My Brother's Keeper…need advice!

[NomadgParticipant 249]

Gentlemen,

My brother turns 60 this summer. Im not sure if he can be saved. My 83 year old Dad and I are staging a classic intervention in April. My brother has been stuck in a quagmire he calls marriage for 25 years. He is married to the most vile, mean spirited woman I have ever met. I do not say this because he is my brother, but because she truly is the worst of the worst…think only child raised in an apartment in NY City, Jewish American Princess(JAP). She is 300 lbs.(she was a svelte 175 at marriage) and mentally beats him down on a daily basis telling him he is worthless, not a good father, a poor provider, etc…I could go on and on, but I think you know the type. If you put a Dr. Phil hidden camera in his home there is absolutely not one counselor that would say work this out or salvage it. She has run off any friends he had years ago, so he is on his own living 1,500 miles away. Control is her game and she is a master at the game. He knows the intervention is coming, because we have discussed it. Here are some of his reservations as to why he can’t leave. I have my own thoughts on what I will say to him, but I am looking for your advice on how to trigger a solid exit strategy in his mind. I do fully understand that the decision is his and his only.

Direct quotes:

I can’t leave her high and dry, I have to make it easy for her.
She will commit suicide.
I don’t have the money.
If I get in shape she will see I mean business.
My daughter is in college and I can’t do it until she graduates.
It will take me two to three years to get everything together so I may leave.(In 2-3 years she will be on a walker or in a wheel chair because her knees are giving out due to weight. Ive told him he will be her constant on call care taker and it does not seem to phase him)
She will be lost and can’t function on her own.

I think you get the drift. He is in denial and so beaten down by years of mental abuse I’m not sure he will pull the pin. I have thought about enlisting an actual marriage counselor to help us, but have not done that yet.

Your thoughts and suggestions are greatly appreciated!

It's never to late to be what you might have been...

[Anonymous 42]

You can’t turn hamburger back into meat! She knows his every weakness and keeps those weaknesses fresh and alive while his spirit continues to dwindle.

The cost of allowing a woman position over your life is expensive, he’s willing to pay the price…

Only fools allow themselves to be slandered, your brother is a slandered fool, there’s nothing you can do, he’s owned and operated by a woman… A fatal mistake!

[OldBillParticipant]

Interventions are nonsense and facts aren’t going to overcome his feelings. He can no longer think rationally.

He has to want to leave, truly want to leave. No one can talk him into doing so anymore than a drunk can be talked off the bottle or a junkie talked off the needle.

She’s had a quarter of a century to beat him down. You’re not going to undo 25 years of brainwashing with a few hours reading open letters.

The only chance I see – and it’s a very slim one – is to present him with a fait accompli. Have a suitcase already packed with some of his clothes, have what ever vital documents he needs already gathered together, and have a plane ticket ready in his name. You and your father then walk in and tell him he’s leaving with you right then and there so he can go away for a period of time to allow him the space to think.

You’re going to have to remove him from the Skinner Box his wife has imprisoned him in before he’ll have any chance of healing.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Nomadg wrote:

I can’t leave her high and dry, I have to make it easy for her.

No he doesn’t. Does she make anything easy for him?

She will commit suicide.

What’s your point?

I don’t have the money.

If she commits suicide he won’t need it. You don’t have to pay alimony to a corpse.

If I get in shape she will see I mean business.

But it’s her who needs to get into shape.

My daughter is in college and I can’t do it until she graduates.

What the f~~~? He’s 60 already and she’s still in college? Did he have kids at 40 or something with a post-carousel post-wall baby rabies whore? Big f~~~ing mistake that. Or is his daughter a really REALLY slow learner?

It will take me two to three years to get everything together so I may leave.

On the contrary, it takes merely seconds to say: “Bitch, we’re through.”

She will be lost and can’t function on her own.

Good.

[Anonymous 1]

I feel for you.

Unfortunalty, as many said already, your brother may be a lost cause. I would suggest to do what you can, but do not hold your hopes high, neither sacrifice your health (mental or otherwise) for it.

I have a brother in a similar situation. But think of him having your brother’s WIFE temperament instead of your brother. I tried my best to help him when we were younger, just to be shunned not just by him, but my parents as well. Nowadays we are adults, and he is a mess. If he were to be writing here, I would not be surprised if he sounded like a woman. A entitled, useless, bitchy woman. So I did the only thing it was left for me to do: I walked away.

My father tried once to pull me back into helping my brother again, but even now he (my father) don’t have the courage to do what it needs to be done in order to really show my brother how real life works. Neither does my mother. And I’m not sure if it would work at this point.

What I am saying is this: be prepared for the possibility that he cannot be saved. And if so, wish him luck and go your own way.

In a sense, going your own way is not just for women, but anyone that is toxic on your life. And is something only the individual can do.

Good luck.

Cheers.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Nomadg wrote:

I think you get the drift.

Oh yeah. We get the drift. To whatever degree, this is EVERYWHERE, it’s just a questions of how much of it a man has to deal with.

Nomadg wrote:

She will commit suicide.

No she won’t. Don’t listen to that empty threat.

But it’s an interesting threat. Works her fat ass off to manipulate and control, and when a man doesn’t allow it she will KILL HERSELF?? Why, because she’s not good at it?

“if you leave I’ll kill myself”.

“Why? Is that what you LIVE for? Making me f~~~ing miserable every day? Manipulation and control, and if you can’t, you have no reason to live? F~~~ you and your worthless existence.”

Nomadg wrote:

She will be lost and can’t function on her own.

Neither can a parasite.
It needs host to attach itself to.

Not his problem. She should have thought about that before behaving like a c~~~. Being a bitch is hard work. She can find a job that pays instead.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[NomadgParticipant 249]

Thank you for all of your responses. I completely understand the decision is his to make and most interventions are futile. He is a good man and I feel sorry for him, it pains me to watch him go down with the ship. She has been fired from every job she has ever had because of her volatility, so he has always had to support her. She will start getting social security this year, child is at college never to return home again, and he is poised to get a small inheritance that will pave the way to freedom. It is now or never for my brother. We have already advised him that we will never have contact with her again…never. Being MGHOW I do not let drama in my life anymore, and that is all she has ever been and ever will be. It is now or never.

It's never to late to be what you might have been...

[OgreParticipant 5863]

Nomadg wrote:

Gentlemen,

She is 300 lbs.(she was a svelte 175 at marriage) and mentally beats him down on a daily basis telling him he is worthless, not a good father, a poor provider, etc…I could go on and on, but I think you know the type.

My daughter is in college and I can’t do it until she graduates.

The daughter is an adult. I could understand two or three years ago during her childhood, but not now. Additionally, she needs to see that her mother’s breaches of contract are what caused the problems. It may prevent her from turning into a gigantic whale of a woman who berates her husband as well. It’s actually the BEST thing he can do for his daughter’s sake.

As for the wife, she will find out how well he provided when he ceases to do for her. Since she’ll be eligible for SS soon, she’ll see how well she did for herself. Doubling in weight is a strike, complaining is another, but whenever she thinks she can do better for herself she’s f~~~ing out of there.

Your brother has our support through you. If he joins the whole World will open up to him. 60 is too young to give up on the rest of your life. If he stays he may as well just get good life insurance and eat double cheeseburgers twice a day until his heart gives out. It might bring him some slight bit more of joy than life with that horrible wife. I know many guys who have left for less.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[Author]

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