sitting in a passenger’s seat while she was driving. Still, he didn’t have a gun, or taser, or whatever. She should’ve never drove him back to his house by herself. Should’ve never took him to a f***ing arcade game that same day(which I later found out when she spilled the beans when we were at Dave and Buster’s, it caused a quick fight between us, but I bottled down my emotions because that’s what a man does, right? That short fight happened in Halloween last year). During that “rape” night, she asked him if he wore a condom, and he said yes, she immediately believed him. “It was only 5 minutes!” She said.
Only?
ONLY?
5 minutes is a long time for sex!! ESPECIALLY FOR CHEATING!!
Anyway, even though she said I should move on and forget the past (impossible), so I tried to convince her that I will never be able to forget what she’s done wrong. She still stands by saying he raped her that same night. It just irritates me, because her story of that rape did not line up. They were all over the place. Again, I can try to ignore the past cuz everybody I know kept telling me to. Still very hard, but I’ll try. It’s really stupid, but I’m being patient. Cuz that’s what a man is supposed to do, right? I should SUCK IT UP.
She gave her baby up for open adoption, because she can’t take care of a baby by herself, and I refused to help her become a mom to that baby, because it’s not my baby. She got pregnant with another man 6 weeks before I flew over to see her. I wasn’t even there for her when her baby was born.
A few days after adoption, her whole family, friends, AND my whole family AND friends are ALL SAYING I SHOULD STAY WITH HER and forgive her for what she’s done. You know why? Because she’s deaf and she’s a girl. They feel bad for her. She’s a victim in their eyes. She’s an “angel”. She’s a sweetheart. My family don’t even think I need therapy, but I told them I do need help to meet one, but they still ignore. Maybe I don’t need therapy. What’s funny is I’m deaf too, but they still don’t see me as a victim. They think I’m born to be a perpetrator or something, like it’s my destiny to be some kind of a bad guy with bad history of being a beta male, or whatever the hell they were trying to come up with in their heads.
(I’m pretty sure that if a deaf man is married to a hearing gold digger, he would still loose to her, and pay alimony for her, no matter if he’s deaf.)
Whatever, I went with it and tried to forget about it. A few months later, she started going to country dance club. I didn’t know what that meant, but she said she loves country music, so that’s why I let her go there. I mean, have you seen cowboys and cowgirls dance side by side on the dance floor? Seems totally innocent, right? A few weeks went by, she frequently went back to the country club, almost as if she was addicted to go there. I finally gave in, and asked her why she kept going back there so much. We were in a fight as she was spilling the beans about MORE suspicious things about the club, then I later found out it was a friggin’ BAR!! Even worst, she went there with her deaf girlfriend to get free drinks. They offer free drinks for women every Thursday nights, so she went there A LOT. That and she almost never texted me Thursday nights. Girl’s night out is just s~~~. She went there a lot because she gave up her baby for adoption, which is understandable, but she could’ve picked a better hobby. Getting free drinks to get drunk is not a hobby.
Last year, November, I almost was engaged to her, but I decided to break off the engagement immediately after our engagement announcement.
Just too many problems with her. TOO MANY. I have more to tell, but then I’d be writing a book, and it probably would be the bestseller.
“Amazing book! What an adventure!”
“Wow, this beta-man really had it coming to him!”
“Recommended! Must read for all women and manginas to enjoy!”
“TOP NOTCH!”
Since I heard about MGTOW last year, I learned that women just simply can’t tell the truth. It’s not in their blood. I believe they lie out of fear, out of instinct. Because of that, I am insecure not as her boyfriend, but as a man who needs to be confident in her faith to me. I can’t help but be “clingy” to her to make sure everything is okay around her (that would be white-knighting, right? Or is it a beta-male way?), but F this, I’m not her babysitter. I’m her boyfriend!!
