Modern Wedding Vows? Do I have this right?

[LastManStandingParticipant 638]

Subverted Holy Person: Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join (Random male and female names) in the holy celebration of Matrimony.

(Random Female Name) will you temporarily cease to ride the c~~~ carousel? To accept and tolerate your beta provider (for the time being), to cherish his wallet and all that it provides until the right opportunity to upgrade comes along? Or, you succumb to the temptations of Chad Thunderc~~~ or Brad Clitmaster? Will you continue to put your needs ahead of his as well as your future children’s?

Random Female: I do

Subverted Holy Person: And you (random male name), will you accept the potential for complete financial ruin, to chance losing everything you have worked for you entire life? Do you plan to love and provide like a mindless simp every materialistic need for her? To give in to every demand for a shallow life of faux luxury? To accept her no matter how much she changes both physically and mentally. Will you endure a sexless marriage, while at the same time sacrificing your hobbies, friends and dreams? Do you understand she (reluctantly) chose was forced to accept yours over the other 26 c~~~s that didn’t man up?

Random Male: I do

Subverted Holy Person: I know pronounce you Slave and Wife, you may kiss the Bride’s herpes invested lips.

[HitmanParticipant]

you have the right to RUN !!!
get away from that s~~~ quick !
…
funny as a story,
HELL on earth for the FOOL who signs up for that !
good one last man..
good one !

[MACHOParticipant]

LastManStanding wrote:

Subverted Holy Person: Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join (Random male and female names) in the holy celebration of Matrimony.
(Random Female Name) will you temporarily cease to ride the c~~~ carousel? To accept and tolerate your beta provider (for the time being), to cherish his wallet and all that it provides until the right opportunity to upgrade comes along? Or, you succumb to the temptations of Chad Thunderc~~~ or Brad Clitmaster? Will you continue to put your needs ahead of his as well as your future children’s?
Random Female: I do
Subverted Holy Person: And you (random male name), will you accept the potential for complete financial ruin, to chance losing everything you have worked for you entire life? Do you plan to love and provide like a mindless simp every materialistic need for her? To give in to every demand for a shallow life of faux luxury? To accept her no matter how much she changes both physically and mentally. Will you endure a sexless marriage, while at the same time sacrificing your hobbies, friends and dreams? Do you understand she (reluctantly) chose was forced to accept yours over the other 26 c~~~s that didn’t man up?
Random Male: I do
Subverted Holy Person: I know pronounce you Slave and Wife, you may kiss the Bride’s herpes invested lips

I usually don’t quote an entire lengthy text but LastManStanding You Nailed it ! You Deserve a Six Pack, Very Inspired Text ?
??????

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[joetechParticipant]

It sounds like the perfect speech for the best man to make at the bachelor party!

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[Prefer Peace to PieceParticipant 10809]

LastManStanding-

Great vows. You nailed it.

To woman:
Do you vow to gain 100 lb. as soon as possible?
Will you complain without ceasing and promise to nag your slave non-stop until he begs for quiet?
Do you promise to rack up enormous debt?
Do you promise to be colder than an artic glacier?
Do you promise to bang random men and pick up STD’s? Will you become pregnant with another man’s baby?
Do you promise to divorce rape your slave and do your best to have him incarcerated?

Then by the powers invested in me by the government and the family law court, I now pronounce you Queen and master. You may now spit on your slave.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

My ex and I had secret vows we exchanged that covered things not in said out loud in the church.

It took her 3 months to break the vows.

It took me 4 more years to get rid of her.

When I’m at my worst. When nothing is going right. When there seems that there’s no point in going on I think “I could still be married” and then I feel much better.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[AkanbiParticipant 2120]

This was well written!

Thank’s for the laugh, LastManStanding. +1

My brother make you no follow sheeple o. Look them and Go Your Way.

[Won'tGetFooledAgainParticipant 3293]

Absolutely spot on. They can pretend not to be sluts for a few years, but this is only because they have their eyes on the main prize. They can’t resist the ‘gina tingles so one day you will get the “I love you, i’m just not in love with you” before being divorce raped.

Marriage is just a temporary break from the Carousel while they fleece some Beta for a house and alimony.

Someone has to pay for that carousel party and it sure as hell isn’t the woman or Alphas.

For women, everything eventually boils down to Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.

[LastManStandingParticipant 638]

Glad everyone enjoyed my comedic handywork… sad thing it is the TRUTH!

[Sky-OParticipant 18949]

Bride:

‘I hereby do promise to make sure I clean up my alpha’s cum from my holes & face before getting home at night. And to only schedule DPs with Chad & Brad when you are out of town. And to act as if I still love you (and your wallet) for the duration of the marriage, while keeping any and all available alternate options open at all times.’

[survivorParticipant 610]

Marriage. Now increasingly known as “theft by matrimony” for many men.

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, You give love a bad name, I play my part and you play your game, You give love a bad name."--Bon Jovi

[Author]

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