I was never one for marriage, however, I wanted to make my then wife happy. She, once divorced, seemed like a decent partner. I am sure, with other people, she’s nice and a good person. However, she’s a horrible partner. She may say the same for me, but that’s okay. Was I the best? No, however, I always provided, cooked, cleaned, went to her parents’ home weekly, tried for kid, talked to her about her day, helped her during her times of medical and professional turmoil. However? What did that get me? Absolutely nothing.
When the sh!t hits the fan, you know where you stand with people. Sad, but true, there is NO ONE who will stand by me when the sh!t hits the fan again. My father is gone. My older sibling is gone. My grandmother is gone. My wife, who was supposed to be my ride or die partner, is gone. Yes, I ejected her, as I couldn’t have this liability on my books moving forward. I was taking over a new business with a well known business man, and I was approaching 3 years with her in a marriage contract. As soon as you get to 5 years, it’s considered a long term marriage, thus asset distribution. I wasn’t willing to risk my financial well being with a woman who just shut down. She was unhappy. Why? No one knows. One would think it has to do with no kids. It was apparent she wasn’t getting pregnant the traditional way, so I offered all other options and to even (stupidly) pay for it. No luck. She wanted no part. She wouldn’t work on the marriage at all. I’ve never experienced a “partner” who would not work on their partnership for the greater good. Crazy. It cost about double the cost of the marriage for me to legally divorce her, and it costed her about 12k-15k. We could had just signed a piece of paper and she’d be out zero. But no, she wanted to hurt me financially. I know this as she screwed me with her medical premiums for 8 months not offering a dime. At 800+ a month for her share, it hurt. Then another 20k+ on legal fees. 2k for off duty cops to be here while she moved her crap out and all wedding gifts (plus cash) donated to her. What the stupid dumb woman didn’t know was that I had a hush fund being built for our child since the first day we seriously started dating. I was going to show it to her once our child was born so she can take time off to raise our child; if she wanted too. Yes, as you can see, I was a bad husband and partner. No doubt, we went through some tough times, more me personally than her. Through dating and the first year of marriage, she had my back. For some reason, when she turned 40, everything hit the fan. I still feel like a failure, however, I will never put myself in that position again. I lost 3 family members, business failed (fine 3 years later), and some medical issues arisen. A spouse is supposed to draw help when needed. I was down, and all she could do sit there and look away.
There were some tell tale signs that I didn’t recognize, but they say hindsight is 20/20. Some of them:
1. She wanted to be on the deed, then offered to exit the marriage not too long after I said no.
2. We had an agreement she would take my name, yet she never filed the papers. I even created them. All she had to do is click a button online. Never did.
3. Sex stopped.
4. Stopped coming to MY family events. Stopped telling me about hers. Heck, she even RSVP’d me no on wedding invitations that I was invited to. Still amazed on that she’d rather be alone than with HER HUSBAND at public events.
5. Wouldn’t talk about her day to me.
6. Refused to travel with me. Said it was too hard. Even her Mom said she was wrong on this.
After divorce.
I have extreme distrust of women. I see no value in them aside from sex. However, since I will not do anything unprotected, some women break up cause I will not go down on them. I was lucky enough to get away from my ex-wife with no STDs (she had two. Incurable, but not major. Of course told to me AFTER we started dating and having sex).
I refuse to be naive again. I am fair with women, but I do not trust them. I will court them until I get what I want (sex), but after that, if they want to leave, I will personally show them the door. One woman just called me and said I really like you, but we need to stop seeing each other. Okay, not a problem. Best of luck to you and buh-bye. I will not allow my heart to get destroyed again. I do not know if many of you guys know about servers and IT. However, server hardening fills the holes and adds different protections from various attacks and exploits. I’ve done something called heart hardening. I will never be the same person prior to marriage. I do not know if that is good or bad. However, I could had lost so much and pushed to the limit of suicide, but I pulled myself back. I will never allow myself to be in that position again. If it means that I am alone for life, I guess that is what it will be. Not my ideal solution nor goal, but it is what it is.
This should be a lesson to all men in LTRs and engaged. If you have any assets, women in their 20’s and beyond will just look at you as financial security. The kicker is, many do not even know they are doing it.
Stay secure my friends.
ForeverDone 1 year, 10 months ago.