As of right now, I believe my girlfriend is seriously SCARED of telling me the truth, and now I think she might be seeing my old middle/high school friend behind my back. Let’s just call my old friend Ben. My gut tells me she might have been sleeping with him from time to time. She kept mentioning about his name in the last 4 years (very few and far between, but her talk about him stuck out to me the most), and she seems to constantly talk about him more often recently, and her certain words just put me off. For example, “Hey, babe, I had a weird dream, I dreamed that you got killed. I was sad, and crying at your funeral, then later that day, Ben came along to calm me down and we had sex. It was a very weird dream!”
I told her I hope she wasn’t doing that in real life. She said she would never do that… Is this a sign of AWALT? A woman who says “I will NEVER do this to you” but she still does it anyway…
Another example is every time she texted me about what Ben was doing, Ben would send me a text about something he’s doing out of the blue. Like, they happen to text me at almost the same time, EVERY TIME. Like a coincidence. This is where it raises suspicion.
This is very disappointing (and disturbing) to me, because she’s the NICEST girl I’ve ever met (very friendly, easy to talk to, loves to laugh, etc.), but apparently, she was just faking it as a cover. There are no nice girls. I don’t think they exist. My mistake was hoping if there ever is one, and it turns out there never is. That one hurts.
We’re still in long distance, because :
-we’re deaf, so we get dependant on hearing people (our parents) if one of us is trying to move to another state.
-we tried breaking up, but didn’t work.
-I’m “oneitising” her because she’s the only deaf, blonde, short, amazing legs, pretty, slender girl with the friendly personality. Very hard to find a girl with those qualities, especially a deaf girl. Have you seen deaf girls? They’re beyond hideous inside and out! It’s like they’re mentally retarded when it comes to fashion clothing, and having a decent personality.Anyway, so now, I’m here on this forum to vent. I can’t vent to my own girlfriend all of these issues, because it never ends well. The more I tell her to stop, the more likely she would want to risk doing it more discreetly behind my back.
1. Dont undervalue yourself and sell yourself to a cheating whore.
2. There is nothing good from this girl except she is good looking. I think you never had sex with her.
Just keep on banging her for some months till you lose intrest in her and then move on.
You are just her post wall backup plan, so dont think of a future with her.
Dont fall for her rape victim story.
The problem is your low self esteem, overcome that. Earn money, do workout etc. There are men who have lost legs and move in wheel chair, comparing to them you are a lot better.
So so many red flags … so fkg many.
SWITCH THE HEARING AIDS OFF WHEN SHES AROUND.
Cut her the fk out of your life … NOW.
Concentrate on YOU.
What do YOU want?
Where do YOU want to live?
What do YOU want to do?
The only similaritie between what she and you want ….
You want to do it with your resources.
She wants to do it with YOUR resources.
First and foremost you must respect yourself. You must build your world first.
Then if she wants to come stay in YOUR WORLD …. that is up to you.
NEVER EVER EVER BEND TO A WOMANS WILL.
SHE’LL FKG HATE YOU FOR IT.
Fk her off from your life and start building your world.
my friend,
she is the same as any cheating bitch.
you deserve so , so much better .
forget that “rape victim ” garbage she’s trying to sell…
lies .
it’s called promiscuity.
she drops her jeans for jelly-beans..we used to say..
fun if you’re banging her for the evening..
HELL on earth if she’s your girlfriend ..
climb up out of HELL ,
up into MGTOW heaven where bitches are seen for what they truly are .
this one has lied, cheated and conned you .
BAIL OUT !!!!!
stay here with us and participate .
welcome brother-man.
she is POISON .
spit her OUT !
deaf or not ,you aint blind !
a prayer to you from me,
sincerely,
your friendly neighborhood hitman…
Anonymous0You are a normal person and so is she. Just because you are both hearing impaired doesn’t make either of you any different from the rest of us. She is just doing what many women are doing, that be, playing the field not bothered by accountability. Any man would see her as a walking vagina to f~~~ and indeed as a woman who needs extra protection and special treatment. But she is no retard. Sorry mate but join the club. Your pain is the same pain we have all felt. Sorry if i sound brutal.
Anonymous1We have been dating in long distance relationship in the last 4 years.
hey manboy, you already have your distance, time to let the cables sleep.
I’ve been cheated on and lied to about it, hurts like a mother f~~~er.
Go NC and start breaking the emotional attachment to this C~~~ (there is no other way). She smells like BPD to me.
You’ll be a new man.
2. There is nothing good from this girl except she is good looking. I think you never had sex with her.
Just keep on banging her for some months till you lose intrest in her and then move on.
You are just her post wall backup plan, so dont think of a future with her.
I had sex with her in the last 4 years. A lot. Did you mean, “I think you should’ve never had sex with her”?
Yeah, about banging her for some months, I’m afraid of doing that. What if she got some disease by some unknown dude behind my back? Because of this, I rushed to the store to buy the fleshlight today. Unfortunately, it’s not as exciting as the real woman.
Now, I’m just trying to figure out how to avoid sex with her without falling into her vagina trap. She already bought the ticket to fly over to visit me next month.
Honestly, I’m kinda tempted to let her come here, because of real sex. I miss sex. I don’t miss her that much anymore, but I do miss sex.
I know it sounds like I don’t care about her seeing another dude but I’m at a point where I’m in a black hole, and I can’t even recognize the difference between being a guy who had sex with only one woman, and being a guy who had sex with a woman who had sex with a lot of guys.
Feels like if I have sex with OTHER girls, I won’t even feel the difference anymore, because my gf just sleeps around against my will.
SWITCH THE HEARING AIDS OFF WHEN SHES AROUND.
Cut her the fk out of your life … NOW.
Concentrate on YOU.
What do YOU want?
Where do YOU want to live?
What do YOU want to do?
Funny. It won’t make a difference if I turn off my hearing aid when she’s around, because then she would use sign language to speak to me to the point I would want to gouge my eye out in front of her.
I’ve been trying to cut her out, but none of my tricks ever worked. Even if I don’t respond to her for an entire month, she would still fly over here by next month. She doesn’t care about what I say or what I do. I bang my head against the wall, hit my own face, throw a tantrum, threaten her, give her silent treatment, she still acts like my “rock”. Now, I sound like a girl talking like that. Gah, why is this society so screwed up when it comes to gender roles!?
I did try to do what I wanted to do. I want to draw, animate, sculpt, make comic books. This is why my screen name is Manboy, I’m a boy trapped inside a man’s body. I’m the kind of boy who is not ready to grow up. I’m not ready to be BEATEN down by becoming into a man. Why would anyone want to be a man if they know that being a man, he would have to be alpha. He would have to be depressed, serious all the time, stand up straight even when he doesn’t want to, fight even when he doesn’t want to.
The things I like to do are the things that boys enjoy doing, but grown women hates those qualities in a man. She wants a man who has a boring job that pays him a lot of money. Yeah, yeah, that’s what SHE wants. I want what I want, and she doesn’t support that, so how does that make me? Less of a man? Not boyfriend material? I deserve to get treated like that because, as a man, I want to do whatever I please?
She told me to get a job in Colorado. That will never happen. I told her I would need a job that requires drawing skills, because it’s the only thing I’m really good at. I can’t communicate in person, so that’s why I can’t get real jobs. My job has to be, like, a career. I have no choice. She doesn’t understand that. Her family doesn’t understand that.
you deserve so , so much better .
climb up out of HELL ,
up into MGTOW heaven where bitches are seen for what they truly are .
this one has lied, cheated and conned you .
BAIL OUT !!!!!
stay here with us and participate .
welcome brother-man.
sincerely,
your friendly neighborhood hitman…Thanks, Hitman. I do feel more welcome here than in talkaboutmarriage dot com. The women there have this NAWALT attitude against me when I told them it felt like all women are born to be cheaters.
fun if you’re banging her for the evening..
HELL on earth if she’s your girlfriend ..This is actually true. She has this cheating nature that is a part of her as the color of her eyes. It’s freaky how I saw her true colors from time to time. During 4 years, it was quite hard for her to act innocent, so now, her innocent mask is starting to get worn out and fall off.
She is just doing what many women are doing, that be, playing the field not bothered by accountability.
I was thinking about that for a long time. I fought against it, because I didn’t want to believe it. Unfortunately, you are right. They take no responsibility for their actions. I guess I have to accept this.
Women just love being confused. They love to fall into the darkness. They love to reach something they can’t have, and ignore what they already have.
But she is no retard.
She might be a retard. Like, legit retard. Still makes no difference, though. Women are stupid as hell. One time, my mom was holding onto her black glasses cassette in front of a tv, and immediately said, “How do you turn the tv on? This isn’t working.”
I’ve been cheated on and lied to about it, hurts like a mother f~~~er.
Go NC and start breaking the emotional attachment to this C~~~ (there is no other way). She smells like BPD to me.You and me both.
What does BPD mean?
I’ve been cheated on and lied to about it, hurts like a mother f~~~er.
Go NC and start breaking the emotional attachment to this C~~~ (there is no other way). She smells like BPD to me.You and me both.
What does BPD mean?
A man without a woman is like a fish without a hook.
Ohh! Borderline Personality Disorder.
I actually told my gf she might have BPD, and she immediately agreed to it. That happened in fall of 2015.
They say there’s no cure for BPD, and it’s basically still under research, so I don’t know.
Should I be CAREFUL around someone with BPD?
Should I be CAREFUL around someone with BPD?
Should you avoid drinking nuclear waste and setting yourself on fire?
A BPD woman is going to abuse you, destroy your sense of self, act like a victim in everything and work nonstop to secretly convince everyone you know to turn against you claiming you are abusive and constantly victimizing her. This is someone you cut out of your life if they have any chance of getting any hook into you, and even if they don’t it’s good to avoid these types of people. Best case scenario is they are a dead weight on your existence and well being. Worst case jail, a ruined life or just killed over bulls~~~. (not the most common but it does happen).
To shamelessly steal from Keymaster “One chance, per girl, per lifetime.” You’ve already given her 5-10 and that is being conservative about it.
You have described a highly toxic individual, she is sporting so many red flags I wonder if I should just call her flight over an invasion from China.
I’m going to presume that you are not quite 30 yet. So the clamoring and pressure on you to accept a woman is going to be at it’s highest. Especially if she is in the 25-30 age range herself. If I’m on target with your age I would expect this sense of urgency and worry about this to start to subside in a few more years, at least from your internal perspective. (If I’m way off on your age sorry for off target advice.).
Just because you are both deaf-ish does not entitle her to anything from you. I see that she has put you through a lot of emotion abuse but objectively has she ever added anything worthwhile to your life? Anxiety does not count.
In short run, cut her out and concentrate on what you want for yourself in life.
And yes she might have herpagonasyphilaids.
Listen brother you do not owe this woman anything. You are a MAN just because you like to do stuff boys do does not make you not a man because guess what? Other men like to do that stuff too. That is just a shaming tactic used by our gynocentric society for you to “man up” and put a ring on her finger and pump out kids. Don’t buy into that for one moment you do what you want and makes you happy in life.
As for the sex thing go on pornhub.com or youjizz.com and rub one out with or without a flashlight over time you will not need women for sex. If you have to have sex with a woman why does it have to be with her? Go out and get an escort, yeah it will cost you some money but at least you pay them to leave after you are done and the cost is way less than having a girlfriend to spend all your money for you. You don’t need to marry her, cohabitate with her, or have children. If your family and friends are pushing you to do all this cut them out of your life for a time if you have to, do what is right for you. They are all brainwashed into thinking marrying and having kids is the right thing to do, and deep down you know it is not right. She is cheating on you, and will continue to do so for the rest of her life. Run from this woman and never look back.
Practice saying no a lot the more you do this the more comfortable you will be saying it to her and others. Be prepared once you start doing this woman go crazy and want you so bad, because they like to be treated like s~~~. Nice guys finish last for a reason, as soon as you say no and want to do your own thing she will look at you as more of a man and want you even more. Build a wall and once you say NO you mean no and never take her back again. It will be hard but you can do it.
Anonymous1Should I be CAREFUL around someone with BPD?
Should you be careful? – you should be handling her like radioactive waste. My ex was BPD and this c~~~ put me through the ringer and then some. The smear campaign alone was enough to cause serious anxiety and was close to costing me my job. She even tried to convince my parents to have me sectioned under the mental health act. ALL BPD’S CHEAT – this is an exact science (they cheat and lie as easily as we breathe and s~~~).
They say there’s no cure for BPD, and it’s basically still under research, so I don’t know.
BPD’S are inherently narcassistic – they don’t want to be cured, even if they tell you they do. These are DEEPLY entrenched, learned behaviours stemmed from childhood. It can’t be undone.
the general rule with BPD’s – you don’t walk away, you RUN
Brother cpig is well versed in these creatures.
Anonymous1Should you avoid drinking nuclear waste and setting yourself on fire?
Funnily enough, I hadn’t read your post until after I posted. the reference to ‘nuclear waste’ was pure chance…..or maybe not.
A prior poster used the term ‘flashlight’ when he meant ‘fleshlight’. I HIGHLY recommend them, they are far superior to the hand, somehow your other head knows the difference instinctually and the result is hands-down (pun intended) fantastic. Amazon sells them.
But with regards to your situation – the guys are right, you have to break up and STAY broken up, and that means going cold turkey on social media, the phone, etc. Be very clear to her and let your family know that you’ve made your decision whether they support you or not. If she shows up at your door, DO NOT ANSWER IT or let her in. It’s just another form of emotional manipulation. If she makes a scene by refusing to leave and/or banging on your door, call the police – do NOT confront her or she can make an accusation that you used force on her. If you do not break up with her, you can expect a pregnancy scare as she will most likely try to lock you down.
The longer you stay, the worse it will be for you. You’re settling for someone you cannot and will not trust, who you think may be retarded in some way, who is constantly manipulating you and trying to force you to conform to her demands, and worst of all is a confirmed BPD. Now imagine yourself 15 years down the road (married to her) when she’s lost her physical attractiveness, the BPD is spinning out of control and she decides to falsely accuse you of abuse over something and has you kicked out of your house, prior to raping you in divorce court. 15 years of either giving in to her demands or arguing – is that something you think you want in your life?
Trust us, there are far worse things than not having a woman around.
Just break it off and be done with it, you are asking for trouble of you keep this going.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
act like a victim in everything and work nonstop to secretly convince everyone you know to turn against you claiming you are abusive and constantly victimizing her.
This is strange. She has done this to me before. She even talked to MY friend who is clearly not her friend, and told him something like, “Do you agree that he broke off my engagement? I guess he doesn’t like me anymore. I hope he does well.”
Recently, she even said her family think I’m abusive to her. I asked her what kind of abuse, and she said vocal abuse.
To shamelessly steal from Keymaster “One chance, per girl, per lifetime.” You’ve already given her 5-10 and that is being conservative about it.
I like that quote a lot. It does make sense, because if she makes one mistake, she IS going to make that same mistake again and again and expect different result. My gf did exactly that when she was going to see a different man behind my back in December 2015. Her friend caught her texting some guy, so she told her to invite that same guy to dinner because she was suspicious when he texted my gf to go over his house. Her friend told me about it in January. Since then, I was broken down, and very disappointed to realize that even a friendly, innocent girl I met is very unfaithful. I only dated her because I thought she was faithful. Now, it feels like women being faithful is a myth. Also, why the hell would her entire friends INVITE that guy over for dinner??? They all know she and I were dating. That was the same guy who she had sex with after our first break-up. She told me she doesn’t talk to him anymore. A few months later, I asked her if she still has his number, and she said “but you told me to delete it!” I was p~~~ed when she said that. It’s that tone that she thought it was such a loss for her to loose that number, like “I told you so! I should’ve never lost that number!” Just… it’s a long story.
I’m going to presume that you are not quite 30 yet. So the clamoring and pressure on you to accept a woman is going to be at it’s highest. Especially if she is in the 25-30 age range herself.
I’m 29 and she’s a year younger than I. Does that mean she’ll eventually stop being so cunning? Even if she does stop, I might still have to look over my shoulder constantly for the rest of my life… still thinking if I should stay with her or not.
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